by Santo, JC
No, no. Stay strong, Tegan. Don’t fall for his charms.
I push against Reed’s chest until he finally loosens his grip to lean back and look at me. I’m out of breath and my hair is disheveled from his hand.
“Stop. We have to stop,” I whisper against his chest.
“Why? Is it the boyfriend?”
The boyfriend. I forgot he thought Matthew was my boyfriend. I have to go. As terrible as it is to lie to him about this, I know it’s the easiest way to get out of this situation.
“Yes.” With that, his hands fall away from my body, and I take a step back.
“Tegan, I…” He looks frustrated. “Come home with me.”
“Don’t, Reed. Please, just don’t. I-I have to go.”
I’m shocked that I’m able to walk away without a backward glance while Reed keeps calling my name.
I silently thank the lord that I spaced my alcohol consumption out throughout the evening. I know I’m able to make the quick drive to my apartment.
As soon as I got to my car, I text Marshall, giving him a quick rundown of what happened. There was no need going into details; he immediately responded telling me he’d handle clean-up and come by afterwards.
The drive is only ten minutes long; my apartment is one I briefly shared with Tess before she moved in with Hunter prior to deploying. I’ve since switched bedrooms, moving to the master and set up a futon into my old room that now serves as a guest room or Marshall’s crash pad when he stays over.
I silently pray that Marsh doesn’t run into Reed. He would say something to Reed about upsetting me. It took everything to keep him from saying something three months ago when he came over and saw the mess that I was after Reed ended our thing, whatever it was.
Searching the fridge, I find two Bud Lights and an Angry Orchard just as my phone chimes with a text.
Marsh: Leavin T’s.
Me: BRING ALCOHOL
Marsh: Gotcha cupcake. ;)
The use of his nickname brings a much needed, slight smile to my face.
A few minutes later, there’s a single knock at my door before it’s pushed open by not only Marsh but Jo as well.
He tosses the beer in the fridge then pulls me into a hug and places a small kiss to my forehead.
“Alright, Cupcake, tell me what’s going on.” He wastes no time getting to the point.
“Ugh, Marsh. Where do I even start?” I ask with a sigh.
Jo, who has been standing beside us watching, speaks up. “How about when you two started talking at the wedding? Where were you? And what did he say?”
Of course, the story is really short. I hadn’t spoke, or even so much as locked eyes with Reed until he grabbed me outside the tent. I don’t understand what brought on our impromptu conversation, let alone that damn kiss.
That insanely hot kiss.
However, by the time I finish giving Jo and Marsh every detail like they asked for, I can’t help but want to go back to a couple hours ago and relish in the kiss for a few moments longer. It’s for the best that I walked away, but deep down I know that was the last kiss I’ll share with Reed. Should’ve taken more advantage of the opportunity.
I should have given myself one more night with him. Is it what I need? No. Will it do any good other than produce a couple of mind-blowing orgasms? Absolutely not. Those orgasms, though—they would make the heartache worth it.
Thankfully, I’m pulled from my treacherous thoughts of running to Reed’s bed by Marshall speaking up with a course of action.
“I cannot believe that fucker. Even after I warned him to stay away from you, he still—I’m gonna kill him.”
What?
I can't decide if I'm honored Marshall stood up for me or pissed off that he interfered without my knowledge. Before my mind has the chance to pick a lane in the situation, Jo jumps in.
“Are you serious, Marsh? This isn't your battle. Tegan has to decide how to work through this on her own. You can't go around beating everyone's ass because you don't like how they handle their relationship.”
“What relationship?” I pipe in. The one fact that is clear, and always was, is that while Reed and I were together, we aren't and we weren't a couple.
Both Marshall and Jo are staring at me now.
“What?” I say on a sigh. I feel a headache coming on as I rub my temples. “Reed and I weren't ever a couple. We fucked, that's it.”
