It Matters To Me (The Wandering Hearts Book 2)

by Wendy Owens

  “No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you have to go through this. It’s not fair—the accident …”

  “Accidents happen, Kenzie. I’ll live. I’ll walk again, you’ll see,” I assure her.

  She breathes a snotty breath and I can’t help but smile.

  “Don’t laugh at me,” she instructs me.

  “I can’t help it, you’re funny.”

  “I’m sorry I ran out before,” she starts. “I needed to think about things.”

  My voice softens. “There’s someone else, isn’t there?”

  Her expression shifts and I see the horrified look on her face.

  “It’s okay, I’m not mad,” I say though I know it’s not the truth. I’m mad, just not at her. I’m mad I ever let us get to the point where another man had the chance to steal her heart.

  She nods, and I do my best not to show the pain it’s causing me.

  “Is he why you left me?” I don’t know why I feel like I deserve an answer, but I need to know.

  She shakes her head. “No, it just started. I met him after we broke up.”

  The pain is intense, and I want to lash out at her. I want to scream at her and ask how she could already love another man. How can she say in one breath she loves me and in the next tell me she’s met someone else?

  “Is it serious?” I ask, despite already knowing the answer.

  “It’s complicated,” she sighs, and I see the tears building up. “But I don’t want to talk about him. Let’s talk about how we’re going to get you better.”

  “We’re not.” I have to force the words out of my mouth.

  She looks confused. “What do you mean?”

  “What I mean is I’m going to be fighting this one on my own. Well, not completely on my own—I know my parents will be there for me.”

  “You’re angry,” she states.

  “I’m pissed off my legs are busted up, but I’m not angry at you if that’s what you’re saying,” I clarify.

  “Ben, come on, we both know this is because I won’t agree to marry you,” she says.

  It only takes a moment for me to collect the words in my mind that I know she will have no response for. “No. Being around you only confuses my emotions. I respect that you don’t love me the same way anymore, but I still love you Kenz.”

  “I can’t help how I feel,” she announces firmly.

  I nod. “You’re right, and I deserve to be loved as deeply as I want to love someone. If that’s not going to be you, then I need a clean break.”

  “I—” she starts, her words trailing off as her eyes drop to the floor.

  “It’s okay.” I shake my head and she coils into herself, wrapping her arms tightly around her body, the tears now flowing freely down her cheeks.

  “I’m so sorry, Ben. If I never left that night—”

  “If you hadn’t left that night, you would have never figured out what makes you happy. I wasn’t that. I wish I was, but I’m not. I deserve to be the thing that makes the person I love happy.” I can’t do this anymore. I can’t beg her to leave me. I can’t convince her of why we shouldn’t be together. She’s made me a better man, but even I have my limits.

  “Ben—”

  I shake my head. “Kenz, I’m tired. I need to sleep.”

  I hear her breath catch in her throat. “Oh, okay. I’ll call you later?”

  “I think it would be best if you didn’t.”

  She moves apprehensively to the door, pausing for a moment.

  “Could you get the light for me?” I ask.

  She nods, flipping the switch.

  “Goodbye.” Her voice is an almost-whisper.

  I SIT INSIDE THE CAR as we wait for the red light to change, replaying the scene in my head of what just happened. I’ve known Ben a very long time, but I have no idea what I just witnessed back there.

  I pull my purse closer, the nagging thought that I’ve just abandoned one of the few people I care about in the world to fight the hardest battle he has ever fought, alone. Pulling out my phone, I hesitate. I know she’s probably sleeping, but the only person that can help me think straight is an ocean away.

  Me: Are you awake?

  Always my screen lights up with Anna’s reply. I have a baby who refuses to sleep. What’s up? Ben okay?

  Me: I guess.

  I have no clue.

  Anna: What does that mean?

  Me: He asked me to marry him.

  Anna: Wow. What did you say?

  Me: I ran out of the room.

  Anna: Smooth.

  Also, classic Kenzie.

  Me: Thanks.

  When I came back he was all weird.

  I told him I couldn’t marry him.

  He told me I emotionally confuse him.

  Whatever the hell that means.

  Anna: Seems fair.

  You emotionally confuse me all the time.

  Me: Not helping.

  Anna: You know I’m only kidding.

  But isn’t that what you wanted?

  Me: I don’t know what I want

  Anna: I thought you wanted to be with Aiden.

  Me: I think he broke up with me.

  Anna: WHAT??? How on earth do you manage to twist your life all up so quickly.

  Me: I wish I knew.

  Anna: What do you mean you think you broke up?

  Me: He told me I needed to think about who I wanted to be with.

  Anna: And who do you want to be with?

  I stare at the bright white screen. The question glares back at me, and I type the truth: Aiden.

  Anna: Then I’d go un-break up with him. It sounds like you have an answer for his question.

  Excitement explodes in the pit of my stomach as I instruct the driver I don’t want to head to my mother’s house anymore, delivering him the address of the only place in the world I can possibly go next.

  Me: I love your face.

  Anna: I expect a full report later… preferably after I’ve had my breakfast.

  Me: Of course.

