The Believer (The Shakers 2)

by Ann H. Gabhart

  "Even from the Ministry?" Elizabeth looked up at Sister Lettie.

  "Yea, even from the Ministry. I've told you before there are no eyes watching in this room. A doctor must have the trust of his patients. My father taught me that when I was but a child. He threatened me with his strop if I ever spoke of any of his patients' ills to any other, and he wasn't one to lay his hand on me in punishment'

  There was so much kindness in Sister Lettie's face that the words spilled out of Elizabeth. She told it all. How as a child, Payton had had a fascination with fire. How their father had sickened and died in one terrible night. How they had run from Colton Linley, who expected Elizabeth to come to him in payment of a debt he said was owed him, and how Payton had gone back and set the cabin afire.

  "I know he set that fire. I saw the smoke and smelled it on his clothes when he came back to where Hannah and I waited for him. He didn't deny it. But he was distraught over our father's death and angry at me for forcing him to leave everything he loved behind. He had witnessed Colton trying to force himself on me on the day we buried our father, and so Payton's anger turned on him. I think he couldn't bear thinking of him touching me with such ownership, and I fear that feeling somehow transferred over to the books and other things he loved so well in the cabin:'

  When Sister Lettie just looked at her without saying anything, Elizabeth hurried on, appealing to her for understanding. "He is young to have suffered such loss. Our mother and then our father so unexpectedly. But he told me he didn't set the first fire in the Carpenters' Shop, and he would have told me the truth. Besides, he likes it here. He has put his feet on the Shaker path. His spirit doesn't war against it the way Hannah's does' Elizabeth looked back down at her hands and admitted softly. `And as mine does as well. I have promised Hannah we will leave in the spring if she has not accepted life here by then. I know not what we will do, but I will somehow have to keep my promise to her'

  "Worry not about the spring. Young Sister Hannah's spirit may soften. I hear she likes working with the silkworms:" Sister Lettie laid her hand on Elizabeth's cheek. "The Lord's Word says each day has worries sufficient unto the day. Your first worry is the fires, and I believe you speak truth in that Brother Payton has no part in those. He did wrong that he will have need to confess before he can sign the Covenant, but he is too young for that by several years. He will grow in the spirit before that time comes and be more ready to admit his wrongs. And you needn't worry he'll be accused falsely. The Ministry will set eyes about to spy out whoever is lighting these fires. Not much stays secret from the Ministry." Sister Lettie patted Elizabeth's cheek one more time and smiled. "Outside of this shop at any rate"

  "Thank you, Sister Lettie. I feel easier in my spirit"

  "Good:" Sister Lettie stood up and hung her chair back up on the peg. "Come, let us get these powders mixed before we are called to the morning meal"

  They worked in silence for a few moments before Sister Lettie said, "Tell me what seemed to ail your father that took him from you so swiftly."

  "I don't know. He seemed fine when he came in about midday. He had been to town the day before. Had stayed with a friend there overnight and then went by to speak to Colton about some business matter on the way home that morning, or so Colton told us later. By nightfall he was deathly ill with terrible heaving and cramps and much pain. Before daylight he passed on. I had no thought he would die so quickly. Not even from the cholera if that was what it was:"

  Sister Lettie frowned as if considering his symptoms before she shook her head a little. "I doubt the cholera. Wrong time of year in the general way of that horrible disease, and even it rarely takes its victims in a day." Sister Lettie was silent for a moment before she asked, "And he was healthy before this? No other times when he suffered from heaving and such?"

  "Nay. He was strong and full of vigor."

  "Poison;" Sister Lettie said with no doubt. "He must have eaten something that poisoned him. Perhaps the wrong sort of mushroom. Perhaps arsenic, although I know not how he could have gotten enough to make him so ill without it being on purpose. His own or someone else's. He wouldn't have taken his own life, would he?"

  "Nay, he loved us. He wouldn't have left us alone. Especially not Payton and Hannah"

  Sister Lettie looked up at her. "He surely loved you just as much:"

  "Yea, but I am older, more able to care for myself than they."