Ugh, I feel classless just saying that. However, it’s the truth. I could try to proclaim that we had something going, and to me we did, but it’s time I face the truth. All I ever was to Reed was a piece of ass. He didn’t feel anything for me; I was alone in my feelings. The sooner I realize the harsh reality I’m in, the sooner I can stop allowing him to overrun my mind.
My frustration is getting the best of me. I invited these two over to clear my head of all the fog Reed caused tonight, not to relive the past three agonizing months.
An unusual awkward silence washes over us. No one knowing what to say to make the situation better. Each of us lost in our own opinions, the two of them, I'm sure, with their decided approaches to the mess with Reed. While I, on the other hand, am lost on how to tackle this mountain.
“Look, I know I was up for you guys coming over, but I'm exhausted. I don't mind if y'all hang out or crash here, but I'm just going to go to bed. Maybe sleep will bring me some answers on how to deal with this.”
Jo chooses to head home while Marsh decides to crash here for the night. I say my goodbyes to Jo then head straight to the shower.
Marshall and I have fallen into a routine when we stay the night together. He might as well be a roommate; for the past three months, we've spent a ton of time together. Both suffering from heartbreaks. While Marshall has had full disclosure on whatever the hell happened between Reed and me, he stayed tight-lipped about his situation. It seemed some days he was okay, happy even, and others he moped around like someone shot his dog.
Every time I tried questioning him about the status of him and the lover boy Tessa had mentioned, he always managed to brush off the conversation.
As I allow the water to cascade down my body, I think over the events of tonight. Obviously, Marshall had some words with Reed, and then Reed disregarded them and still came to me. I cannot believe he thought I’d go home with him. Just like that, after three months of not speaking to each other at all.
While we were together—well, not together but sleeping together—it was fun. However, I allowed feelings to get involved even though Reed forewarned me not to. Our demise was inevitable from the start; we’d never be more than friends with benefits. And while I don’t regret it, I can’t allow myself to get caught up in another dead-end relationship.
My heart won’t survive another fracture like Reed gave me the last time. If it happens again, it’ll completely shatter it.
Reed
I’m pissed. I cannot believe she didn’t come home with me. I knew, just fucking knew if I kissed her, she’d fall into my arms and want me all over again.
It’s easy to read Tegan. I used to see the way she looked at me. The way her eyes would go all dreamy after every kiss we shared, and I saw it again tonight. She can claim she cares for the boyfriend all she wants. I know she still cares for me too.
J.C. tried convincing me to tag along to Gator’s after the wedding. I had originally planned to, but when I saw Tegan alone outside the tent, all plans went out the window. I had to try to persuade her to come home with me. Her rejection stung. I was embarrassed and somewhat offended by it. So I took my wounded pride and left without a word to anyone else.
I’m sure everyone is irritated at me because I skipped out on my obligation of helping to clean up after the reception ended. Oh, well, fuck it. I had other shit on my mind. Everyone was lucky I even showed up to the damn wedding, I typically avoid them like the damn plague.
Even though I despise weddings, last night I wanted to leave for a different reason other than my warped past haunting me. H
ad I been there with Tegan as my date, I would have wanted to stay and be there for some of my closest friends. Granted, that wasn’t how last night went down, but I couldn’t convince myself to leave without talking to Tegan.
Having to watch her from a distance was horrible. I lost count of the number of times I wanted to pull her into my side and stake my claim on that beautiful mouth of hers.
As much as I would have liked to have done that; claimed her in front of our friends and her family, told everyone we’re together and if they didn’t like it, they could go to hell, I didn’t—I can’t.
Tegan is a hopeless romantic; a picture-perfect Nicholas Sparks fanatic. She wants the knight in shining armor, the big grand gesture of love, a heartfelt, real life love story. All things I can’t give to her.
I can’t give her any of those things. I’m the exact opposite of Tegan. I’m a bit older than her, and I’ve experienced things in my life that have shaped me into the realist I am. While most kids were coddled and sheltered by their parents, I grew up in the uncaring world of multiple foster homes and a random ward in the state of Michigan.
