Redemption (Iris Series)

by Lynn, Rebecca

  Ayanna blinked back tears and waited, watching her own mother’s eyes tear up for the second time that evening.

  “I would like very much to work on our relationship.” Her mom looked down then back up at her daughter. “I never thought you wanted a relationship.” She paused again. “Do you really believe I don’t love you?”

  Having said her piece, Ayanna continued to wait then looked away.

  “You were difficult, Yannie, and all your father and I wanted for you was to have a successful life.”

  “Mom, I don’t want to get into the blame game and who started the ball rollin’ in this dysfunctional dance between us. I know I was difficult, but if I was it was only as a reaction to feeling unaccepted. I never in my whole life felt like I was good enough for you. Just one big disappointment.”

  “Ayanna, we wanted a different life for you than the one we had growing up—”

  “I just wanted to be me, Mom. I didn’t want to be forced to be someone that I wasn’t.” She thought of Dev and his inability to be his true self with them. “I just wanted to be loved and accepted for who I was. That’s all. And when I didn’t feel that love and acceptance, I started a whole downward spiral of unhealthy behaviors and relationships. It’s taken me a long time to see how damaging those choices were.”

  Her mom looked down and took a moment before speaking. “I’m sorry we made you feel unloved and unaccepted. That wasn’t our intention. You were difficult, Yannie. I should’ve tried to fix this between us ages ago, but I’m only human. There are only so many times you can hear ‘I hate you’ from your daughter before –”

  “Before what?”

  Her mom swallowed then looked her in the eye. “Before you believe it.”

  “Mom,” Ayanna began.

  “Listen, Yannie. You’ve made a...success...of your life doing what you love despite our mistakes as parents, and for that I’m very proud of you.”

  Ayanna couldn’t believe her ears.

  “Your father and I love you and Dev very much. I know we don’t say it, but we do.”

  Ayanna blinked back more tears, a little bit in shock.

  “If we were too strict, then it was the only way we knew how to express the importance of success.”

  “But who or what determines success, Mom? Is it how much money you have? How happy you are? I think each person needs to come to their own conclusion on that.”

  “You might be right,” her mom said, looking weary.

  “I don’t want to fight anymore, Mom,” Ayanna sighed, sounding weary herself.

  “We’ve done pretty well tonight. Not our usual kind of evening together is it?” she smiled softly.

  “No. It was very different.” Ayanna hesitated, then said, “Instead of fighting, can we agree to disagree on certain things?”

  “I think we can try to do that.”

  “We have a lot of years of baggage to sort through, so let’s just take it a day at a time.”

  Her mom lifted up her hand and touched Ayanna’s cheek. She nodded then said, “You’ve grown up.”

  Ayanna’s emotions were swirling. She was feeling extremely vulnerable, but at the same time hopeful. “Mom?”

  Her mom looked at her, waiting for Ayanna to finish.

  “I know I’ve said some awful things to you over the years.”

  Her mom waited. Ayanna knew it was time to really grow up. If her mom could admit her love, then Ayanna should move forward a little too.

  “I’m sorry,” Ayanna whispered. “You’re my mother, and even though I haven’t shown it or said it…I’ve wanted your love for so long.”

  Her mother’s eyes glistened as she swallowed down her emotion. “You have it.”

  Ayanna finished her thought and prepared herself to croak out the hardest thing she’d ever said to her mom. “I don’t hate you.”

  Her mom blinked back tears and appeared to not know what to say.

  “I do love you, Mom, it’s just –”

  “It’s going to take time, Yannie.” She immediately changed the subject. “What else can I help you with?” She looked around the kitchen.

  Ayanna could tell they both needed a minute. They had just made it through her very first healthy adult conversation with her mom, no plates were broken…and they had both admitted they loved each other.

  Unbelievable.

  “You’re not allowed to help me with a thing,” Ayanna finally teased. “I’m getting your anniversary dessert ready. Now get the hell out of here,” she said shooing her away.

