Earn my life.
EMMA
I jumped at the buzz of my intercom as I had been lost in space. “You have a Mr. Cash Galloway to see you.”
“I am about to go to the conference room. I’ll be out in a minute.” I took a deep breath, frustrated by the fact I was going to have to deal with this now, rather than later. I had been avoiding him and wished I could continue, but I had to face it. I knew he was going to demand an explanation eventually, although I asked him to just leave me alone. I would have wanted the same thing.
Breigh had already filled me in on what Wyatt said transpired when he confronted Cash about Maddy at Blue’s. It seemed that the two brothers had finally found some peace and I had ruined that. There was a part of me that wished I just wouldn't have said anything to Breigh about it because I knew it would turn into this.
I didn’t need to tell her about all my issues anyway. She had enough to deal with. For God’s sake I ran a damn entire department, I could handle my own affairs.
I took a deep breath, grabbed the couple folders I needed, my laptop, and headed out the door with my head held high.
Cash was standing, waiting for me as soon as I walked out of my door.
“Emma, we really need to talk…” He stood right in my way and he looked pretty rough. His eyes were bloodshot, clouding his green coloration.
“I am really busy today, Cash, I don't have time for this today.”
“Something is going on and I have no idea what it is. Apparently something has been said, or hell done, and I don't know where to even start. I met with Wyatt and he was furious, saying I hurt you.”
“And this isn't something new…” I said sternly, and feeling sympathy for him with the way his eyes looked. They were sincere and clearly worried about what was really happening.
There was a part of me that wanted to put him out of his misery, but yet I wasn't sure how I was going to do that.
Fast or slow. Pull the Band-Aid of slowly or yank it like no tomorrow.
I began walking down the hall and it was silent, other than the sounds of my heels clicking against the hard tiled floor and Cash’s boots. He was right behind me. I could smell his cologne and there was a small speckle of me that wanted to stop, wrap my arms around him, and smell his neck.
I stopped as I arrived at my destination. I turned around, holding my laptop and folders strategically like a wall that separated our personal spaces.
The conference room was still empty and no one appeared to be heading our way as of yet. I had always been early, something my father had taught me many years ago. Even more important when you were at the top of the ladder, like I had been able to work myself up to.
I turned back to him, licked my lips, and decided to explain. “Cash, you know I saw you at Blue’s with Maddy. I saw her kiss you and the way you both looked at each other. I had finally admitted to myself that I was in love with you and I needed to be true to myself. And to you. It took a lot for me to admit that to myself….” I swallowed hard.
“Just let me explain… I haven't seen Maddy since I called it off with her. She was a good time when that was all I wanted, but I swear to you I have not slept with her or even seen her since I committed myself to changing my life, and winning you over. All I want is you, Emma. I promise you.”
“Cash…” I could feel the tears beginning to build in my eyes. I loved him, damn it.
He moved closer to me to where his face was in mine. “It was not what you think… I was ending it all with her. She wouldn’t stop bugging me so I had to meet her in person. I love you, Emma, only you.”
I was locked on his eyes, listening to him. Whether it was true or not, for that moment I hoped it was. This was a revolving door and I couldn't keep going through it. I couldn't put myself or my baby through it. I wouldn’t have my child’s father coming in and out, disappointing or breaking promises.
“Ms. Gray.” A associate hesitantly walked by, nodding his head as we moved to the side of the door for him to enter.
A few more followed behind him.
“I really have to get back to work, Cash. Please just leave me alone. I can’t go through this anymore. I need time… and I need to remember I deserve someone who loves only me.”
“I do love only you, baby,” he muttered. “If you want me to leave you alone, I will. All I want is for you to be happy. And if I can’t have you, but you are happy, I will give you that. You deserve that, and so much more.”
I wanted to hug him but instead I turned and walked into the conference room, straightening my posture, remembering I had a job do to, even when I felt like doing nothing but shedding a few tears.
21
EMMA
My mom had always told me sometimes you could sit behind the wheel of a car and end up where you were supposed to go without a thought in your mind. It had only happened a few times in my life, but today was one of those days.
Ever since I had gotten pregnant, I’d been praying more than I had ever thought would be possible. But I needed to talk to someone who had always given me the advice I needed, without any judgment or prejudice. A comforting person who always saw the things how they were, how they were supposed to be.
Normally, I was with Grammy in the company of Breigh, but she had been busy and I didn't want to burden her. Grammy was basically my grandmother anyway. My grandparents had passed and I really felt the void the older I got.
I knocked lightly on her screen door, waiting for her to answer. She had always instructed me to come on in, but I never felt right about it.
“Lookie here, Emma Gray, you are a sight for sore eyes. Come on in.”
She met me at the screen door with a smile on her elderly face that could light up a room. She opened the door, which talked in its own way, a deep screech. It reminded me of all the days Breigh and I spent here.