Because of my early upbringing, I know that commitments don’t mean anything. I love you are just words that are carelessly tossed around, and the only person you can rely on is yourself. These were the lessons I learned at a young age. My resilience is my strongest attribute; without it I wouldn’t have bettered myself from that lonely, unloved child into the guy I am today.
I was never loved until my parents adopted me. Their marriage is one of the very few positive examples of love I’ve experienced, and I know that kind of love is hard to come by. My birth mother did a number on me, though. Even at my age now, I’m still unable to let my heart go unguarded.
What I can give her is an unlimited supply of orgasms and loads of sexual experience, but that is all I can give her.
I hate that I can’t be the man she deserves. Guilt begins to eat away at my mind as I think of how I’m actually a shithead of a guy for not leaving her alone to find that type of man. What if this Matthew guy is the perfect man for Tegan? And my arrogance and selfish behavior tonight could have put a strain on their relationship?
As much as I don’t want to, I know the best thing I can do is leave Tegan alone, wish her well, and try to be a friend. While that kiss tonight was nothing short of amazing, it can’t happen again.
Reed
Tuesday afternoon during work, I get a text from Hunter asking me to come by their house, claiming he needs some help with a project.
The man just got back from his honeymoon, you’d think he’d want to enjoy some more time with his wife before he goes back to work, but no, he wants to do projects around the house.
I'm somewhat surprised when I pull up to their house and see Tegan’s car parked out front. Guess I shouldn't be, though—Tessa and she are thick as thieves. Of course she’d be here the minute Tess returned from her honeymoon.
Hopefully, whatever Hunter has in store for me is outside and away from Tegan. The last thing I want to see is sympathy in her eyes from her rejection on Friday night.
Walking in, I call out “Hello” and get no response. I open the swinging door to the kitchen and my eyes slowly take in the scene in front of me.
Tessa looks toward me with an expression that can only be described as livid, Hunter’s hair is sticking up in all directions, obviously from him running his hand through it—a nervous habit of his we all caught onto rather quickly after meeting him. As if on cue, his hand makes another dart through it. My eyes continue their course around the table, falling on Tegan. She is sitting in a submissive form, eyes cast down, hands in her lap; she looks like a child who’s in the process of being scolded.
Before anyone says a word to me, I already know what this is about. Tegan must have told them about us screwing around months ago.
I knew she was still pissy over me breaking it off, but I never expected her to tell anyone about it. Especially not after sitting on it for this long.
The best way to handle this is by playing it cool. After all this is her family, I can’t very well act like the victim.
“Take a seat, man.” Hunter’s words break into my thoughts.
The only available seat at the table is across from Tegan, who still hasn’t acknowledged me. I place a kiss to Tessa’s cheek as I pass by her, although by the disgusted look on her face, I can’t help but feel like she would’ve preferred if I hadn’t.
“So…” There is a foreboding silence to the room. “What’s going on?”
“Well,” Tessa finally speaks up and judging by her tone, she is pissed. “Aren’t you going to ask how our honeymoon was?”
I’m beyond confused with this entire situation. It must show on my face, or Tessa just doesn’t care to hear my voice because she doesn’t allow me the opportunity to speak before she continues.
“We were supposed to enjoy a nice relaxing weekend in the mountains in Tennessee. Hunter even set up a couple’s massage and all kinds of fun activities. However, I was incredibly distracted all weekend.”
My eyes move from where they’ve been staring holes into the top of Tegan’s head to Tessa’s protruding belly. I can only imagine the distractions she was dealing with. Being pregnant can’t be easy to begin with, but high-risk with twins? That has got to be beyond stressful.
As if reading my mind, she places a hand on her stomach.
“Not talking about the babies, Reed. I’m actually referring to my being utterly confused as to why the last image of my wedding was my little sister lip-locked with one of our best friends who happens to be much older than her.”