  “Language, Yannie,” her mom scolded but with a smile. She shook her head as she walked out of the kitchen.

  Ayanna watched her leave then grabbed the counter to steady herself. It was taking every ounce of willpower for her to keep it together. All she wanted to do was lay on the bed in a fetal position and cry over the years of rejection she had felt from her mother.

  Her mom told her she loved her. It was so incredible, she felt woozy.

  “Hey.”

  She looked up and saw Jon standing at the entrance to the kitchen, looking at her with concern.

  “Your mom said you may need some help,” he said quietly. “She looked like she could use some help herself. She asked where the restroom was.” He paused. “Are you okay?”

  “She told me she loved me,” Ayanna whispered. “I told her I didn’t hate her, that I loved her. I don’t think we’ve said that to each other for 18 or 19 years.”

  Jon walked quickly to her and enveloped her in his arms, rocking her slightly, rubbing his hands over her back. She let some of the tears she had blinking back for the last several minutes finally spill.

  “Of course she loves you, Yan. She just didn’t know how to show it. You’ll both find your way.”

  “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “Me too, baby.” He continued hugging her until she broke away and got a faraway look on her face.

  “I remember when I was 16, and she asked me if I wanted to have some friends over for my birthday.”

  “Uh, huh.” He waited for her to finish.

  “And I remember,” she swallowed, “I remember telling her I would never have any of my friends come to our house. Then I told her I didn’t want my friends to meet them because,” she swallowed again, “because I hated them. I actually told my mom I hated her.” She looked up at Jon. “Maybe they’ve tried over the years and I didn’t allow myself to hear what they were really saying. I have some arrested development with them, or something. It’s time to stop looking at them like I did when I was a teenager. I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t try very hard with them when I was younger.”

  “You were just a kid. You were hurt, baby.”

  “I know, but I look back and can see times when they reached out and I shut them down. I need to do better with them. I want to change things with them,” Ayanna said on a sob.

  “You will.” He hugged her close. “It’ll take time, but you will. And listen. I have to tell you something,” he said, dropping his voice to a whisper, “Your dad, Dev and I were talking about your furniture and I was letting them know about our IKEA trip and how my friend lent us his truck?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I wanted to see what your dad would say, so I happened to mention that my friend and his husband were away which was why we could use his truck, and your dad didn’t even blink. In fact, he said he was glad that New York had finally legalized gay marriage because one of his surgeon’s assistants is gay and she was finally able to marry her longtime partner. In fact, your parents went to the wedding,” he whispered.

  “Shut up! Are you fucking kidding me?!” she whispered back. “Oh my God, Jon! What did Dev do?”

  “I think if your mom hadn’t come out of the kitchen when she did, he would’ve run into the bathroom if she hadn’t beaten him to it.”

  “Holy shit. Holy shit!” she whispered excitedly. “Fuck,” she said trying to process all of the information from the evening. “It’s like we don�
�t even know our parents. How pitiful is that? I mean, they have all of these thoughts and beliefs that we don’t even know about.” She stood there shaking her head. She looked up at the man she loved.

  “You know what, JBG?”

  “What, baby?” He stroked her cheek.

  “Day 41 was the best day of my life. But Day 42 ain’t too shabby either.”

  “No, it ain’t babe,” he chuckled as he brought her in for another hug

  ……

  A couple of hours later, the kitchen was cleaned, the dishwasher was on, and Ayanna and Jonathan were on the sofa, her feet in his lap while they sipped their wine.

  After her parents had left, Dev stayed and ended up having a complete meltdown, and understandably so. Hearing their father’s views on gay marriage nearly did Dev in, and he admitted he’d almost lost it in front of their parents that evening. Once Dr. and Mrs. Sarin had left, brother and sister clung to each other. Dev cried so hard. Ayanna knew he was crying not only out of relief, but out of hope...hope that he could potentially come out to them, and they wouldn’t disown him.