I give her a gentle hug smelling her White Diamonds, the same scent I knew belonged to her. She was dressed in one of the broken-in house robes that she wore when she wasn’t planning on leaving. This one, with flowers that decorated it, looked fairly new compared to some of her others.
“It’s so good to see you, Grammy.”
“And you as well, sweet girl.” Grammy looked down at my swelling belly. She knew I was pregnant.
I followed her to the kitchen table where all the talks had happened, with the exception of those on the front porch.
I walked behind her, observing her unsteady gait.
When arriving in the kitchen I look down at the tablecloth, a large white doily without a spot on it. It had been in their family for decades and somehow had held together. By no miracle if you ask Grammy.
The smell of her home immediately took over my senses. She had been baking; it smelled like a bakery. Everything was freshly dusted and swept.
“I just happened to finish baking some oatmeal raisin cookies and I also have some fresh ginger snaps.”
“Yum.”
“Tea or Dr. Pepper, dear?”
“Do you have any milk?”
“Does a horse have hooves? Of course.”
She got settled across from me and folded her soft wrinkled hands.
“So what have you been up to? I just saw Breigh and Olivia at church on Sunday. Little angel is growing like a weed. And those pigtails… I tell you.”
“I had been meaning to get to church.”
She didn't comment but just smiled lightly. She always got irritated when people said that.
“I guess I better just come out with it. I’m pregnant.”
“What a blessing.”
“It really is. You have always known how long I have wanted a family…”
“Yes, I have. Your parents did such a good job with you and your sister.” She paused, taking a sip of her tea. “I sense there is something bothering you?”
“I’m not married, it isn't how I planned it to be.”
“Things aren't always planned, dear. Of course, ideally, you would want to be pregnant as a married wom
an but…”
“Are you disappointed in me?”
“No, sweetie. I’m not. You are not an irresponsible child. Sometimes God takes control and things happen when we least expect them.”
“I’m ashamed. Not as much about the pregnancy…” I touched my belly with a slight massage.
“About the father?”
“I love the father, and I think he loves me, but I just wish he was a better man.”
“Have I met him?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Wyatt’s brother?”
“Yes, ma’am, Cash.”
“If I remember right he was a real piece of work. I think that is the fella Rhonda did not care for.”
“You’re right. But he is a lot different now. I loved him though even when he was bad.” I took a bite of my cookie, then another. “He is trying really hard, and I know he is doing things differently. Plus, he doesn't know about the baby yet…”
“I see.”
“Don't you think that’s wrong?”
“It doesn't matter what I think, dear. But I think that you both created a life and he has the right to know. Now, I will say if he hurt you in any way physically then that would be different.”
“He would never hurt me. Or the baby. He has hurt me in the past but it was from just being a jerk, not wanting to grow up. We were in a pretty good spot and I thought we were figuring things out, but then I saw him at a bar with another woman.”
“I will pray for you, sweet girl. What can I do to help you? To ease your heart, or your fear.”
Grammy’s voice was so sweet sounding that it made me smile. She was so sincere and comforting, like a warm blanket on a cold day.
“I don't know. I needed to tell you this, all this, and I wanted your thoughts on it. You have always been such an important person in my life and it matters to me what you think.”
“Emma, I love you, sweet girl. And I am so excited to see you become a mother. Now, I can’t tell you whether to let this gentleman into your life, but I can tell you the right thing to do is to let him know he is going to have a child. That doesn't mean he has to be a part of your life in the sense of a husband, but that child has the right to have a father. Wouldn't you agree?”
“Absolutely. I have the best daddy in the world, and I would want any kid of my mine to have that. But I am not sure about how he can be in my life. Don't you think that love sometimes isn't enough? What if he goes back to how he was before, running around like a playboy? Or what if he…”
“You could do that all day. What if, what if. That will drive a person crazy. What if he really has turned over a new leaf though and has become the man you want him to be? For you and your unborn child? Would you want to take that risk?”
I nodded my head yes. Maybe if I just motioned it, but didn’t say it, I wasn’t confessing.
“What about seeing him one day over at Breigh’s with a family, another wife and children?”
“I don’t want to even think about that. It would crush me.”
“I think you have your answer then. Above all, Emma, pray. God will guide you. He always does guide me. My old bones will be eighty-eight this spring and he hasn't let me down once. Sometimes he guides me where I’m unsure or scared, but there is always a reason. Trust in his plan.”
“Reason, season, or lifetime.”
“That’s right. So what is Cash? If he was a season, then he taught you something, whether you know it or not. Then reason, you know this one well with Breigh. And finally for your lifetime. That one’s pretty self-explanatory.”
I started to answer and she put her hand up. “Don't tell me. Pray on it and see where it leads you, my dear. Now finish those cookies and drink that milk. It’s good for the baby.”
She walked slowly to the fridge again and topped off my milk.
“Boy, do I love a visitor. I don't get them as much. You are welcome anytime, you know that?”
“Yes, ma’am. Thank you.”
I had a good feeling I wouldn’t be moving from this spot until she kicked me out.
