Hawke's Game

by Natasha West

  We sat down together on the couch, with room for another person between us. Jessica started the Blu-Ray and the trailers began. I saw Jessica reach for some popcorn and I went in too, engineering a key moment in the process. Our hands touched, I felt her soft skin make contact with my own. She pulled back with an embarrassed ‘Oh, sorry.’

  I shook my head in silent apology and pulled my own hand back, giving her room to get popcorn. It was a cheesy move, I know. But in my experience, life isn’t subtle. It comes laden with clichés. That’s how clichés are born, because they happen a lot.

  The movie started and Jessica relaxed a little deeper into the sofa. I let my own body relax a little too, but only to let Jessica feel comfortable. In my head, I was playing the waiting game.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I was ten minutes into my second date, with a boy named Jack, a second year psychology student. It was going fairly well. He seemed nice so far, or at least not a jock idiot like the last one. He was telling me about his mother.

  ‘She’s my best friend, really.’

  Was that weird?

  ‘Maybe that sounds a bit, I don’t know, dorky, but she raised me by herself so we’ve always been close.’

  Not weird. Sweet.

  ‘But let’s not talk about that. Tell me about yourself.’

  And he was clearly not self-involved. The boy was doing well.

  ‘I’m a creative writing student. I want to be a novelist when I grow up’ I joked.

  He seemed very impressed.

  ‘That’s cool. What kind of thing do you write?’

  ‘All kinds of things. I don’t like to limit myself. But right now, science fiction.’

  ‘Sci-fi? That’s my favourite genre!’

  And from there we had an enthusiastic discussion about our favourite sci-fi books and movies, as well as our least favourites. We were in accordance on both sides of the coin.

  The conversation was flowing nicely, when I suddenly caught Lucas’s eye from across the room. He tapped his watch, or the place where his watch would have been if he’d been wearing one. I got the message. It was coming up to the twenty minute mark.

  Jack cleared his throat nervously.

  ‘Hey, do you maybe want to go someplace else for a drink?’

  I considered. He was nice, sensitive, smart and we shared tastes. Physically, he wasn’t classically handsome exactly, but he was definitely attractive in an unconventional way. I could imagine myself spending time with him. But that wasn’t what this night was about. It was about finding someone that made my pulse race. And on reflection, Jack just didn’t inspire those sorts of feelings. He was friendship material, not ‘hot one night stand’ material.

  ‘I’m sorry, I need to meet some people later on, so I’ll have to cut it short, I’m afraid.’

  His face dropped a little.

  ‘But let’s swap numbers. I’d love to catch a film with you sometime. As friends.’

  He understood the message, but he seemed to shake off the rejection with good grace.

  ‘Well, I was hoping for a bit more than that, I’ll admit it. But friends is good.’

  We swapped numbers and he left the bar. I was glad to have met Jack and I hoped we really could be friends, but if I was going to shake Julia from my system, I’d need someone a little more stirring.

  Lucas bounded over.

  ‘No joy?’

  ‘He was nice. But I don’t think the chemistry was there.’

  ‘And this is why you arrange as many dates as you can. Profiles and snaps are good, but you never can tell who you’ll click with.’

  We played pool as we waited for my final date. One more chance, I thought. One more chance to find someone who could stop me feeling like I was stuck in this quagmire.

  And right on time, in she walked.

  Her name was Sienna, and her profile picture had been arresting. She was tall and leggy, with long caramel brown hair, olive skin and cheekbones for days. I’d almost forgotten to look at her description before I swiped right. But ‘art student’ and ‘spontaneous’ had been her headline credentials and they’d worked well enough for me.

  She glanced around the bar looking for me. I couldn’t help but notice half the bar glance back at her, but I didn’t blame them. She had something.

  She saw me and sashayed over to where I was suddenly finding myself rooted to the spot. I felt Lucas’s hand on my back, pushing me toward her, pulling the pool cue from my hand. We met in the middle of the bar.

  ‘Penny?’

