Personal Demons

by Rachel A. Collett

  10

  A Painful Remembrance

  The biggest lot in the cul-de-sac, the residence felt out of place for being located in the dry desert landscape of Arizona. Lush green vines clung to all sides of the home. The surrounding yard was shadowed by mature, well-pruned trees and even more emerald plant life. No other shades of color were added to the almost southern palette, but it didn’t need them. Combined, the look was stunning—picturesque even—and I couldn’t help but feel warm and welcome.

  Two people emerged from the backyard gate and headed my direction. One was Laith, and the other I could only assume was his father, although it wasn’t from appearance. If this was his father, Laith and his dad looked remarkably unalike. Standing four inches shorter, the man with sandy blond hair and glasses sported khaki shorts, a black polo shirt, and sandals, and he held a pair of barbeque tongs. Laith was his usual trendy self, a picture-perfect GQ model with the added splash of ink.

  Maybe this was Elisa’s dad, I mused. I stepped out of my car to meet them.

  “Sarah! Right on time.” Laith pulled me into a hug before I could get a word out. “Dad, this is the friend I’ve been telling you about. Sarah, this is my dad.”

  Laith’s dad took my hand in his, both arm and body notably clean of tattoos as far as I could see. I smiled, looking into his soft brown eyes.

  “Hello, Dr. Stevens. It’s nice to meet you.” Why had I assumed his father would have tattoos as well?

  “Please, Sarah, call me Ray. Laith’s on his way to get the birthday girl. Why don’t you come on back with me. I’ll show you around.”

  The backyard was much like the front with greenery covering the ground and shielding the brick from the brutal sun. A large swimming pool with attached Jacuzzi drew my gaze. Next to it was a pleasant gazebo decorated with a dozen lanterns, a beautifully adorned cake, and a happily smoking grill. My mouth watered as the fragrant aroma of dinner entered my nostrils. A fire pit had been built just a couple of yards away from the gazebo and several chairs sat in a circle around it. Everything was prepared and waiting for the guest of honor to arrive.

  “Would you mind helping me with the chicken?” Ray asked as he walked toward the grill. “And how did you know I was Doctor Stevens?”

  “Huh.” I hadn’t realized my slip and debated for a moment before answering.

  “I…” I remembered the look on Cheryl’s face. Seeing her blush pink at the memory of meeting her own personal celebrity gave me another glimpse into the true Cheryl Davis. She was a mom, but she was also a woman. How far do I take this? I mused to myself. “Well, Cheryl recognized Laith from some of your lectures she’s attended. Apparently you’re kind of famous in the teachers’ realm.”

  “Ha! Well that’s a first.” He shook his head trying to conceal a smile. “Can you hold this for me?”

  I took a large white plate from his hands and held it for him as he put the finished grilled teriyaki chicken in a star shaped pattern.

  “What an interesting coincidence.” He smiled as he put the last piece of chicken on the plate.

  “Do you often get hit on by attendees of your lectures?” I asked, unabashedly.

  Ray threw his head back and laughed. It made me blush, but I discovered I didn’t feel uncomfortable talking to him like this.

  “You’re funny.” He continued laughing to himself. “It’s not all fame and glory, for sure. Most people stay afterwards to dispute what I say or to pepper me with questions for their own papers or theses. I’m hardly hit on. Here, take this over to the table and place it next to the rice.”

  As I did, I glanced toward the gate. “What’s taking them so long?” I asked.

  Ray’s deep sigh vibrated down into his chest. “Elisa, bless her heart, does not do well on birthdays. It’s can be… painful for her. It’s a reminder of…” Ray stopped.

  Pulling out a clean white handkerchief from his pocket, he wiped at his brow as he continued to work over the hot grill.

  “She’s been through a lot, that girl. She carries more burdens than most. Laith tries to pull her out of her funk the best he can.” He turned and smiled warmly at me. “Having you here will help.”

  I looked away and toward the gate again. I had become so consumed with my own grief that I hadn’t even known that my new friend carried such hardships. Burdens that made a day like her birthday something hard to celebrate.

