by Hart, Eve R.
“I see,” he said and took a sip of his drink. It was almost like he needed to get up the courage to say more. “I would never hold your job over you. I’m sorry if you thought that. In fact, I’ve been wrestling with this all week.”
“You have?” I asked a little shocked that he would admit something like that.
“I have.” He paused and as his eyes looked into mine, I saw a hint of something behind the dark brown. It was like he was trying to decide how honest he should be with me. I found it sweet, but I tried my best to hide that from my expression. “I would like to take you out. On a date.”
I eyed him with humor dancing in my gaze.
“Please,” he said after a long pause. “I would really like to get to know you better. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the moment I saw you.”
I could admit that I was intrigued by the man. I might have even said I was interested a little.
Part of me wanted to say yes. A huge part of me, actually. But there was still this part of me that wasn’t sure. I really did like this job and I felt like I was finally getting somewhere in life. The last thing I wanted to do was fuck all of that up.
I didn’t even have to say anything, he could see it in my eyes.
“You’re still going to say no,” he said and his tone wasn’t angry, but it was a little flat like he was trying to hide his disappointment.
My eyes dropped to the tabletop.
I was lonely and I didn’t want that to be the reason that I took him up on his offer. But how would I know if this could be something if I didn’t try? I couldn’t lie, I was drawn to the man, but I still wasn’t quite sure why. I hadn’t figured that part out yet.
“Okay,” I told him before I even knew that I was speaking.
His brows rose with shock and it made me giggle.
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow night then.”
I wondered if he’d checked my schedule before he’d come in tonight. I was off and it was awfully convenient that tomorrow was the night he happened to pick. And sure, it was a little soon. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’d just agreed to go out on a date with the boss.
He quickly finished his drink and like a gentleman, walked me out to my car.
A wonderful first date turned into a second. Then a third. He managed to show me the city and spoil me with expensive meals while not coming off like a pompous jackass.
He brought me flowers and always walked me to my door at the end of the night. He never acted like he assumed I would invite him in. He was actually the first man in my life that didn’t come off as expecting sex right away. That might have been a big factor in why I agreed to the next date, and then the one after that.
The most important thing was that he didn’t bother me at work. Like he’d said, he kept his distance and didn’t interfere. I didn’t start to get special treatment and it was almost as if no one knew that we were seeing each other. There were a few whispered rumors behind my back and side glances in my direction for a few days after the night he’d caught me leaving work. But they soon died down when I gave nothing away to fuel the fire. I had no idea if he would keep his word if things went south, but for now, I was enjoying the time we spent together.
After date three it kind of became a whirlwind. Yeah, it all got to me in a good way. The sweet texts at the end of the day simply telling me goodnight. The ones in the morning wishing that I have a good day. The flowers. The sweet kisses. The way he actually listened to me when I talked. Even the way he didn’t seem to care that I was clearly in a different league from him. I didn’t have money and I didn’t even try to pretend like I did. I wasn’t classy. I wasn’t polished. But it seemed like that was what he liked most about me.
Before I knew it, I was moving into his huge penthouse condo. There were no reservations as I packed up my stuff and said goodbye to the shady side of town. We might not have been dating that long, but I didn’t have any warning bells going off in my head. Things were going well and I figured this was the natural next step. Maybe this really could be something.
I quickly found out that he worked a lot. I mean, he did own a number of businesses. I could only imagine that keeping up with all of that was time-consuming. It was nice in a way, having the place to myself most of the time. I was pretty independent so I wasn’t bothered by the nights where he would come home late or the days at a time he'd be gone on business. When he was there, let me tell you, he was all about me. That sure did help. All I ever wanted was a man to make time for me and be mine during that time. And I was all his.
I felt like I was falling and it wasn’t even something I could help.
I suspected that a few people at work had their suspicions about me dating Ray. I never said anything though and I wasn’t going to. It was my private life and no one needed to know. I was just glad that I still had a job to keep me occupied on the nights when he was away. Sitting around wasn’t really my style. Because of the whole thing, I didn’t really get close to my coworkers. I didn’t want to make friends and then have to lie to them. Or worse, tell them the truth and have them treat me differently. It would have been nice to have someone else to hang out with but then again, keeping the drama down was more important. I’d had enough of that in my life, that was for damn sure. Besides, Ray and I were still getting settled in our relationship. I knew I’d have time to make friends later, once I got to know the city more.
The longer the days went on, the more I started letting myself picture a future with him. You know, marriage and kids and all those things. It was too early to talk about stuff like that with him but I could see that his thoughts might have been heading in the same direction. It was the little things. And he never stopped trying in cute, small ways. I liked that he didn’t throw money at our relationship. Everything he did stemmed from a thought or idea he had. Or came about because he actually listened to me when I talked and he definitely took mental notes about the little stuff.
