Fifty Writers on Fifty Shades of Grey

by Lori Perkins

Anastasia is bright and becomes a good negotiator for herself. She first negotiates for when she will wear the clothes Christian purchases for her and how often she wants to exercise with the personal trainer Christian will provide. Anastasia also solicits and receives Christian’s verbal permission (which should have been put in writing) for an exception to the NDA—to disclose some issues in the contract with her best friend, Kate.

  Once Anastasia returns home, she reviews the contract more closely in her bedroom. Her immediate concerns are that the contract is too short and Christian will be on to the next girl very quickly. She is extremely worried about a lack of commitment on his part.

  She also thinks that it imposes too much on her time by committing her to be with Christian every weekend. She wants a weekend a month to herself. She shudders at the flogging and whipping, thinking that she could tolerate the spanking and the hand restraints but is not comfortable with the request not to look into his eyes and not to touch him unless requested to do so. Part of her is excited about the whole arrangement, however; her inner goddess jumps up and down at the thought. Anastasia enjoys Christian; he turns her on like electricity and she likes his playfulness.

  Anastasia does research about the contract on the computer that Christian has given her, which he has the password to, meaning he could check her browser history. He even tells her how to start the research—nearly as unfair an advantage as the bribery via expensive gifts, first edition books, the laptop that was not on the market yet, a new car, and oysters and wine.

  Christian and Ana had agreed she would be able to think about the contract away from his presence. However, Christian distracts Anastasia’s independent thinking when he comes over unexpectedly and they have sex. Christian gives her a taste of what is to come if she signs the contract when he ties her hands above her head and teases her, covering her eyes with her shirt and using ice, bringing her close to orgasm but not completely, using the technique as punishment.

  Doing so before Anastasia is about to sign the contract puts her under his influence, a sexual drug of endorphins that affects the brain and prevents her from approaching the discussion from a rational, sober, and neutral place. Christian even resumes their discussions of the contract immediately after sex. He only does so, however, to encourage Anastasia to share her issues and questions and to negotiate with him. It is not a take-it-or-leave-it contract. This makes it more of a document based on mutual consent and input by both parties. Anastasia asks about being collared by Christian and states that she does not want to do it.

  Once Christian is gone, Anastasia puts together a more formal response to the contract in writing, but it is not compiled with much contemplation or after any discussion with a lawyer or mental health professional. The response is written almost immediately after sex, and with Anastasia upset at feeling like a sex receptacle, in addition to being concerned about Christian not being able to give her the commitment or affection she desires.

  In her response, Anastasia makes it clear to Christian that she feels the contract is for his benefit. She also asks about his drug use, in order to protect her safety. She notes that she likes that she can terminate the contract at any time if Christian violates it.

  Anastasia requests a shorter term of one month instead of three months, and suggests three weekends a month instead of four. To her credit, she asks for specificity concerning how Christian can use her body sexually or otherwise. She also recognizes that to obey in all things and accept discipline without hesitation is very broad, and notes that she wishes to discuss this further.

  She is concerned about sadism, and expresses a lack of desire to be whipped, flogged, or subjected to corporal punishment. She also does not want to be restricted when it comes to masturbation. She questions why she cannot touch him and look into his eyes. The food list is also a deal breaker. (Many women might differ on this, liking the idea of having a healthy food list and a nutritionist and making the deal breaker some of the violent actions.) The clothes and exercise issues had been negotiated previously, without a hitch.

  Anastasia rejects or questions only a couple of the soft limits, like fisting, genital clamps, and suspension. I was surprised she did not reject or add more limits. I was also surprised to read that Christian thought she quibbled with too many points.

  Christian and Anastasia later meet in person to negotiate before finalizing the contract. They both verbally agree it is legally unenforceable—that it exists only to set parameters for their relationship and expectations, but that the agreement will help stop any lawsuits and make Anastasia less subject to legal maneuvers from Christian.

