“Never thought I would see the day,” Wyatt commented with a grin.
“Everything happens for a reason, Son. I can look back on my life and dissect so many choices I made. It doesn't matter… it happened because it was supposed to happen, whether it was the result of a bad choice or because it was just meant to me. It’s done now.”
“I know. Everything is so clear now in my life. The woman I want more than anything doesn't trust me. I have so much to prove to so many, including myself. ”
“And I, for one, am proud to have both of my sons living their lives and making me proud.”
“You might not realize it now but Galloway Investments being closed, and your father going to jail, is a blessing in our lives. Especially for you, Cash. You have made a complete one-eighty and seeing what is important in life, and how you want to live it. You probably would have never changed without the big events happening.”
“In the police academy, of all things…” Wyatt said with a smile.
“And working at the bank…” Mom tuned in.
“And surprisingly I’m not lousing it up.”
God sure does have a funny way of working, doesn't he?
“Take Olivia for a few minutes would you, Cash? I want to go show your mom some things in the back room. Wyatt, can you start on the dishes?”
“Sure,” we said in unison, taking orders from who was the boss of the house.
Olivia climbed up in my lap and stole a few tater tots from the casserole dinner they had made.
She held her hand up to her lips to hush me, and I smiled and repeated it.
19
EMMA
In the past couple days I had gotten a total of eight hours of sleep. I found myself lying in bed wondering about what had happened instead of getting shut-eye. Right now, sitting in the massage chair, I felt the exhausted.
I thought about how I had wished for different things throughout my life, gotten jealous over life events, even with my best friend, Breigh, but I had really gotten myself into a monster situation this time.
Pregnant.
I was finally pregnant. How did it happen? I mean, I knew how it happened, but how was I going to deal with it? I was so confident with every discipline in my life but with this I had so much uncertainty.
If I messed this up, there wouldn't be anything I could do to fix it. A mother had one chance, you made it or you didn’t.
Breigh had finally arrived at our nail salon, the same one I visit every two weeks, her… not so much. I’d already had my feet soaking for a good ten minutes and my mind wondered as far as it could.
“I’m so sorry I am late. Olivia was giving me a hard time,” Breigh said, as she slid into the seat next to me.
“No big deal. I just got my feet in the water.” I didn't tell her she could have shown up tomorrow and I wouldn't have noticed her being late.
“I need a pedicure so bad!” She smiled her normal sweet smile, always full of life.
“Everything okay?” Breigh asked, but I had hoped she wouldn't notice immediately.
Ultimate fail.
I began to tear up, fighting my hardest to not dump all this information on her at once. She had always tried to comfort me or solve my problems, and this wasn’t one she was going to be able to solve.
“Hey, Emma, look at me…”
And I did. She could see the fear in my eyes before I opened my mouth.
“Whatever it is we can figure it out, don’t worry.” She placed her hand on mine. I was positive she felt the trembling.
The dam fell and I let the tears flow. “You are going to be so disappointed in me.”
“I’m not your parents, Emma, I am here no matter what. Tell me… I have never seen you so upset.”
“I’m pregnant.”
“Is this good news or bad? I mean I know the obvious, but you have wanted this since you were what, twelve?”
“I hadn't really thought of it that way.” I grinned, while still feeling the wetness on my cheeks.
“Do I know the father?” I dreaded when she asked me this. I knew it was coming.
Oh boy. I nodded my head yes.
“Cash?”
“Why would you say that?”
“I know about the night of Olivia’s birthday.” I looked at Breigh with shock, wondering why she would hold back knowing something like that from me.
“Why didn't you say anything? I have been torn up inside about not telling you.”
“I figured you would tell me when you wanted me to know.”
“That wasn’t exactly the only night, either…” I commented with hesitation.
I looked up and around, trying to figure out why the pedicurist hadn't started on our feet yet, but clearly they saw we were in an intense conversation, especially with me getting so upset.
Breigh hadn’t returned with a response and honestly that was probably for the best.
“I didn't want you to be ashamed of me… You have made it clear numerous times about how you felt about Cash and me. I chalked it up to a weak night, seeing him that day, and missing what I always think he is… my image in my head.”
“Is it for sure his?”
“Seriously?” I spat back. “Are you insinuating that I…”
“NO! You are a successful woman in her prime. I knew you had played the field and I didn't think there was anything wrong with that.”
“I was weak. I have always been honest about my feelings with Cash. I hate him, but I love him. I have never gotten over him, and please spare me your thoughts.”
“Actually, I think Cash is changing. Slowly, but surely. He has been around a lot lately. When everything went down with this father, it hurt him so badly. He was furious but he really has seen how he was acting, how he treated people, and decided he didn't want to be the man he was. He was just at the house yesterday and he even went to church with us.”
I bit my lip listening to her, not commenting. The feeling of hope filled my heart for a split second.