I was happy.
Really, really happy.
Maybe for the first time in my life, I felt safe and truly wanted. My past, my experiences, they didn’t matter to him. He saw me and somehow found beauty in what he saw. That was all I’d ever wanted. Even since I was a little girl. To be beautiful the way I was and simply loved.
Every night I fell into bed with a smile on my face and it didn’t go away until I fell asleep.
-3-
Silas
“Is that…” Nadya started and she didn’t have to finish for me to know what she was talking about.
I held the stack of broken picture frames that I’d picked up off the floor. My fight with the angry biker long forgotten as I stared down at an image that pulled at my brain.
I blinked at the photo in my hand.
There was no way it could have been.
But those eyes. Damn, just staring at them in the photo nearly had tears filling mine. I had no fucking doubt about it.
I’d spent years searching. Dark corners. Seedy alleyways. Homeless shelters. Looking anywhere I stopped to find her.
It had been so long since I laid eyes on her that my thirty-six-year-old mind was starting to forget what I was even looking for. Then again, it wasn’t like she would look like that nine-year-old girl anymore.
She’d be twenty-nine now. Just a year younger than my sister. Twenty damn years I’d been trying to find her. I knew the reality of how it played out. She was probably no longer alive. But I couldn’t give up. I couldn’t stop. Not for that little girl with the bright smile and damaged heart. Not for my sister that took to that little girl so quickly. And not for myself. I’d failed. Sure, no one would say that to my face but it didn’t change the fact that I had. I hadn’t been able to save her.
She still haunted my dreams.
Well, it was more like they were nightmares that kept me up at night.
There was nothing dreamy about the images that my mind conjured up.
I always wondered i
f I did find her, would I recognize her?
But fuck if I did.
Because I was holding proof in my hands.
There wasn’t a single doubt in my mind that it was her.
Were my hands shaking or was that just in my head?
Me? Shaky hands? That never happened. I was the steadiest person I knew. And yes, that included Nadya.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of the picture but I sensed Diesel crowding in on me.
Why the hell was I at the Steel Paragons MC’s clubhouse? I didn’t generally like to work with people of the sort. It wasn’t because I thought they were beneath me. I just liked to keep my… less savory associations to a minimum. And just because I didn’t work with them, didn’t mean that I was clueless about them and what they were involved in. There was also the fact that Nadya had fallen for one of the members. That alone gave me a little closer connection than I had before.
Nadya. That was a story all in itself.
I guess you could say that I picked her up because I was so desperate to save someone, and it was clear that I wasn’t ever going to find the one that I was trying so hard to find. So, in a way, Nadya became a replacement. I’d found her someplace that no girl should ever be. Damn, she had been so young. It broke my heart, and because I was plain messed up in the head, I took her in, trained her, and let her fly when the right time came. Years later, she was still in my life. Just enough to not feel annoying but it was nice to know that I had someone if I needed them. I was sure she felt the same, though she’d never say it.
But this story isn’t about that part of my life.
It was her. In the picture. I knew it immediately because of the eyes. There was no hiding those eyes and the deep sadness that still held her captive.
“Who is this?” I asked, finally tearing my gaze from the picture. I had to hear it out loud for some strange reason.
“Jessica,” Axe answered. I never could get a read on that guy.
“Jessica what?” I asked because I felt like it just couldn’t be her.
The silence stretched on and before anyone could give me an answer, the bikers were moving on to more important matters. I supposed the fact that one of their own was missing was a little more important than me knowing where the girl that I’d been searching for was.
I mean, I got that it was important to them. But at this point, who knew if the guy was still alive at all, even if it seemed like he’d managed to escape the danger he was in. Then again, if it wasn’t for this whole situation, I wouldn’t be standing here right now. Maybe it was a good thing that Nadya had called me in to help them.
“I need to know where she is,” I said to Nadya after most of the club members had shown tail like the place was on fire.
“She left a few months ago,” she told me with no emotion showing on her face. Not that I expected anything different. “I’ll see what I can find out. But she left and I haven’t heard much about her.”
“Yeah, see if you know where she went.” The please was there in my sad, begging tone.
“So you really think that’s her?”
My eyes drifted back down to the picture.
“I’m sure of it,” I whispered.
Without even giving a shit, I handed her the other frames then proceeded to remove the picture that I couldn’t take my eyes off of. With much hesitation, I pocketed it and turned on my happy face.
“Life good?” I asked her.
“It is very good.”
Her face didn’t change but I knew she was smiling on the inside. I’d known her long enough that I could tell things were different for her, for the better.
I had this warmth beating in my heart. It almost felt like a proud parent moment, though I certainly didn’t know anything about really being a parent. And Nadya sure as hell wasn’t young enough to be childlike to me.
