Hawke's Game

by Natasha West

  I was now midway through my third year at Medford University and it had been a tough one. I’d been working hard on my Creative Writing degree, churning out piece after piece, alongside a novel that I’d been working on for the past six months as my final project. I was about halfway through it, by my estimation, and I hated it. About half a dozen times I’d come close to deleting the thing but the amount of work that had gone into it always stopped me.

  The morning before I’d ended up in that dive bar had been particularly brutal. I’d been bashing away, certain that everything I was writing was just making it worse. And after three soul-withering hours, I’d had enough. So when my housemate Lucas Perry barged into my room demanding that we go and drink immediately, I didn’t put up much of a fight. He was great and terrible like that. He was a fun generator and a dreadful distraction. But right then, I was glad of diversion.

  ‘Come on, Stone. Get your shoes on!’

  ‘Lucas, you know it’s only eleven forty-five, don’t you?’ I said as I pulled my Converse on.

  Lucas was looking in my mirror, vainly running his hand through his thick dark hair and squeezing his muscles through his t-shirt, as though I wasn’t there watching him. The man had no shame. It was what I liked about him.

  ‘Yes, so by the time we reach the bar, it will be twelve, which is a completely legitimate time to start drinking.’

  ‘Should I organise an intervention?’ I asked, mostly in jest. As a purely social drinker, I wasn’t sure where the line for alcoholism lay exactly.

  ‘Students don’t have drinking problems, just youthful indiscretions. And writers are supposed to drink. It’s in the job description.’

  ‘Yeah, but you’re not a writer. You’re a film maker.’

  ‘You’re making my case for me. We’re both in courses that require life to be lived, so we’ll have stuff to create about later.’

  My shoes were on by this point and I stood, my fears that I was enabling Lucas somewhat allayed.

  ‘Sold. Let’s go.’

  We were walking along the streets of Medford City, on the way to a place Lucas knew that he said ‘was cheap but atmospheric’ while he relayed the latest details of his continually abysmal love life. He’d been on a string of dreadful Grindr ‘dates’ recently that had left him thinking maybe there weren’t really any good men left on the app.

  ‘But you still slept with most of them.’

  ‘Well, yeah. I’ve got needs. Needs that watching Magic Mike over and over are not meeting.’

  ‘Your problem is that you don’t want to admit that deep down, Luc, you’re a romantic. What you really want is to hang up your smart phone and settle down with a nice boyfriend.’

  ‘No thanks. I’ve done it once before, never again. It’s not for me. I like sex as recreation these days.’

  ‘What about companionship?’

  ‘That’s what you’re for, Stone.’

  I smiled at the compliment. But it made me wonder, was that the only way it could work? By compartmentalising your needs?

  We arrived at the bar and in we went. It was a little dim in there and I looked around for a seat. Lucas was already at the bar, ordering some ridiculous tequila drinks.

  ‘Can we start a bit slower?’ I asked desperately. Drinking in the afternoon, I’d found out from experience, tended to make me sleepy.

  Lucas turned, the drinks already in his hands. He passed me one.

  ‘No one ever achieved anything by going slow’ he said hammily.

  ‘Lots of people have achieved lots of things while going slow.’

  ‘I know, but I find if you say things with enough force, people usually believe it.’

  ‘Yeah, you and cult leaders agree on that’ I retorted.

  He laughed and sucked tequila through an elaborate straw. I turned round to look for seating, and my eye was grabbed by someone at the opposite end of the room. Before I’d even realised who I was looking at, she caused a chill to shoot up my spine. She was sitting at the other end of the bar, a glass in her hand. Julia Hawke.

  I hadn’t seen her in a year and a half, and I’m not saying I’d forgotten that she was good looking, but just how gorgeous she was knocked me for six in that moment. Had she gotten more beautiful since I’d seen her last? Right then, it seemed possible. Before I realised what I was doing, I placed my drink on the bar and I found myself drifting toward her.

  ‘Julia!?’

