by Santo, JC
He had to have been kidding when he said that kiss will happen again. No. No. No. That cannot happen again; it will ruin me. Getting over him three months ago was brutal. If it weren’t for the friendship and companionship of Marshall and Jo, I would’ve became an ice-cream-addicted nocturnal creature.
Although I’m sure the two of them would be there in a heartbeat for me again, I can’t allow myself to fall under his spell again. I know it is a dead-end relationship.
I never expected to start sneaking around with one of my sister's best friends. It honestly just sort of happened. What started off as a wild night of drunken passion became a tangled web of lies, deceit, and secret rendezvous.
I told my heart from the beginning to not get involved. It was just fun, but that bitch never did listen. Before I knew how to stop it, I developed feelings for Reed.
What I can’t get over is the way my sister acted to all of this. Sure, I knew she’d be upset—I knew before I ever got to Norfolk that I would be off-limits to her friends—but never did I expect her to tell me that if I continued seeing Reed, I wouldn’t be allowed at the hospital when the twins are born.
How can she be so immature about this? Does having a carefree sexual relationship somehow cause me to be a bad aunt or a bad person in general? Because if so, Tess probably needs to look in a mirror. Lord knows she had her fair share of flings and friends with benefits.
I’m hoping today was just her overcharged hormones.
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, but not on Tessa. She’s a moody asshole. My new brother-in-law is a saint for being able to handle her mood swings. I guess not being included in any of the pregnancy aspects with Sawyer’s mother, he’s determined to be a part of everything this time around.
Maybe in a day or two she will have calmed down a little and we’ll be able to sit down and have a rational conversation about all of this.
Hunter sent me a text not long after I stormed out telling me he’ll talk to her. If anyone can get through to my stubborn sister, it’s one of the Stevenson brothers.
This time she’ll only have to rely on Hunter for support; the other Stevenson brother is meeting me at the coffee shop I work at to be my support system.
Marshall was quick to let me know that he knew about Reed and me all those months ago when I was going through my heartbreak. He’d known from the beginning, or pretty close to it. I’m unsure why he didn’t try to turn me away like everyone else has done. Even sitting here with him now, he doesn’t.
“I gotta be honest with you, Cupcake.” He rubs the back of his neck contemplating how to word what comes next. “Your sister is stubborn as fuck. You really think it’s a good idea to go against her wishes right now?”
“Marsh, I’m not a little kid, number one. Number two, who I fuck is my business. And number three, none of this matters anymore; I told Reed nothing will happen with us again.”
I internally cringe at my vulgar language. I don’t typically talk like that, but I’m sick of everyone acting like I’m virginal and innocent.
He looks at me skeptically.
“Well, in a roundabout way.”
“You honestly believe that either of them believed that crock of shit?” He pauses a beat, allowing me to really think about his question. “Tegan, babe, neither of them did. And I know that for a fact because the lie in that statement is written clear as day across your face. Anyone can see it.”
Choosing to ignore his comment, I stare intently at my coffee mug.
“You care about him. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you need to consider the man. Do you honestly believe Reed is the type of guy worthy of your feelings, Cupcake? And I’m sure that is what your sister is worried about.”
“I just wish she didn’t treat me like a child or give me a damn ultimatum. And I have no clue about Reed, not anymore. Granted, we were just sleeping together before, but I let my heart go with him, I developed feelings fast, and got my heart stomped in the end. I don’t know if I’m willing to go there again, but I would like the opportunity to make that decision myself, not for my sister to make it for me.”
“I don’t agree with that ultimatum bullshit, either, and you can bet I’ll say something to her about it if my brother hasn’t already. She was out of line with that. You need to talk to her, like Jo and I have been telling you to do for months now. It’s time she realizes that you aren’t a child and she starts treating you like the adult you are.”
We toss our trash and walk out of the shop after a few more minutes of talking. Marshall walks me to my car and plants a kiss to my forehead before walking away. I climb in and shut the door when a light rap on my window causes me to look up to see Marsh standing there again. I press the window button, unsure what he needs.
“I know Tessa is giving you a hard time right now and is thinking the worst of Reed, and I know you're confused and frustrated with both her and Reed, but know that if you feel like Reed is worth the risk, take a chance and go after what you want, Cupcake. I've known Reed for a while now, and I know he has some issues, but I can guarantee you, when that man decides to finally let love in, he’s gonna love fierce, just like everything else that he does.”
With that, he walks away, leaving me speechless.
I’ll be damned. Reed has a cheerleader.
Tegan
It’s been two weeks since the run-in at my sister’s house. She and I are barely speaking—if not for Marshall and Jo’s insistence, we wouldn’t be at all. For now, our communication has been deduced mainly to text or through other people; there’s hardly any face-to-face communication.
The really sad part? She still doesn’t know anything. No other details were given, at least not to my knowledge, about what exactly happened between Reed and me. Unless Marshall or Jo filled her in, she’s pissed off by a kiss. Well, two kisses. Reed just had to throw in that he’d kissed me before.
I’m sure she assumed there was more than those two kisses that transpired between us, especially since he mentioned something happening the night we met.
Oh, well.
