Crossing the Line

by Meghan Rogers

  Sam beamed. “It’s okay, Agent Lee, I understand.” He started across the room, but stopped when he spotted me. He turned back to Lee. “You let the new girl sit in my seat?”

  Lee shrugged. “She was on time.”

  Sam smiled and shook his head before heading back toward me and dropping in the empty seat to my left. Sam pulled out his phone and started playing some kind of game, unconcerned by the fact that Agent Lee was trying to teach. I couldn’t help but notice he was also the only person who was completely unaffected by me. So far, people either antagonized me or were curious about me. But Sam didn’t seem to care whether I was in the room or not.

  I turned my attention back to Lee, who had picked up a stack of index cards from her desk, fanned them out in front of her, and continued her instructions. “Each of these cards has on it a situation that would require immediate action. On a separate piece of paper, you’re going to write down the number that’s on the top corner of the card, followed by how you would handle the situation. You have fifteen seconds to make your assessment and pass the card to the person next to you.”

  “Is this a test?” a boy on the other side of the room asked.

  “I think you can answer that for yourself, Adam,” Agent Lee said as she started handing out the cards, making sure to put them facedown.

  Adam sighed. “Everything’s a test because everything counts in the field.” He sounded bored, as if this was something that had been repeated in the past.

  Agent Lee nodded and continued moving around the room. When she got to me, she paused. “Just give this a shot, and try not to overthink it, okay?”

  I nodded and pulled the card closer, waiting for a sign to start. Everyone flipped their card over when Agent Lee gave the signal and I did the same. I scanned the card. It was a short description involving a retrieval assignment and approaching enemy agents. I picked up my pen to answer, but then I paused. I knew how KATO had trained me to answer, but I was sure it wasn’t what the IDA was looking for. Lee told us to switch before I had even written a word down. No one else seemed to have a problem.

  By the end, I didn’t have a single complete answer. I wasn’t even questioning my strategy for most of them. I trusted myself to react in any of the situations I’d read, but I struggled to explain how.

  After Agent Lee collected our papers, she spent the rest of the time talking in the front of the room while the class scribbled in their notebooks. I had no idea what they were writing. The only person who didn’t seem to bother was Sam, next to me. He pulled his phone out like he had when he first sat down and started tapping the screen. When the bell rang he put his phone in his pocket and headed out the door with the others right behind him. No one waited for any kind of formal dismissal from Agent Lee.

  I let out a tight breath, picked up my notebook and pen, and moved toward the exit.

  “Have a good day, Jocelyn,” Agent Lee said, erasing the white slab, which I had learned was called a whiteboard.

  I paused and studied her for a moment, searching her body language for any sign that she was insincere. But I couldn’t find one. I nodded slowly. “Thanks.”

  I stepped into the hallway, hating that all of this had me so overwhelmed.

  • • •

  The rest of my day wasn’t any better. In addition to the classes themselves, none of the other teachers were as welcoming as Agent Lee. My second class was Weapons and Arms with Mark Reynolds. He was older, with glasses and salt-and-pepper hair, and he couldn’t go more than five minutes without throwing out a phrase with a double meaning that was unquestionably meant for me. My third class was Oppositional Protocol with Wayne Scott, who didn’t seem to like me any more than Reynolds did. His method was simply to ignore me, which I was fine with.

  I couldn’t keep up with these classes any better than I could Agent Lee’s, and I still didn’t understand why everyone else kept writing. I held on to my pen just to have something to do. I was also having a hard time with the other kids. It felt like in some ways they looked up to me, which ate at me in a way I hadn’t expected. Sure, I was a field agent, but with all the things I’d done I definitely wasn’t the kind of person designed to be a role model. The attention made my skin crawl. I felt the craving creep into my system and I had to grip my pen tighter to steady myself.

  But I was keeping it together. My greatest challenge came with my last class, Global Dynamics with Agent Sidney Harper. He was younger than the other teachers, all of whom seemed to be in their thirties or forties. Agent Harper looked like he could have been around twenty-five, which put him a few years older than Scorpion, but right in the age range of the agents he had trained with earlier in the day.

  And he had the same attitude toward me that they had. “Viper.” He said my name with an evil twist to his lips. I sat up straight and defensive. “Can you name the country most commonly associated with a dictatorship?”

  I clenched my teeth and focused on the blank page in front of me. I thought I was prepared to have my past talked about, but Harper was proving me wrong. The next thing I knew he was standing over me and his hand slammed against the table with enough force to startle Sam, who was again sitting next to me. But I didn’t jump. I didn’t even flinch. If I moved more than I had to I was going to give my weakness away. He was doing this to get at the part of me that was a brainwashed kidnapped victim, but that version of me didn’t fit this mission.

  I slowly and evenly looked up at Agent Harper. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me.

  “Do you need me to repeat the question?” he asked. “Or should I say it in Korean so you can understand?”

  “North Korea.” I held his glare. I wasn’t about to let him win, but he was getting to me. The craving was getting harder to fight off. I balled my fists on my lap to keep myself in check.

  He smirked. “You would know, wouldn’t you?”

