by Lila Munro
"Yes, Papi," the boys said in near unison, unease inching across their faces as they disappeared around the corner.
"Are you in much pain? Do you need anything?" Dante asked, running a single finger along her jaw line.
"My heart hurts worse than anything. Can we talk freely about this?" she asked, pushing up higher in the bed, never releasing the hold she had on his hand.
"I think we have to."
"I want to move. For the boys’ sake. We could move into the river house." The look of determination on her face was fierce as she began to lay out the plan she’d obviously been concocting all afternoon. "There’s plenty of room. And I have the money to put them in private school, Dante. I remember what it was like, being that age and such an outcast. I could fix it so they’d never have to look at those kids again…"
"No…" Before he could get anything else out, Luc returned with a steaming cup of lavender infused tea and set it on the bedside table.
"Do you need anything else, Mom? I can bring some ibuprofen," he told her, eyeing Dante the whole time.
"No, sweetheart. I’m fine."
Luc nodded, kissed her on the cheek, and inched away.
"Why not?" Julie hissed after Luc retreated, jerking her hand away from Dante’s like it was on fire, scooting a few inches away from him to the other side of the bed.
"Jules, what are we teaching them when we teach them to run?" Dante asked, sympathy for her plight swamping his heart. He knew she meant well, but he wasn’t going to raise his children to run from anyone or anything. "You just got done telling them they couldn’t hide in their own circles. Isn’t hiding them physically a bit of a contradiction?"
"Do you realize what could happen to them in public school? Do you watch the news?"
"Yes, I do. I’m not a stupid man, but I’m not about to raise them to fear everyone and everything, either."
"There’s a difference in fear and caution," Julie argued, crossing her arms under her breasts and pouting her lower lip.
"Yes, there is. A big difference. One I wonder if you know the meaning of."
"You’re an ass," she flung, tossing the sheet back and standing in a huff.
"Watch the attitude, love. I’m not above taking your ass to the play room and busting it. The neighbors know, the boys know, why try to hide anything now?" Dante stalked her as she inched along the wall, a look of horror crossing her features.
"You wouldn’t dare," she challenged.
"Try me. We’re doing this my way. Period." Dante didn’t realize until that moment just how pissed he was and how dangerous it was to be so.
"You’re telling me no."
"Yes, I am. I told you I would. Did you choose to not really think on that part? I think I’ll sleep in the spare room tonight." With that he spun on his heel and left her standing there, more silent tears escaping the corners of her eyes.
It didn’t really surprise Dante when he found Julie in the guest room later. She’d beat him to it. For as long as he’d known her, she never failed to display her stubborn streak when it suited her.
What did surprise him was the note he found on the bed the next morning.
I don’t know if I can live without a voice. I’ve tried, I really have. Maybe I’m too old to change or maybe I’m just not the person you believed I could be, but I can’t do this your way. I need some time to sort. Please tell the boys I love them and don’t mean to hurt them. In fact, I hope my absence makes their life easier.
I love you all,
Julie
Dante crumpled the paper in his hand and threw it against the wall then sank to the bed, taking her collar from her pillow and clutching it.
Chapter Nineteen
"I still don’t think this is a good idea," Allen said, handing Julie the keys that would open up his Savannah home.
"I’m sure you’re not the only one who won’t like it," she answered, taking what he offered and stepping back off his porch. "But I need to clear my head and I can’t do that here. Not where there are so many voices. Living and dead."
"Are you sure you won’t let me drive you? Stay with you a few days?" Allen asked, following her to her car.
"I’m sure. I haven’t stood on my own two feet for so long, I need to make sure I still can," she said, climbing behind the wheel. "In case I have to."
"My door’s always open."
"Are you sure about that?" Julie pointed at the waif of a woman peeking out the front windows. "Seems to me Nicki might not like to share you."
"We’re just servicing each other," Allen said as if trying to convince himself of it more so than Julie.
"Right. We’ll see." Starting the vehicle, she put her little sportster in gear and started to roll. "I do love you, Allen, just not like that."
