“Why are they moving him?”
“Well, the hospital is pretty overcrowded and the doctors seem to think that he is well enough to be let into general population. It is my understanding that he has been doing really well the last couple of years and wishes to have a job. There is a volunteer group that comes in once a week and teaches the patients cooking skills. He has taken a good liking to it and has been offered a mess hall position as a cook.”
“Hm.” That was no surprise to me. As a child my father was always whipping up something in the kitchen and he always manned the campfire roasts whenever we went camping or fishing. I admired my father’s ability to make intricate meals like fish pie, stew and brownies over a hot fire.
My mother’s idea of camp food was canned beans and burnt hot dogs. She was a wonderful mother but she never could get the hang of cooking. My father had told us that the first meal she ever made him was scrambled eggs and toast. She burned the toast and the eggs tasted like salt but because he loved her enough to spare her feelings he ate every bite as if it were the best meal he had ever eaten. It was something they had laughed about after fifteen years of marriage.
I used to love watching my parents together. They had a tendency to speak without words instead conveying their needs with a simple glance or touch. It was hard not to admire the love they had for one another and until the day my mother was murdered I held onto that particular idea of love. I was sure their love could overcome anything, which is one of the reasons why I did not burden them with the pain of my own heart. I kept hoping they would piece each other back together again like they had done so many times before. I guess losing a child consumes you to the point that you don’t even want to anymore.
“Why are you so sure it will help me? What can seeing my father possibly do for me other than tear me in two?” I asked.
Dr. Schneider considered me for a moment before he replied.
“It is not my place to enlighten you any further than necessary, I promised your aunt, but I can tell you that your father loves you very much. And according to Tilly he has come to terms with a lot of what happened back then. He would like to make a mends and has much that he needs to tell you. I think perhaps visiting with him might bring you closer to the only parent you have left.”
I could not believe that I was actually considering paying a visit to my father but I did want to find closure. Agreeing not to see him had weighed heavy on my heart every time Aunt Tilly had insisted I try. I was so angry with him for stealing my mother and then abandoning me when I needed him most, when I needed both of them. I left the doctor’s office agreeing that I would think about it, I had two weeks to decide. The good news was that I had completely forgotten about my dilemma with Julian.
“Have you given any more thought to seeing your dad?”
It had been two days since my discussion with the great doctor and I was just as confused as ever about seeing him again. What could he possibly have to say that could change the way I felt about him? I did not want him to apologize; I wanted to hate him because it made more sense than hating Nicolai.
“I just don’t know Julian, what is he going to say to me huh? Gee sorry, princess, didn’t mean to put that bullet in moms head!”
Julian cringed. Sometimes I forgot that he loved my mother too.
“Sorry.”
“It’s OK, sweetheart. I understand where the hostility is coming from.”
But I knew it wasn’t, there was nothing OK about the things Julian and I had been put through. Nothing OK about him watching my brother and his parents gunned down by some lunatic in the middle of a crowded restaurant, nothing OK about me watching my father crumble and damning my mother to the same fate as her only son and there sure as hell was nothing OK about the fact that my father was spending his life in a mental institution. Suddenly sitting at the kitchen bar watching Julian make us dinner I wanted answers. I knew why Ignacio Hernandez had done what he did but I wanted to know what exactly was going through my dads head besides the fact that he missed his son.
“Would you come with me, if I decided to go I mean?”
Julian dropped the spatula on the floor and turned around to face me. I knew this would be just as hard for him as it would be for me but I could not imagine taking this step with anyone else.
“I had already assumed that I would. I would do anything for you sweetheart. How can you not know that by now?”
He reached down, picked up the spatula and turned back around to flip the chocolate chip pancakes he had cooking on the griddle.
A smile flashed across my face while the words ‘I do, I do know that’ went through my head.
Chapter Fourteen
Julian
I didn’t expect the question to hurt so much but when she asked me to go with her to see her dad my heart nearly jumped straight out of my chest. It had been so long since I had seen the man who had been like a second father to me growing up. I had no clue about what happened until Jemma had told me and I had to admit that I was fifty shades of angry with him for what he had done. Not only what he had done to her mother Elaine who I loved like she was my own mother but what he had done to my Jemma.
Hearing Jemma replay the events of that horrifying day in her head I would say that it was a miracle that she survived. I wanted to kill him for trying to take her from me before I ever even got a chance to love her in the way I had grown to. What once was a love akin to that more of a brother had turned into the very vessel responsible for supplying air to my lungs and blood to my heart. Every moment away from her I felt my life force dim and I was positive that I would have died an early death without ever being able to experience her fire again.
“I am too Nicolai, I am too gunna be a fairy princess when I grow up!” Jemma said with her hands on her hips.
“Fairy princesses aren’t even real baaaaby, you can’t be a fairy princess, you can’t be a fairy anything ‘cause you are nothing but a little girl.” Nicolai teased.
“Tell him Julian! Tell him they are too real. Julian wants to be a fairy too, don’t yah Julian?”