22
CASH
“Hi, Mr. Galloway,” the guard said as I walked in. I had been here a total of three times in the last couple months, but he seemed to remember me for some odd reason. I had hoped it wasn't because my father was bribing him somehow, yet it wouldn't have shocked me.
My father was a master manipulator.
Hell, I grew up idolizing a man, that now years later, I realized was nothing like I wanted to become. Or had become. Today I came to see my father because I wanted to update him on my life. In a way, rub it in his face.
Was it wrong? You bet.
Out of the times I had visited him, one of us had walked away mad. His character had become crystal clear to me, and I had wondered how I was so blind to it previously.
I sat at the glass window waiting to talk to my father, now seemingly a man I wasn't sure of how to think of him.
What was he to me now?
When he appeared before me he had a shit-eating grin on his face, a look I had seen him wear man times when he thought he had won someone over. I always thought he had the upper hand. And usually did.
“Didn’t think you would be back so soon.”
It was my time to smile. “Well, I have some news I wanted to share with you.”
“If it doesn't help me get out of here then I really don't care.”
I froze, shocked by his comment. Selfish son of a bitch. I fought a growl that was rising in my throat.
I felt I was literally out of my body, observing moments of my bad behavior and the way I acted toward others. Even my own blood.
I raised my voice slightly to get his attention but not to cause a scene. “Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with you. You would think I learned my lesson from working for you, wouldn't you? Anyway, you can get up and walk away if you want but I am going to tell you why I came.” I waited a minute to see if he was going to stay put. Which he did.
“I got accepted into the police academy. In fact I’ve already started.” I watched to see his reaction and the anger filled his eyes. We had the same eyes, in fact, people used to say I was a spitting image of his face. I recall thinking that was a compliment years before, certainly not now.
“I can’t believe you would turn on me like your brother.”
I began laughing. It started as a chuckle and then it grew. What was first a quiet sound became loud, almost obnoxiously so. It pissed him off and I found joy in that.
“You turned a company that my grandfather started into a stealing, thieving disappointment. You would have turned it all on me if you could have…and I know you tried. You have always looked out for yourself rather than your wife and children. What kind of man…”
He stood up and slammed the phone onto the table so hard pieces flew, hitting the glass window.
I didn’t stand up, I sat exactly where I was, hanging the phone up and sitting there watching him walk away like a coward. I swore in that moment I would never walk away again, from anything.
Except for him.
23
EMMA
Three months later
Sometimes a person said something they wished they could take back. Although I knew Cash was in no way prepared to be the father to our baby, it didn't mean I hadn't hoped he would fight for me not knowing about the pregnancy. Fight for me, just me. The baby would just be a bonus.
Grammy had told me numerous times, along with my mother, that you couldn’t tell a person one thing but expect them to do another. I realized that. I had pushed him away, pulled him close, then resisted him again.
But in my core I wanted Cash, I just wanted him to be the man I knew he could be. He had it in him, and I believed he knew he did as well. I couldn't make him be that though, and my feeling as if he could never live up to his potential would only make things hard on us. I refused to have that in a relationship.
Tonight had been three months since I had seen him. Ca
sh and Wyatt had been working on their relationship and I knew if Cash had known about the pregnancy any sooner that it would put Breigh and Wyatt smack in the middle of the shitshow.
Of course, in Breigh and Wyatt’s style, they stood by me after I told them I had asked Cash to not contact me again. They didn't understand why, since I had been so hell-bent on loving him and now that Cash had started becoming what I wanted, I had called it quits.
My favorite band, Roxe was playing their farewell tonight at Kelleye Joe’s and there was no way I wasn't going to attend. I had been following them my entire teenage years until now. The lead singer had decided to call it quits because he wanted to have his weekends with his family, I couldn't help to be a little jealous he recognized the value of that. I couldn't have been happier for them.
Ten minutes in I was already dancing, clearing my mind, pretending like I was sixteen again, without a care in the world. I knew I would be paying for it tomorrow with swollen ankles but it was worth it.
Everything had gone fairly smooth with my pregnancy so far, and the queasiness I had been feeling was disappearing. My appetite had started to pick up and I was thankful for that. I wanted my baby to be healthy. I had waited a long time to be a mother, even if the circumstances weren’t what I had expected.
The band played four songs straight without stopping and I followed their lead. After that lineup I had gone to take a restroom break and then sit with some water. I couldn't seem to get enough of either. My baby hump was getting out of control and the blouse I was wearing did little to disguise it.
Not that I was trying to hide anything. I was past that.
Breigh and Wyatt met me smiling, them just arriving and looking me up and down.
“Look at you.” Breigh smiled ear to ear and brought me in for a hug. Wyatt followed suit.
“It looks good on you, Emma,” he said sweetly. “I always thought Breigh was her most beautiful when she was pregnant.” He looked at her and she smiled.
Our Season (Lifetime Love Series) Page 12