Tessa needs to get over whatever issue she’s having with this. For once in my life, I will not apologize for something that I did nothing wrong in. I typically do, just to make peace again, even if I’m the victim in a situation. Not this time, though. Tess crossed a line, and if anyone is owed an apology it’s me.
Reed is right, I am grown, and while I don’t appreciate him dredging up our sordid past, I do agree that I’m able to make decisions for myself.
And I intend to tell my sister just that today when I meet her for lunch.
Jo had the idea to force the two of us to sit down together and resolve some of our issues before Tessa’s baby shower this weekend.
I was so against the idea of meeting in a public location that Jo decided to do lunch at her apartment just so we could hash this out.
This is the first time I’ve been inside Jo’s apartment. I knock and hear Jo call out to come in.
Walking in, I’m surprised by how homey it is. A crocheted blanket is draped over the worn couch, mismatched frames hang along the wall behind it, and this adorable little Pomeranian pooch is cuddled up in a doggie bed underneath an end table.
Jo is standing at the dining room table sorting through the two large bags of food from a local deli. I catch the scent of cheddar broccoli soup. Well if all else fails, at least I’ll have something good in my stomach from this meeting.
“Hey, girl,” she says over her shoulder as she continues shuffling through the bags.
“Hey, Jo. I didn’t know you had a dog.”
“Oh, yeah. That’s Chachi. He was with my Ma, but since her health has gotten worse lately, my brother brought him out to me last time he came to visit.” There’s a sadness when she speaks about her mom. I don’t know all the details, just that she’s been diagnosed with cancer. But from the sounds of it, it doesn’t seem like the fight is going in Jo’s mom’s favor.
She uses Chachi as a perfect excuse to ensure t
he conversation doesn’t turn to her mom, whistling and calling him over to us.
I bend down, and he immediately throws his front paws on my knees and begins licking every inch of my skin within his tongue’s reach.
“He likes you, Bug.” Jo stands in place watching the dog and me interact. “I can’t say he’s the only male in this group who seems to have taken to you.” She winks.
I love that she uses my childhood nickname from Tessa. All of the group has picked it up now—everyone except Reed, that is. However, I do not like where she’s going with this conversation.
“What do you mean?”
“You know damn good and well who I'm talking about. Seems you've managed to wrap Reed around your fingers.”
“Excuse me? I think you're mistaken. Reed and I slept together a few times and that was it, there's no feelings there.” I damn near whisper that last part.
“Hmm, no feelings, huh? Is that why you look like someone just stole your favorite lip-gloss?” she asks inquisitively.
“Jo, I think I—”
“Listen, you know the rule with the two of us: we keep it real. And I’m here to tell you, I’ve noticed a huge difference in Reed. I’ve caught him looking over my shoulder when I’m scrolling through Facebook or texting you. I know he has pictures of you saved on his phone, and J.C. has mentioned a time or two that he’s asked about you anytime he knows we’ve hung out together.”
“But, Jo, that doesn’t mean anything.”
“It does, Tegan. You may not realize it yet, hell, Reed may not even realize it yet, but that doesn’t take away from just how big of a deal it is and how much it means in the long run.”
I wish her words lit a spark of hope inside me, but they don’t. As much as I want Reed to care or for all of that stuff to mean something, it doesn’t. Until Reed realizes and acknowledges his feelings, they don’t do me any good.
Knock, knock.
“Hello? Are you guys here?” Tessa calls out as she walks in the front door.
I can't remember the last time I was this thankful for my sister’s interrupting. Even though I know Jo is only trying to be a friend and get me to open up about the subject, I don't know that I'm ready to talk about Reed to anyone except Marsh.
Unfortunately, that's part of the reason I'm here today—to talk about Reed, at least a little bit.
Tessa goes straight to Jo and gives her, in true Tessa fashion, a huge overbearing hug.
I miss those. Hell, I miss all of my sister’s weird and annoying quirks. I just miss her.
I'm surprised when Tess comes to stand in front of me and places a kiss to my cheek.
“Hey, Bug,” she quietly says.
“Hey, T,” I whisper in response.
“I know we have a lot to talk about, but I just want to start off by saying that I'm sorry.”
“I'm sorry too.”
I’m unable to stop the apology from spilling from my lips. Do I think Tess is entitled to one? Not really, but I can’t help it. I want to keep the peace, and if saying I’m sorry will help do that, then so be it.
“I shouldn’t have said the hurtful things I said to you, especially regarding the babies.” She brushes her hair out of her face. “I really shouldn’t have make those types of threats; I blame a lot of my irrational shit on these crazy hormones.”
With that, she pulls me in for one of her hugs as well and whispers in my ear, “Olive you, Bug.”
“Olive you too,” I say with watery eyes.
When we were kids, I had a stutter. I always said “olive you” instead of “I love you”. While most young kids laughed or questioned my speech, my big sister just went with it. Olive you became our special thing. Eventually, our whole family picked it up, but it’s stuck with the two of us.
You never realize how important someone is in your daily life until they aren't in it anymore. I knew Tess and I would eventually make up, but since moving to Norfolk, she's become my lifeline in many aspects. I talked to her daily before she left for deployment and since she’s been back.