  Christian responds to Anastasia’s written points one by one. He agrees to state that the contract is for the benefit of both of them, not just him. He discloses that he does not do drugs and is clean of all sexual diseases. He agrees that she can walk away anytime but then coldly points out that, if that occurs, it will be the end of their relationship and contact with each other.

  Christian does not compromise on Anastasia obeying him. She shares her concerns with him about getting hurt emotionally and physically, but eventually gives in to obeying Christian. Both agree that there will be no suspensions. Christian counteroffers Anastasia’s request for days off away from him by giving her one day out of one weekend per month, in exchange for her spending a midweek night with him that week. She accepts.

  Christian pushes for his terms on the three-month contract length and on discipline. Christian gives in about ordering Anastasia on the eating issue. He does not give in about not allowing her to look at or touch him, or masturbate without his permission.

  He does agree verbally to go slow. Anastasia points out Christian’s leverage points, using sex and seduction to get what he wants. When Christian is in front of her it is more difficult for her to refuse him, and many of the times that Anastasia is required to make decisions, there is wine involved. She also recognizes her lack of experience compared to his, and leaves without consenting to the contract and without giving in to her desire to have sex with him.

  Sealing the Deal

  Christian has by this point made it clear that the Dominant/submissive roleplay is the only way he knows (or wants) to be in a relationship. It is a complete question mark at this point which way Anastasia will go, given her preference for affection and emotion.

  But at her graduation, Anastasia consents to the contractual offer.

  When Anastasia expresses to Christian that she wants more from him, the “hearts and flowers” of a relationship, and Christian asks her to try the relationship he has suggested, she softly responds, “okay.” That little quiet, verbal murmur seals the beginning of their Dominant/submissive contract and entry into the Red Room of Pain. She then confirms and accepts the contract in writing by scribbling on the wrapping paper of the first-edition Thomas Hardy books gifted to her by Christian. But although Anastasia has accepted the conditions, she never actually signs the contract.

  The legal bonding process continues after their agreement on the Dominant/submissive roles, however. At their next meeting, they review the soft and hard limits—what will and will not take place. Christian agrees to no fisting and agrees to go slow with anal sex and not to pursue it further if Anastasia does not like it the first time. Many items that Anastasia does not understand, she goes along with, like butt plugs, beads, and eggs. She glosses over most of the bondage terms, except the spreader bar. After Christian defines it, she consents to including it in the contract. Anastasia still has issues with gagging, and Christian takes a note of this but does not delete it. Again, a discussion of the contract is occurring with alcohol; perhaps if she had been sober, Anastasia would have pressed him to remove gagging entirely.

  Next, they review items that can cause pain. Genital clamps are deleted and caning gets taken off the list. Christian verbally agrees to go slow and then only later increase the intensity. Anastasia appears to be in shock, and she remains concerned about punishment and violence.

&nb
sp; Christian does offer “more” after Anastasia’s request and agrees to try one night a week together outside of their D/s contractual relationship. Christian is agreeing to go outside of his comfort zone a little, but this is a verbal promise, not a provision in the agreement. In return, Anastasia must accept Christian’s graduation gift of a new car.

  Finally, they seal the contract not by signing it, but with a verbal consent, passionate kisses, and thrusting. The legal bonding of Anastasia and Christian is sexually consummated!

  The Final Contract

  The crux of Christian and Anastasia’s final agreement is as follows: Christian needs permission to punish Anastasia from Anastasia herself. However, she may still be punished if she breaks the rules, as she has agreed to be obedient to Christian.

  Despite this agreement, Anastasia remains still as uncomfortable with punishment as Christian is with being touched, and states that she accepts punishment only for his benefit because he needs that in a relationship. Anastasia wants to be with Christian and she does not want to lose him. She does not hate the contractual relationship, but she does not like the discipline and the pain and she would prefer the contract without it. Anastasia is very worried about being hurt, physically as much as emotionally. Their contract does not protect her from this.

