Forgiving Patience

by Jennifer Simpkins

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “I have never been the type of guy who becomes satisfied very easily, and lately I’ve been starved for this one thing.” He held up one finger. His expression told her she was in deep trouble.

  Jake took the glass of wine out of her trembling hand. Getting up on his knees, he nudged himself in between her legs. “You are too serious most of the time, and you always seem to have something going on in that pretty head.”

  And then, to her utter surprise, he kissed her…hard. His mouth sank over hers, forcing her to melt into the couch. The kiss was filled with need and desire on his part, and she wasn’t sure what she felt just yet. After the initial shock of his kiss, she could feel him deliberately slow the pace and allow her to catch up. She instinctively kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck, much like he’d made her do the first time they danced. His tongue snaked between her lips, and she matched it by using hers too. There was a connection they shared. It was so strong it caused things to happen to her body that she’d never experienced before. A moisture surged below.

  Good God, this man was known for being talented at many things out on the baseball field, but she was having trouble thinking he could do anything better than this intense, mind-blowing kissing.

  What was she doing? Kissing Jake was not… Her brief thought of clarity was lost as he laid her back on the couch. He leaned into her body, not allowing all his weight to rest on her, but enough of it so she could feel the hardness between his legs. She should have stopped her stupidity right then, but her need for him was too strong. Physically, she was lost in the moment and couldn’t will her body to stop what felt so damned good.

  Her body hummed with passion and her own needs. She wanted this man…but wait… “Jake, stop.” She pushed him back. “I can’t do this.”

  His breath was ragged, but his eyes were still glazed over with desire. “I know,” he said. He didn’t push off her body just yet. “I didn’t ask you over so we could have sex. I want you to know that.”

  “I never thought that,” she reassured through her own unsteady breathing.

  “Good.” He rose to his feet but put a hand up, as if signaling for her to stay put.

  She did, mostly out of weakness than obedience. He got back down on his knees. Still studying her face, he placed his hand on her neck and then traced a line gently down to the middle of her breasts. A shock zapped her into a different reality. Her breasts reacted to his touch, but she didn’t much care. He left her chest and moved down her stomach, circling her belly button. Though he was only touching her on top of her shirt, it was as if his fingers were burning a line through her skin. When he moved a little lower, she bit her bottom lip to stop the moan wanting to escape. She knew it was wrong on so many levels, but she wanted this.

  “I know we can’t have sex, but I want to take care of you. I want to make you quit thinking so much and just feel what is happening right now. Can you do that, Anna?”

  She needed this. It had been years since she’d been with a man, and while her experience had been okay, she had wanted more. Anna wanted to feel what other women talked endlessly about. She wanted to be a normal woman who could allow a man to meet her needs every now and then. So, she nodded her acquiescence.

  With no urgency at all, he unbuttoned her jeans and pulled down her zipper. Before moving any further, he stopped, as if asking if she was completely comfortable with what was about to happen next. She couldn’t protest even if she had wanted to. She was past the point of no return. Her heart beat through her chest, her vision blurred his face, her ears hummed—blocking out all other noises. She was completely lost to Jake.

  Her breath caught as he slipped one hand inside her jeans, inside of her panties. Oh—my—Lord! Anna became caught up in the stroking of his fingers along her wetness. From far away she heard him say, “That’s right, sweetness, just feel. No thinking.”

  That was not an issue. She couldn’t think of anything beyond his skilled fingers gliding across the slickness of her sex. Her eyes closed as she became in tune with her body and what it was crying out for. Jake took extra care with that special part that drove a woman out of her mind. She had to hold on to something or she was bound to come up off the couch, so she clenched both fists and held on tight. She was hot and on the edge of having a mind-blowing orgasm. It was intense—and simply wonderful. As she moved against his finger she shook uncontrollably. It was a rhythm she didn’t know who set, but it was fast and urgent. Eyes closed, she drank in the moment before coming. As if knowing it was time, Jake bent down and kissed her softly on the lips—and that time she couldn’t stop her moan as the sensation rippled through her. Wow.