  The car rolls to a stop in front of Aiden’s studio. The lights inside are off. The driver asks me if I’m certain someone is home and that he wouldn’t want to leave me in this neighborhood if there’s not someone waiting inside for me. I tell him I’ll be fine, but he insists on waiting until he’s certain I can get in.

  I thank the kind, middle-aged man, that reminds me of my father in many ways, and push open the door, making my way up the dock steps and to the large metal door of Aiden’s studio. There’s a distant scream in the night that unsettles me.

  My breath gathers in my throat, feeling as if it were a softball lodged there. My heart drops into my stomach, and I suddenly feel paralyzed. What if Aiden won’t listen to me? What if he had told me that he was struggling with the choice between me and his ex? In my defense, my ex’s name isn’t Kitten, but the validity of the equation is still the same.

  I pause, searching for the words that justify what I’ve put him through tonight. I can’t. Starting to panic, I turn back toward the waiting cab when I hear a door open behind me.

  “Kenzie?” Aiden’s voice is shaky. It’s almost as if he’s pleading for it to be me.

  I turn slowly. “Hi,” I say, waving a hand in the air awkwardly.

  “What are you doing here?” he asks, blinking at me, clearly confused by my presence.

  “I—” Pausing, I think of all the things I want to say to him. I want to explain that I never even knew I was capable of dreaming until I met him. But nothing I say feels like it will be enough.

  He clears his throat. “You can’t marry him.” It’s more like a statement than a question.

  “I thought you said you couldn’t tell me what to do.” I smile.

  “I tried, but then you came back,” he answers.

  Shaking my head wildly, I continue, “I told him I couldn’t. I told him there was someone else.”

  Aiden doesn’t hesitate. He runs in my direction and scoops me up into his strong arm
s. His eyes look so dark with the night surrounding them. I stare at his full lips. “I love you, Kenzie.”

  “I love you, too.” The words slip with such ease from my mouth I even surprise myself. The driver takes this as his cue to leave and pulls away into the night with a quick double beep.

  I look up at him, trembling from the way he’s looking at me. “Are you cold?” he asks but doesn’t wait for a reply, ushering me inside, securing the door behind us.

  I move up one stair, before I turn to him and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him close to me. He moves up onto the bottom stair with me, lifting my chin so that our eyes meet.

  “I can’t take my eyes off you,” he says. My cheeks blush from his words, but I can’t help wanting more. “Hell, I can’t even take my mind off of you. It’s been killing me that I let you leave before without telling you how I felt. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.”

  “You were right to send me away,” I start.

  “How can you say that? I was an idiot.”

  I laugh. “No, you were right, I needed time alone to make that decision.”

  “Time,” he whispers. “Time didn’t exist for me until I found you.”

  I giggle, burying my head into his chest. “You’re such a dork.”

  “A dork who’s in love with you,” he adds, again lifting my chin. But this time his hand doesn’t move away. He holds my cheek, caressing it softly with his thumb. “Oh,” he hisses. “By the way, I may have trashed the studio.”

  I OPEN THE DOOR THAT leads to what we have now taken to calling the ‘holding room.’ “Dale!” I shout, looking for the man I view more as a father since I’ve cut dear old dad out of my life. After I attended the wedding between my dad and Kitten, who spent most of the reception brooding over me bringing a date, I so no further reason to have either one in my life moving forward.

  “Over here,” I hear a voice from around a corner. Crouched back in a small cubby-hole of the room Dale is sorting through boutonnières, and fumbling clumsily with pins.

  “What on earth are you doing?” I ask with a chuckle.

  “Janet told me to get these blasted things ready to be pinned on the groomsmen,” he groans in frustration. “They’re like a torture device.”

  He stands upright, dropping the rose buds back into the box. He looks up at me and a smile quickly fills his face. He’s one of the kindest men I’ve ever met. My father has put him through absolute hell and caused him to lose a huge chunk of his life in prison, but he still treats me with nothing but love and respect.

  He moves next to me, patting me on my arm and giving me a firm side hug. “Nervous?”

  “What? Me? No way.”

  “Really?” he asks. “I’m not even sure I could count the number of times I puked on my wedding day.

  “Seriously?” I asked surprised. “You and Janet are so happy together.”

  “That was just it, I kept thinking she was going to wise up and leave me standing at the altar like the fool I was,” he explains.

  The panic that had consumed me when I walked into the room returns in an instant. I know the exact fear of which he spoke. “Ben!” I manage a gasp as I remembered what I had just witnessed.

  Dale’s brow furrows. “Kenzie’s ex?”

  I swallow hard and shake my head. “He’s here.”

  He stiffens. “Where? I won’t let him start any drama for you two on such a special day.”

  I grab his arm, just before he reaches the door. “No, he’s invited.”

  “He is?” Dale asks. “Why in the hell would you go and do such a foolish thing like that?”

  “Well, he’s sort of invited. Apparently, he’s the plus one for one of Kenzie’s friends,” I explain.

  “I see. And now you’re upset he came?”

  “Well, no.” I begin hesitantly. “I’m nervous that it will upset Kenzie that he’s dating one of her friends.”

  “I don’t understand, why would that upset her?”