With a backward wave, she was off, a sinking feeling unlike any she’d ever experienced settling over her.
****
Julie had just come downstairs in her favorite silk robe and made herself a cup of coffee when the doorbell rang. Glancing at the clock, she wondered who the hell came so far out into the country to pay a visit before eight a.m. Allen better not have told on her already and informed Dante where she was. Disgusted that her first day of sorting things out was already interrupted, she carried her steaming cup to the door and peered through the peep hole.
"Oh, shit," she breathed, turning her back to the door and pressing one palm to her forehead. "Why, why, why?"
A few seconds later the bell rang again, one persistent, long buzzing which caused her to swing around, jerk the door open, and stand face to face with Keegan D’Amato.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" she hissed. "Better yet, how did you know I was here?"
"Always this testy in the morning? You must be a joy to wake up next to," he answered, pushing his way in. "Got any more of that?"
"My mood tends to blow like the wind. You never know what you’re going to get so it’s probably better to stay away and play it safe. And no, I don’t." Julie realized her robe was gaping open and clutched the front, pulling it together. For some reason, the thought of Keegan seeing her assets made her blood run warm. "If Allen sent you to check on me, tell him I’m just fine and not ready to come back yet."
"Well, I surely won’t be tendering a full report until I make sure you’re telling the truth about that." Keegan looked around as if this was the first time he was really seeing Allen’s mansion. "Too bad about the coffee. I brought breakfast."
He turned and smiled, holding up a brown paper bag she’d failed to notice before. Then her nose picked up where her eyes failed her and the most heavenly aroma drifted toward her. Something savory, sweet, spicy?
"What is that?" she asked, moving toward him a few paces before stopping, realizing she was falling for a bribe. Back peddling, she decided it was time for the young lad to go. "I said I’m fine and I am. I do need to find a store today, but I have an app for that so no need to worry yourself. Tell Allen to worry more about Nicki and less about me."
Keegan made some sort of noise akin to a snort, turned on his heel, and marched off toward the kitchen where Julie knew he’d find her entire pot of Jamaica Blue Mountain and help himself. Damn man. He was really beginning to call her dander to the surface. Darting along behind him, she nearly ran into him headlong when he stopped abruptly at the island to deposit the bag of whatever it was that smelled so good.
"Cups?" he asked, moving to the cabinets, opening one then another. When she didn’t answer, he turned and gave her a half-frown, but his eyes twinkled revealing he was teasing her. "You can be a rude little thing when you want to be, can’t you?"
"So my Mas…" She stopped and ran her fingers along her collar bone. A mixture of anger and fear swallowed her when she realized her collar was no longer there and a sense of loss weighed heavy on her heart. Needing to feel the weight of something there, she’d decided when she woke this morning she might have to go find something to replace it until she was used to the idea of being alone
. "Dante and Blake say that all the time. I don’t mean to be hateful. I’m sorry."
Finding what he’d been rummaging for, Keegan poured a cup of the coffee, inhaled deeply of it, blew off the steam, and took a loud, slurping swallow. A sound of satisfaction escaped him as he set the cup down then began another quest through the cabinets.
"Plates?"
"Left of the sink."
"Thank you. I know the good girl in there wants to like me," he said with a bit too much triumph for Julie’s liking. Procuring two dessert size plates from the stack, he set them down then unfurled the top of the sack. "Do you like spicy things?"
"I like food period," she confessed, looking toward the floor.
For some reason self-consciousness decided to tap on her ego at that moment and she wished she had on a pair of sweats and a shirt. The robe she’d thrown on left everything to the imagination. Funny she should worry about what he thought of her this morning when not just a few days ago he’d seen her in all her naked glory taking a whipping the likes of which few subs could have endured.
"Here, try this," he said, pushing a plate toward her and taking a seat on one of the high chairs surrounding the island. "The breakfast of champions."