  * * * *

  Jake was kissing those pale pink lips as she moaned, using her fists to clench both sides of the couch cushions as she floated up and then back down. He had instinctively become hard with the first thought of kissing her soft mouth. And he was telling her the truth when he said he wasn’t out to just have sex with her, but he had to admit he would have had his pants down as soon as she asked for more. She wasn’t ready for that, though, so he was content to give her what she didn’t know she needed—an orgasm she would never forget. He took pleasure and caused himself more pain at knowing he was the one to give it to her.

  He got so caught up in watching her lose all inhibitions that it was like…she was the one touching him. He was getting almost as much pleasure from this as she was. He felt faint and limp…but that was all right by him. It made him feel alive again to be swallowed up by something other than his self.

  When her eyes fluttered back open, she said, “Thank you.”

  “Anything for you, sweetness.”

  * * * *

  She woke to a creak in the floor. She opened one eye to peek at what was causing the floor to settle, but deep down she already knew. It was the devil. She hadn’t been visited by him in a little over a week, so it was just a matter of time before he would come. She slammed her eyes shut when he stood over her and tried to slow her breathing to a normal pace so he wouldn’t know she was really awake. When he reached under her nightgown, she forced her mind to take her someplace else. She had always wanted to go to Disney World—that’s where she decided to go tonight. A ride on the tea cups…just her and her mother.

  Anna woke, sat up, and instantly reached to turn on her bedside lamp. Her gaze searched the apartment, checking for anything out of place. “It was just a dream, Anna. Nobody is here.” She got up and poured herself a glass of water. Talking a long gulp, she felt calm enough to crawl back between the sheets. She laid her head back down on the pillow and left the light burning beside her. She might be an adult now, but every now and then, even an adult needed a nightlight.

  * * * *

  Anna arrived an hour before Em’s bachelorette party started. Seeing only a black SUV in the drive, she knew Em was the only one home. She cracked the door open. “Em, it’s me.” She went ahead and let herself in, figuring Em wouldn’t hear the knock due to the overly loud music being played. Em had a thing for the old stuff, but Anna only hoped they didn’t have to listen to I’m Every Woman and R.E.S.P.E.C.T all night. But she wasn’t holding her breath.

  She couldn’t help but smile at the excessively suggestive decorations. Everywhere she turned, she had a male body part staring her in the face. There were balloons, streamers, a tablecloth with matching centerpiece, and any and everything penis-related. No wonder Em had insisted on decorating for her own party. Her friend knew there was no way in hell Anna was capable of such choosing provocative things. Anna was thankful to Em for taking the responsibility away. Since she was the maid of honor, it technically had been Anna’s obligation to the bride. She was definitely going to have to make it up to her. If it had been up to Anna, the party would have consisted of balloons with the word BRIDE printed on them and solid pink plates and napkins. While she would have never dreamed of throwing this kind of party, she admired Em’s bravery and sense of fun
. She only hoped to have same kind of free spirit. Maybe for tonight, she could forget about all things Jake-related, have a good time, and be the woman who could throw a penis-themed party.

  “What do you think? Does it need more balloons?” Em asked, coming from the kitchen carrying a meat and cheese platter into the living room. She looked vibrant in her hot pink dress. It was cut low in the neck, exposing cleavage that every boy in the surrounding two counties had admired back when they were teenagers. The dress was tight fitting, showing off her curvy body, and stopped a ways above the knee. Was she really wearing zebra-print stilettos? Only Em, she thought. On anyone else it would have looked like an outfit about to be worn on Hooker Street, but on Em it just looked stunning. Her hair and makeup looked like it did any other day—perfect. She made Anna look plain and boring in a pair of jeans, camisole, and matching cardigan with black strappy sandals.

  “No, I think you’re good on the balloons, but you might need some more of everything else.”