  My nails dug into my palms. I hated that after a month I could still be pushed into feeling like this. No matter what Dr. March had said, it shouldn’t take this little to put me on the edge. I should be better than this.

  “I bet you think you’re doing right by the Great Leader, coming in here to spy on us.”

  Most of my day had been spent with agents implying I was a traitor, but Agent Harper was direct enough to draw the anger and emotion out of me. “I’m not working for KATO.” My words were startlingly forceful.

  Harper’s lips stretched into a condescending smile. “That’s just what you want us to believe.” He stared me down for a moment before turning and strolling back to the front of the room. “Why don’t we look at how much you don’t know?”

  I bit my tongue.

  “What’s the first amendment to the Constitution?” he asked. I stayed quiet, refusing to admit that I didn’t know. Agent Harper laughed. “Do you even know what the Constitution is?”

  Again, I kept my mouth shut, focusing on anything but the attention I was getting from the rest of the class. I had heard about the Constitution, but I didn’t know the details. KATO was good at keeping us away from things they didn’t want us to know. He spent the rest of the class making a spectacle, pointing out how little I knew. I kept trying to tell myself I’d been through worse, but it didn’t matter. Every question spurred a dark emotion in me, which made me crave the drug in a way I wasn’t expecting.

  Every time he said something to me the whole class would glance back like I was going to explode at any moment. Which by the end was actually not far from the truth. I found it harder to remember my mission. But I had to. My plans were too big to let someone like Agent Harper get to me.

  The only way I made it through the class was by pulling my mind back and tuning everything out. When the last bell rang I got my stuff together and left as quickly as I could. At that point, seeing Scorpion waiting impatiently for me in the hallway was a welcome sight.

  • • •

&n
bsp; Scorpion took off down the hall when I came out of Harper’s room. I urged myself to keep up, angry that I was feeling more unstable with every step. I took a moment to get myself together, which Scorpion didn’t appreciate. “Let’s go,” he said when we got outside. “I’m missing the afternoon training for this.”

  I had an appointment with Dr. March, and Scorpion had to take me. I forced an eye roll. “I don’t see why that’s my problem.”

  He spun around and glared at me. “It’s your problem because you’re the person holding me back.” His eyes narrowed. “For someone who claims to be on our side, you spend an awful lot of time getting in my way.”

  “You haven’t even been with me a full day,” I said. “And no one said you have to wait for me. All you have to do is guide me from one place to another. You decided to make it more.”

  He looked ready to attack, but instead he turned on his heel and stalked off ahead of me, staying silent until we were on the top floor of the Operations Building outside the medical wing. “Don’t take too long.”

  “I’ll be out when I’m done.”

  He glared at me, and I ignored him. I stepped past him and pushed the door open. Dr. March was waiting for me in the lobby. She smiled when I first came in but once she got a good look at me, her smile faded and her eyebrows knitted together. “Jocelyn.”

  “I’m fine,” I said. “I just—” I closed my eyes, hiding how much I was struggling.

  “You’re not fine,” Dr. March said. “You’re fighting it.”

  I shook my head, but hearing it out loud broke my resolve. Suddenly I couldn’t stop shaking. She put her arm around me and quickly led me to one of the back rooms. She sat me on the bed and guided me back onto the pillows. I hated that I still needed to be taken care of.

  I rolled onto my back and curbed the urge to curl up in a ball, still fighting for control and craving the high. Dr. March stepped away for a moment, then came back with a tray. She sat on the edge of the bed and brushed my hair away from my left ear. “You’ll be okay in a minute,” she said. I closed my eyes as she reached back for the tray. A few seconds later I felt the acupuncture needles settle in and around my ear. She did the same to the other ear. The effects were almost immediate.

  Dr. March ran a hand through my hair. “I’ll let you rest for a while.”

  I let myself relax once the door closed. It was the first time I had been truly alone since Scorpion picked me up for breakfast. I let the alternative medicine work its magic. Dr. March came back after—I don’t know how long. She took the needles out of my ears, and when I was ready, I sat up. She looked at me with the sad but nurturing expression I had gotten accustomed to. “Do I even have to ask how your first day went?”

  “It wasn’t that bad,” I said. She gave me a doubtful look and I rubbed my eyelids. “I should be able handle this. None of this has been easy, but KATO was so much worse.”

  “At KATO you were high all the time. That numbed you in ways I’m not even sure you realized,” she said, writing in my file.

  I exhaled heavily and shook my head. “I should be stronger.”

  She stopped writing and looked up. “You are the strongest person I’ve ever had in this office.”

  I bit back a disbelieving laugh. “It doesn’t feel that way.”

  “This isn’t something you ever really get over. Not completely. And with this drug”—she shook her head—“it’s going to take you longer than most. Every addict has triggers that make them want to get high again, and the closer you are to the drug, the stronger and more frequent that want will be.”

  I ran a hand along my forehead. “Tell me about it.”

  “What you’re going to find is that some triggers are stronger than others,” she said. “Today was stressful, even for someone who’s survived what you have. Certain things are going to set you off more. It may take you by surprise at first, but once you can anticipate it you’ll have an easier time counteracting it. In the meantime we’ll keep up with the acupuncture treatments.”

