Until I Break

by M. Leighton

  But that doesn’t seem to matter. They go forward thinking that it’ll be fun, which it is, but then they’re devastated when it’s over. While that’s not my fault (they were warned, after all), I’m tired of being that guy. It’s not healthy for them and I’ve recently begun to see that it’s not really healthy for me either. I need to live beyond my vices.

  My problem at this point is two-fold. Number one, where am I going to find a woman to hold my interest, especially away from my…predilections? And number two, what kind of woman is going to love someone as broken and twisted as I am, even if I did look for something more?

  At times like this, I find it harder not to give in to my old ways, times when the future seems bleak without them.

  But I won’t. I’m stronger than any addiction.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN- Samantha

  “How many times are we gonna walk this strip looking for them?” I ask Chris. “We’re obviously not going to see any today.”

  Chris doesn’t look at me. She keeps her eyes trained on the sand. “Patience, grasshopper,” she whispers.

  I roll my eyes and follow along at her side, although I’m no longer even looking at the sand. My eyes are staring off into the distance, taking in the bright glint of the sun on the waves as they roll in.

  The rhythmic thud of a galloping horse brings my attention back to shore. When I look ahead, I see the dazzling sight of a man on horseback. It’s almost surreal, like a mirage.

  His hips move in a fluid way that suggests he’s accustomed to sitting a horse. His dark hair is blowing slightly in the wind, his white shirt is open to billow out behind him, and his wide chest is covered in nothing but smooth, tan skin.

  As he draws closer, I can see that his eyes are obscured as he squints into the sun. But I don’t need to see them to recognize the rider. I felt the tug of the string the instant I looked up. It’s Alec. And he’s coming straight for us.

  “Holy effin’ shit,” Chris breathes beside me, articulating the feeling that’s rattling around inside me. “This is like one of those Old Spice commercials.”

  Chris walks a few steps ahead of me. That’s when I realize that I’ve stopped moving completely. I’m standing in the surf, staring at Alec like he’s the key to my survival.

  And, at the moment, it feels very much like he is.

  He comes to a stop in front of me. His eyes never leave mine, even as his horse fidgets to get back to a run. Alec is frowning and he looks anything but pleased to see me. I say nothing and neither does he.

  “Fancy meeting you here,” Chris says when the silence and the tension become too much.

  “Yes,” Alec says, but speaks no further.

  Still he watches me. And still, I don’t move.

  Chris, never one who has been comfortable with silence, chimes in again. “We’re, uh, we’re here looking for sea turtles.”

  “Hmmm,” Alec murmurs, his gaze searing me all the way to my soul.

  Too many things are drifting through my head, warring with the vision of Alec on a horse.

  I feel breathless when he looks at me this way.

  A guy like this is dangerous to my heart.

  Will I regret it if I don’t let this happen?

  Will I regret it if I do?

  But he didn’t call.

  Maybe he changed his mind.

  Maybe he lost interest.

  Why does that make me feel so hopeless?

  I should be glad. My problem is solved.

  Out of nowhere, resolve bubbles up, resolve to do the smart thing and stay away from him. I clear my throat and smile politely.

  “Well, it was good seeing you, Alec.” I turn to Chris. “Let’s look once more back the other way.”

  Chris’s mouth drops open and she gives me a stare that says I’ve completely lost my mind. I wind my fingers around her upper arm and turn her with me as I start off in the other direction. At first she resists, but I give her arm a meaningful squeeze and she bends to my will.

  I look back over my shoulder at Alec, still sitting atop his magnificent horse. He’s watching me. Intently. Like he always does.

  “See ya,” I say before turning to walk away.

  My heart is thumping wildly inside my chest as a spot right between my shoulder blades starts to burn. I can almost feel his eyes on me as I leave.

  I’m thinking of Alec rather than watching where I’m going. I don’t even see the depression in the sand until it’s too late.