  “Seriously? Damn. I knew I needed more streamers.” After stomping her foot, she headed back to the kitchen.

  The countertops were covered in every type of platter. The last time she’d seen this much food, it was at Em and Tommy’s party. There were chips with guacamole dip, desserts, a chocolate fountain, strawberries that she assumed went with the fountain, more meats and cheeses, bite-size sandwiches, and a cake still covered in a box. She only hoped the cake wasn’t in the shape of a penis too.

  “No, Em, everything looks great. A little suggestive, but you did a good job. There’s only one thing.”

  “What?”

  “Please don’t tell me the cake is shaped like a penis, I don’t think I can eat a male body part with a straight face.”

  Em had one hand on her hip and took a cheese cube with the other. “Not even Jake’s?”

  Stunned was Anna’s only reaction. “Em.”

  “Just saying. The way I hear it, you two have seen each other several times alone since you’ve been back, and a woman can’t resist a man who looks that good for long.”

  “I’ve only seen Jake once alone, and all of those other times, it was unexpected—and might I add that I wouldn’t have seen him at all if someone had warned me he was living at my place?” She eyed Em, letting her know she still didn’t appreciate her keeping that bit of information from her.

  “We’ve already discussed my reasons for hiding that information. You’ll thank me later when he has you spread out on your bed, pleasuring you to the point where all you can do is moan his name.”

  “Good grief, Em, you’re about to get married, you shouldn’t even be thinking about Jake in a bed.”

  “I might be getting married, but I am a woman…and any woman—even you—can appreciate a man like Jake Lawrence. Now that we’ve got that settled, let’s finish setting up. The girls will be here soon.”

  Anna couldn’t help but wonder how Em would react if she knew that the night before Jake had given her one mind-blowing orgasm with just his gentle touch. Em would probably have the entire town informed before the night was over. That was not something Anna needed at the moment. She didn’t know what to think, or how to feel. Of course she had been pleasured, but what was she to think about Jake touching her there…making her feel those things there? The big question was, did she want it to happen again? There was no mistaking that he’d made it clear by the bulge behind his zipper that he wanted her. Did she want him back in that way? Plain, logical, carefully planning Anna couldn’t justify being with Jake, but…the wanton carefree, wild, non-thinking Anna wanted to have crazy sex with him. At least, if she was actually having or thinking about having an affair, it would be with someone she knew, and even though she couldn’t trust him with her heart, she knew she would be safe with him physically.

  Hollering over Aretha, Em said, “Anna, help me hang this streamer above the door.”

  * * * *

  Fifteen minutes later, people started arriving one after the other. She didn’t realize Em had so many friends, but she hadn’t exactly been around to know much about Em’s life. They talked every week, and she heard about most of these women in one conversation or another, but she hadn’t known how close Em was to them and how far apart she and Em really were. It wasn’t that she had thought that life didn’t go on in Patience when she’d suddenly departed. She just hadn’t thought about the people, especially Em, and how their lives had changed whether she was physically there or not.

  Em had come to see her once or twice, but other than that, their friendship had been maintained by phone. And Em never asked her to visit. She knew Anna enough to know she hadn’t been strong enough to face Patience yet.

  For the next hour Anna busied herself in the kitchen, throwing away empty plates and cups, refilling the chip bowl, and making small talk when it was required. Most of the girls knew her because of Em, but she didn’t have much in common with them. They were people Em worked with, and the others were family on Tommy’s side. Em was an only child and came from a small family so she only had her mom there, which Anna thought was embarrassing. She’d never dreamed of seeing Mrs. Bradshaw and penises in the same room. Mrs. Bradshaw was the spitting image of Em, or rather, Em was a spitting image of her. She looked as if she was in her late forties, when in fact she was close to sixty years old. Anna had asked her once as a teenager what her secret was to looking so young, and she’d said, “a stress-free life and Oil of Olay.” Ever since then, Anna had made it a habit to use the lotion every night.

