My mind wandered to the guy Wyatt brought to the party and then I laughed a little. He was cute, but pretty far off from what I wanted. I could tell he was a good guy, just like Wyatt, and although I always said I wanted a guy like Wyatt, I didn’t.
I liked the chase, the flirting, the passion, the rage. Yes, I did. Cash had definitely given me all of that. Hell, that man could piss me off to no end. He made me feel every emotion, and then left me confused not knowing if he would follow through with anything usually he didn’t. The calls unreturned, the lack of commitment, and the constant lies that disappointed me.
But, then my mind went to Cash and the way he looked sipping on the straw Olivia had placed for him and the smile he had playing with her. I had seen him sweet with her several times and it made me wonder if he would be that way with his own children one day.
I pondered if he could ever be the man I envisioned, the man he could be. Or was it the man I wanted him to be? Maybe he would never meet my expectations.
I closed my eyes, and let that sink it for a bit, as I remembered his touch on my skin and the way I had fallen for him without giving my heart permission to.
I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my chest and spotted ripples in the water from the movement. I slowed down my breathing, which had become erratic without me knowing it.
The pounding got louder and then I realized it was no longer my heart.
It was someone at my door.
CASH
I was well aware the moment I sat in my Land Rover in her driveway, I was in the wrong place. I knew Emma wasn't going to like it and I suspected she wouldn’t open her door, much less listen to me. I couldn't say I blamed her, but Lord I sure hoped she would at least give me a few minutes.
I had hoped I would have more time with her at Olivia’s party, and then Wyatt bringing a friend only pissed me off more. My brother wasn’t stupid, he was well aware of the feelings I had for her.
I wanted to pull him aside and tell him how I felt, but I feared I’d punch him, not to mention Olivia was too important to me to ruin her day.
After sitting in her driveway for over half an hour, I got up the nerve to go up to her door. It was painted blue, making a statement of her house and making it unique, just like Emma. She was every definition of the word. It was newly built, and none of the neighboring houses looked the same. The yard was immaculate with flowers planted in flowerbeds along her driveway. I couldn’t imagine her taking care of it so she probably had a lawn service that maintained it. The solar lights marked the walkway up to her door.
I knocked quietly at first, then harder without a response. I had to remind myself I hadn’t been invited and she wasn't going to exactly be thrilled to see me. I was the one who had arrived unannounced, hoping for time alone with her.
I knocked a few more times and then stood at the door before planning my next move. I gave myself a pep talk and decided to wait for a bit, making myself at home on the little bistro set placed on the side of her front porch.
Still no answer, still no sounds in the house. But her Mercedes was home so I knew she was here. Probably ignoring me, not that I blamed her.
I stood up, reasoning with myself it was time to leave, I tried and I could always try another time. I had a lot to talk about and one night wasn’t going to cover it. Maybe tonight just wasn't the night.
Frankly, after seeing her at the party at Wyatt’s, I really just wanted her in my life. I placed my arm up on the side of her doorframe and gave the door one last hard set of knocks before I relented. I stayed in the same spot for another beat.
My breath hitched when Emma opened the door, her hair up in a sloppy bun, in a towel that had enough room for another person. I would gladly volunteer as tribute.
She had little beads of sweat with the smell of lavender. It made me want to lean into her to bring her to me, but I resisted for now, anyway.
“Cash? What in the hell are you doing here?” She may have cussed but her facial expression was telling me something else completely.
I realized I hadn't moved from the doorframe and had already begun to lean in to her instinctually.
“I needed to see you,” I mumbled.
She didn't respond but looked at me, trying to compute what I was thinking. I wasn't sure if she was going to slap me, rack me, or kiss me. I had hoped for the latter.
“You saw me today…”
“I didn't get to really see you. It was chaos. Plus Wyatt inviting the prick…”
“Prick, huh? I thought he was pretty nice.” She smiled, getting the reaction out of me she wanted.
“Would you just give me ten minutes? Then I promise I’ll leave,” I said, trying to be convincing.
“Promise?”
I regretted saying that as soon as it had left my tongue. I had promised her before, and broke those promises without a second’s thought.
I then did what I knew I was going to regret, but I didn’t care. I felt like my body was in total control and it wouldn't listen to any reason. Then again, I had little thoughts when I was with her.
I leaned in and pulled her head toward mine, stealing a kiss. My eyes were closed tasting her, taking in every second.
Her response could not have been more perfect. I opened one eye, then the other, fearing I would break the spell, that single moment I had been blessed with, but on the contrary. Emma gripped my shirt into her fist and pulled me through her door, then kicked the door shut.
In seconds, her towel had fallen, she had dropped her hair out of the bun, and I had her up against the door, kissing her like my next breath depended on it.
I lifted her legs around my hips and held her there while we kissed. I could not get enough of her, and it appeared she had the same feeling.
Thank you God for this moment. I owe you one.
She tasted like wine, and I couldn’t get enough of her taste.