Um, did I say that? Oh right, I did. Please shut up Jemma!
“Yeah, I bet he wants to be a fairy. Is that right Julian, are you gunna be a flaming fairy when you grow up?”
I was so gonna sock Nick Hale right in the nose if he didn’t knock it off.
“No, he don’t wanna be a flaming one he wants to be a prince one you big jerk. He said so, he’s gunna be a prince and I’m gunna be a princess and we are gunna rule all of fairy land together. TELL HIM JULIAN!”
“Um, I think I am gunna be a cop Jemma Lee.” I said staring at the ground unable to look her in the eye.
“NICOLAI WAYNE HALE Get in here NOW!”
Ah, saved by the bell, or shall I say mom. I wonder what Nick was in trouble for this time?
Jemma watched as her brother retreated inside and then shot me a look fierce enough to start a forest fire, almost as quickly as it started the fire burned out and a tear rolled down her cheek. She sat down on the cold ground right where she stood leaving me feeling like a total ass. She just didn’t understand what it was like to be an eleven year old boy, eleven year old boys simply could not be fairy prince’s, not around their friends anyway. But I could not bare to see her cry so I took a seat next to her.
“I’m sorry Jemma Lee, I really do want to be a fairy prince with you I just don’t want Nick to know because he will steal all of my fairy dust. You know I won’t be a prince for long after that happens. Nick can be a jerk sometimes. You know that better than anyone.”
She sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes.
“Really Julian, really you wanna be a fairy prince with me? Cause fairy princes and princesses live happily ever after. Doesn’t that sound like fun Julian?”
I smiled and replied with confidence. “Yup, I definitely want to live happily ever after with you Jemma Lee.”
Jemma leaned in, placed a kiss on my cheek, stood up and started dan
cing. I loved to see my Skipper dance!
“What has him smiling like that? Did you two sneak in a quickie when I wasn’t looking?”
Brea strolled out of her room and Jemma laughed at her friend’s ridiculous remark.
“I would like to know that as well. One minute he is flipping pancakes and the next he is smiling like he just spotted Santa Claus.”
She turned to me and teased, “Did you see Santa Claus Julian? Is old St. Nick going to bring you a shiny new bike for Christmas?”
“Nope, I was just thinking about my first kiss.”
“Yup, I’m outta here!” Brea picked up her keys and walked towards the door. “I am meeting Jonathan, don’t wait up and no funny business.”
Jonathan had decided to stick around for a few more weeks after spending two days holed up at The Driskall with Brea. I had excused myself to the men’s room after showing Jemma who wears the pants in the relationship and she went back to the table. When she got back they were both gone and the check was paid. A few minutes later Jemma found a text on her phone that read “Boom Chika, Chica. Will text later.” followed by “Maybe”. Jemma took that to mean they got a room and were fucking like chickens. I am not sure how she deciphered that information from that one text but girl code was not exactly my second language.
“Well, I ask you to come see my murderous father with me and you start thinking about kisses with other women. Explain to me what to make of that Julian?”
“Not another woman sweetheart, you.”
I shut off the stove, wandered over to the bar stool where she was sitting and put my arms around her waist.
“Remember the day Nick got in trouble for painting Old lady Willis’s dog blue?” she nodded indicating that she did indeed remember.
“Well, you got upset with me because I was too much of a coward to tell Nick that I wanted to be your fairy prince....”
“I kissed you on the cheek.” she smiled, her eyes beaming with pure joy.
“My first kiss sweetheart.”
“Don’t be silly, that did not count as a kiss Julian, I was what, six? Plus it was on the cheek!”
I softly placed my lips on her cheek and rejoiced as her body weakened beneath me.
“It counts sweet heart, trust me, it counts.” I moved my lips to her other cheek. “It counts because you made my knees weak and brought a flutter to my stomach. I went home that day and told my mom I was sick, I thought I was coming down with the flu. Looking back on it there isn’t a doubt in my mind that you were my first kiss.” and the only one that has ever counted since.
“What do you say we go away for the weekend? Maybe head out to Galveston before it gets too cold? We can leave Friday and head out Sunday to see your dad?”
“Galveston sounds good, the dad part, um, not so much! Maybe we can just play that part by ear?”
“Anything you want sweet heart.” I said kissing her on the forehead.
I wasn’t going to push her into doing something she did not want to do even though I knew she was going to end up doing it anyway. She needed to see him in order to truly move on, it’s possible that I needed it as much as she did.
When Friday came along Jemma was a nervous wreck. I had no class on Friday so I stayed over Thursday and awoke to her screaming at the top of her lungs covered in sweat. It took me over an hour to get her calmed down enough to lay back down, another half hour of smoothing my hands over her auburn hair to get her to fall asleep. She chose not to tell me about the nightmare but it did not take a genius to figure out that it had to do with her dad.
Once her breathing stilled I crept out of the bed hoping to catch Brea in front of the television. For a while she would come running into the room every time Jemma woke up screaming. Eventually realizing that I had it under control she opted to put on some cheesy romance flick.
