Forgiving Patience

by Jennifer Simpkins

  She made her way back to the living room, plastering a smile on her face. He didn’t need to see the pain her/his room caused. He patted the couch next to him, waiting for her to take a seat. She sat down, trying not to sit too close. While pulling her to him, Jake put his arm around her shoulders. It was as if he knew just what she needed.

  Jake switched the television on, bringing the screen to his recorded shows. There were ten Roseanne episodes recorded. They’d both watched the show when they were teenagers, but she didn’t realize he still watched it to the point he recorded every episode that came on. She still secretly watched the show, too

  They sat there not talking, just watching the dysfunctional family play out their lives. The show always made her feel like life could always be worse. Your life is what you make of it. As a child, she hadn’t gotten a choice when it came to her life, but she did now, and she refused to make nothing of it which would allow her own dysfunctional family to ruin things for her.

  As a teenager she’d wished she had Jake’s family. He had a mother, a father who taught him to play baseball, and a brother to fight with. She’d had her mother and she loved her more than anything. Her mother made life bearable, and she wished she was there now, able to see the woman she was trying to become. Now, she was alone in the world, and she was the only one who was going to see what she accomplished and how unattainable those dreams had once been.

  She half-watched three episodes, partly because of her thoughts, and the other because of lying on Jake. He was warm and safe. With Jake being there, Anna surprisingly thought of her childhood home as being safe. It just showed how much she really trusted him. It was a nice feeling to have for once.

  He switched off the television. “I don’t know about you, but it’s been a long day. You ready to get some sleep?”

  “Yeah. Sleep sounds good.” She sat up, stretching out her arms, pretending the thought of sleep was overtaking her as well. Even though she knew sleep was going to be impossible. Her insomnia and need for sleeping meds was something very few knew about, and she planned to keep it that way.

  “I don’t know what you want to do. You want to sleep in my bed with me—nothing more, I promise—or I can sleep in here and you take the bed? Whichever you feel comfortable with is fine with me.”

  “I’ll just sleep on the couch.”

  “What? No. You take my bed. It’s fine…I promise.”

  She couldn’t sleep in that room. It just wasn’t going to happen. Even after the three dates when she moved back in, she had no plans of sleeping in her old bedroom. There was no good that could possibly come from putting herself though that. So instead of telling him the truth, she said, “Jake, I don’t want to be another woman who is in your bed. I’ll just sleep on the couch, okay?”

  “Come on, Anna. Can we just table that conversation tonight?”

  “I’m not trying to bring any thing up. I just want to sleep out here. I constantly toss and turn, and I’ll just keep you up all night anyway.”

  “I can’t let you do that. I’ve passed out on it several times and can tell you it’s not exactly sleeping material. Stop being stubborn and take my bed.”

  “I can’t, Jake. Please just go to bed.” Her voice was more of a plea than anything. After giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead, he stood. “Goodnight, Anna.” He walked to the kitchen, probably turning off the coffee pot. Giving her one last look, he started for the hallway.

  “Jake.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for tonight.”

  “It was nothing. See ya in the morning.” With that he walked away, leaving her in the glow of a lamp by the couch.

  “Now, what am I going to do?” The clock above the television read two thirty. Sunrise wouldn’t come for a while. She didn’t have anything to take for sleep. She waited about thirty minutes, making sure Jake was asleep before tiptoeing to the kitchen. She turned on the light and went to the cabinet that was used for a medicine cabinet when she lived there. There was some hard liquor on the top shelf, but she’d had enough of that for a lifetime. Just below that shelf sat what she needed. She took two with water.

  Anna walked quietly back to the couch and lay there staring at the ceiling. What a night, she thought. It had all started with her filling the chip bowl and ended with her naked in front of Jake. Tomorrow she was going to feel the humiliation of her actions, but for now, she needed to concentrate on sleep. She was going to need her strength to face Jake, Em, Jesse, and Bradley.