  Near the end of the book, Anastasia revisits and raises issues in the contract. Christian makes it clear that he wants them to continue to follow the rules all of the time and to follow the spirit of the contract when they are in the “playroom.” And at Anastasia’s request, Christian breaks the rules to punish her, hitting her with a belt on her ass, very hard, six times in a row, and further, spanking her repeatedly, eighteen times.

  In both instances, Anastasia ends up in tears, sore, and injured. And so in the end, whatever their final arrangement, the two must include in their relationship a clause, whether written or verbal, that there will be no punishment. It is clearly too much for Anastasia to bear and does not make her happy. Unwanted punishment violates the very purpose of the contract: for both parties not only to be protected, but also have their most fundamental needs and desires met.

  SHERRI DONOVAN has over twenty-five years of experience in divorce and family law and has operated her own law firm, Sherri Donovan & Associates, P.C., since 1988. Ms. Donovan is a certified mediator, parenting coordinator, professor of family law, published author, and neutral evaluator for New York City courts for matrimonial cases.

  Ms. Donovan is the author of Hit Him Where it Hurts: The Take-No-Prisoners Guide to Divorce, Alimony, Child Support, and More, and has recently published an article on special needs children and divorce in the Huffington Post. Ms. Donovan is a seasoned public speaker and lectures extensively for a variety of organizations that include the United Nations, New York County Lawyers Association, and New York City Bar Association. Ms. Donovan has spoken on many public forums, including television appearances on CBS, NBC, and MSNBC, and radio appearances on WWRL Radio Program, The Joey Reynolds Show, and over fifty syndicated shows across the country. Ms. Donovan has many professional affiliations, including but not limited to: member of the United States Supreme Court Bar; professor at the Gordon F. Derner Institute of Advanced Psychological Studies, Adelphi University; divorce clinic specialist for the National Organization for Women (NOW), New York City, since 1990; and legal counsel for New York City’s Small Business Congress.

  DEBRA HYDE

  Wanted: Fifty Shades of Sexual Wholeness

  NOT LONG AGO, a dominant man near and dear to me complained that Fifty Shades of Grey was far too pious for far too many chapters. “I mean, no sex for a hundred pages?” Call him a typically impatient male if you must, but I don’t wholly disagree with him. While the slow burn of erotic romance can be a delicious torment, keeping readers squirming while waiting for that yearning desire to flare into the fires of consummation, Fifty Shades’ flame took so long to ignite, I wondered if its pilot light had gone out.

  And while we waited, we weren’t teased and tormented with a convincing escalation of slowly unfolding attraction. Instead, E. L. James wooed us not with what I had hoped would be Christian Grey’s dominant nobility and Anastasia Steele’s smart innocence, but a showy parade of conspicuous wealth. She marched out the spacious private office, private helicopter travel, luxury cars, and the elegant, extravagant private residence to entice us into the world of BDSM in a Daddy Warbucks kind of way (complete with Ana’s wide-eyed clueless innocence standing in for Annie’s bug-eyed optimism).

  I had hoped for a more thoughtful, and well-paced, examination of a woman’s sexual self-discovery, of the mutual responsibility both Dominant and submissive share, and, ultimately, the promise of a future together where erotic intimacy and exploration would remain paramount. (What can I say? I love a happy ending. Especially one that promises orgasms for all.)

  But a book can’t be all things to all people. And since James’ trilogy was predicated on certain Twilight structural elements—the story arc of falling in love, marrying, and starting a family; the male protagonist’s troubled, brooding, moody nature—its plot and characters could deviate only so far.

  Still, I can’t help but wonder what the books might’ve looked like had the Twilight influence been less overarching. For one thing, we’d have more fascinating, less exasperating protagonists.

  In some ways, Ana is a competent submissive. She’s receptive, able to soak up her erotic experiences with Christian and incorporate them into her identity with an ease I bet many of us long for in real life. Ana is conscientious, reasonably transparent, and honest, and that’s a pretty good starting point for a woman exploring submissiveness (and sex) for the first time. She doesn’t top from below and manipulate Christian into giving her only what she wants sexually. Instead, she tries what he wants, then advocates for herself. She agitates to have her needs met only after the pitfalls of Christian’s limitations reveal that her emerging needs will go unmet.

