We checked into our rooms and Brea and I headed down to the beach while to boys unloaded Julian’s truck.
“Jem...” Brea grabbed my hand as I started off to put my feet in the water. “Can we talk for a sec?”
“Of course, Brea, what is it?”
We both sat down burying our toes in the sand.
“I want to tell you something but I am not sure how you will react. And maybe this is not the time and place to say anything but I need to tell someone and you are generally the first person I would tell. And...”
“Brea just spit it out, OK? Life is not all about me, you are my best friend, I am sure whatever it is, it is not nearly as bad as you are making it out to be.”
“OK, here it goes, you know the day Brandon saw you and Julian. The day I followed him out after he got all weird and stuff?”
I nodded. I would never forget that day, the look on his face that told me I had broken his heart for the umpteenth time.
“Well, we sat in his car for a while. He was upset but trying really hard to be strong, you know, like he always does when it comes to you.” she stopped for a moment to catch her breath.
“Anyway, so we were talking about you, he was telling me how he didn’t know if he would ever stop loving you, that he had thought you were the one, but he had to try and move on before you killed him. Then he said something else...” She hesitated.
“Tell me Brea? What did he say?” I was starting to get impatient.
“He said...he said, Jem, he said that he wished he had chosen me.”
I closed my eyes for a moment not knowing how to react to the words tumbling out of Brea’s mouth.
“I don’t think he meant it as like, you know an insult to you or anything, he was just hurting. I think it was more of an insult to me actually because Brandon thinks of me as a total whore, something he has made pretty apparent over the years.”
“Why are you telling me this Brea? Are you trying to hurt me? I don’t understand why I need to know that.”
I was confused and wanted to know what she was getting at, there had to be more to the story.
“OK, please don’t hate me Jem. When he told me he wished he had chosen me I kind of lost it. I seriously think all of my brain cells shut down because...because...ugh! Because then I kissed him.”
I stopped breathing and my body stiffened. What did she mean she had kissed him?
“I don’t know what I was thinking. But when he kissed me back...”
“He kissed you back!” I shrieked.
“Very much so. Jemma, we were both so screwed up at the time. One thing led to another and we were in the back seat, my skirt was up and he was on top of me and...and....I don’t...”
I felt her face collide with the palm of my hand before I ever had a chance to register what I was doing.
“You fucking bitch, you fucking God damn fucking whore! Did it have to be Brandon, out of all the jackasses you have at your beck and call, did it have to be him? He is mine Brea!”
And then I realized I had went to far. Brea jumped up and slapped me back.
“How dare you call me a whore? I told you I was in love with Brandon, I told you and you just blew me off like my feelings didn’t count for shit. You of all people should not be judging anyone. Look at how fast you jumped into bed with Julian, twenty four hours later you pretty much raped Axel ruining his friendship with Brandon forever and do not think for one second that Brandon didn’t tell me that you tried to fuck him that same night. I have never fucked three guys within 48 fucking hours, so FUCK YOU Jemma Hale, fuck you all to hell!” she screamed.
Suddenly her eyes were no longer fixated on me. Instead she was staring behind me, her mouth agape as tears began to well up in her eyes. I knew instantly that the guys were behind us. I turned around and caught the stares of Julian and Jonathan. Jonathan was angry, so angry he shook his head at Brea, clinched his fist and walked away. Brea went screaming after him. Julian just watched me as if he were looking right through me.
“Julian?”
“Your Brandon? You still think of him as yours? What about me Jemma? Am I yours too? Because you can’t have both of us. I will not share you with anyone.”
“Julian you misunderstood.” Taking a few steps towards him I reached for the hands hanging lifelessly at his side.
“I did NOT misunderstand anything, and don’t play me like I am an idiot. We heard it all, every last fucking word. Did you know that Jonathan is in love with her? What the fuck does Brandon have, I don’t get it. Just tell me, is it true, did you try to fuck him too?”
I tried to open up my mouth to speak, I knew what it looked like but all I could manage was a mumble.
“You forgave me for Axel.”
“You aren’t in love with Axel, Jemma.” he stated matter of factually and pulled something out of his pocket placing it in my hand.
“This was for later; take a good look at it sweetheart and then make up your fucking mind. I will fight for you with everything I have but I won’t tear my own heart out to do it.”
After giving me a cold hard look, he too turned and walked away leaving me standing on a deserted beach with my raging hormones, haunting thoughts and a little red box.
I looked down at the box that lay in my hands and opened the lid with my thumb. Inside lay the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. In the middle sat one large pink diamond, surrounding it were ten smaller white diamonds, along the side of the thick white band were the words “I believe in fairies” and on the underside “for my Skipper”.
I pulled the ring from the box and slid it onto my ring finger whispering to myself the word “yes”. I then threw the box deep into the ocean. The ring would never again be locked away inside. I knew one hundred percent without a single doubt that I was going to spend the rest of my life with Julian. Only I had one thing that I needed to do first and I needed to do it alone.