  I nodded and I felt her eyes travel up and down my body. She wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it. She gave me a leering smile and said ‘Yeah. You’ll do just fine.’

  I gave a sort of gasping laugh at her audacity.

  ‘Will I, now?’

  ‘Look, we both know why we’re here. Let’s not pretend. Now, shall we go get a drink?’

  I looked back at Lucas, feeling suddenly like a little girl seated at the big kid table, but he just gave me a quick thumbs up.

  I looked back at Sienna. She was still waiting for my answer, but with a confident air that said, ‘You know you want to say yes’. And I found that I did.

  Ten minutes later, I found myself in the women’s toilet cubicle, with Sienna’s luscious body pressed up against me. The turnaround on this night had been astounding, but Sienna had had a point. This was what I’d been looking for. And I had to admit, I was enjoying myself. Sienna had an assertiveness that was exciting. She knew exactly what she wanted. And she’d made it very clear to me what that was. We’d talked in the bar for a few short minutes before she’d told me that she was going to the bathroom, and she’d be waiting for me in this cubicle. And she’d just left me there to make my choice.

  For all my talk, I was a little shocked. She moved so fast. I had an internal debate with myself. One the one hand, there was a part of me that said ‘Are you really the kind of person that could follow someone they’ve only just met into a public bathroom for sex.’ And the other part of me? It said ‘Julia is undoubtedly in someone’s bed right now. And she’s not giving you a second thought.’ Obviously, the second voice won.

  So here I was, kissing a stranger in a toilet. Sienna’s generous mouth felt good on my own and I began to let my reserve go. I felt her fingers reach down and unzip my jeans.

  ‘Wait’ I heard myself say.

  She paused in action.

  ‘What is it?’

  If I was going to change my mind, this was the moment.

  I sighed.

  ‘Nothing. Don’t stop.’

  She smiled lasciviously as she began to tug my jeans down off my hips.

  ‘Don’t worry, baby. You’re in good hands.’

  She slunk down to her knees and teased my panties down with her teeth. Her skilled tongue was soon at work. And I stopped caring about whether this was OK. Right now, I felt good. This was what I’d wanted, what I needed. To get out of my head, out of my heart. To exist only in the visceral pleasures of my body.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Thirty minutes into the movie and we were well into the second act. Jessica suddenly slipped her shoes off and pulled her knees up on the couch, fairly immersed in the Swedish movie. So far, it had been decent. A little solemn, but interesting.

  Suddenly, there was the distant crash of a door flying open and we both turned in surprise. It had come from the hall, the front door most likely.

  Jessica hit pause on the movie and said ‘Excuse me.’ She jumped up and ran into the hall. I heard her say to someone ‘Where have you been?’

  A voice, which I recalled as Georgia’s from my stakeout, said ‘None of your business.’

  ‘I haven’t seen you in days, I’d appreciate it if you would just send me the occasional text, so that I know you’re not dead, Georgia.’

  ‘I texted my mother. That’s the extent of my obligation here.’

  Jessica replied, sounded beaten.

  ‘I’m not the wicked ste
pmother here. I’m just looking out for you.’

  There was no reply to that. But moments later, I heard some stomping up a set of stairs. Jessica hadn’t given up though.

  ‘Are you staying? Do you want something to eat?’

  ‘I can feed myself, Jess. I’m just grabbing a change of clothes and I’m gone.’

  A moment later, Jessica came back in wearily.

  ‘I’m sorry about that.’

  ‘It’s OK. Is everything…’

  The stomping suddenly started again, followed by the bang of the front door. A car engine roared away in the distance.

  Jessica looked embarrassed.

  ‘She’s got a good heart, really. She’s just going through some sort of phase at the moment.’

  She pressed a hand to her temple.

  ‘A really long phase.’

  ‘How old is she?’

  ‘Twenty.’

  ‘A little old for phases, isn’t she?

  Jessica sat down tiredly.