  Crap…did she really hit on Bradley? She could vaguely remember their conversation, but she knew it was not going to be one of her finest moments. How was she going to face him? He was Jake’s brother, for God’s sake. Tomorrow was going to be bad. She wasn’t a good, fun drunk—she was just plain embarrassing. And…she’d forgotten about what had gotten this thing started—Cara.

  She’d been caught off guard by the sight of the woman who had been quick to give Jake something Anna never had. She’d felt good, and the words had just started spilling out, literally. In the past, she’d never gotten the chance to take up for herself, and it was overdue. She wasn’t embarrassed about that…no, she felt liberated, strong, and like the type of woman who could throw a penis-themed party.

  Maybe.

  An hour later, she rolled over on her side, holding tightly to the blanket, and fell deeply asleep.

  * * * *

  Anna thought she was going to be sick. The smell of bacon being fried was overtaking her senses, and she couldn’t control the substance rising from her stomach to her mouth. Leaving her makeshift bed on Jake’s couch, she stumbled her way down the hall to the bathroom, thankfully not stubbing a big toe in the process.

  Way to be positive.

  The need for air was essential if she didn’t want Jake to see her hurl for a second time. She shut the door, washed her hands, and splashed cold water on her face…all without looking at her reflection in the mirror. The feeling of the water was cool on her skin, causing the vomiting sensation to subside for the time being. She knew it would show its ugly head again whenever the notion took. Leaving the bathroom, she headed for the kitchen. What time was it? How could anybody be up this early cooking? The thought was inconceivable.

  “What are you doing?” Anna walked in the kitchen holding her stomach, knowing she resembled death, or at least close to it.

  “Making breakfast. Want some coffee?”

  “Yes, please. Have any creamer?”

  “Don’t have creamer, but I do have milk.”

  Jake sounded way too perky for her liking. She was not a morning person, and she only hoped he didn’t expect good company. If so, he wasn’t getting it. She wanted to sit in silence drinking her coffee. After two cups she might be up for talking—but not before then.

  “That’ll do.” He poured her a cup and turned back to frying bacon. Thank God, no talking.

  “How’d you sleep? It probably sucked, huh?”

  The morning routine she’d adopted many years ago was obviously not going to happen.

  “It was fine.”

  “I thought with all that tossing and turning you do, I might’ve found you on the floor this morning.” Even though his back was to her, she could see him grinning at that very moment.

  “I wasn’t on the floor, was I?”

  “You’re not much on talking, huh?”

  “No,” she said in irritation. “If you don’t mind, I would prefer silence.”

  Jake finally got the point and shut up. Anna drank her coffee, loving the taste going down her throat, coating her stomach.

  He put a plate of bacon and eggs in front of her. “Eat this. It will help with the hangover.”

  The silence with her coffee didn’t last long.

  “What part of no talking don’t you understand?”

  “Why don’t you start being a little nicer to me and eat the damn food?”

  “Fine.” She picked up her fork and took a small bite of eggs. It was more to get som
e peace and quiet than really wanting the protein. But to her disappointment—and Jake’s satisfaction—they actually weren’t half bad. She ate more and more until they were gone.

  “See. I told you they would make you feel better.”

  “You must’ve had a lot of hangovers to know the secret to getting over them.”

  “I’ve had a few.”

  “Well, this will be my last one. I don’t see why people drink, knowing this is how they will feel the next morning.”

  “You don’t always feel this way. You just don’t know how to handle yourself.”

  “I guess,” she admitted.

  They sat in silence for the next minutes, eating and drinking their coffee. It was kind of nice to sit at a table with someone, having breakfast and arguing over hangovers, with one telling the other to shut up. She wondered if this was how her life would’ve turned out if things hadn’t gone horribly wrong.

  No, she wasn’t going to think of that. Just enjoy the day and the moment.