I wasn't letting go tonight, and I hoped I could convince her I wasn’t the same Cash. I was better now, although I still had a long way to go.
I’d be damned if I didn’t feel like I was in heaven when I was with her, and there was no way I was going to accept anybody else but her, my Emma.
9
EMMA
I tapped my pen on my enormous glass desk in my office, staring out the windows at the beautiful sky. My office was one of the largest on the floor, with more room than I would ever use. I had one leg tucked under me in my leather chair and the other slightly twisting the chair back and forth.
I couldn’t keep one person out of my mind, and although I tried to pretend what happened last night was only a dream, it wasn’t. I had let Cash get the best of me again, and I was furious with myself. It wasn’t just a weakness though; I wanted him last night just as he did me.
Why did I continue to harbor feelings for a man, I know was horrible to me? Could he really be a better man?
I wanted to laugh at myself or slap myself, not sure which.
But when he kissed me, I felt something in me I had never felt, an emotion that took over me. That is why I weakened around him. His touch, the way he looked, and the look in his eyes. He felt something for me, I felt it but what I wasn’t sure.
Clearly anything that came out of his mouth was a bunch of bullshit. I was sure I was just another notch on his bedpost but damn if he wasn’t for me this time.
I hated I was going to have to tell my best friend that once again, I failed. I let him take down my walls even if it was temporarily.
Breigh would analyze it a million ways until Sunday and still I’d be hopeful that maybe, just maybe. Over and over again.
“Ms. Gray, you have a call waiting for you on line two. It’s your father.”
“Thanks, Donna.”
She had been my administrative assistant for well over half of my career. Flighty, yet organized, she was the perfect companion to my workday. She was always the utmost professional in her dress pants or pencil skirts and pressed button-up shirts. Never a wrinkle in
sight.
“Hi, Dad. What are you up to?”
“Baby girl, I actually wanted to see if you could come by this weekend. Your mother and I have some things we need to talk to you about.”
“Sure.”
“Saturday would be best. Your mother and I have plans on Friday and then Sunday, you know how our day gets full.”
“Okay, Daddy, I’ll be there. But is everything okay?”
“It will be.” He said and then cleared his throat.
“That worries me…”
“It is nothing for you to worry about it. I just need to fill you in. It’s something I was just made aware of.”
“All right. If you say so.”
“See you this weekend. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I had conference call after conference call today, and although I hated them, I was thankful for them today. I was in a state of mind that seemed as if I was in a fog. I didn’t know it was from the lack of sleep, the relentless thoughts today, or the release I had last night that my body so badly needed.
Then, of course, my father. I hoped he and my mother were okay. He wasn’t one who liked to tell my sister or me things that would make us worry. My sister and I didn’t talk very often after her move up north. Her husband was one of those who wanted her to himself. Sad really.
My phone dinged as I was falling asleep from boredom.
Cash: Emma, thank you for last night. Thank you for letting me in, for letting me make love to you, and for giving me a reason to be the best man I can be. I know, you are probably rolling your eyes at that sentence, but truly, that is what I want to be. I have a lot of things to change, but being dropped on my ass by my father was a big wake-up call that should have happened long before now. I will fill you in more on that at another time. I wish you would have woken up in my arms, rather than leaving for work before I was awake. I have to say, I haven't slept that soundly in weeks. Possibly months. I hope you sneaking out isn't a sign you felt it was another mistake, and you didn't want to face me. I could sense after our time together last night, you were beginning to regret you letting me in. Please don’t.
I hope to see you soon.
I found myself smiling ear to ear. What did one say to that sweet text? I hated to bash him and be a royal bitch, but then I also had to remember all the things he had done to me in the past. Was it really just a night of weakness? Of passion? Or was it more?
I wasn't answering that text until I knew. I had already wasted too much of my time trying to find what I longed for to be stepped on, especially by Cash.
10
CASH
I met my mother at Casa Madre, which happened to be one of my aunt Rhonda’s favorite restaurants. I hadn't frequented it often when she was alive because she wasn't a fan of mine. Rightfully so. But today that was what Mom had wanted. Who was I to say no?
Since everything happening with Galloway Investments, I had begun to spend more time with my family: my brother, his wife and daughter, and my mother. There was a part of me that realized I had already missed a lot, but I knew there wasn't anything I could do about that now. Life was life, and sadly when you finally grasped what you had missed it was too late to do anything about it.
Yeah me coming to that conclusion shocked the hell out of me as well.
I secured a table for us, and while waiting for Mom, I texted Emma a short text.
Cash: Thinking of you today. I hope I get to see and feel your lips soon.
The message was delivered but that was about all I received. Pushing the send button had never been an action that worried me, until I started to text her and that all changed.
I had transformed into a completely in love idiot and I wasn’t sure how to navigate my actions, much less my words.
“Hi, Cash.” Mom walked up to the table and as I stood gave me a quick hug before I pulled out the chair for her to sit.