  They weren’t naive to believe that all things with their parents were now perfect, but both Ayanna and Dev were cautiously optimistic about the future. Dev was already devising a plan on how he would drop the proverbial bomb about his sexual orientation.

  Jonathan had Ayanna’s right foot in his lap, kneading at the ball of her foot.

  “Mmm,” she murmured, closing her eyes. “That feels great, champ.”

  “Yeah?” he murmured back. “You deserve a good foot rub after the evening you’ve just had. Dinner was great, baby.”

  She had her head rested back on the sofa. “It was my pleasure, and my feet thank you.”

  He continued the slow lazy massage of her foot nestled right next to his crotch. She pointed her toe and stroked his cock through his pants. He smirked while his eyes heated, and he allowed her foot to have free reign for a moment. When he hardened under the arch of her foot, he grabbed her ankle and put his mouth to the instep, biting softly.

  She steadied herself by placing both of her hands on the sofa lifting herself up slightly to relieve the tension in her loins.

  “Your foot isn’t the only body part that needs a massage,” he said with promise, removing his mouth from her instep.

  He pulled both of her ankles toward him until she was flat on her back, then he settled himself between her legs and leaned down onto her.

  “Hi,” she breathed with a sexy smile.

  “Hi, there.” He rubbed his lips on hers and she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, anchoring her hands into his hair.

  “I like the way you smell, JBG,” she purred, inhaling his scent.

  “Ditto.”

  He licked his way into her mouth, pulling on her lower lip with his teeth then delving in with his tongue. She loved the way he kissed, always savoring her mouth like it was his favorite meal.

  He continued kissing her, angling his head this way and that, and plunged his left hand into her hair removing the elastic band there. Finally, he wound his fingers through her long strands holding her still for his pleasure. Then he took his right hand and began unbuttoning her turquoise blouse, slowly undoing one button at a time as he nibbled on her cheek, her chin, her ear.

  “I’ve been thinking about doing this all night. I could see the imprint of the lace on your bra through the silk and it was killing me,” he whispered in a husky voice, finally reaching the button at the bottom of her blouse.

  He spread her top open so that he could look at her, and ran his finger from her collarbone to the center of her chest, then further down to the top of her low rise jeans. His lips soon followed the journey of his finger and ended a couple of inches below her belly button, where he gently sucked the skin between his teeth.

  He nuzzled her tattoo and said, “So sexy.”

  Her fingers were digging into his scalp as her stomach quivered under his mouth.

  His left hand gripped her hair a little harder, making her scalp come alive. She bit down on her lip and moaned a little.

  “I’m ready when you are, champ. Feel free to speed up the process,” she chuckled.

  “It’s so much more fun torturing you.” His breath stirred the little hairs just above where her belt buckle was.

  His right hand reached up to flick open the front clasp of her pale pink lace bra, and then he opened it, enjoying what he saw. He started shaking his head.

  “Shit, Yan. You are one beautiful woman.” His hand cupped her ribcage and moved over to her breast where his fingers played with her nipple.

  It tightened to a hard nub and tingled. She squirmed while her breath hitched.

  He rolled the nipple between his fingers, stretching and elongating it, seemingly fascinated with the response of her body. Then he kissed his way up her stomach and captured the other nipple, lightly scraping it with the flat front of his teeth.

  She pulled at his hair, gasping his name.

  “Faster, Jon,” she groaned.

  He sucked the nipple into his mouth taking a long sensual pull on it while continuing to pluck at the other one.

  “Jon,” she gasped in frustration.

  “Talk dirty to me, baby. Tell me what you want,” he teased while suckling her breast.

  She pushed her hips up into his very hard erection and growled in frustration, “I want you to make me come.”

  “That can be arranged. And how do you want me to go about doing that?” he said around her nipple.

  “Any way you want to give it to me, champ,” she squirmed.

  He chuckled. “I want to taste you. Suck your clit into my mouth and make you scream. Would you like that?” he asked softly.