  "Then it must have been some sort of accident, but it was surely poison. That is the only thing that could take one in such health so quickly:" Sister Lettie carefully stacked her packets of medicine in a wooden tray box. "It was probably a wrong mushroom in something he ate in the town. Some are very deadly, you know, and easily mistaken for those one can safely consume"

  The breakfast bell tolled. Sister Lettie stood up and put her hand on Elizabeth's shoulder. "Whatever the cause, I see your sorrow. He must have been a fine man"

  "Yea, he was. Brother Issachar reminds me of him:" Elizabeth was surprised to feel the prickle of tears in the back of her eyes. `And now he may die as well:'

  "Death cannot always be cheated. I have seen much of it in my time helping my father and even among the Believers. But at least here, there's little sting to death. It's simply like stepping across a divide. Heaven here. Heaven there:" Sister Lettie made a back and forth motion with her hand before she took her cloak off the peg and draped it around her shoulders. "But that doesn't mean we won't try to keep Brother Issachar with us longer. I've been searching my books for the best combination of herbs and roots for the treatment of wounds and the infections they can cause. When he gets here, we will war against such for Brother Issachar. You can be sure of that"

  Ethan wanted to shout when he caught sight of the first Harmony Hill barn. They were home. For weeks his every thought, his every prayer had been focused on somehow getting Brother Issachar home to Harmony Hill. The afternoon sunlight bouncing off the white stone Centre Family House was like a sign that his prayers had been answered. Surely now things would be better. Surely now the wound in Brother Issachar's side would begin to heal.

  Brother Issachar had borne the trip from Louisville over the rough roads with courage, but by the time they entered the village, he was beyond knowing where he was. Often on their long journey home, Brother Issachar had lost consciousness, and each time Ethan wondered if he would ever open his eyes this side of paradise again. But Ethan had refused to give up hope as he spoon-fed him water and broth. Brother Issachar wanted to make it home. Ethan had done everything in his power to make that happen, and now at long last home was within sight.

  Ethan leaned over close to Brother Issachar's ear and said, "We are home, my brother. Home to Harmony Hill. We made it.

  Although Brother Issachar showed no sign of rousing, Ethan wanted to believe he heard his words and that the knowledge he was back at Harmony Hill would begin the healing that Sister Lettie would aid with her good medicines. He wanted to believe Brother Issachar would once more need Ethan to go into the woods with him to bring back a tree for a new chest or table. He not only wanted to believe it. He had to believe it. Otherwise, the guilt mashed down on him until he found it hard to breathe.

  More than once on the way home when he was not overcome with pain and fever, Brother Issachar had assured Ethan he didn't hold him at fault. But no matter what Brother Issachar in his goodness said, the wound in his side was a wound Ethan had put there as surely as if he had shoved the knife in himself.

  He didn't want to think about what Brother Martin would say or do when Ethan confessed his wrongs. Ethan had practiced the telling of them often in the long dark nights as he watched over Brother Issachar and begged the Eternal Father, the Christ, Mother Ann, any merciful being, for Brother Issachar's life and for his own forgiveness. Ethan dreaded the disappointment he was sure to see on Brother Martin's face, but that paled in the face of his fear of losing Brother Issachar. That thought was a thorn in his heart that worked deeper into a more tender area every time he lo
oked at Brother Issachar's pale, pain-ridden face.

  The brothers carried Brother Issachar to the sickroom prepared for him in the Centre Family House. Sister Lettie, who must have been told their wagon was coming, was waiting to lend her help along with Elder Joseph. Ethan had expected to see them. He had not expected to see the young sister, Elizabeth, hovering behind Sister Lettie. He was so surprised by her presence there that he stared directly at her. She met his eyes with such caring he could almost feel it wrap around him and offer him rest.

  Suddenly as if it had been only yesterday instead of months ago, he remembered the soft whisper of her breath against his cheek and the sweet scent of her hair as they tumbled to the ground together at the cliff on the day he thought he was saving her from the fall. He moistened his lips as a longing rose in him to walk across the room and feel her arms around him, to surrender himself to the caring he saw in her eyes.