“Lookie there, I had hoped you would put some of the good manners you were taught to good use one day.” My mother smelled the same all of my life, Chanel No. 5. Anytime I smelled it I thought of her, sometimes that was good, other times… not so much.
“No offense, Mom, but you weren't the one who taught us the good manners, or Dad for that matter.”
“Touché, Son. You are correct, nevertheless you have been taught them so that’s all that matters, wouldn't you agree?”
I took a sip of my water and shook my head yes in agreement. Some things were not worth the argument.
“You look pretty today,” I complimented her.
“Thank you, Son.” The waiter immediately came up to us, taking her drink order.
My mother always took good care of herself. She spent more time on herself than us boys, but I guess that was what happened when you had money. I couldn’t put the fault all on her. Today, she actually looked far more casual than her usual painted face. She was dressed in her horse riding gear, appearing to have a date with an equine after our meal.
“What a delight it is to get to spend time with you. I honestly didn't think you’d ever slow down.”
“Well, things certainly changed, didn't they?”
“Some for the better, some for the worse.” Mom said, certain she was stating a fact.
“Lately, except for Emma, and the time I’ve gotten to spend with Olivia, not much good has come my way.”
“I disagree,” Mom argued with a shake of her head.
The waiter delivered Mom’s drink, a cherry vodka sour, and she immediately took a sip.
“Olivia is a doll, isn't she? I just can’t get enough of her.”
“She really is.” I smiled, thinking of her sweet little smile and the way she hugged me. So much good in such a small little person. She more than likely was the only person who didn’t think ill of me in some way.
I couldn't help but think on what had gone wrong with me. Wyatt certainly didn't turn out that way.
“I remember when y'all were that age. So much to explore, I thought y'all would both run the world one day.”
I grinned. I guess Mom’s always had a different perception of things.
“What’s happening with you and Emma?”
‘We had dinner together before everything happened with the company, then a night together, actually the night of Olivia’s party. It was oddly enough one of the best nights of my life. I realize that makes me sound completely insane.”
“No, actually, it doesn’t. I could see at Olivia’s party there was still something there. Her eyes followed you around and I caught both of you staring at each other when the other wasn't looking.”
“Observant?” I smart-aleckly remarked.
“I know what I saw. So what’s the problem? Other than the fact you used to be a playboy.”
“Used to,” I seconded.
“You remember how bad I hurt her… I’m sure Wyatt and Breigh had filled you in… I was horrible to her. More than once.”
“You probably were just your normal jackass self. It seems you are finally coming out of that stage in your life. Took you long enough, if you ask me. Honestly, I wasn’t sure you were going to come out of it.”
“Thanks, Mom, for the vote of confidence.”
“I’m not going to sit here and lie to you. For Wyatt, he was a jackass but corrected his ways quickly. Your father is still a jackass and then you, well, up until recently I was worried you might follow in your father’s footsteps. You already had in other ways.” She took another sip of her drink and kept her eyes locked on me.
“I’m ashamed of so many things… my actions, the way I treated others, even you, Mom, my own brother. Things I can’t take back.”
“No, you can’t take things back but you can change them. You can prove to yourself that you are a changed man, and when you say you are changed, mean it. Don't just say it like it is something to say.”
“I have every intention to.”
“Life is too short. The older I get, the more I realize it. It seems like just
yesterday I was in my twenties trying to figure everything out. I wish I would have listened to your aunt, Rhonda. It would have saved me a lot of heartache,” she stated, and I agreed.
“I just wish things…” I stopped, unsure I could list all the things I would love to have a chance to change.
Mom continued with her eyes intrigued by my response. “Why do you think it took you losing your livelihood for you to realize your potential, if you don't mind me asking? I always saw your potential, but you would never have listened if I would have told you so.”
“I really don't know. I was already feeling a lot of this before the company was seized. But that just magnified everything. Now, I have to really try to figure out what I’m going to do. I have lost everything… Didn’t you say one time that sometimes you have to lose everything to find yourself?” I said recalling that.
“Aunt Rhonda used to say that. I hated it too,” Mom said. She stared off into space as if she was remembering a memory.
“She was right though. I wish she could be here to see the changes I am making. Seriously making. The old Cash is history.”
“She sees it, just from a distance. I couldn't be prouder and I’m sure she feels the same way…”
“Mom, you are the first to find out but I want to ask Wyatt if he can pull some strings and get me into the academy. I want to use my degree and do some good in the world.”
“You want to be a police officer?”
“Yes. I really do. From what I have been able to find out, it is 720 hours of training. I think I can do it.”
Neither of us brought up the fact of how our father disowned Wyatt when he had stated he was going to become a police officer. He would more than likely do the same to me.
“I think that is wonderful. Of course it scares the hell out of me, but if that is what you want to do with your life, then I think it’s great. You should go for it. Can I ask why? I mean a police officer is someone that follows the rules, not always your strong standpoint. You have to care about others…”
Our Season (Lifetime Love Series) Page 5