Chapter Sixteen
I left a note at the hotel letting everyone know that I was leaving and took a taxi to the hospital a few miles outside of Galveston. My father had originally been sentenced to a state funded hospital but my aunt persuaded the lawyer into fighting so that he could be remanded to a privately funded facility with a better reputation for rehabilitation. Given the circumstances and my father’s state of mind when he spiraled out of control the courts agreed.
I know Julian had wanted to see my father as well but I needed to get it over with, as much as I loved Julian this was not for him, it was for me. I needed to hear what my father had to say before the suspense crushed me. The morning had already taken a big hit on my emotions and I figured, what time better than the present when my heart was already tied up in knots. There was nothing my father could say that could cause me to feel any more pain than I was feeling right now.
When I arrived at the facility I was asked to hand over my ID, led to a small office space and told that someone would be in shortly. The room was very utilitarian, a large desk with a pair of chairs in front sat in one corner of the room, in the middle was a large conference table surrounded by smaller swivel chairs and the room was decorated in dull paintings of horses and plastic plants. After 45 tedious minutes of waiting, a tall slender man with white hair walked into the room.
“You must be Jemma? I’m sorry about the wait but we were not expecting you until tomorrow.”
The unidentified man held his hand out for me. I gave it a small shake in return and he continued.
“My name is Dr. Scott. I thought it would be a good idea to talk for a few minutes before your father joined us. He is in group right now so it is a perfect time to get to know one another. He will be along shortly.”
I do not know why I thought this would be an easy in and out visit. I expected to walk in, find my dad sitting behind a panel of glass while he tells me he screwed up over an equally impersonal telephone.
“So your father tells me you started college recently. How is that working out for you?”
He sat down at the desk and gestured for me join him at one of the chairs situated in front. I followed his lead and took a seat.
“I was supposed to but I ended up postponing things for semester while I figured things out.”
“Ah, I see. Does it have anything to do with the fact that you started seeing Dr. Schneider again?”
How did he know about that? Aunt Tilly and I seriously needed to have a little chat about boundaries and the fact that my business was not hers to share.
“Your aunt and I are close; we dated all throughout high school. When she came to me to help her brother I was more than happy to do what I could.”
Wait, didn’t Tilly say she never seriously dated anyone? All throughout high school definitely sounded like a long term commitment to me.
“OK, well, thanks for that I guess.”
“No thanks necessary. It has been a while since you have seen your father has it not?” I nodded knowing full well that he knew the answer to that question.
“Have you been regularly taking your medication Jemma?”
His sudden inquiry into my personal life took me by shock.
“Yes I have but what business is it of yours?” I inquire slightly annoyed.
“I just want to be clear, your father has come a long way and I know that someone with a manic personality can be difficult if they do not have things under control.”
Was this man actually telling me that he was trying to protect my father from me? The man was a diagnosed sociopath; he murdered my mother and tried to see to it that I met her same fate. I was no danger to him.
“Like I said, I have been taking my medication. You know it was very hard for me to come here today Dr. Scott. I only came because Dr. Schneider seems to think this visit will somehow be beneficial to me, though I have yet to figure out why exactly. He just said that by being here I might start to discover in me a tiny bit of the normalcy that my father and Ignacio Hernandez stole from me.”
I was angry, angrier than I had been in a very long time only I was not entirely sure what Dr. Scott did to spark that anger.
“Relax Jemma; I am not trying to upset you. I just want to make sure this reunion goes smoothly for the both of you. That is why I am here, for both of you.”
We were interrupted by a buzzing sound on the box in front of him. He pressed a button and a quiet female voice echoed through the room, letting the doctor know that someone had arrived.
”Send him in, Marcy.” he said releasing the button and walking over to open the door.
First a large man who didn’t look much older than Julian walked through the door. Behind him was my father. Our eyes met instantly and I had to fight back the wave of emotion that would have surely knocked me off of my feet had I not been sitting down.
His hair was still dark with only a small gray streak running along the side of his head. He was taller than I remembered, his skin lighter but he was still my father and he looked happy, at peace even. He still looked like the same man who had bounced me on his knee in the middle of the night after I awoke from a bad dream. The same man who taught me to swim, how to pitch a fast ball, who taught me that beauty started on the inside, the same man who murdered my mother; the only woman he claimed to ever love.
“John, why don’t we sit at the conference table, shall we?” My father took a seat at the table never taking his eyes from mine while the man stood behind him.
“Jemma?” Dr. Scott asked gesturing towards the table. Reluctantly I stood, taking the seat opposite my father.
“Well, at last, here we all are. John has invited y....”
“You are beautiful, princess.” My dad interrupted. I could see the admiration beneath the tears welling up in his eyes. I quickly looked away after mouthing “Thanks”.
“As I was saying John has invited you here because he has hit a stage in his treatment where he is forced to face his demons.”
So I was a demon now?
“During our time together your father has confided in me as well as many others on our staff the events that occurred the night of your accident and in order for him to continue to improve he has been asked to relive those events with you today.”
