Forgiving Patience

by Jennifer Simpkins

  She offered him a shy smile. “It’s a guilty pleasure.”

  That sounded pretty damned good to him. All those years she’d secretly watched him from afar. He couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

  “My mom loved watching you play too.”

  He turned his back to her and slumped his shoulders over the fence. “I should’ve called you when she passed away.”

  “It’s all right. I knew you were going through a lot.” She draped her arms over-top the fence along beside him.

  “No, it’s not. I had just gotten injured, and I was a selfish bastard. When Tommy told me, I knew I should’ve gotten over my stubborn pride and called you, but I didn’t. And then my mom died…and well, I wasn’t any help to anyone after that. I will always be sorry for that.”

  They fell silent for a while, and that was comforting in a way. The only sounds were the cheers from the field above them. Words didn’t have to be said. It was like they understood each other and the pain they both had gone through. While emotionally they knew how life-changing it was to lose someone, in other parts of their lives, leagues laid between them.

  “I miss her a lot, and I think about her every day. I’m glad we were together when she died.”

  “That’s right. She’d moved from here to Linden to be with you.”

  “She wanted to be near what family she had, so she decided to stay with me and my Aunt Lidia. I will always be thankful for the time we otherwise wouldn’t have had if she hadn’t made the move.”

  “If you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you move back here?”

  Anna wrapped her hands around the top of the fence and leaned back, staring up at the sky. “I don’t know. I guess it was because I was already settled with a job, and my aunt was there. So my mom decided she could use the change. Between the three of us, it was like having a slumber party every night. We watched reality television while eating bowls of Oreo ice cream. As you can tell, that last part wasn’t the smartest idea.” She waved a hand across her body, as if she were showing him her flaws. He, of course, wasn’t seeing them. “I mean, I should’ve known that eating Oreo ice cream wasn’t the smartest slumber party activity,” she added.

  He let his gaze fall to her body. “Sweetness, I don’t know what you see, but what I see is a smoking-hot body with some sexy-ass curves.”

  “Oh God…I wasn’t fishing for a compliment or anything.”

  “I’m just stating the obvious. You have an hourglass figure that drives me absolutely crazy. You want to know what I’m thinking right now?” He gave her barely a second to process that before he went on to say, “I want to take you back to your place, strip you naked, lay your sexy body out on the bed, and pleasure you until the sun comes up tomorrow.”

  He wished she didn’t have to mull over the prospect of them being together again. For him it was an easy yes. It would always be yes when she was involved. But Anna never did anything without putting a little thought into it. But then again, maybe she was still a little pissed at him for moving into her house without her knowing about it.

  “Do you really always just say what comes to mind?”

  That made him smile. “No. If that was the case, I would’ve told you I wanted you the first day I saw you again.”

  “You pretty much did.”

  “Oh, right. Well then, yes, I do say, or act on anything that comes to mind. Now what about showing me just how sorry you are about making that ridiculous Yankee comment?” Pushing himself off the fence, he placed both his hands on either side of her hips. “I hope you don’t think that measly little kiss on the cheek is going to be enough to satisfy a man like me.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jake walked into his dark house, flipped on a light, and threw his keys down on the side table. Walking into the bathroom, he turned on the water and stripped out of his clothes. After washing up, he dressed again.

  He thought about going out, but where was there to go? Ollie’s would be slow since it was a work night, but did he really want to go there? A cold beer along with some fried cheese sticks sounded good. Minny would be good company…maybe an Atlanta game would be on. Any other time that would be where he would end up. Eating peanuts, drinking a couple of beers, and hollering at the umps over a bad call. Now, thinking about it, it kind of made him seem like a loser. What twenty-nine-year-old sat at a bar on a Thursday night? Maybe the Jake the drunk, but he was no longer that guy. He liked to think he’d grown up and was dealing with his life a lot better.

  Usually, Thursday nights were for playing softball, but there wasn’t a game this week.