"What is it?" Julie asked, taking a seat of her own, trying to tug her robe down past her ass cheeks when it rode up her thighs. Her mouth watered at the sight of the delicate pastry that appeared to be stuffed with some pretty delicious goodies. She did believe an enormous shrimp was poking out of the top of the perfectly set eggs.
"Low country pastry. High octane cream, eggs, shrimp, sausage, onions, cheese, spices, and Old Bay all neatly baked in a cutesy pastry crust. If you’re nice to me I might take you to lunch later and introduce you to some more low country cuisine."
"What are you doing here?" At this point she figured blunt was the only way to go. "No bullshit either."
"Checking on you," he said, acting like he was mortally wounded by her suspicion of his intentions.
"Yes, but why? Allen has other friends. While I freely admit I no longer feel you to be an ass, I don’t know you that well. Why would you extend this favor? What do you want?" Taking the fork he offered, Julie picked at the crust of her pastry, waiting for a reply.
"I want to get to know you. Starting with what happened?" Keegan ran a finger along her throat indicating that he knew why she was here and it hadn’t escaped his notice she was no longer collared. "Did he push too far?"
"Yes, but not like that. We had a disagreement," Julie explained, cutting her pastry in two and picking the middle out. When she took it in her mouth and it rested on her tongue, her cheeks heated as a moan escaped her. "Where the hell did you get this? Did you say something about lunch?"
Keegan chuckled and freshened her cup, noting its color and going to the refrigerator for creamer.
"Cinn…mon," Julie said over another mouthful of her breakfast. "Please."
****
"How long have you known Alan?" Keegan asked as he helped Julie into her side of the booth then slid into his.
The small hole in the wall diner he’d chosen for lunch was very much like a place Blake would take Julie for one of their heart to hearts. It was homey and warm. The patrons all seemed to know each other in some capacity, save the two of them. That didn’t seem to matter to the older gentlemen keeping the red vinyl topped stools around the counter. They all turned and waved as the pair entered the establishment.
"Twenty years," Julie answered matter-of-factly, peering over the top of her menu. "He was the first person to show any interest in me when I first started exploring. Well, the first person outside of Dante, that is."
"Things didn’t work out?"
"Definitely not. No chemistry. Although he’d gladly service me if I’d ever agree to bottom for him."
"Why don’t you?"
"I’m more of a committed relationship type girl," Julie answered, closing the menu and laying it down. "I was in one for a very long time. Aside from that, I do believe he may have met his match in Nicki."
"I take it you’re not referring to your relationship with Dante when you talk about committed?" Keegan leaned back in his chair and laced his hands behind his head.
"No. Dante and I are complicated right now, although I’m as committed to him as I can be."
"What happened to your committed relationship?"
"Not open for discussion. Move along. What about you?" she asked, avoiding his prying look. "Why isn’t there a perfectly obedient subbie tagging along behind you? You’re young and attractive."
"I move a lot," he said over a cocky grin. "I’ve lived here for about a year. A friend from the last place I lived hooked me up with a contact which led me to Allen and his network. I’ve never seen you around Savannah before, though. Why not?"
"I’m starved. Where’s the waitress?" No matter how Keegan made her stomach flutter, she wasn’t giving up any more information than she had to. He was fishing for a way to hook her and damn it she wasn’t even unhooked from the last catch yet.
Keegan stayed anymore questions and waved down the middle-aged woman taking care of them.
"You folks ready?" she asked in that overly sappy, we’re the happiest folks on earth tone Julie hated. No one could be that happy twenty-four-seven.
"Yes, I’d like…"
"We’ll have two bowls of she-crab soup," Keegan rudely interrupted. "To start. Then we’d like two of the po’ boys with fries." He handed the menus to the woman who was still busy jotting down their order. "And I know it’s not the norm during lunch hours. I’ve had it several times during dinner service," he whispered and winked at her. "I was wondering if you could arrange it so we can have a double order of banana bread pudding? It’s a special occasion."
"Ooohhhh," she breathed and grinned, creating great dimples in her ruddy cheeks. "Anniversary? Birthday?"