“Are you going to tell him?”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. I did go to the doctor though and I am for sure, one-hundred-percent pregnant. I’m already in love with my baby. I remember you saying that and me thinking you were losing your damn mind.”
“For me it was instant. You’ve always had a mother’s instinct. You will do great.”
“Please don't say anything yet. I need to get my thoughts together. I can’t have Cash in this baby’s life if he is going to be like the old Cash. I refuse to have my child growing up like that, a father never around.”
“Girl, you don't have to convince me. Hell, my father was a drunk. God rest his soul. Just don't wait too long to tell him. In his defense, he should know…”
“Don’t you dare say a word to him. I wish I could tell you not to say anything to Wyatt, but I know that is a moot point.”
“I will say this, Wyatt is skeptical, just as I am, with Cash. We pray and hope for the best, and see the changes he is making but we would never want him to be a father who was not around or was a bad example. Our lips will be sealed until you say something. But please know I am here for you. For whatever you need.”
“Thank you, Breigh.”
“Isn’t it crazy how a person can love someone so much, but hate them at the same time?”
“Cash has given you every reason to feel that way.”
“But you too Breigh. You have forgiven him for so much, breaking you and Wyatt up, hell he even caused you to lose Wyatt until he came to his senses.”
“I know. I can’t believe I’ve forgiven him myself, but I have to remember to forgive, otherwise it just holds anger inside my heart. I don’t have room for that anymore.” Breigh said reflecting. “I spent too long holding a grudge and letting anger lead my heart with my father.”
“You ladies ready now?” Both pedicurists walked up then sat on their small rolling chairs, ready to get started.
“Yes, we are,” I spoke up. “Now en
ough of me; relax and tell me how happy you and Wyatt are, with your perfect little family.”
“You picked your color?”
“Yes,” we said together.
“Breigh, I probably should tell you something else. I know you think Cash has changed… but he hasn’t. He pulled the wool over my eyes, AGAIN!” I had raised my voice and the pedicurists all looked at me to make sure I was okay.
“What now?”
“I was supposed to meet Jessica on Friday after work… well, I was waiting and waiting and she hadn't showed. So I decided to go in and sit at the bar, have one drink and then leave.”
“And?”
“When I walked in I saw Cash with a woman. They were kissing and I don't mean just kissing, I mean the smooching you do when you have been intimate with someone. Like when you really know them.”
“DAMN HIM! I am going to cut his ba…” The rage filled Breigh’s eyes. “Please tell me you walked up to him and called him out.”
“I made a scene… not something I’m proud of. I poured water on his head, then threw a glass on the table. I was so shocked, and confused. It was like something was playing out in front of my eyes, but I had no idea if it was real or not.”
I then started to cry again. I cried without even knowing it anymore, and sat there with Breigh holding my hand. She had reached for it and hadn’t let go.
It was exactly what I needed.
CASH
I was sitting at the desk in my little cubicle when Wyatt marched in with a look of rage. My instinct was to run from him when he had that look, even when I hid it. Whatever was going on he was not happy, and I hoped it was because of our father and not anything else.
He stood at my desk, opposite of me, and instead of sitting or talking to me like I was his brother he was in attack mode. He had on his state police uniform sans his hat.
“What in the hell is going on, Wyatt? I’m at work here.”
“I know where you are, Cash,” he spat at me with anger.
“What I need to say to you won’t take long.”
“Okay… what’s up?”
“I am so mad at you I could strangle you.”
“I haven't done anything… what now?”
“Emma told Breigh about your date at Blue’s on Friday. She saw you kissing. She saw everything.”
“Wow, Bro, I wasn't on a date. I met Maddy because I was calling it off. She had been calling me and wasn't taking no for an answer. I had to meet her in person and tell her I was off the market.”
“Since when does telling someone it is over constitute a kiss? And from I’ve heard it was not…”
“Maddy kissed me before she left. It was a bitch thing to do, but she was trying to prove her point. She wanted to make me miss her and figured I would be calling her again.”
He stood in front of me, keeping his eyes locked on mine.
“Which won’t happen, and I told her just that. I told you I am done dating. I want Emma and that is it.”
“That isn't how Emma saw it, and of course, I don't like it when Breigh is upset. Emma asked that we stay out of it, but that’s not possible now.”
“I agree that y’all should stay out of it, but I didn’t do anything. I swear to you.”
“When you hurt people I love, I can’t stay out of it. I love Breigh. Breigh loves Emma. We have been telling Emma how much you have changed, and then when you do stupid shit like this it looks like you played us all. And that will not happen. Am I clear?”
I finally stood up. “I swear to God, I will not hurt Emma. I have not done anything wrong. I was going to tell Emma about it, but wanted to wait until we were face-to-face so she could see I had no want for any other woman. This was a good thing I did… not a bad thing. Her kissing me, yeah that was bad, but I didn't plan on that.”