  Jake knew where he wanted to be, but didn’t want to pressure her. Anna wasn’t ready for him and what he had in mind, but the question was what to do about it? He had so many plans for them, but he would scare her if she knew just what he wanted to do to her body.

  And no matter what reason she gave herself, she’d enjoyed the past two days on a deeper level than just two ordinary dates. Her face had lit up when they watched the game. He saw the pain in her eyes when they talked about her mother and when he mentioned his self-destructive ways. She was a mixture of emotions, and he loved every one of them. He couldn’t even hide his love for the ass-kicking side. That was his personal favorite.

  After snatching up his keys, he headed to the only place he wanted to be. A place where he was starting to feel at home. It was a place he didn’t want to leave.

  * * * *

  Sure, Anna would have rather been with Jake, but she needed time to think. Tonight had been nice. Watching the small kids play a game she’d come to love brought her joy. In a way she was a little jealous of them because she wished she could have gotten to play like that when she was a kid. Maybe she wouldn’t just love to watch baseball, but also to play it. No sense living in the past. Her mother had done the best she could, and Anna was thankful for that. No matter whether she played the game or not, she loved everything there was about it.

  Freshly cut grass would always be one of her favorite smells. She loved the sound when the ball met the bat and skyrocketed across the field. And looking at tanned men displaying athletic grace while wearing tight uniform pants wasn’t bad either.

  When Jake insisted that they go get dinner at the diner, Anna declined and came back to the apartment.

  Her mind was on overdrive, and she needed a minute to process everything that was happening. Her feelings for Jake were moving too fast. Was she even mad at him anymore? What about the whole Cara thing? Was she over that? He’d broken her heart. No matter how bad it would hurt to open that wound, they needed to clear the air. If she had learned anything about her life, it was that it wasn’t good to close off her emotions.

  Jake needed to hear all the things she’d wanted to say to him for the past decade. He needed to hear about her heartbreak. He needed to apologize and give her an explanation for why he’d slept with Cara so soon after they broke up. She came to Patience to find peace, and now she knew she needed peace with Jake too. They had come a long way since that first day she pulled up on Fenway, parked in her driveway, and had seen him standing on her porch. That day she could’ve happily smothered him in his sleep—now she just wanted to fall asleep in his arms.

  Last night left her speechless. She was by no means the type of woman who went around having sex with hot men. Hell, she’d only had sex with one other man. But when Jake had walked up to her table at the bar, she knew she was in for a night she would always remember. Her Yankees had won and therefore would stay in first place for the American League East, and Jake had walked up to her table looking jealous and sexy. She guessed she could thank Tex for the jealous part, but the sexy part was all thanks to the Lawrence brothers’ good genes.

  When he’d pushed her up on the bed and unbuttoned her jeans, she could feel her heart start to race. Her breath caught in her chest when he laid eyes on her sexiest pair of panties. God—she was glad she had opted for them instead of her usual plain, back-of-the-drawer cotton ones.


  She’d never before felt so desirable and sexy. He made her feel sensual and like the woman she had always wanted to be—a woman who could have wild, passionate sex. The need to feel free from all her baggage, even if it was just for one night, was important.

  She wasn’t even embarrassed by her moaning and calling out his name. For once, she didn’t stop to think. She just acted, and at that moment she’d felt wild. She wanted to yell, so she yelled. She wanted to moan out his name, so she did. It was empowering to be the type of woman she had always desired to be. Strong. Sexy. Desirable.

  Liza had tried calling her a couple times over the past two days, and since it was so late at night, Anna decided it might be best if she emailed. Plus, Anna really didn’t want to hear Liza’s reaction to her sleeping with Jake. She fired up her computer.

  Liza

  I feel like I’m saying I’m sorry a lot lately. But I’m sorry for missing your calls. Patience has actually been good. I’m still not staying at my house, but I’m not that upset by it anymore. I heard you gave Jake an earful the other morning. To tell you the truth, I think you scared him a little. I know you’re looking out for me, but I’m okay…really. Don’t worry!