I think it made her feel helpless not being able to run to Jemma’s side but being there for her was my job now. I intended on having that job for as long as Jemma would allow. Luckily the only thing that changed was the fact that Jonathan was sitting on the couch next to her. She was stroking his hair while he lay with his head in her lap passed out cold.
“Hey, is she OK?” Brea whispered, muting the television as I sat down in the chair on the other side of the couch.
“She’s asleep. She fell asleep this afternoon and woke up the same way. They are getting worse the closer it gets to time to go.”
Brea turned away and started staring at the muted television. I could tell something was going through her mind so I just sat back and waited until she was ready to speak.
“What if I went with you? Maybe Jonathan might like to go?”
At the mention of his name Jonathans head poked up a few inches out of Brea’s lap. “Wha...what? Go where?”
He was still half asleep but Brea never stopped stroking his head instead she responded to him softly as if talking to a child.
“To the beach baby, with Jem and Julian.”
“Oh, yeah, yeah sure princess, sure.”
“It’s settled then, go back to sleep baby.”
And with that he lay his head back down and began to snore.
“Well Julian? Do you mind? I am scared for her and I have never not been there, Julian. I have to be there for her if she decides to go see him which is something we both know she will decide to do.”
“I agree Brea, you should come. But just so you know, I have plans for the two of us Saturday night. Just us.” I should have chosen my words better because her eye brows instantly shot up questioningly.
“No Brea, not those kinds of plans.” I replied to her unspoken implication emphasizing the word “those”.
“Then what kinds of plans do you mean that couldn’t include....” and then it hit her.
Why the hell does she have to be so perceptive? Did this unfortunate character trait drive Jemma as crazy as it drove me?
“Show me. I wanna see it!”
I pulled the small red box out of my pocket and opened it for her to see the prize inside.
“I knew it! I knew it!”
“How did you know? I didn’t even tell Jonathan.”
“Uh, I saw the bulge in your pocket and I have seen the bulge enough times to know that it wasn’t your dick, hot shot.”
Embarrassed, I laughed. “Damn Brea, you can be so damned crude that I sometimes forget that you are a lady.”
“I don’t have to be a lady for you. I reserve my ladyship status for this gorgeous hunk of man right here.” she said, running her hands over Jonathans sleeping face.
“Of course I also save my bad ass bitch in bed status for him, too. As you can see, mama was a little too much for him tonight.” she winked and I went back to bed.
Way more information than I needed at three in the morning.
Chapter Fifteen
Jemma
The last few days have been pretty rough, last night being the worse yet. I have been having the same dream over and over again as if it were stuck in a loop. Julian and I are out to dinner when suddenly my father appears. He is frantically shouting something at the two of us that I cannot quite make out but whatever it is has me scared to death. Julian however never flinches; he simply sits in his seat eating his filet mignon like nothing is going on around him.
The next thing I know my mother is behind my father and she is screaming at him in the same muted way that he is screaming at us. Before I know it there is a gun floating up through space, they both reach for it. I never actually see who catches it or even hear the gun go off , the bullet simply appears out of nowhere and I watch in slow motion as it makes its way into the side of Julian’s head. I fly from the table over to his side screaming, as he falls face-first into his plate, listening to the laughter of the sudden crowd surrounding us. My father is standing in a corner next to my mother who is also laughing, but instead of laughter, my father is crying.
This night was the same as it always has been only this time I saw who held the g
un that took from me the only man who had ever held my heart in his hands, I saw the fingers that pulled the trigger. Only, I did not just see them, I felt them.
“Hi, Brandon,” I said, picking up the phone.
“Hey, Jem. I just thought I would call and check in. Are you leaving today?”
“How did you know?”
“Brea, she has been keeping me in the loop.” I bet she has.
“Oh, did she tell you that she has a new boyfriend?”
“Yeah, kind of. Some guy Julian hooked her up with. I figured she would have dumped him by now.”
“I dunno, they seem kind of serious, serious for Brea anyway.”
“Humph!”
“What was that humph for?” I ask curiously.
“No reason, anyway, so I just wanted to call and wish you luck seeing your dad. I wish I could be there for you.”
“Don’t worry about it, Brea and Jonathan will be going with us. I will be fine.”
“Humph!” There it was again.
I wanted to give him the third degree about why it was he seemed so annoyed every time I mentioned Jonathan but Brea walked into the room before I had a chance to pry. He has known Brea just as long as I had and nothing about her dating life had ever mattered to him before.
“Well, Brandon I gotta run, Brea just walked in. We have to head out in a few minutes.”
He then asked to talk to Brea, who took the phone and bounced out of my room with it pressed firmly to her ear. I could have sworn that I heard Brandon’s voice yelling on the other end. What was that all about? I am not so sure I wanted to know.
Once we arrived in Galveston we were completely famished. Other than the fact that Brea was acting a bit off , having she and Jonathan in the car with us offered good distraction from the racing images of last night’s dream that were racing through my head.
The Boy Who Knew Me When (From Boys to men Trilogy) Page 13