“You should have told her no. Have you ever used that word Cash? N-O.”
“Yes, I have used the word no. It caught me off guard too. I didn't respond the way I should have.”
“Emma saw it all.”
“She poured water on my head, threw a glass at me, and told me not to touch her. The anger in her eyes…”
He stood in front of me but didn’t say anything more.
“I’ve gotta get back to work.”
“Me too.”
“And if I were you, I would be calling Emma and telling her what you told me. She can’t handle…”
“You and Breigh say that, but Emma is the strongest woman I have ever met.”
“Not for this crap. Not for the man she loves and hasn't given up on. God only knows why!”
“I don’t know why either, I don't deserve it.”
“You said it, not me,” Wyatt said. He gave me a quick see ya wave and walked out.
I put my face in my hands, trying to begin to form words that were going to have to come to.
Begging wasn't beneath me. Not anymore.
20
EMMA
Cash: Emma, I have things to clear up about that night at Blue’s.
I swear on my life, it was NOT a DATE. I want to see you.
I have things to say…please let me say them.
My eyes blurred as I reread the text. Every time I had hope in Cash, this happened… and at this point I had to think of someone other than myself. I was done with games, and if Cash still wanted to play them, great, but not with me.
I might not have a happy marriage, but I had a baby who would be my happy and I wasn’t going to let anything take that from me. I had begun seeing him in my future and dreamed since then of our family, the life we could build. But then, once again, that didn't happen. I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me.
Cash still wasn’t aware of my pregnancy and I was thankful for that. With any luck, I would have our baby and figure out what to say to him when the time was right. And that was a big when.
The anger in my gut began to build and I began the text intending to be strong and determined in getting the point across.
Emma: Cash, Things are changed now. Some things can’t be taken back, and some lies are just too thick to be forgiven. It is time for us to call this what it is, and stop the hurt and pain. I fear my heart can’t handle any more. Please don’t continue to contact me. Since the minute I met you, I have been in love with you. I knew with every fiber of my being that you were wrong for me, but yet I couldn’t help myself. Now, it has to stop. Please respect that and leave me alone. I absolutely will not change my mind. Take care and I wish you the best.
CASH
Every part of my body was telling me to chase her, to show her how much I loved her, and how much I would not give up. I could count on one hand how many times I had cried, and this was one time I had broken down, realizing that it might be too late, Emma might be the greatest mistake of my life, one I could never have back.
I had gone to the gym and ran five miles then I worked weights until my body was completely exhausted. I still had no answers on what I should do.
After talking with my mother, venting to her on what I could do, what I should do, she said something that stuck with me.
“Emma is doing exactly what I should have done with your father. I should have told him to go to hell and meant it.”
“That isn’t helping, Mom.”
“But I also loved him… and I know you love her. I know Emma loves you. It was clear as day when she was here for that weekend. In fact, every time I see you and her I know she loves you. Emma is a very bright girl. She is everything I wished I was.”
I was going to strangle my mother if she kept on… Lord, help me.
“Cash… I love you, but you have a lot to prove to her. You have screwed up over and over, and she deserves more than that. Apologizing isn’t always good enough.”
“So what you are you saying? I can’t even get a chance to explain before her discarding me. One minute we are good, and the next she is pissed or telling me off.” I took a deep breath.
She gave me the look she
used to give me when I acted like I didn’t know what I did when I was younger but knew damn well.
“Hear me out… maybe continue to text her, or email her, or hell even send her letters, but don't expect anything in return. Let her soak in how you feel. Show her you are not giving up, yet letting her take her time. She needs to see you are there and you aren't going anywhere.”
“She was pretty strong on how she worded the last text. I don't think she wants anything to do with me. That in itself really hurts. Why is it that now I know what I want, I can’t have it? All this time I could have had her, and didn't want her. Well, I did but in a different way.”
“And that is on you I’m afraid. I think in time, you continue to contact her, give her space, and work on yourself, she might, possibly come around. She might not, but then at least you know you are in the spot you need to be to be a good man for her, and if she comes around, you will be what she deserves.”
“What if she doesn't?”
“Then you know that you tried everything. If you get another shot, it will be your one and only.”
I wanted to speak out loud that there was no way I could accept her not being with me. The ache in my chest was intense, so painful I wanted to place my hand on it, hoping to ease it.
“I guess.”
“Let’s face it, Cash, you haven't ever in your life earned anything. You got the position you had at work because of your father; everything you have has been given to you. You may have thought you were earning it, but you didn't.”
“But…I am working now… on my own I might add.”
She didn't look impressed.
“No woman wants a man who hasn't earned her love. And in time, I think you could.”
Mom hugged me and although I wanted to tell her she was wrong; I knew deep down she wasn't. She was right and I had to earn her love.
Our Season (Lifetime Love Series) Page 11