  I’ve actually agreed to go on a couple dates with Jake. It’s been surprisingly fun. I’ve been enjoying myself—a little confused, but that’s only because I slept with him. You like how I slipped that in? Don’t freak out—Jake and I had sex and it was A-MAZING. I kind of want do it again. Is that wrong? Of course it’s wrong. I’m angry at him, right? Hell, I don’t know what I feel anymore.

  You’re my friend, and I need you to tell me what to do…even though I have a pretty good idea of what you will say. I know you’re not a big fan of Jake, but he’s been kind of great lately, if you take away the part where he’s holding my house hostage.

  The wedding is in a couple days, and I will be home not too long after that. I hope to be in my house by the end of this weekend. After I do some little repairs, I should be back in Linden. Thanks for looking after my aunt. I know she can be a handful, so thank you, thank you. I’ll try calling you soon. Thanks for listening to me ramble.

  Love you.

  Anna

  Anna closed her laptop and stripped out of her clothes. Since she was feeling sexy lately, she chose to wear her navy blue Jeter tee with only her navy blue panties. She wasn’t normally one who tried to match clothing when she was only going to bed, but she was feeling more confident lately. She also sprayed a little perfume on her thighs and neck. Wanting to feel good about herself, she decided not to worry about her extra weight. Who cared if she didn’t look like she did back when she graduated from high school? She never claimed to be one of those super-model types. Besides, she was starting to feel good about her body. And it was great.

  She threw the pink pillows to the floor and crawled between crisp sheets, propped two pillows behind her head, took a drink of water to wash down the little blue pill, and picked up her romance read. The book opened to the dog-eared page. From the first word she read, she started to forget all about her problems and confusion. There would be time tomorrow to worry about Jake and the feelings sneaking up on her.

  The thing she loved about a book was it could make her leave the world that existed for her, take her to another time and someone else’s set of problems. Reading was her escape, and sometimes the only thing that got her through her troubles. She knew that at the end of a hard, emotional day, she could pick up a book and be sitting on the beach in Hawaii, hiking in the mountains, or having wild sex on a stormy night in an instant.

  She had left the window open, and the night was heavy and sweet with the summery scents of honeysuckle and magnolia and gardenia. Crickets chirped, and a warm breeze filtered through. All seemed well outside, and Anna hoped it would be a good night for sleep. She’d only had a few nightmares since being back, but that was to be expected. Being back in Patience had to be what Liza would call a trigger point.

  When she couldn’t read another word, she tucked her book away, switched off her lamp, and pulled the blankets up tightly.

  * * * *

  She had a feeling tonight he would come. The devil and her mother had gotten into a yelling match…well, he did most of the yelling, while her mother cried. Her mother slipped off to bed a little early, leaving Anna to do the same. Except, Anna wouldn’t sleep—at least not yet. She needed to stay awake, because she had a feeling he would come to her room when he thought she’d fallen asleep.

  She lay there, counting her own breaths, and dreading the moment the door started to creak open. She needed to be brave, but what did that mean? What was she supposed to do?

  He left the door cracked open, allowing a little bit of light to seep in. Ordinarily, the door was never left open. She opened her eyes to see him walking heavily over to her small bed, pushing her baby dolls out of his path. Nothing was quiet about this night. Anna knew he was mad. He got down on his knees and knelt by her side. Clinching her body, she tried making herself as small as she could. Tiny tears leaked behind her eyelids. She wanted to scream…she needed to scream.

  * * * *

  “Anna, baby, shhh… I’m here. It’s okay,” Jake soothed.

  Anna’s body lay curled up in a ball, gripping her blankets up tight around her neck. She looked helpless—and terrified. And that didn’t settle well with him. Whatever dream she was having had her screaming and trembling in his arms.