  The women on the streets in New Orleans had beckoned to him, trying to entice him into sin, and he never felt the first temptation. Not there. But now here back in Harmony Hill where temptations were supposed to be virtually eliminated, he looked at Elizabeth and wanted to loose all the shackles of Shakerism for the imagined comfort of her hand on his cheek. With shame, he realized he had not rid himself of thoughts of her but had only shoved them into a treasure box of sorts in his mind.

  He'd seen young brothers come into the Shakers and bring with them some forbidden treasure from the world they didn't want to surrender as they began to walk the Shaker way. A mother's locket. A father's knife. A Bible with family births recorded in it. A shiny stone. An arrowhead turned over by their plows. Such treasures were frowned on by the elders but sometimes allowed for a while as the young brother adjusted to his new life.

  Ethan had brought nothing to the Shakers with him. But now it seemed the treasures he couldn't give up were in his mind. His willfulness. His curiosity. His lack of discipline. His carnal desires. He was a sorry excuse for a Believer. His face hardened in disgust at his weaknesses.

  Elizabeth's eyes widened a bit in alarm at the look on his face before she lowered her eyes to the floor. He stared at the top of her white cap and wanted to reach across the divide between them and put his hand under her chin to raise her beautiful eyes back to his. To let her know his anger hadn't been directed at her. To keep the promise of her caring in his heart.

  Brother Martin would tell him to shake free of such worldly desires. That is what he should do, but instead he looked at her and remembered the softness of her hand under his. He didn't want to shake free of the feeling that flooded through him.

  As they shifted Brother Issachar from the stretcher to the bed, he groaned and the sound pulled Ethan away from his shameful thoughts. He was a Believer. Believers did not look upon their sisters with carnal desires. They did not live undisciplined lives that brought disaster to their brothers. Not unless they let wrong seeds take root in their souls.

  Elder Joseph leaned over and spoke to Brother Issachar. "We're thankful you are home, Brother Issachar. We will labor a song for you this evening in meeting:"

  Sister Lettie showed no patience for the niceties of his greeting. "I'm sure your words and prayers will be a comfort to him in time, Elder Joseph, but he has no ears for them right now." She moved in front of the elder to put her hand on Brother Issachar's forehead. "He burns with fever:" She looked at Ethan. "How long has he been thus?"

  "The fever comes and goes. He will be burning with it during the night and then with the morning he'll feel cooler. The wagon ride over the roads was hard," Ethan answered. He hesitated for a second before he added, "The wound festers"

  Sister Lettie pulled up Brother Issachar's shirt and peeled the bandage back to study the wound. She didn't flinch from the sight or from the odor the bandage released into the room, but Elder Joseph stepped back with a small gasp of dismay. Ethan looked at Elizabeth, expecting her to be pale, perhaps ready to swoon. There had been a time or two in the cabin of the steamboat when he had to fight to keep the smell from overpowering him, but Elizabeth seemed every bit as calm and collected as Sister Lettie as she moved up beside the older woman to be ready to aid her if needed.

  Sister Lettie looked up at Elder Joseph. "We should call in the doctor from town"

  "Nay," Ethan said. "Brother Issachar asked me to tell you not to do that if he was unable to speak. He trusts in what you can do for him and fears a doctor from the world will only delay his healing"

  I may not be able to pull him back from death:' Sister Lettie stared across Brother Issachar's motionless form on the bed at Ethan. "The wound is very bad"

  "Yea, but he made me promise:"

  She looked at Ethan for a long moment before she let out a sigh and mashed her mouth together in acceptance of Ethan's words. "Very well" She turned to Elder Joseph. "We need hot water and some chicken broth from the kitchen"

  "Send Sister Elizabeth for what you need,' Elder Joseph said.

  "Nay, I need her here. She has a gift for healing and we of a surety need all the gifts Mother Ann will send down to us for Brother Issachar to recover."

  Elder Joseph looked a little discomfited, but he turned to do Sister Lettie's bidding with no more argument. And in truth, Elizabeth was already placing cooling cloths on Brother Issachar's forehead and bathing his face and neck with great gentleness while Sister Lettie began to cut away Brother Issachar's shirt. The two seemed to work as one without the need for words to pass between them.