  Part of the night had been okay, and the morning wasn’t too bad, but after she left, she wouldn’t have moments like this with Jake again. She couldn’t risk her heart, not ever again. She had two dates to get through and Em’s wedding, and then she would be gone.

  Anna could hear her cell phone ringing from the bathroom. It was still in her pants’ pocket from the night before. She was in no mood to talk, so she let it go to voicemail, but then it started ringing again. Who would be calling her this early? Everybody knew she was not a morning person. Everyone except Jake.

  “I don’t think they’re going to give up. I’ll get it and tell them you’re asleep.”

  Ahhh…he was figuring her out. She had to admit it didn’t take him long. It was probably no one important, a wrong number or something.

  Whoever it was, they weren’t talking to her this early in the morning.

  * * * *

  Jake walked to the bathroom to answer Anna’s phone. She was like a hornet in the morning, and he didn’t want the person on the other side of the phone to get their ass handed to them on a platter. Nobody deserved Anna’s wrath when she was awakened this early. Finding the phone in the second pocket he looked in, he answered it before the caller gave up.

  “Hel—” Before he could finish, a high-strung female was hitting all kinds of notes he didn’t think existed.

  When he found a break in her yapping, he asked, “Hello. Who is this?”

  “Who is this? Where’s Anna?”

  “Anna’s barely awake. She’s drinking her coffee.”

  “Well, who are you?”

  “Jake Lawrence, ma’am.” He tried giving her the Lawrence charm his brother was always reminding him about, but it didn’t seem to be working in this particular situation.

  “What have you done to Anna? I know good and well she wouldn’t be with you if her life was in jeopardy and you were the only guy alive who was capable of saving her.” Her voice was so high pitched that the only way to keep him from losing all hearing was to hold the phone several inches away from his ear.

  So the woman knew about his past history with Anna. She sounded a little over-the-top for her to be a friend of Anna’s, but what did he know…Em had been her best friend since grade school. “Who is this again? I forgot.”

  “I didn’t tell you my name, you worthless bastard.”

  All right, he’d thought he was pretty good with women, but this one was a force to be reckoned with.

  “I don’t know who you are, but I can tell you that I’ve done nothing to Anna. She came home with me on her own…well, sorta…anyway, she is here by choice. You should be thanking me. I took care of her last night.”

  “I’m sure you did,” she said. And Jake could almost see her rolling her eyes at him through the phone.

  The woman was irritating him to no end. What did she really know? “Okay, you’re really too much for me to handle this early in the morning. Can she call you back later in the day? Thank you…oh, and ma’am, have a nice day.”

  Before she could get another word in, he hit end, turned the phone on silent, and slipped the phone back in Anna’s jeans. What a psycho. He hoped to God he never had to come face-to-face with her.

  “You know she’s just looking out for me.” Anna was standing in the doorway, clearly having heard the whole conversation with the crazy woman.

  “How long have you been standing there?”

  “Long enough to know you just got an earful from Liza.”

  “You sure do have some opinionated friends. I thought Em was bad…oh, no, this woman is a piece of work. Is she single?”

  “No. Why?”

  “Just thinking she would be perfect for Bradley. He needs a woman like that to keep him in line.”

  “I like Bradley too much to let him endure Liza.”

  “Yeah, I figured out how much you like Bradley last night.”

  Anna looked sexy as hell in his clothes, holding a cup of coffee, leaning up against the door jam. She was turning him on by just looking at him through sleepy eyes, but he couldn’t let her get away with the whole Bradley thing. That was pretty low, even if she was drunk. That hurt.

  “I walked right into that. I don’t remember much about what happened after I had my first couple drinks. Sorry.”

  “Well, just don’t proposition my little brother again.”

  She winced. “I did no such thing.”

  “Honey, you were so wasted you don’t know what you did. I’m glad I was there, otherwise, you would be waking up in Bradley’s bed instead of on my couch.”

  “Was it really that bad?” she asked in disbelief.

  “Not going to lie—yes, it was that bad.”