  I step into it and lose my balance, tipping toward the water. I reach out to catch myself, but my foot has already been gobbled up by the wet sand which keeps it stationary even as my body turns. I feel the muscles along the outside of my left calf wrench and I yelp in pain as I contort my body to avoid further damage.

  “Ohmigod, are you okay?” Chris asks, bending to my side.

  I feel my face burn with embarrassment and I refuse to look back at Alec, who I know is still watching me. I can feel it.

  “Yeah, I’m okay. Just help me up.”

  Chris takes my hands and pulls, bringing me to my feet. I straighten and wiggle my foot to free it from the sand. Pain shoots up into my knee. I gasp.

  “You’re not okay. You twisted your ankle, didn’t you?”

  I bite my lip and try gingerly to bear weight on my left foot. It’s far too painful to walk on.

  “It looks like it.”

  “You can’t make it back to the car like this.”

  “Sure I can. It’ll just take a little longer and you’ll have to help me.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Alec’s deep voice says.

  I whirl to find him looming behind me, a scowl on his face.

  “I’m not being ridiculous,” I snap. “I’ll be fine.”

  “This is not something that can be ignored,” he replies.

  “I’m not ignoring it. I just have to take it slow.”

  “Sometimes even taking it slow won’t help.”

  Something in his eyes tells me he’s talking about much more than the situation with my ankle. It’s as though he’s speaking to all that I’ve been struggling with. But that’s impossible for him to know, right? Unless he’s struggling, too.

  That doesn’t make any sense, I reason with myself. Why would he need to stay away from me?

  “I think he’s right, Sam,” Chris offers. I want to turn and glare at her, but I can’t. I can’t seem to look away from Alec and the unspoken things I see in his eyes.

  “My house isn’t far. Let me take you there and get some ice on that.”

  “Thanks, but I’ll—”

  “That’s a good idea,” Chris says. “Sam, he can take you on his horse so you don’t have to walk. I can drive around to get you.”

  “No need. I can bring her home later,” Alec mutters. He sounds bothered by the situation, which gives me a perverse sense of pleasure. I hope he is aggravated. Serves him right for putting me in this position. He should’ve just let me go.

  I ignore the part of me that’s happy he didn’t, the part of me that’s begging to spend a few more minutes with him. Close to the flame.

  “Don’t I get a vote? I told you—” I begin halfheartedly, but Alec cuts me off.

  “Didn’t I tell you I wouldn’t be taking no for an answer?” he asks gruffly.

  He did. But, until now, it seemed he’d forgotten about me.

  “Yes, but—”

  “No buts.”

  It’s hard to argue effectively when I actually want to be stuck with Alec, even though I know it’s not a good idea. He’s bad for me. I don’t think there’s a question of that now. The problem is that, for the most part, I don’t seem to care.

  “I’ll call in a while to check on you, Sam.” Chris is all but bouncing up and down with excitement. I doubt Alec can see it; at least I hope not. But I can.

  Before I can even respond, Alec bends and sweeps me into his arms. Reflexively, I reach around his neck to hold on. I try to ignore how good it feels to have his warm sk
in touching so much of my body at once—my arms, my side, my hip, my leg. He looks down into my face, his eyes serious and trained on mine. “No need. I’ll take good care of her.”

  Again, his expression implies that there’s much more to his comment. He’s speaking of an undercurrent, an undercurrent between us that I can feel as plainly as I could feel the sand sucking at my foot. And, as with the sand, Alec is pulling me down, pulling me under. Under his spell.

  I think Chris mutters something, but I can’t tell what it is. Her voice is a thousand miles away.

  Alec doesn’t break his stare until we reach his horse. I let my arms fall from around him, preparing for when he sets me on my feet. Only he doesn’t. Instead, he pulls me tight against his chest, puts his foot in the stirrup and swings easily onto the horse’s back.

  I used to do some riding when I was younger, before…everything. My mother got me lessons and would take me once a week to ride, so I’m familiar with the close contact saddle that’s on this horse, as well as the type of horse it is—a beautiful paint horse. The rich brown color and large white patches on the sides are dead giveaways.