"Well, dear? What are we celebrating?" Julie spat. "If it’s the fact we had breakfast together don’t flatter yourself, I’d eat breakfast with the devil himself if I was hungry enough."
"Oh my," the woman squeaked and rushed off.
"I have to wonder, Julie. Could it be your attitude had more to do with your disagreement with Dante than his?" Keegan looked like he was ready to pack her off and bust her ass. If he’d been Dante, they’d have already been headed out the door.
"I’ll admit, I’m having a hard time adjusting to my current situation. Dante is more demanding in different ways than my previous Master." Julie had been grinning through her entire answer because the usually casual Keegan had slipped and his roots had shown for the split second he’d spoken to her so harshly. "Mississippi? Louisiana?"
"Gulfport."
"Your accent." Julie twirled one pointed finger around her lips. "It’s not that heavy most of the time."
"We moved around a lot. But Mississippi is where my roots are."
"I see."
"Where are you from?" Keegan asked, moving his elbows from the table so the woman that never uttered another word could set down two piping hot bowls of soup.
"The Carolinas."
"Your whole life?"
"Yep. Pretty boring, huh?" Julie said, stirring her soup as steam continued to rise from the shallow dish.
"Not boring at all," he said, not waiting for his to cool, instead scooping a spoonful up and blowing then slurping it off. "Was probably easier than the life of a military brat. Moving so much so young was hard."
From the grimace on his face, Julie was fairly certain he’d burned the tip of his tongue. It served him right for speaking out of turn and ordering for her, although she’d been leaning toward the soup.
"Hard is all in the perception of your circumstances." Her voice was dull as she said it. Hard was all she’d ever known until Mason. Then that became hard and now she had her current predicament to contend with.
Before Keegan could grill her further, her cell phone rang. Setting her spoon to the side, she fished it out of her purse and looked at the caller
ID. The Oldest. It was Gavril. She’d successfully avoided two phone calls from Lucien’s number earlier that morning, but her heart told her she couldn’t avoid this anymore.
"Hello?" she said, setting the phone to her ear and holding a finger up at Keegan, hoping he understood.
"Mom, where the hell are you?" Gav asked, sounding dejected.
"Does Dad know you’re using that language?" Julie said back, trying to hold some control over this conversation. A lump rose in her throat. She missed her boys and it hurt knowing they were hurting.
"No, but it wouldn’t matter. Where are you and when are you coming home?" Luc piped up. So, they’d double teamed her and had her on speaker.
"Where are your fathers?"
"In the bedroom having a throw down fight," Gav answered. "If you don’t come back, I think they might kill each other."
"Papi isn’t being mean to Dad is he?" Julie asked, reaching back in her purse, rummaging for a bottle of ibuprofen. A sharp pain had caught her by surprise and shot from the base of her skull clear to her forehead.
"Define mean," Luc said. "If you’re asking if he’s had him tied up in the play room, no. But he’s a grouchy bastard and not one kind word has graced his lips since he discovered you gone yesterday morning."
Julie sat stunned for a second before finding her tongue again. It was so unlike Luc to curse.
"I’m sorry you have to see and hear all that, but I…" Julie took a quick breath and tried to fortify herself. "Look, this has absolutely nothing to do with you two. Please believe that. This is a problem between Papi and me."
That was a lie. It had everything to do with the boys. Julie didn’t want to make their lives any harder than they already were and her presence had ratcheted up the neighbors disdain for the Larson family ten-fold. Remembering what it was like to be the butt of everyone’s foul attitudes at school when she was teenager and the resulting black eyes and bloody lips, she dug deep and fought to hold her ground on this. What she really wanted to do was run home right then and hug the boys until they couldn’t breathe. But what she absolutely didn’t want was them to be hurt, emotionally or physically. Kids these days were way worse than when she was a girl. Guns were common place. If anything happened to her sons because she’d not been big enough to leave them in peace, she’d never forgive herself.