  ‘I met Alex when I was twenty five. Georgia was thirteen then. I don’t think she took too kindly to having such a young stepmother on the scene. I don’t know, maybe that’s fair…’

  She stopped then and I thought I saw a tear in the corner of her eye. I slid closer to her and put my arm around her.

  ‘Hey, it’s OK.’

  After a moment, she leaned in, accepting the contact.

  ‘Jessica, you seem like a really good person. She’s lucky that she got you for a stepmother. She could have done a lot worse.’

  I’ll admit it, I was thinking of myself when I said that. Alex had tried to slot me into the role once upon a time. But Alex had obviously had no problem finding another younger woman to fit the bill. Not that I judged her for that, God knows I’ve been known to dip into that pool, but the relationship between Georgia and Jessica was in rough shape and it was really down to Alex to mend those fences. Had she tried, I wondered? Or had she just seen something she wanted and said to hell with the consequences.

  Thinking about it now, when Alex had surprised me by leaving her husband, she had taken it for granted that I was hers. I remembered that situation with me as the villain, because that’s how she’d painted it, but looking at it anew, hadn’t Alex been pretty badly behaved herself? She’d fully expected me to give her what she wanted. It hadn’t been a question, it had been a demand. I wasn’t going to try and pretend that she’d taken advantage of me, quite the opposite, but I was starting to see that she’d shown signs of a fairly selfish person herself, even then. Looking at the life she’d created for herself since, despite the money and the lifestyle, I’d made the correct choice. From the tension that was draped across the house like a veil, this was not a happy home. Jessica was not a happy wife and mother. Georgia was not a happy step-daughter. I didn’t know how Alex felt about it all. I didn’t care. Because I had an idea that she was the root of all this misery. She was certainly the root of mine.

  And now, here I was, with Alex’s tearful wife in my arms. And yes, I had plans and schemes, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was make Jessica feel better.

  ‘You shouldn’t blame yourself.’

  I put my other arm around her, deepening the hug, and she slipped her head into my neck. A few more tears escaped from her eyes, falling onto my arm.

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry, she said as she began to dab at my arm with a tissue. I put my hand on hers, stopping her.

  ‘Don’t worry about that.’

  She looked up at me. Her eyes were a spectacular shade of grey. I found myself getting a little lost in them. She was one of those women who was at her most beautiful in sadness.

  ‘You don’t deserve any of this, you know. You’re lovely.’

  The compliment was utterly real. Jessica really did deserve better than this. She was still staring at me with those big eyes. I involuntarily moistened my lips.

  ‘Do you really think that?’

  ‘I do.’

  And then she leaned in and gave me the briefest of kisses on the lips. I went in to continue the kiss but she jumped back as though electrified. She got up and went over to the window, staring out at the lawn beyond.

  ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.’

  I got up and walked up behind her, standing inches away.

  ‘Is that really how you feel? That you shouldn’t have kissed me? Because I don’t. I’ve been wanting that since we met.’

  She didn’t turn but I could feel the fear in her, fear that came from being on the precipice of doing something she wanted, but something she knew was wrong. I knew that feeling well. I slipped my hand around her body, running it lightly down her arm, resting it on her hand.

  ‘In fact, I want more than that.’

  She still didn’t turn so I gently pulled her hand, drawing her body around to face me. Her grey eyes were alive with panic and desire.

  ‘But I’ll go right now, if that’s what you want.’

  It was a real offer. I wasn’t going to push this. If Jessica decided that this wasn’t what she wanted, or that it wasn’t worth the price, I would walk right out.

  She inhaled deeply and shook her head.

  ‘I don’t want you to go.’

  She pushed her soft lips against mine. Her kiss was gentle, but deep. My hands reached up around her, my fingers caressing the small of her back lightly. She moaned softly. I pulled back, wanting to give her a chance to change her mind.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  She nodded and reached down for my hand. She pulled me across the room and we headed upstairs.