  It didn’t matter what she did, or who she talked to, she couldn’t stop thinking about Jake. Her feelings for him were becoming an issue. The closeness and kissing was becoming too much for her. There were two dates left, and then he would be gone, out of her house and life. She had hated making the deal, but what other choice did she have? One of the reasons she’d come back was to live in that house and come to terms with her past. How could she do that if Jake was there? Dealing with the house and Jake at the same time seemed too much for her to handle. Her meds kept her sane and out of a dark pit, but didn’t do miracles.

  When she was stressed, she ate, and when she ate, she gained twenty pounds, but it was that or give in to Jake’s advances—so she chose the food because it was safer. She dipped a strawberry in the chocolate fountain, all but sighing at the pure sensation as it hit her tongue. God, how she loved chocolate. If she didn’t quit doing this, her bridesmaid dress would not only be snug, but she wouldn’t even be able to zip it. After eating one more chocolate-covered strawberry, she left the kitchen.

  “Why, Anna, where have you been hiding? I was hoping to see you tonight. We didn’t get to talk at the engagement party. It’s so nice of you to come home for Emilee’s wedding. I know she’s just thrilled.”

  Em’s mom gave her a tight hug. Anna had missed her deeply. She was like a second mother, always offering guidance when her own mother couldn’t. “Oh, Mrs. Bradshaw, I have missed you. I see you are still using your Oil of Olay.”

  “Oh quit, child, you are just being silly. I’m actually looking my age. It’s damn depressing. Emilee started stressing me out about this darn wedding. It’s all her fault. Today she had me out all day looking for this green dip she has fallen in love with.”

  She couldn’t help but smile at the woman for remembering their conversation. It was awful that she couldn’t come home more often. She was going to have to invite Em and her mother to Linden, maybe have a girls’ day of shopping and catching up.

  Mrs. Bradshaw pointed a finger at Anna. “Now, I want you to come by the house this week for lunch. Mr. Bradshaw will love to see you. He was always fond of you.” Holding up her hands to shield her lips, she whispered, “unlike some of these girls who run around wearing child-like dress up clothes and all but sleep with every guy who walks into Ollie’s.”

  “I will. I’ll call you in a few days, and we can set it up.”

  “Sounds good. Now I’ve got to go, child. This party isn’t appropriate fo
r a lady of my age. I could take Emilee over my knee and whip her heinie for throwing such a disgusting party. How Tommy puts up with her I will never know.”

  “He’s a great guy.”

  “Yes, he is.”

  The woman left, giving Emilee a kiss on the cheek before walking out the door. It was a fond gesture that only made Anna feel more alone while in a crowd of people. She’d felt much like this at the last party she’d attended in Patience. How she wished her mother was still here. But she couldn’t think of that right now. Tonight was about Em. Maybe it was time for her to let go. Just for one night, the world would keep revolving.

  “What’s up?” Em had taken a break from dancing. She had long ago kicked her shoes off and was clearly in a good mood.

  “Nothing. I was just talking to your mother. We’re having lunch this week.”

  “Please tell me you’ve done more than arrange food in the kitchen and have a conversation with my mother about lunch.”

  “What? I love your mother. It’s nice to see her. And you threw the party. The least I could do is refill the chip bowl.” Em wasn’t buying the explanation, but Anna couldn’t tell her the real reason she was so distracted and removed from the party. She would only ask a million questions and probably tell Tommy, which would mean Jake knowing she had liked last night more than she was willing to say.

  “For one, I don’t want you to refill any chip bowls. You are here to have a non-like-Anna good time. If someone wants chips, they can find the damn bags in the pantry. Second, I know you love my mother. I love her too, but… please talk to someone your own age. You are twenty-nine. Act like it. You don’t always have to be the safe, designated driver, Anna. Promise me you will let go and have fun. If you need to, you can sleep on my couch. Okay?”

  Em knew her all too well. She was saying everything Anna already acknowledged, but it was nice to have a friend tell her it was all right. “I promise.”