  Jake walked the few steps to her, leaning down to lay a kiss on her cheek. When she didn’t pull away, he decided to go a little further. She was sober now and whatever she allowed him to do, he would do in a heartbeat. Tilting her chin up with his pointer finger allowed him to stare into her eyes. If he’d asked if he could kiss her, she might’ve told him to go fuck himself, so he didn’t. Just going for it, and accepting the fact she might slap him, he bent down and touched his lips to hers. The nipples jutting from the white T-shirt she wore was proof she was responding to the simple touch of affection. Sliding his tongue across her soft lips, he was wetting them and preparing her for what he would do next. When a soft sigh escaped from her lips, it felt like the sexy breath was wrapping around his cock. Bracing both his arms on either side of her, he pinned her to the doorframe. There was no way he could let her go before at least getting a small taste of her. When her lips slightly parted, he knew she was going to allow his tongue to enter.

  A kiss had never done this to him before. He had seen some beautiful women, but he hadn’t wanted one as bad as he wanted Anna.

  “God, I want you so bad right now.” He groaned while pushing up against her body, making her feel what she was doing to him.

  “Jake.” Her voice came out as a whimper against his mouth.

  “Yes, baby.”

  Anna put her hands up to his chest, pushing him back a step. It took him a minute to figure out what she was doing. If he hadn’t gotten the point by her pushing him away, he got it when he looked at her face.

  “What’s wrong? Did I go too fast? We can slow down if you want.”

  “No, you did nothing wrong. I can’t do this. Last night was a mistake. I’m sorry for leading you on. I shouldn’t have come out to your living room naked.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t ever be sorry for that. If you hadn’t been drunk, I would have hauled you to my bed in a heartbeat. You know that, don’t you?”

  “It’s not that. I’m glad you didn’t. It would only make things harder right now. I can’t be with you…ever. I was drunk and not thinking right. You did us a both a favor when you turned me down.”

  “I don’t see how I did us any favors. You’re making me regret my decision right now.”

  “Me sleeping with you
last night would almost be as bad as me going home with Bradley drunk.”

  “You’re fucking kidding me right now, aren’t you? You’re telling me I mean as much to you as my brother does. Well, isn’t that just great? I try doing the honorable thing for a change, and I get shit on.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that, Jake.”

  “I don’t let you leave with my drunk brother—who would’ve been down your pants before you made it out of Em’s drive—I bring you here to watch over you, you come in my living room butt–naked, and even then I turn you down, being the good guy I’m usually not, and now you’re telling me you should’ve just went home with my brother. That’s fucked up, and you know it.”

  He was livid. Was he really hearing her right? What the hell kind of remark was that? He left her standing in the bathroom and headed back to kitchen. When she walked in the room a couple minutes later, he had his back to her. He was dumping food down the disposal, throwing dishes around in the process, because it was the only way to let out a little bit of the anger burning a hole in his gut. What he needed was to be in the batting cage. In his baseball days he wasn’t known as a homerun hitter, but right about now he could put on a show at a homerun derby.

  “Jake, look at me.”

  His head snapped around to face her. The anger he knew all too well was rising in his chest, and it was just a matter of time before he did something he wouldn’t be able to take back. Before he could control himself, a plate went smashing into the wall across the room. It was nowhere near Anna, but the sound echoed through the room, causing her to jump back out of the way.

  “This is fucked up. You want my brother, go get him. I’m sure he’ll pencil you in sometime this week.”

  Jake was still ranting when Anna slid to the floor, gripping her knees.

  * * * *

  Anna couldn’t hear his voice or see his face anymore. Her ears were ringing, and her sight was blocked with black spots. There she was again—a young girl stuck, unable to do anything. The darkness was coming, and if she didn’t do something she would only be giving in to those feelings. No matter how much she inwardly screamed at herself to get off the floor, she physically couldn’t move. Her heart was wildly beating, and her skin was increasingly becoming drenched with sweat.