  I nodded.

  “You should also be aware that the drug has a steroid component to it,” she continued. “So don’t be too surprised if your senses or reflexes are a little slower than you’re used to.” I looked at her sharply. Those were two of my most important defense systems. Dr. March sensed my panic. “You’ll adjust.” She put a reassuring hand on my knee. “It just may take time.” She stood up and dipped her head slightly so she could look me in the eye. “We’re going to figure all of this out, okay? But for now, you’re good to go. Come back if you feel your symptoms building up. It doesn’t matter what time it is.”

  I smiled at her weakly. “Thank you.”

  She gave my shoulder a squeeze and left the room, giving me a minute to myself before I headed out.

  • • •

  Scorpion was leaning against the wall, arms crossed with one foot propped up. His face tightened in annoyance when he saw me. “What could you have possibly been doing that took so long?”

  I had been in with Dr. March for forty-five minutes, but from the way he was acting, it was like I’d been gone for hours. I moved in front of him and headed toward the training facility. “None of your business.”

  He grabbed my shoulder and turned me around to face him. “Were you casing the place?”

  “What?” I tried to pull away but his grip was too strong. “No.”

  “What did you steal?” He scanned me, searching for any sign of a lie. “Medical files? Research?”

  I struggled against him, matching his gaze. “I didn’t take anything!” He didn’t believe me.

  His jaw flexed and he spun me around against the wall.

  I pushed back. “What are you doing?” I was livid.

  “If you’ve got nothing to hide, then prove it,” he said. He was pissed he had to wait and he was looking for a fight I couldn’t afford to give him. The mission was too important. He muscled me back around and frisked me expertly. I bit down hard on my lip, fighting the urge to punch him.

  I whipped around when he was finished, furious.

  But Scorpion didn’t care. “I will find out what you’re up to.” His voice was full of determination.

  “There’s nothing to find out!” I growled. I breathed heavily and made myself calm down a fraction. Then I smiled bitterly. “But even if there was, you’d never find it. We both know how good I am. Isn’t that right, Travis.”

  His lips thinned and he let out a frustrated grunt. “Don’t. Call me that!”

  I pushed myself off the wall, away from him and toward the exit.

  Chapter Six

  QUESTIONS NORMAL PEOPLE ASK

  It took me a few days to settle into the routine, but even then I never let down my guard. Scorpion’s angry condescension hadn’t lessened, and Cody and Rachel had taken a run at me every chance they got. But I could handle them. My classes were still overwhelming, but so far the first day had been the worst. Gwen had even worked out that I didn’t know how to take notes and walked me through it. Still, the best part of my day became the afternoon workout sessions. They gave me the chance to go off by myself in a corner and pound the punching bag. Agent Harper still rubbed me the wrong way, so punching something helped keep the cravings at bay.

  The downside was that the afternoon training sessions were open to both agents and academy students. The kids missed the morning sessions because they had their more practical combat and espionage classes. The afternoon sessions were also open to their teachers. Most of the instructors were older and out of the field, so they didn’t have too much of a presence in the training facility. But Agent Harper was younger and still actively training—he lived to torture me. He tried to bait me into a fight, but after the Cody incident I did my best to avoid all of them.

  Scorpion kept an eye on me, but he also stayed as far away as he possibly could. And the other agents
did the same, aside from a few glares and glances, which was why it was so surprising when I realized one of Scorpion’s friends was standing next to my bag—she was the only one from his group I hadn’t talked to yet. She waited patiently with her arms crossed. I tried to ignore her, but the longer she stood the more determined she seemed. Eventually, my resolve cracked and I stopped punching. “What are you doing here?”

  She flipped her long dark ponytail over her shoulder and smiled. “I want to talk to you.”

  I blinked. The addition of the students had made the afternoon training sessions louder than the morning ones, and I was convinced that over the grunts and hits and laughter, I couldn’t possibly have heard her right. “You what?”

  She smiled. “The only agents you’ve talked to are Travis, Cody, Rachel, and Sidney Harper, and none of them are all that interested in hearing your side.”

  My eyes widened in disbelief. “And you are?”

  She shrugged. “I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I figure if you’re telling the truth and you aren’t brainwashed, then things must have been pretty awful for you. And I thought you could use someone to train with.”

  I stood stiff, unsure of how to react. I may have been here only a few days, but so far not one agent had even considered that I might be telling the truth. I wasn’t prepared for the flood of KATO memories that came with that acknowledgment.

  I didn’t know what to say, but it didn’t matter. She kept talking. “I’m Nikki, by the way.”

  “You already know who I am.” I kept my stance guarded. “You’re friends with Rachel, right?”

  “Yes,” she said with a skeptical tone.

  “I can’t imagine she would be too excited about you talking to me.” I glanced behind her and past several sparring agents to Rachel, who was glaring back at me.

  “She’s not,” Nikki said. “But she’ll get over it. I have a habit of talking to people no one else likes. Though you should know that just because we’re talking, doesn’t mean I trust you. Because I don’t.”