  She looked up at me and her big brown eyes widened in surprise.

  ‘Christ. Penny?’

  For a second, I regretted coming over. She looked unhappy and I assumed she wasn’t pleased to see me. And then her trademark slow smile crept over her face. She stood up and I got a few seconds to look at the length of her, enough time to register that incredible body was still as lithe and shapely as the last time I’d seen it. It was possibly even more lean, probably the result of some serious working out at a guess. She was wearing a figure hugging grey pencil skirt and a sheer black blouse that complimented her natural assets, and heels that made her legs look like they were sculpted from clay, perfectly designed by an artist of some genius. As my eyes made this quick and completely involuntary body inspection, I realised she was walking toward me, coming to hug me. I didn’t hold my own arms out, still in shock at seeing her, but then her arms were around me and it felt good. Her smell enveloped me, that blend of vanilla and something else that I could never quite pin point, which I supposed was just Julia herself. It was a heady mix.

  I finally felt my arms slide around her.

  ‘It’s good to see you’ she said into my ear.

  I pulled back from the hug to look at her, now that I was closer. My initial reaction had been correct. She was more beautiful than ever.

  ‘Yeah. You too’ I said, spellbound.

  And then we just stood for a moment, staring at each other.

  An attention grabbing cough broke the moment. I turned to see Lucas waiting next to me. I’d been operating in some sort of fugue state up until that point and I began to realise that this could be awkward.

  ‘Stone, who’s your friend?’

  I was reticent to say her name because I had a feeling that Lucas might have a reaction to it that would make it clear that he knew the details of mine and Julia’s history. But I had no choice.

  ‘This is Julia.’

  God love him, he just smiled and put out his hand.

  ‘Hi. I’m Lucas.’

  ‘Hello.’

  She shook his hand politely and then the three of us stood there in an awkward silence for what felt like ten minutes but was really only about three seconds.

  Finally, Lucas turned to me.

  ‘You know what, I just need to use the bathroom. I’ll leave you to catch up.’

  He turned with a wink that only I saw and headed off. I was extremely grateful for his incredible tact. I looked back at Julia and she smiled at me.

  ‘How have you been, Penny?’

  I shrugged.

  ‘You know, pushing along.’

  ‘You must be in your third year now, is that right? How’s it going?’

  I was tempted to answer ‘Great’ but I hadn’t see her in such a long time and I didn’t know if I’d see her again, and that made me want to not make up lies about life being perfect.

  ‘Honestly, it’s a killer.’

  She laughed and I saw that a few subtle lines had started to appear around her eyes since the old days. They suited her. In fact, they were incredibly sexy. I tried to shake those thoughts off.

  ‘I remember that feeling. What are you working on?’

  ‘A science fiction novel.’

  She looked mildly impressed.

  ‘Ambitious.’

  I shrugged.

  ‘How about you?’

  She gave a sardonic smile.

  ‘Well, after I left Medford… I’m sure you read about it.’

  I sighed. I had seen the articles. They’d made her seem like some kind of cartoon vi
xen, not the complex person I’d known.

  ‘Yes, I’m sorry that happened to you.’

  She shook her head dismissively.

  ‘You’re the last person that should be sorry about that. In fact, I’m glad I get a chance to thank you. You kept silent, and you were the only one.’

  ‘Why wouldn’t I?’

  She considered that for a moment.

  ‘And that’s why you’re a good person. Because you really don’t know the answer to that question.’

  I remembered watching each of those girls spill the details of their relationships to the press and I’d been sickened. Not just because I hated hearing about Julia’s former lovers, but because I couldn’t fathom how anyone could sell something that precious, to cheapen it by making it public. Even though it had ended badly, what Julia and I had shared was special because it had been ours alone. I could barely tell Lucas about it and he was my best friend.

  ‘I hate that that happened to you.’

  She gave me a sad smile.

  ‘It was deserved.’

  ‘No. It wasn’t.’

  That laid another silence over us for a second, but not an awkward one. It felt big, full of things I couldn’t begin to unpack.