  Because of the low pommel and light padding of the saddle, when Alec scoots back a little, there is just enough room in the saddle for me, too. I can straddle the horse comfortably. Well, comfortably but for the way Alec’s body is pressed up against my back and butt. I feel every firm, warm inch of him all the way to my core.

  I’m feeling short of breath again and looking for some distraction. “What’s his name?” I ask, referring to the horse.

  “Galen,” he answers. I feel his legs move against me as he nudges the horse into a slow walk.

  “That’s beautiful. What does it mean?”

  “It means healer,” he explains, urging Galen into a trot.

  Without the benefit of a saddle horn to hang on to, I’m forced to reach back and grab Alec’s thighs for support as I grip the horse with my legs. It’s all I can do not to melt into the leather beneath me when Alec bends his head to whisper into my ear, “Hang on. Here we go.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN- Alec

  I nudge Galen into a gallop on the hard-packed strip of sand on the empty beach. I knew it would be a great day to ride. This isn’t exactly a commercial stretch of oceanfront anyway, what with the lower end belonging to private homes. Now, with Samantha in my lap, it’s even more…stimulating.

  I feel her fingers dig into my legs, so I take the reins in one hand and splay the fingers of my other over her flat stomach, pulling her snug against me. It’s an innocent enough gesture, one meant to hold her in place. A safety measure, even. But in reality, it’s far from innocent. With the curve of her ass rubbing my cock in perfect rhythm with the horse, all I can think about is turning her around, pushing aside the swimsuit bottoms I imagine she’s wearing under her short skirt and sliding her down on top of me. The horse would do most of the work. All she’d have to do is hold on until her body went limp with exhaustion.

  Despite the tell-tale twitch of my dick, the voice that was so strong this morning reminds me that I’m not supposed to be pursuing this. I’m supposed to be avoiding this woman. For her sake as much as mine.

  But that voice is growing softer by the minute. Before long, I’ll be able to block it out completely, just like I did for all those years before I got it under control.

  Once again, my id is becoming bolder.

  Just one more time. Just this once.

  The lure of it is so tantalizing, the vision of Samantha in my complete control so irresistible, I know the battle is lost. In fact, I think I knew it was lost the moment I saw her on the beach.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN- Samantha

  Just when I’m catching my breath and becoming accustomed to the sensory overload of being in Alec’s arms with my body pressed to his, he slows Galen and guides him away from the surf. The horse plods through the fluffy sand to what looks like a cleft in a dune. Only it’s not a cleft; it’s a path separating two different separate ones. Between them is a wooden walkway.

  The walk looks a mile long as it travels from the sand, across the marsh and onto sturdier land. In the distance, I can see a gorgeous, modern plantation-style home in pale yellow.

  From French doors to sunburst windows, the entire back of the house is covered in windows of varying sizes and shapes. It looks like every door opens onto one of three decks off the back of the house, a deck for each level. As extravagant as I’m sure the inside is, I doubt it will compare to the incredible views from the outdoor living space.

  My first thought is that it can’t be our destination. There’s no way Alec can have this kind of money. But then I think of the Range Rover and the subtle things I learned at the fundraiser, and I quickly amend that thought.

  When we reach the end of the walkway, Alec guides the horse onto a cobblestone path that leads through the lush green yard and stops at the foot of steps that ascend to the first-level deck. When he dismounts and drops Galen’s reins over the newel post, I realize we are, in fact, at our destination.

  Alec offers no explanation at all, but simply turns back and reaches for me.

  “Slide off. I’ve got you.”

  I throw my leg over the horse’s neck and lean forward, putting my hands on his shoulders. I try to ignore the feel of his hands on my hips as he lowers me to the ground. “What about the horse? Can you just leave him out in the sun like this?”

  “He’ll be fine for a few minutes. Javi will come and take him back to the stable.”