  A moment later, Laith entered with Elisa in tow.

  “The birthday girl’s here!” Laith cheered as they got closer.

  “Happy Birthday, El.” Ray reached out to her and wrapped her in his arms, kissing the top of her head. She started to cry. I felt as if I were witnessing something very private, and I wondered if I should leave. Laith came over to me as I tried to avert my gaze from the scene.

  He leaned down to whisper, “Don’t worry, she’ll be okay soon. Trust me.”

  Eventually Ray released her and she wiped her tears dry with the back of her sleeve.

  “Sarah! I’m so glad you’re here.” She came over and hugged me. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

  I squeezed her tighter. “I hope tonight will help cheer you up.”

  Elisa nodded. “I’m sure it will. But you,” she pointed a long, slender finger at me, looking suddenly stern, “you have been avoiding me!”

  My face flushed as I ran through a list of excuses.

  “But because I like you, I’ll forgive you.” She turned away without waiting for a response and I sighed internally.

  “My favorite chicken! Ray… thank you!”

  Dinner was amazing, and I ate every single bite, barely stopping myself from licking the plate clean. I’d have to tell Cheryl about the chicken. I smiled to myself. Maybe I could ask Ray to text Cheryl the recipe for me. I’d never had the chance to play matchmaker and my mind swam with ideas of how to get these two people together.

  It was dark outside by the time we were done eating and had moved over to the fire pit. The chairs were deep and comfortable and I was full and content and delighting in the wonderful feel of a brilliant fire warming my toes and feet.

  “Excuse me for a moment. I’ll be back in a bit,” Ray said, and he went inside the house.

  The three of us sat staring at the fire, watching the flames reach their way up into the sky. Occasionally, a few sparks shot toward the heavens, but they didn’t make it far before disappearing completely into the blackness.

  “Elisa, do you remember when this use to be our camping ground?”

  “Like it was yesterday; in fact, wasn’t it just yesterday?”

  “No.”

  “I believe it was,” she argued.

  “Falling asleep on the hammock does not count as camping.”

  “Why not? The fire was going, we roasted s’mores, and we fell asleep under the stars. Just because we didn’t take your truck four-wheeling beforehand doesn’t mean we weren’t camping.”

  I loved it when they bantered like this. I snuggled deeper into my chair and enjoyed the warm company.

  “Alright. I’ll give you that, but you can’t count last night because I ended up having to carry you to bed around midnight.”

  “Humph,” she pouted. You could tell Elisa didn’t like losing, but it seemed to be quite often that she did. “Fine, it wasn’t camping but it was fun.”

  “Yes, it was,” Laith finally agreed.

  I leaned back and looked up at the clear night sky. “It sounds wonderful.”

  “You should come with us sometime,” Laith said, then turned to Elisa to add, “I mean real camping.”

  “I’ve never been,” I admitted.

  “What?” Elisa and Laith asked at the same time, astonishment stamped upon their face.

  I laughed quietly. “I’ve never been camping. My dad never thought it was safe.” I shrugged. “We hike a lot, my dad and I. Well, I guess we used to hike a lot. I suppose it’s been a while. It’s been…” but I had stopped going with him after moving to Arizona.

 
A sharp pang of guilt ripped through my heart when I realized how distant I had let my relationship with my father grow.

  I glanced over at Laith. His face was somber. I could tell he was putting together a rather complicated puzzle: me.

  “We like hiking too.” Elisa said, as she nestled down into her coat, seeming content within its warm shell. Looking closer, I realized that the brown leather insulation she wore was too big for her small frame. I peeked back over at Laith who sat jacketless, his dark tattoos once again giving the appearance of more than just a skin covering.

  Feeling strangely brave, I observed the dark ink covering Laith’s lean arms and tried for the first time to decipher the images that had always piqued my curiosity. I quickly realized, with a start, that they weren’t pictures or random outlines of nonentity, they were cryptograms. Characters that were scrolled down his arm in the most beautiful of patterns.