  ‘But anyway, the storm passed and now things are better.’

  ‘I’m glad.’

  ‘But your book, I’d love to hear about it?’

  At that moment, I saw Lucas sitting patiently at a table with our drinks, waiting. I felt bad for leaving him alone. But I wasn’t ready to let this moment end, not quite yet. As I looked back and forth between him and Julia, she sensed the bind I was in.

  ‘You need to get back to your…’

  She paused and I was quick to fill in the gap.

  ‘Friend. He’s my friend.’

  ‘Right. But maybe you could email me a few chapters?’

  Then she laughed self-deprecatingly.

  ‘Sorry, I’m sure you don’t want me reading it. I’m not your teacher anymore.’

  She wasn’t. But at that moment, with the terrible state I was in over my project, I wished to god she was. Before we’d become lovers, she’d been the best teacher I’d ever had. She still was. She had a way of cutting to the heart of things, of seeing the truth in a piece. I missed that. But maybe I didn’t have to.

  ‘Actually, I wouldn’t mind if you took a look at it. I’d really appreciate your notes, if you have the time?’

  She was startled and I thought maybe I’d asked a bit much but then she nodded her head readily.

  ‘I’d like that. You still have my email, I take it?’

  My relief was immediate.

  ‘I’ll send it to you as soon as I get a chance.’

  ‘OK, then. Well, I should get going, leave you to it.’

  She turned to the door and I felt like I should say something else.

  ‘Thanks, Julia. You’re doing me a huge favour.’

  She turned back with a playful look.

  ‘Huge favour? To read my best pupil’s work? I’m getting the better end of the deal here.’

  And with that she swept out.

  I stood there for a few seconds, trying to take in what had just happened. I felt like I’d been struck by lightning. Julia Hawke, still as cool as ever. It made me remember those early days, when I’d been incredibly shy around her. But she’d been so kind, drawing me out, making me feel like whoever I was, it was OK with her. It seemed like another life time.

  ‘Stone! Come on, your ice cubes are melting!’

  Lucas’s voice shook me from the whirlwind of thoughts I’d been trapped in and I scuttled back to him, gladly. Whatever poker face he’d had with Julia, it was gone now.

  ‘So that’s the famous Julia?! Well done, Stone, well done’ he said with exaggerated solemnity. ‘She’s a world class hottie.’

  I tried not to blush. It didn’t work.

  ‘So what did you say to each other?’

  I shrugged.

  ‘You know, normal catching up stuff.’

  He tutted in complete vexation.

  ‘God, woman, it’s like pulling teeth. I want the full breakdown, moment by moment, with every nuance described in vivid detail.’

  I laughed at him.

  ‘Why are you so interested?’

  ‘Because I was sitting ten feet away and I nearly got third degree burns from the sexual tension coming off you two. Something major must have occurred.’

  I wasn’t sure if he was just being hyperbolic or if it really had looked so intense, but I didn’t want to think about it in those terms. I wanted us to be able to be normal with each other now. Whatever that meant.

  ‘She was just offering to read my book.’

  ‘Is that what they’re calling it these days?’

  I swatted him.

  ‘It’s not like that. I’m having serious problems and I know she’ll be able to help me. She was a great teacher.’

  ‘I’ll just bet she was.’

  ‘Lucas, stop it, will you!’ I implored. ‘It’s not going to be like that this time. I’m not going down that road with her again.’

  His cheeky smile subsided, and I saw there was something serious under the kidding.

  ‘If you say so. But I know from experience, being friends with an ex can be tricky. And I know how you felt about her.’

  ‘Exactly, how I felt. Past tense. I got over it, Luc. I’m not going to pretend that was easy, but I did it. She’s not what I want anymore.’

  He nodded, thoughtfully.

  ‘I hope so, Stone. I wouldn’t like to see you get hurt. And she looked like a heartbreaker.’