  I bite my bottom lip, my eyes dropping to the ground. “What if seeing him with someone else makes her—” I can’t finish the statement.

  “Son,” hearing the word from Dale sends a calm over me, and I understand why my mom left me with him and Janet all those years ago. “She already picked you. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

  “I just wish I could see her, talk to her before the wedding,” I say in an almost whisper, dropping my arms to my sides.

  “Janet would probably let you, but I doubt Kenzie’s mother would let you within a mile of her.”

  “I know.”

  “Don’t tell her, but that woman scares me a little.” Dale grins.

  “Don’t tell her, but me too.” I laugh.

  He sighs, shoving a hand into his pocket for a moment. “Hang on, I’ve got an idea.” Placing the phone up to his ear he disappears from the room for a moment. My heart starts to pound at the idea of seeing Kenzie.

  Dale pokes his head in a few minutes later and says, “It may not be romantic, but I’ve got a way you can talk to her if you want.”

  Eagerly I agree, telling him to lead the way. As we weave our way through the hallways, I smile and nod as we pass by guests who seem surprised to see me. At last, he leads me to a ladies’ restroom. Janet is waiting outside.

  “Don’t worry, she’s not taking a dump or anything,” Dale assures me as Janet delivers a backhand slap to his chest. “What?” he asks, wincing.

  “They’re about to be married. I’m sure she doesn’t want you talking about her bathroom habits.”

  “I said she’s not taking a dump,” Dale defends himself and I can’t help but laugh.

  Janet shakes her head in frustration, then her eyes shift to me. “She’s alone in the far stall. It was the only way we could think for you to talk and not see each other. Sorry, we couldn’t do more.”

  “It’s perfect,” I assure her.

  “Well, hurry, Annabelle is keeping Kenzie’s Mom busy, but I’m not sure how long she can distract that woman. Honestly, she’s like a pit bull.”

  I nod, then take a deep breath and push open the door.

  “Aiden?” I hear her voice from the other side of the oversized stall. My heart stops, then flips inside my chest.

  “It’s me,” I reassure her. A smile crosses my face when I see the small bit of white poking out from under the metal wall.

  “If you called me into the bathroom, Aiden Calloway, to break up with me right before our wedding, I want you to know I will kill you and then bring you back from the dead just to kill you again.”

  I laugh. “I have no doubt you would.”

  “So why did you need to talk?” she asks, her tone softening.

  “I don’t know, I guess I was freaking out a little, and you calm me.”

  “You called me into the bathroom to calm you down right before we get married?” her voice is heavy with skepticism.

  “Well, I didn’t pick the venue.”

  “What’s really going on with you?” she presses.

  I open my mouth, my voice cracks.

  “Aiden, you’re starting to scare me.”

  I gulp in a big breath of air, close my eyes, and force the words from my mouth. “Ben’s here.”

  “Who?”

  “Ben!” I exclaim, assuming she must be taunting me.

  “Oh! Well, yeah, with Callie.”

  “Wait, you know?” I mutter.

  “Oh hell, things got crazy right before the wedding, and I forgot to tell you. Callie called me to make sure things wouldn’t be weird.”

  “They’re dating?” I ask, confused.

  “Engaged actually,” she answers casually.

  “What? Are you okay with that?”

  She laughs. “I’m happy for him. For them.”

  “Wow.” The word slips from my mouth. I feel such a deep ache inside me I must fight the urge to push open the door and pull this woman into my arms.

  “Sweetie, you thought I’d be upse
t?” she asks.

  “I just want you to be happy more than anything else in the world,” I say.

  “And I am. I’m happy with you.”

  “Do you remember that night we met?” I ask.

  “The one where I looked like a drowned rat at the diner?”

  “The night I saw an angel.”

  “Good thing I have a toilet right here to puke in.”

  I laugh. “Damn woman, I love how hard you make it sometimes.”

  “That’s why we work so well.”

  “I wish I could see you right now, touch your face, kiss your lips.”

  “Yeah, I’m standing in a bathroom. People pee and poop here, so sorry if I don’t find the romance in your words.”

  “Good point,” I agree.

  “Now, if you get out of here you can kiss me as soon as I walk down that aisle,” she reminds me.

  “Fair enough,” I say turning toward the exit.

  “You better have some killer vows!” she warns.

  “I found them on the back of a cereal box.”

  “Sounds like my kind of romance.”

  “See? I know my woman.”

  My eyes move around the random faces in the audience. Annabelle glances at Holden and Emily as she moves past them down the aisle. I know Kenzie will be moving down the walkway next. My hands are sweating, and my heart pounds inside my chest.

  The music changes and the crowd stands up. I shift from one foot to the other in frustration, my view blocked by dozens of heads. Then it happens. In an instant, it’s like seeing my entire life in front of me. She smiles pure love at me, and I tremble from the happiness that radiates through me.

  Oh hell, am I crying? She’ll never let me live this down.

  Her father delivers her hand to mine, but I can’t look at him. My eyes are fixed on her. I struggle for a moment to find air and wonder if this is what they mean by the saying, ‘she takes my breath away.’ Her hand feels right in mine. Like there was never any other hand in the world that could have ever felt as perfect, cradled there.