It’s been a little over two weeks since the wedding and, other than the argument, not speaking has taken a toll on me.
Like every little girl does, I value and somewhat idolize my older sister. I wanted to be like Tess growing up, and after I realized just how different we were and that wasn't possible, I sought her approval in things I did. I knew I could never be as courageous or outgoing as she was or brave and enlist like she did, but I wanted her to be proud of my decisions as well. She is part of what’s kept me striving throughout school. She always congratulated me on acing a test after she’d quiz me the night before. And with my dancing, she was my biggest supporter.
I've never seen her disappointed in me before this. I'm hoping to rectify it now and never see that disappointment directed at me or one of my choices again.
We all sit and begin eating. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but this lunch is very civil, so different from the last time we sat down together. Tessa is making eye contact and speaking to me not at me this time. There is still a twinge of bitterness to her; she isn’t nearly as friendly toward me as she normally is, but at least this meeting is going better than our last sit-down.
Pleasantries are made between the three of us: Tessa’s pregnancy and her last appointment are covered, how my classes are going, and Jo informs us of new things happening at the squadron she and Tessa used to share. The deployment my sister was sent home from early is now home and they are gearing up for another one to go out shortly after the holidays.
Then the topic turns to the intense stuff. I will say that the easy, light conversations did manage to calm my nerves a bit before we got to this one.
Jo is first to start off.
“Now, I know you are sisters and this is technically between you two, so I'm gonna leave you to it.” She points to Tessa and addressed her. “However, I'm not going to let you bad mouth one of our closest friends because you're upset. And I'm not going to let you,” she arches an eyebrow and points to me, “cower down because your big sister doesn't approve of choices you made.”
Both of us nod our heads in agreement.
Leave it to Jo to not sugarcoat it.
“Okay, now that we got that settled, Tegan, why don't you start by filling Tess in on what exactly went down with you and Reed.”
Here we go.
“So Reed and I had a little fling for a while.”
“You wanna elaborate on that?” Jo prods.
“Yeah, like details. How long did this go on? When did it start? Why the hell didn't you tell me?” Tessa chimes in.
I knew she would want all the details. And just as I suspected, Jo is giddy right now—she hasn’t heard all of them either.
This is probably why she volunteered to host this lunch, the asshole.
“Actually, it started that first night we met at the bar.”
“You mean that night I introduced you to all my friends?” I nod. “You went home with Reed that night?” I nod again. “Oh my God, Tegan.”
“He did try to stop it from happening,” I try plead my case.
“Damn. I remember him talking at work the next day about meeting a girl that night,” Jo says more to herself than to us.
Tessa glares at her friend. “Anyway, what do you mean he tried to stop it?”
“Well, if you remember, you,” I nod toward my sister, “were quick to leave after you teased my brother-in-law into a frenzy. And Reed had volunteered to take me home. After sitting with Jo for another ten minutes or so, and countless more shots, I was inebriated and on the way home I started messing around with him, he kept pushing my hands away, telling me that he couldn’t do this with Tessa’s little sister. Something about me being off-limits.”
Hearing their mischievous snickers, I break out in a laugh. It’s nice—this talk is going much smoother than I anticipated. I really thought Tessa would come in guns blazing, itching for a huge argument.
“Tess made that threa
t clear to everyone in the group before you ever moved up here, Bug,” Jo teases. “His ass knew better than to start something with you, and he definitely knew it would piss Tess off.”
“He told me before we left the bar that we were staying the night together because he knew you were going home with Hunter and thanks to this one,” I jab a finger in Jo’s direction, “I would be hugging the toilet at some point.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have left you there. I even told Hunter that I didn’t want Reed to take you home that night. Something in the way he looked at you just gave me a tingling feeling that he liked you. Apparently, I was right.” Tessa’s lips are slightly turned up.
My smile dies; Reed didn’t like me, he liked my body. My mind replays those couple of months we spend together. We laughed and joked, we spent time together outside of the bedroom. We held each other; there was intimacy, it wasn’t just sex. Or at least, I hadn’t thought it was, but he was persistent that that was all we’d ever be.
“Soo….” I’m pulled from my thoughts at the sound of Tessa bringing me back to the present.
“So, we slept together that night. The next morning I woke up with a ton of regrets. He quickly convinced me that I had nothing to be ashamed of. We were two consenting adults and you had no right to be upset over it.”
I can see the anger rolling off my sister. If there’s one thing to know about Tess, it’s that she’s fiercely overprotective of me.
“Once he convinced me that what happened was okay, he then made the suggestion that we do it again. And because I didn’t want you to be upset with either of us, and he didn’t ‘do’ relationships, we decided to keep it between the two of us,” I hurriedly spit out.
“So, what made you guys call it quits?” asks Jo.
I think back to the day he decided we needed to end it.
He came to my apartment, and I immediately knew something was off with him. Reed likes to think he’s guarded and mysterious, which he is, but his emotions are easy to read on his face. That day I could tell by the look in his eyes that whatever he had to tell me was going to change the dynamics of our relationship severely.