  As I sat transfixed by their forms, they seemed to realize this and as I continued watching them, it was then that they chose to move for me. The brilliant glow of the fire made the markings dance, throwing their shadows on its canvas as the flames frolicked to their own music. Their music entered into my soul, my heart beating the same rhythm they choose and I wanted to dance with them, jump from my chair and twirl around the fire with them.

  “Sarah.”

  They wanted to be inspected, to be read—and I could read them. I could learn their secrets, if only I studied them long enough, I could…

  “Sarah, snap out of it. Sarah.” Laith snapped his finger an inch away from my face and I flinched. I hadn’t realized that I was leaning toward him so deeply. I looked up into his eyes. They were intrigued.

  “I’m sorry, did you say something?” I finally managed, looking away.

  “Umm, yeah. A couple of things actually. You were a little zoned out there,” he said.

  “I must be getting tired.” I settled back into my chair, hoping I could blame my red cheeks on the heat of the fire. “What’s up?”

  “I wanted to know if I could ask you a few personal questions.”

  “But it’s not my day. It’s Elisa’s day.” In an effort to redirect, I looked over at Elisa. “So Elisa, tell me more about yourself.”

  She shook her head, smiling.

  Ah-ha, she was in cahoots with Laith.

  “Laith knows all about me, and you will too someday. We want to know about you.”

  “There’s not much to tell. I’m a rather boring person,” I shrugged.

  “We don’t believe that one bit, and since you’re not going to be forthcoming with this information, let’s just rip off this Band-Aid right now. Restaurant parking lot.” She folded her hands together neatly in her lap. “Go.”

  “I don’t understand what the big deal is.” I crossed my arms over my chest to stop my shaking.

  “You lied to me, Sarah. You lied to me and to Laith. You told Laith that man didn’t attack you?”

  My heart broke. I was not naturally a dishonest person, but some things were better left unsaid. Now I was being called out, and I respected them too much to deceive them further. “I lied because if the police were called, and if my dad found out I had been attacked again, he would have tried to take me away. That’s what he does. Any time I get attacked, or heck, every time he gets nervous, he packs everything up and moves to a new location.”

  “He just up and moves.” Laith squinted, looking hard at me. “That seems a little overprotective, don’t you think?” He paused as a thought entered his mind. “What do you mean you’d been attacked again?”

  I visibly cringed. They didn’t seem to have a hard time pinpointing all of the important details. “Look, some things happened to me when I was younger. Because of those incidents, my dad taught me self-defense, which is what you saw me use that night. That’s all.”

  “No. No way, Sarah.” Elisa was shaking her head adamantly, her soft curls waving in protest. “You can’t fool me. Those weren’t simple self-defense moves. What happened to you that made him teach you military defense tactics?”

  “Okay, fine. My dad started training me when I was a little older than six—”

  “What?” Laith interrupted. “Why would anyone want to start training a little kid that young?”

  Pride pricked. My dad was a good man, and I didn’t need Laith and Elisa thinking otherwise. It was time to talk about something I had never talked about before.

  “Yes, my dad is weird and super protective, and yes, at times he can be more than a little controlling. But he is a good man, and he does it all for a good reason. It’s my fault really… well, kind of.”

  I shifted in my chair so I could look them both in the face. “My first memory of it is when I was six. A man grabbed me when I was playing on the slides at the park. My dad had walked away to get a drink from the water fountain. When he turned around, I was gone. My dad found me just as the man had thrown me into the trunk of his car. Dad stopped him and beat him to a pulp.”

  Laith’s eyebrows shot up and Elisa gasped.

  “When I was seven, a woman tried to run me over in the parking lot of a grocery store. She missed but clipped my father as he pushed me out of the way.”

  “Sarah, I had no idea—”

  “When I was ten, our house was set on fire by neighborhood gangsters. They were waiting for us outside. He took care of them as well.” I didn’t stop. “When I was twelve, I was cornered in a restaurant washroom by five highly-intoxicated girls.”

  “Do you know why?” Elisa’s voice had grown soft.