  After slipping off his shoes and pulling back the covers, he crawled into bed with her. Wrapping her in his arms, he just held her close, tucking her head safely beneath his chin. It was all he knew to do. No words were said. He just rubbed the small of her back, doing nothing but letting her cry it out.

  Only when her tears had ceased did he use a crooked finger to tilt her chin up and her head back so he could see her face. Using his thumbs, he wiped the dampness from her cheeks. “You okay, baby?”

  She hiccupped against his chest. “Yeah.”

  “You want to talk about it?”

  She blinked away lingering tears. “Not really.”

  “I think you should. It might make you feel better.”

  “It was nothing.”

  “Anna, come on. You were screaming when I walked in. I wouldn’t call that nothing.” He also wanted to tell her it wasn’t safe to go to sleep with the door unlocked. But that was a talk for later. Right now she needed him for comfort. Much like she had after the bachelorette party.

  And what did she mean—nothing? She had scared the shit of him.

  When he was about to knock on the door he’d heard a scream, followed by the sound of crying out in pain. With no hesitation, he rushed through the door to find Anna using her blankets as a shield. A shield to ward off whatever she was dreaming about. What terrified her?

  When she said nothing, he cursed himself for pressuring her. He was such an ass when it came to things that mattered.

  She looked up at him and their gazes collided. “Jake,” she whispered between breaths.

  All was quiet except for the night birds calling to one another and the crickets chirping—and her irregular breathing. He could feel her chest rise and fall with every breath.

  “Yeah, baby?”

  She kissed him hard. He didn’t know if it was wrong to kiss a woman who had just been terrified of whatever it was that haunted her at night, but he couldn’t control himself. His tongue slipped between her wet lips and explored her mouth. Climbing onto his lap, she straddled him, wrapping both arms around his neck. She continued to kiss him urgently. Like it was the last kiss she was ever going to have. He lowered his hands to her ass, pressing her core against the hard-on straining behind his zipper. She let out a soft moan at the connection.

  There was only a thin pair of panties separating him from her moisture. Even though he wanted inside her, this was not about him. It hit him that she needed to feel in control tonight. And he was going to let her run this show and do as she pleased.

  Pulling back, she
lifted her shirt over her head. Fuck, yeah. He didn’t know if he was more excited to see the damn Yankees shirt she always seemed to wear gone, or because he was going to see all of her—probably the latter. Her hair fell down to her shoulders. He swept it back with his hand and nibbled at her neck. With her head dropping to the side in pleasure, she purred, “Ohhh…”

  He ran kisses from her neck down to her chest. Her breath was nothing more than an irregular noise in her throat when he lightly pinched one nipple to a peak. This time it was he who let out a gasp. God—he needed this woman. This was the only woman he’d ever wanted. If it was up to him, she would be the last woman he would ever have. In his mind, she was already his.

  She reached under his shirt, laying trembling hands on his warm chest. Her eyes never left his. He explored those sparkling green orbs. Desire, passion…and maybe a little hope shone through.

  He loved this woman. He really loved this woman.

  He kissed her more softly this time, but she wasn’t having it. She seemed to want it hard and fast. He matched her step-for-step, not letting up. Under his shirt, Anna’s fingers were eagerly exploring.

  “Damn, woman,” he cursed in between kisses.

  Pulling his shirt over his head, she threw it to the floor.

  He tried rolling on top of her, but she stopped him. Pinning him down, she started running light, feathery kisses down his chest. Circling one nipple with her tongue, she continued to run her fingers down his chest. Still exploring every ripple.

  With his palm, he rubbed the inside of her thigh. As she moaned inside his mouth, he caught the sound, and that was all the reassurance he needed. When he moved his hand slightly upward to the thin piece of cotton, she arched her back. Skimming his fingers over her heat, he let out a hot groan that echoed from his chest. Just touching her was turning him on. If this kept up, he wasn’t going to be able to hold on much longer. And God, he wanted to hold on. He wanted to feel everything there was to feel about this woman. His woman.