  “Yes,” she moaned.

  “Poor Mrs. Holland,” he laughed lightly. Ayanna almost laughed thinking about the sweet old lady from next door who had to listen to the sounds of the Love Grotto in 5B for the past couple of months between Ryann and her.

  Then he leaned back and began unbuckling her belt and jeans, all while burning her with his gaze. Once her jeans were undone, he peeled them down her legs and tossed them onto the floor.

  “Mmm. Now that’s what I’m talking about,” he whispered, as his eyes lasered into her sex. She knew she was slick and wet, so ready for him. He knew it too.

  “When I see how wet I make you, I feel like pounding my chest,” he grinned.

  “You Tarzan, me Jane.”

  He laughed, licking his lips. He moved forward on his knees so that her hips were lifted high and practically resting on his chest, her legs draped over his shoulders. He looked into her eyes while he nibbled at the inside of her thighs.

  She watched as her chest moved up and down quickly, the rhythm matching the deep excited breaths coming from her body.

  His mouth hovered right over the place she desperately wanted him to touch, and he said, “Touch your nipples. I want to watch you when you’re in my mouth.” His breath brushed against her clit.

  She let out a sound and moved her hands slowly up her stomach, then cupped her breasts. He flattened his tongue and took a slow long lick from her core to the top of her sex, ending with a little flick.

  She let out a cross between a moan and a gasp.

  “Touch your nipples, Yan. Roll them between your fingers.” Then he started to lick again.

  She did as he asked and immediately ground into his mouth. She needed him to go faster. She was so ready to come apart at the seams, her body humming and strained.

  As she lightly pinched at her nipples, he began lightly biting the lips of her sex. She pushed up off of his shoulders so she could get closer to his mouth, but his lips evaded the spongy bundle of nerves she wanted him to suck again.

  He smiled at her tortured look and tsked, “I’m gonna teach you patience if it kills me.”

  “More likely it’s gonna kill me,” she groaned.

  Her ass was practically resting on his chest and he was grasping each cheek to
keep her steady. “So impatient.”

  Then he swooped down, putting his entire mouth over her pussy deeply kissing her with his tongue, lips, and teeth.

  She shot her pelvis up even farther, whimpering and moaning, pulling at her nipples more fervently as she got closer and closer to that glorious feeling.

  He was latched onto her clit, sucking it into his mouth watching her the whole time. It was so sexy, she couldn’t take anymore and moaned long and loud, coming in his mouth. He continued sucking, drinking down the essence of her love for him, all while fastening his lust fueled look onto her.

  By the time she began mewling, he lapped softly at her, cleaning her with his tongue and slowly bringing her down from the incredible high he had taken her to.

  Without wasting time, she disengaged her legs from him and pushed him down onto the sofa, tearing at his pants, dying to get her hands on him. He wasn’t laughing. His intensity rolled off him in waves and he tore at his belt buckle while she tried to release him from his pants. She batted his hands away.

  “Patience,” she purred.

  He gave her a pointed look that told her she was going to get it soon. She smiled.

  “My turn,” she whispered.

  She unbuttoned his shirt, only to find a fitted undershirt on underneath. She gave him a look, and waved her hand at him, indicating she wanted him to take both shirts off. He smirked and did as she requested.

  Then he lay back down, linking his hands beneath his head, all of the sudden looking smug. She would see how smug he was by the time she got through with him.

  “Keep your hands exactly where they are, champ. Don’t move them.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” His eyes were shining.

  She snagged his gaze and lightly raked her fingernails up his well-defined stomach and chest, pausing briefly at his nipples where she flicked them until they tightened.

  He didn’t look smug anymore. He looked like he wanted to fuck her.

  She took her blouse and bra off which had been hanging by her shoulders, and tossed them on the floor with her jeans and his shirts. Now completely naked and straddling him, she ran her hands up her body and enclosed the globes of her breasts within her hands, rubbing her palms over her erect nipples.