She’d been handed enough piles of shit in her life and I was happy that she’d finally found something good.
I wouldn’t even go into what I’d done to her. Maybe turning her into a killer wasn’t exactly the best thing I could have done. But I saw something in her. This need and coldness at the same time. Almost like she was meant for the life.
Again, maybe it was wrong of me.
It was the only thing I knew. The only thing I felt like I had to teach and pass on. So I did because she clearly needed something.
“I’ll be going then. Take care of yourself.” I gave her a wide smile then made my way back out to my car.
We didn’t do hugs or long goodbyes.
I’d see her again, I knew it.
Once I was in my car, I let out a long breath.
I still couldn’t believe it. My brain was doing everything to tell me that I might be wrong. But I knew I wasn’t. It was her. The name alone told me I was right about it.
I had something now, that was a start. I headed out of that small ass town knowing there wasn’t more to be done. I couldn’t help them with their problem and I wouldn’t be getting any more answers out of them.
The whole way to my place up north, I tried not to think about it too hard. That wasn’t easy. I seemed to cycle through the emotions. I beat myself up for what had happened. I got angry because she’d been right there, so close and I had no clue. I became pissed that they almost seemed as if they didn’t know anything about the woman that had clearly been living with them for a while. Not even her last name. I realized that wasn’t fair of me. I didn’t know the situation, but it still seemed very much fucked up to me. Jessica deserved better than that.
I had always hoped she’d find something better out there. Then again, who was I to say that she hadn’t? From the way Nadya talked, the Paragons were good people, despite the wrong side of the law they walked on.
Yeah, yeah. I had no room to talk. I got it, I fucking did.
Oh, damn. Things had just gotten really fucking turned upside down. I didn’t know what to do now. I knew I needed a plan. I had no clue where she was but at least I had something. It was the only lead that I’d had in twenty years. I might have been crazy but I couldn’t let myself give up. All this time, all the thoughts that I had about her, it wasn’t something I would allow myself to let go.
I thought about my mom and my sister. They both had been so broken up after we found out she was gone. That night would forever haunt me. I should have gone over there and gotten her out. I knew the situation wasn’t good and when her dad came walking into her room, I just knew it wouldn’t end well. But I never thought she would run. I never imagined it would be the night that broke her. I was still a kid myself, in a way. And I didn’t know the first thing about what to do.
With a sigh, I tried to loosen the tension that held my entire body captive.
One step closer.
I just had to keep my focus on that.
Interview
Part 2
“How long have you been seeing Mr. Ramos?”
“About six months.”
“And you live together?”
“Yes, in that condo. He asked me to move in about five months ago, I’m sorry, but what is the importance of this, sir?”
“Were you aware that Mr. Ramos has a wife?”
“Umm… no, I did not know that.”
“So, I’m assuming that you’ve never met Mrs. Ramos.”
“No, I haven’t. How could I have when I just said I didn’t know that he had a wife?”
-4-
Jessica
“How long do I have you?” I asked Ray as I pulled up the sheet to cover my naked breasts.
We were sweaty and maybe thirty seconds after he’d pulled off the condom wasn’t the best time to ask. I wasn’t trying to be needy, I was simply wondering.
With all the calls that he took after he slipped of to his office and all the days he would be gone at a time, I knew his work was important to him. He had a lot to handle, I got that. And I never wanted to be one of those people that depended on someone else so in a way, it worked for me. Som
etimes, the nights we were apart I felt a little lonely, but he would always make it up to me when I did see him again.
He slipped back into the bed and waited for me to cuddle next to him.
“I’m not sure yet. I have some calls to make tomorrow and I’ll let you know.”
He didn’t have an angry edge to his tone but there was something about his statement that seemed a little tight. I shrugged it off because he didn’t talk about business things with me. He had said he didn’t want it to come into ‘our time’ and basically never told me what he was up to or where he was going. Since I didn’t feel the need to question him, I never did. I trusted him. He hadn’t given me a reason not to.
“Is everything okay?” I asked. It wasn’t an act, I was worried he was stressing out about something. All I wanted to do was help ease the tightness.
“Yes,” he said, though his tone made it far from believable.
“Okay,” I said. “I just want to help you if I can.”
His face softened and he kissed the top of my head.
“I know. I love that about you. But there’s not really anything you can do.”
“How often are you running around putting out fires?” I asked with a small laugh. I was playing around and didn’t really expect an answer.
“Enough,” he answered with a tightness.
“But you love it, right?”
“Yes, I do.” I looked up to see a smile spread across his face. “Some parts more than others, though.”
“What made you buy your first endeavor? It was the bar, right?”
“I had too much money and needed someplace to put it.” There was a smirk on his face as his head did a little nod. It was like it was funny somehow.
His answer was a little odd and I figured this was one of those times he was trying to be funny but it came off more as strange.