  I shrugged in an effort to seem unaffected, but I could still remember each attack in vivid detail: the smell of the man’s breath as he shoved me into his packed trunk; the sound of the engine as it revved; the smell of the smoke as the fire devoured our house; and the sting of the girls’ nails when they scratched at my face. And with each attack, my pendant had seemed to warn me right before each of them. I used to think it was my mother’s way of helping me, protecting me beyond the veil, but as time went by the stone would react even when I wasn’t attacked at all. I soon dismissed the idea and blamed it on my overactive imagination.

  “I still have residual nightmares, but thankfully they have lessened over the years.” And most were now replaced by dreams of Jonathan. “By the time the girls attacked me, I had been adequately trained. After the initial shock of being hit, I took care of them on my own. Luckily, no one else saw. My dad quickly paid the bill, and we slipped out before the girls were found.”

  “I don’t get it.” Laith shook his head.

  I lifted my arms in defeat. “I can only guess I’m a magnet for dangerous people.”

  “And your dad?” he asked.

  “Would have responded by running away. Like he always does.”

  “What does your dad do that he can just up and move with his daughter at the drop of a hat?”

  “Construction, plumbing, electrical, mechanic work. He does whatever he needs to do.”

  “Did your dad do something to piss some angry people off?” Laith asked.

  I chuckled. “I have never heard him say boo to anyone—unless that someone was trying to hurt me. While your childhood was probably filled with school days, play dates, and family outings, mine were filled with home-schooling, boxing lessons, self-defense classes, knife fighting, wrestling, archery, and quarterstaff instruction.”

  “But that’s insane,” Laith said.

  A movement caught my attention as a shadow emerged from one of the columns of the backyard patio. Ray stepped out from the darkness and progressed toward the fire.

  Laith rubbed the side of his face in frustration. “None of this makes sense to me. Why would he…”

  “That’s enough, son.” Ray’s air was calm but authoritative. “I think you’ve both harassed Sarah enough for tonight, don’t you think?” He took a seat next to mine and warmed his hands with the heat of the fire.

  “He’s right. We’re sorry.” Elisa placed a comforting hand on my ar
m.

  “You’re in a safe place now,” Ray affirmed in a thick voice. “Surrounded by people who love and care for you.” Firelight flickered across his face. Light and darkness fought against each other in the reflection of his eyes as he stared into the flames. “But your story is unique, and one that I wouldn’t mind understanding more about… perhaps another time.”

  His gaze met mine. “I know many a noteworthy tale.” His lips twisted into a curious smile. “History is full of them, but not all are written. How about a campfire story to lighten the mood a bit?”

  “Oh yes, please.” Elisa squeezed then released my arm. “Which one are you going to tell?”

  I glanced over at Laith. His expression clouded as he regarded me with intelligent eyes. Like his father, I could tell this conversation wasn’t over for him.

  “This is an old one… one I haven’t told in a while,” Ray began, drawing my attention. “And it starts out with a question that I think I’ll ask Sarah. Sarah, do you believe in true love?”

  I jerked, fazed by the shift the conversation had taken. “Um, sure. I guess.”

  “You should.” He smiled warmly to my visual reaction. “There are many true love stories, but this is one of my personal favorites. There are many different cultures and religions that believe we were created by a celestial being or beings—by a god or gods. Some believe in an existence before the one we live in now. You might know it as heaven, although it has many names. A different realm, if you will—one so close to ours that it often blends and bleeds into this one. It was in this eternal realm that we formed relationships, bonds, and even families. This was a place so exquisite that our mortal minds could not handle the enormity of it, so once we were set on this earth, God chose to remove the place from our memory so we wouldn’t destroy ourselves trying to get back.”

  “Before we were sent to this new realm, there arose dissension in the old one, and a great battle was fought and won. In the aftermath, those who lost—the rebels and their leader, the Destroyer—were thrown out of their prized paradise. Angry and vengeful, these discarded beings began attacking humanity seeking to destroy the weak and to take over the mortals great with power and strength.”