  Brother Issachar moaned and then called out. "Eva. Don't leave me. Eva!"

  "Eva? For whom does he call?" Sister Lettie glanced up at Ethan.

  "The wife he had in the years before he began following the Shaker way. He said she died many years ago in childbirth:"

  "Ah;' Sister Lettie said as she turned her full attention back to pulling the bandage away. She must have heard Ethan pull in his breath, for she spoke without looking up. "Get the young brother a chair, Sister Elizabeth. He is weakened from his long journey home"

  Elizabeth quickly lifted a chair down from one of the pegs and pushed it under Ethan. "Have you been eating, Brother Ethan?" Elizabeth asked quietly even as she kept her eyes away from his face. "You look gaunt:"

  "Worry not about me. I am not the one with the wound:" His voice was brusque.

  "As you say, Brother." She turned back to tend to Brother Issachar, but her words had brought Sister Lettie's attention to him.

  "She's right,' she said as she eyed him. "You have spent much energy in caring for your brother and of necessity have neglected proper care of your own body. Go wash the grime of the journey from you. The dinner bell will soon ring and you need to be ready to eat food that will bring you back to proper strength. Sister Elizabeth and I will care for our brother, and if we have need of help, we'll send for you or one of the other brethren'

  Her words brooked no argument, but Ethan didn't want to leave Brother Issachar. He feared leaving him. He had listened to his every breath in the last few weeks until sometimes it seemed as if he had lent his strength to him in order for him to continue breathing. If he deserted him now, would the next he heard be that Brother Issachar had passed over the divide?

  "Set down your burden, my brother. We'll care for him" Sister Lettie spoke the first words kindly before she stiffened her voice and ordered him from the room. "Now go. You can come back after the evening meal to check on him before meeting. You will want to go to meeting after so many weeks away."

  "Yea, it will be good to shake the sins of the world from me;" he said even as he stared at Brother Issachar's still form on the bed and hesitated. He couldn't make his feet turn toward the door.

  Without looking up, Elizabeth spoke. "Brother Issachar has much love for you. He would tell you to go eat"

  Her words rankled. He didn't need anyone to tell him Brother Issachar cared for him. He already knew that and the knowing made the thorn in his heart stab deeper. He jabbed back at Elizabeth with a hint of scorn in his words. "Do you h
ave a gift for knowing the thoughts of others as well as a gift for healing, Sister Elizabeth?"

  Sister Lettie started to speak, but Elizabeth held up her hand to stop her as she lifted her eyes to his face. "Nay, Brother Ethan. I know not another's thoughts, but I did know Brother Issachar's great kindness when he came upon me and my sister and brother on the road and how he looked upon us, three strangers, with compassion and love. He surely has even greater love for you:"

  "'Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends:" He spoke the Bible verse aloud as it came unbidden to his mind. Preacher Joe had taught him that verse even before he came to the Shakers. And Hawk Boyd had hurt Preacher Joe too.

  "And is that what happened?" Sister Lettie asked. "Did he step in front of the knife to save you, young brother?"

  "Nay, but I should have done so to save him. It was my sin that brought the man to our door. I am the reason he lies here so gravely wounded:"

  "Ah, the burden of sin can weigh us down and give us much sorrow if we don't confess our wrongs so that we can be forgiven" The lines of Sister Lettie's face deepened with compassion. "Is Brother Issachar your appointed confessor?"

  "Nay, that is Brother Martin:"

  "Then speak to him at your first opportunity. Unburden yourself, for unconfessed sin can fester in our souls the same as this wound festers in our brother's side" There was a tap on the door. "That will be the hot water," Sister Lettie said as she turned her attention back to Brother Issachar.

  Elizabeth turned from the bed to go to the door. As she stepped past Ethan, she said, "All is not yet lost. Sister Lettie will fight to keep him this side of the divide for a little longer." She spoke so softly that Sister Lettie didn't seem to note her words as she tended to Brother Issachar. Elizabeth didn't touch Ethan, but her voice seemed a caress. "As you have been doing:" Her eyes touched on his for the barest second before she went on to the door to take the basin of hot water from the sister there.