  As we reached the bedroom, I thought ‘Should I really do this?’ and then Jessica was standing in front of me, slipping her dress straps off her shoulders, dropping the dress to the floor to reveal a forest green balcony bra with matching panties. I stopped questioning what was about to happen at that point. Because all that working out and calorie counting, it wasn’t a waste. Her creamy body was toned and supple from head to toe. Her breasts were the only large thing about her, at odds with the tautness of the rest of her, an incredible combination. I wanted nothing else but to feel that body against me, so that we could both forget out troubles for a moment, lose ourselves in desire.

  I grabbed hold of her hand and pulled her to me, kissing her fervently. The bed was a few metres away (‘Alex’s bed’ I thought briefly) and I wanted to get there quickly so I grabbed her waist, wanting to push her gently in that direction. But I could feel how light her body was so I dispensed with the formalities and lifted her up to carry her to the bed. Jessica’s legs wrapped around me like a cobra as I held her, holding on to me tightly we continued to kiss ardently. I dropped her lightly onto the ivory coloured silk sheets and pulled my own dress off, throwing it on the floor. She leant up on her elbows to watch. She looked pensive but excited. I removed my own underwear and dropped it onto the floor. She drank in the sight of my naked body and I let her look, giving us a moment to enjoy our desire for each other.

  When I couldn’t wait another second, I climbed quickly on top of her and I felt her hot lips on my neck as she slipped her hands into my hair, caressing it gently. I placed my hand on her breast, tugging the bra down until my fingers found her nipple. She whimpered and I began to tug more aggressively as I kissed her, wanting the bra gone. She realised what I wanted and reached around her back, undoing the clasp that I didn’t have access to. The bra was quickly tossed aside and I let my full weight push against her, the feel of our naked breasts pressing against one another was divine. As we kissed, her tongue danced lightly against my own and I put my hands around her face, trying to get closer, deeper. Trying to forget everything.

  My left hand began to play with her supple breast, kneading it gently. She moaned and I slipped my hand down her body, reaching her thighs. I let my fingers caress the skin of her upper thigh, letting the ache build in Jessica until she couldn’t take it anymore.

  ‘Beth, please…’ she whispered.

  It jolted me to hear
that name but only momentarily. My drive was still to pleasure Jessica and I slipped my fingers into her slick recess. Her moaning rose sharply. She was incredibly wet and I pushed in deeper, discovering her. I could feel she was ready for me and I pushed two fingers inside her. I felt the hand on the back of my hand grip tighter and I began to slide back and forth, deeper each time, as she moaned in ecstasy. She pulled my other hand, still holding her face, into her mouth, sucking desperately on my fingers with each wave of pleasure. I felt her coming hard, and at the moment of climax she bit sharply down on my hand with a satisfied sigh. The pain was exquisite.

  She went limp for a second, and I looked down at her. She was staring at the ceiling and she let out a soft giggle. She looked content. It was a new look on her. I reached my hand down her body, not even close to finished, but she grabbed it.

  ‘No, come here. I need to taste you.’ She said quietly. And who was I to deny her? I leaned over and she pulled me to a sitting position, slipping underneath me gracefully. I felt her tongue slide inside, she moaned appreciatively at the flavour of me, and I grabbed hold of the bed frame to steady myself as she worked her eager mouth around me, her hands hanging onto my waist. I closed my eyes and gripped harder on the frame, feeling the force between my thighs build. She wasn’t there more than twenty seconds before I came sharply. But thankfully, she didn’t leave it there. She kept going, all the while moaning at the pleasure she was taking from tasting me, and orgasm after orgasm gripped my body, each one ascending in intensity. Eventually, after I’d lost count, her head dropped back and she climbed out from underneath me. I fell down on the bed, exhausted. Jessica climbed under the sheets and I joined her.

  We lay in silence for a moment. Now that it was over, my mind, which had been pretty quiet for the last hour, was beginning to work again. I was suddenly aware of where I was and who I was with. And what I’d come here for.

  Jessica turned to me with a lazy smile.

  ‘I really needed that.’

  I raised an eyebrow.

  ‘But you did most of the work.’

  ‘It still felt great.’