She arches an eyebrow at me, waiting for my response.
Unfortunately, without having spoken to Tegan, I don’t know what kind, if any, damage control she’s done. I look back to her, expecting to at least get some fucking eye contact from her now, but still not a damn thing.
Now I understand why Hunter has been running his hands through his hair. I do the same a couple of times, trying to buy time to make up an excuse for why I was caught kissing Tegan.
“What do you want me to say, Tess?” I try to laugh, possibly making this into a funny situation. However, I’m met with dead silence and a set of glaring eyes on me. Hunter and Tegan both keep their eyes down. Both too ashamed to even look at me.
It’s a look I became too accustomed to at a young age.
“How about what the fuck you think you were doing, Reed? Did you not get the fucking message when she got here that she was off-limits? That was meant for you as well as J.C. He understood it, so why the hell can’t you?”
Fuck this. No way am I going to sit here like a child and get reprimanded by Tessa of all people.
“You know what, Tess? I was thinking that I wanted to kiss your fucking grown ass sister, so I did it. Same as the way I kissed her months ago, the first fucking night I met her.” I stand ready to argue more as a fire ignites in Tessa’s eyes when she stands as well.
Before either of us have a chance to say anything we’ll regret, Tegan finally finds her voice.
“Will both of you just shut up?” Tess and I both turn our attention to her. “Yes, Reed kissed me, and yeah, it isn’t the first time it’s happened. But regardless, that kiss didn’t mean anything and it won’t happen again.”
She turns her focus to me. Her voice was strong in her stance. However, the longing in her eyes betrays her words.
“The fuck it won’t,” I say before I can check my mouth.
“It fucking better not,” Tessa says at the same time. We both stare at each other, a silent power of wills. It isn’t the first and damn sure won’t be the last of these in our friendship.
“It won’t,” Tegan states—she’s speaking to Tessa now. I take the moment to appreciate her in all of her pissed off glory. Tegan is beautiful every day, but this girl is stunning while angry. It doesn’t take but a second for her to bring her attention back to me. She’s still speaking to Tess, but I know she’s
subliminally telling me as well. “Reed and I had fun, but that’s all it was. I want serious. I want commitment, and I want love. Those are things he can’t give me.”
With those parting words and unshed tears in her blue eyes, she gets up from the table and walks out. No one says a word until we hear the front door shut behind her.
“Jesus Christ,” Hunter releases on a sigh.
No shit.
“Look, Sailor girl, I don’t like the idea of Tegan with Reed any more than you do.” He walks over to his pregnant wife and brings her back to his chest, calmly rubbing small circles on her stomach. “But right now, you need to worry about keeping these little monsters healthy.”
I swear, she melts. Hunter says the words Sailor girl and Tessa goes mushy. It’s ridiculous, really.
“And you,” Hunter cuts his eyes in my direction, “don’t fuck with her again. She doesn’t need your bullshit, Reed.”
“Just stay away from her,” Tessa throws in.
Knowing I’m not going to get anywhere with these two, I take the same route I did all those months ago when Hunter caught me sneaking out of Tegan’s apartment.
“Alright.” I throw my hands up in surrender. “Sorry I snapped at you, Tess. And I’ll keep it friendly with Tegan.”
Tessa accepts my apology, and I make a quick exit. All the while I keep thinking how easy that lie rolled off my tongue. I have no idea if I’ll attempt anything with Tegan or not, but I damn sure won’t ask for approval if I do.
Tegan
I had to get out of there. The nerve of all of them. Tessa for acting like she’s my mother, telling me who I can and cannot date. Hunter for keeping himself out of hot shit by pretending like he didn’t know anything had happened between Reed and me. And Reed, the nerve of him. After three months of not speaking to me, then that ludicrous act at the wedding Friday and today.
He must get off on being a dick and fucking with my emotions.