  I took a sip of my strong drink, thinking yes, that’s exactly what she was. She’d broken my heart completely, and it had taken a long time to repair it. I didn’t regret what had happened, because there had been a lot about the relationship that had been good and it had made me grow up a lot. But it was the past and I wanted to go forwards, not backwards. Although, I had to admit, part of me wondered whether I could really be friends with Julia and not get sucked back into the riptide that she was.

  Chapter Seven

  I was sitting in my study, on the phone with my editor Jacob. We were talking about Stephen Griffin. Apparently, my predictions had been correct. The article had been widely read, including by the police, and he was facing charges. I was sorry for him, although I had no regrets about my article. Jacob wanted me to write a series of follow ups, to cover the story to its conclusion.

  ‘I’m happy to do that, but you realise he’s not going to talk to me again, don’t you? He probably sees me as the face of all his misery.’

  I could hear the smile in Jacob’s voice.

  ‘Anyone else, I’d agree with you. But I know you, Julia. You’ll find a way to get him talking. You’ll have him thinking you’re his best friend when you’re done with him.’

  I shrugged off the flattery.

  ‘If that’s true, it’ll be more to do with his eye for the ladies than my natural persuasiveness.’

  ‘Don’t be humble, Julia. It doesn’t suit you. I didn’t hire you to be a pretty face. I hired you because you have the instincts of a shark. I like that in a journalist.’

  ‘A shark? Great. I’ll put that on my CV.’

  ‘You should. It’s more valuable than people care to admit.’

  I didn’t see myself that way. I was just making a living. But I let the comment go, knowing that I had another motive for this conversation.

  ‘Listen, Jacob, I need to ask you a favour.’

  ‘And what would that be?’

  ‘There’s something I need to find out, but I need to do it quietly.’

  He was intrigued.

  ‘You’ve certainly got my attention, go on.’

  ‘Murphy House is going through a power change. I need to know who’s in the running for the top spot. It’s not a matter of public record just yet, but if anyone could get access to that particular rumour mill, it’s you.’

  ‘Tha
t would only be considered a compliment in our particular corner of the world, but I’ll take it. Why do you need to know?’

  I could have made something up, but Jacob’s bullshit detector would have smelled it a mile off. In this instance, the truth would get me further.

  ‘Someone in that company has, shall we say, a little bee in their bonnet about yours truly. They’re trying to destroy my literary career before it gets started. I need to know who without them knowing I’m looking for them. If I start making phone calls, these things have a way of getting to interested parties.’

  I knew Jacob was one of the few people would accept that story without further questions and he didn’t let me down.

  ‘Alright, let me make a phone call.’

  We said our goodbyes and hung up. I knew Jacob would be able to get me the info I wanted, although I still wasn’t exactly sure what to do with it when I got it. I supposed it would depend on who the person in question turned out to be.

  My phone rang a few minutes later and I picked it up eagerly. But the screen read ‘Lauren’. I answered a little reluctantly.

  ‘Hi.’

  ‘Hi, I just wanted to check in about tomorrow, before I confirm.’

  I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. But of course, I couldn’t just say I’d forgotten our plans. There was probably an entry for that in the beginners guide to bad girlfriends. I’d have to try and ferret out the details.

  ‘Yeah, of course. What time do we need to be there again?’

  ‘Elly said about eight.’

  Elly, right. Elly and Joel were Lauren’s oldest friends, from medical school. Now they were married and had a baby on the way. They were nice enough people, if a little dull. I vaguely recalled that a dinner had been planned.

  ‘Great. Looking forward to it. Better go, work to do.’

  There was a slight pause.

  ‘OK. Love you.’

  ‘Love you too’ I said awkwardly.

  We hung up and I was grateful. Things had been a little strained since I’d come home with my news a few days ago. But when I’d come back later that day from the bar, she’d been extremely apologetic about her reaction, promising that she didn’t care what I did and that she loved me no matter what. And it seemed like she meant it. So I’d decided that I couldn’t throw six good months away on the basis of one bad day. Lauren deserved more of a chance than that. She’d certainly taken a chance on me.