  “You have a stable? How many horses do you have?”

  “We have a small stable, yes. Only two horses. We don’t have enough room to board and exercise more than four. But I’m the only one who rides, so it doesn’t really matter.”

  Without thinking, I put weight on my left side, yelping when pain shoots up into my knee.

  Alec says nothing, merely bends to pick me up. I try not to let his blank expression and tight jaw unnerve me. I remind myself that I didn’t ask for his help, that he practically forced me into this, and that if he’s no longer attracted to me, it’s for the best.

  Only it doesn’t feel like it’s for the best. On some level, I want him to be as moved and tortured as I am by the most innocent of contact.

  Effortlessly, he climbs the steps then carries me to one of four chaise lounges, all lined up facing the railing, the perfect setup to enjoy the ocean view.

  “Is this your house?” I finally ask when he pulls another chaise closer to the one I’m on and sits on the end.

  Gingerly, he picks up my foot and examines my ankle. “Do you always ask so many questions?” he murmurs.

  His remark stings. Not only do I not feel like I’ve asked many questions since I’ve known him, but now I can’t help but wonder why he’s so averse to answering even the most casual of inquiries.

  Before I can formulate a suitable response, he replies, “It’s a family home.” I flinch when his probing fingers hit a sore spot. He glances up at me, his eyes unfathomable. “Sorry. Tender gestures aren’t really my…forte.”

  “What is your forte?” I ask quietly.

  “I’d say something closer to aggression.”

  My stomach squeezes around a knot of excitement. Or is it fear? At the moment, it’s hard to tell the difference.

  Alec stands, cutting off any response I might’ve made. “I’ll get some ice for your ankle.” He disappears inside, leaving me to ponder him and the shroud of mystery that surrounds him. A few minutes later, he returns with an ice pack, a washcloth, a wide, stretchy black band, and a glass of water. “Can you take ibuprofen?”

  I nod and he hands me the glass and two small pills folded against his palm. While I’m gulping down water, he’s busy wrapping the washcloth and ice pack around my foot then securing them with the elastic band.

  “Well, that ought to keep the swelling from getting much worse,” he declares as he stands. “I’ll get the—” A muted ringing cuts short whatever he was going to say. Alec pulls hi
s cell phone out of his pocket, glances at the display and frowns. “Will you be all right here for a few minutes? I really need to take this.”

  “I’ll be fine. Take your time.”

  With a nod, Alec walks back into the house, not answering until he’s out of earshot. I scoot back on the lounge and lean my head back, enjoying the breathtaking view. I don’t know how long Alec is on the phone, but by the time he returns, I’m thoroughly relaxed and the pain in my ankle has lessened dramatically.

  “Sorry about that. How’s the ankle?”

  “Much better,” I say, shielding my eyes to look up at him.

  “I hate that you got hurt. I could’ve directed you toward a nest of sea turtles just past my walk, along the dunes. Isn’t that what you said you were looking for?”

  I nod. “Yeah, but we can come back another time.”

  “If you feel like sitting Galen a bit more, I could run you down to see them before I take you home.”

  I know I shouldn’t feel the little thrill of anticipation that blossoms in my stomach. I know I shouldn’t be so reluctant for my time with him to end. Or, at the very least, I should try to resist. But I don’t. I’m not sure I’ll ever see him again after today. With that in mind, it isn’t hard to convince myself that this one short trip won’t hurt anything. “I’d like that.”

  “Just let me tell Javi,” he says, walking back into the house.

  Less than five minutes later, Alec comes striding back through the door. He walks to my chair, but I stop him before he can bend and pick me up. “I can walk.” I probably can’t walk, actually. At least not comfortably. But I don’t want to put him out, which is exactly what it seems to do when he has to carry me.

  He straightens and looks down at me, his right brow shooting up in that way I love. Something in the air between us thickens. It crackles with electricity. In the space of one short breath, without saying a word, everything changes.