  Nor is she characteristically a smart-ass masochist (SAM), a “bottom” who goads a top into punishing her. A SAM routinely creates drama within a scene to secure specific forms of pain play a specific way. When Ana engages in tugs of war with Christian, it’s within the context of the overall relationship and not during a scene. And that’s a notable distinction when we’re talking about BDSM. BDSM relationships have no special immunity to the vagaries of life, and because they live and die the same as other relationships, smart couples (and more extended polyamorous configurations as well) handle problems as a matter of their relationships, not their play.

  That’s not to say that Ana’s infallibly is well constructed. Initially, she’s an untidy character and we have to suffer through an unrealistic level of clueless Ana before we get to the smarter and discerning Ana. I had far more difficulty with her blatant ignorance than I did her virginity. My children and their friends are roughly Ana’s age and, frankly, I know who among them are virgins and who aren’t. A number of them aren’t sexually active and don’t plan to be until someone meets their rather particular standards. But at the same time, they aren’t ignorant. You don’t get through college or into young adulthood these days without learning that BDSM exists. You may not be an aficionado, you may not even dabble, but you know its basic tenets and practices. Heck, BDSM FAQs were available online back when we paid for internet by the hour twenty years ago.

  While Ana earns some admiration from me, I have bigger, ongoing problems with Christian Grey. Clearly, E. L. James borrowed his moody, temperamental brooding from Twilight’s Edward Cullen, and then built a scaffolding of BDSM around him in an effort to make him even more morbidly fascinating. Unfortunately, damage and dominance don’t mix well. “Fifty shades of fucked up” isn’t a bragging right. It’s a red flag, and any knowledgeable submissive would think twice before taking up with a damaged Dominant. (Of course, Ana isn’t knowledgeable, so …)

  I’m not a big fan of Christian’s knowledge base, either. An experienced Dominant would know not to use
silk neckties. Fabric was the first thing I was taught to abandon when exploring bondage; back then, it was silk scarves, but silk neckties pose the same problem. If a submissive thrashes about, the fabric tightens up. Ignore it and you run the risk of having your circulation cut off, maybe even suffer nerve compression. That’s how leather handcuffs became de rigueur. Madonna’s kinky prancing and posing, no matter how hot and convincing her performance, had nothing to do with it.

  (Disclaimer: One can tie neckties or silk scarves in ways that minimize unwanted stress and injury, but it’s not exactly beginner’s fare. Plus, Christian isn’t exactly a bondage technologist.)

  So what would the mutual responsibilities of a Dominant and submissive look like? First, the Dominant really needs to have his shit together. If he has childhood abuse issues, he better have the metaphoric baggage unpacked and put away so neatly that his dresser drawers look like those of a compulsive neatnik. Self-control and self-discipline better be his best assets. He should be perceptive, and capable of reading his submissive’s state of being whether it’s during an erotic scene or when she wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. He should encourage post-scene postmortem discussions where both parties review what worked and what fell short, a skill-building approach too many people overlook. A postmortem helps both parties understand one another more fully in the early months of a relationship, builds a practice of shared communication, and, done right, makes for some damn fine pillow talk. But overall? A sound Dominant needs to be really good at being in a relationship. He can’t afford to be “fifty shades of fucked up.”

  Which means if she comes to you as a virgin, for Pete’s sake, don’t treat her virginity like an inconvenience, Bub. And you damn well better know that the odds of an inexperienced submissive falling in love with her first Dominant are extraordinarily high.

  A responsible Christian would likely point Ana to a master’s degree worth of required reading. (Okay, maybe a certificate’s worth.) Ana, conscientious lass that she is, would delve into it and educate herself. Yes, Christian would orchestrate and lead her through a battery of incredible and tangible experiences, but he would also want a well-versed submissive, one who did not exist by his word alone.