I snapped. “I don’t want to relive those events. I relive them every damned day!”
“Jemma, please. You see, the events that you remember and the events that your father has confided are very different from one another. I think it is important that you give him the opportunity to share with you his accounts of the events that took place on the night your mother was killed and you were hurt.”
I turned to my father.
”Why are you doing this to me? I was there. You cannot tell me anything I don’t already know.”
My father looked at me with a compassion that I had not seen since I was a child. Something about it made me want to climb into his lap and cry myself to sleep in his arms. I cringed at the emotions flittering through me and then my father began to speak.
“Jemma, princess...”
“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” I shrieked.
“OK, I deserve that.” Yes you do, you deserve that and more. “This is not easy for me either Jemma, I love you so much, I love your brother and your mother as well.”
How dare he talk about my mother as if he was not the one to take her from this world. But then again, wasn’t that why I was here? To find out what pushed him over the edge causing the total destruction of what was left of our family?
“I’m listening. I am going to sit here and listen to you. When we are done, I am going to walk that door and I don’t want to ever see you again.”
I am not sure why I bothered to tell him. I could have just sat quietly while he went on his merry way spouting off broken I love you’s but I had to reassure him, reassure myself. With uncertainty he nodded in my direction and continued.
“All I ask is that you listen. Jem, I know what you remember of that night. When they played that video tape and I heard what a monster you thought I was my heart broke into. I knew so much of that night was skewed inside your precious little head but I would rather you think me a monster than remember whatever shook you so hard.”
My father stopped speaking and turned to his doctor as if asking for assurance. “Continue John. It’s OK.”
My father then returned his attention to me but before he could speak we were interrupted by the ringing of Dr. Scott’s cell phone.
“Will the two of you excuse me for a moment? There is an emergency in the front office. I will be back shortly.”
Dr. Scott stood up and walked out of the room leaving me alone with my father and who I can only assume was his bodyguard.
“So is he your bodyguard or something?” I asked.
My dad smiled. “No, he is here to make sure I don’t strangle myself...or Peter.”
“Peter?” I asked.
“Dr. Scott.” Ah.
A few moments later Dr. Scott returned to the room looking a little bit out of sorts.
“So, well, it seems there is a young man here for you Mrs. Hale. He was rather insistent that he be by your side. Julian he said his name was.”
“Julian?” My father and I both said in unison.
“Yes, I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that this is “the” Julian?”
My father turned to me anxiously awaiting confirmation.
“Yes, Julian Ackles.” I said to my father.
“Do you want him here?” My father asked.
I know I had ran off to see my dad on my own but now that he was sitting in front of me I wasn’t sure I could handle it without Julian by my side. He was so angry with me when he walked away this afternoon that I could not imagine why he bothered to come after all. Not that the reason mattered. He was here and that spoke volumes to me.
I nodded at my father and he nodded back at me understanding my need without words just like he had done so many times with my mother.
“Let him in. I don’t mind if he is here. I would prefer it actua
lly.” He said.
“Very well, then.” Dr. Scott pressed the button on the desk. “Send the young man in.” he mumbled into the air.
A moment later, Julian stepped into the room, his eyes first falling to my father and then to me. I stood up in front of my chair and then desperation took over as he ran to my side and threw his arms around me as if nobody but us were in the room.
“I am so sorry sweetheart! When I got back to the room and saw your note my stomach dropped into the pit of my stomach. I know you said you wanted to see him alone but I could not bear the fact that you took off without knowing how much I loved you. I forgive you. I forgive you over and over again.” He said wrapping his hand through my hair and kissing me softly on the lips.
When he reached up I grabbed the hand that was still on my face. “I love you so much Julian.” Julian kissed me again and then took notice of my left hand.
“You’re wearing it?”
Yes I was because even though I had never uttered the word the answer was yes, yes to every second, every minute, and every hour of our lives. Julian smiled with his usual confident smile and it made my heart dive.
“Well, I hate to interrupt such a lovely reunion but we really should continue. If you will both have a seat.”
Julian pulled out my chair and sat down beside me. I looked to my father and found him smiling, tears once again pooling into his eyes.
“Good to see you again Julian.”
With his jaw set in a straight tight line Julian simply nodded. I am sure he had a million things that he would like to get off his chest but because he loved me those would have to wait for another day.
“Continue John.”
“Yeah well, like I said, I saw the videotaped statement and I knew that I could not see you hurt by the truth so I decided to plead guilty.
What did he mean he did not want to hurt me? He was guilty, I remember everything!
“I remember the night your mother was killed like it was yesterday. I loved her so damn much, she was my everything. I have hated myself all of these years for not being able to see how broken she had become. I kept telling myself she was handling everything so well, she went with me to my appointments, she worked, and she took care of you and our home. She seemed fine; I was not expecting to come home after survivors group to find her with a gun.”
The Boy Who Knew Me When (From Boys to men Trilogy) Page 14
