Love Is More Than Skin Deep (A Hidden Hearts Novel Book 4)

by Mary Crawford

  Isaac just chuckles as he joins the conversation, “It was the recipe for a major disaster, but everyone ended up happy in the end and I found my family again, so I can’t be all that upset about this one’s harebrained scheme. Much to my surprise, he’s been a fine son-in-law. He loves my daughter Ivy.”

  I turn to Tristan who is busy building a student desk for Ketki. “I understand you track down people.”

  Tristan nods as he responds, “Yes, that’s part of what Identity Bank does.”

  “Could you track down a family that completely eschews technology?” I ask carefully formulating the question around the thoughts that have been tumbling around in my brain for weeks.

  “You looked troubled, son,” Isaac responds as he studies me. “Is your case giving you that much trouble?”

  “No, this isn’t about work at all. This is a much more personal mission. That’s why I’m not sure how to proceed. Usually, at work, I can follow a pretty prescribed way of doing things and the outcome is pretty predictable. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s the case here. I’m not even sure if this is the right path to take. I’m trying to help Shelby, but this step may not be helpful at all and I just don’t know.”

  “What do you mean?” Marcus asks, “I thought Ivy told me that Shelby doesn’t have any family. I guess I’m just lost in this situation as usual.”

  “Lost is a pretty good word for it I suppose,” I explain. “Shelby’s early life was a little bit out of a Charles Dickens novel and she was removed from her family by the authorities. No one has tried to locate her, but she doesn’t know if that was purposeful or accidental. What I don’t know how to ascertain is whether helping her find them again would be beneficial to her recovery.”

  “Wow, that’s a big move,” Marcus observes.

  “I haven’t talked much about my background, but I’m Cherokee. My people have a belief in something called tohi. In fact we use the same word for health and balance in our language. Rather than try to just ‘fix’ Shelby’s symptoms, like in Western medicine, my people would encourage her to find healing and balance in the rest of her life. I can’t help but wonder if reuniting her with her family might help her feel more whole and complete. Perhaps it would be one more tool to help her battle her cancer. I’m not suggesting that it would be a replacement for everything else, just another piece of the puzzle. She needs more people on her side in this battle. She needs tohi.”

  Tristan’s eyebrows come together and his face sets in grim determination as he thinks for a few moments before formulating an answer, “What does Shelby think about this? I have to tell you, Mark, I’ve seen adoption reunions like this go very well or blow up like a military ordinance. The really scary thing about planning these is that you might think you have one kind of situation and it turns out to be the other way around.”

  I heave a deep breath as Tristan vocalizes my every fear. “Exactly! That’s why I haven’t done anything so far — but what if reuniting with them helps give her strength to fight? What if they can provide answers to the doctors?”

  “Do you have any idea what we might find if we look?” Isaac asks.

  “I only have the barest of outlines. When she was twelve, she had a mom, a dad and an older sister Savannah. Her youngest brother, Owen, passed away under odd circumstances.”

  Tristan runs his hand through his short cropped hair as he declares, “I suppose that would be enough for me to do a preliminary inquiry, just to see what’s out there. I wouldn’t need to make huge waves. I can just do enough to check what kind of situation Shelby might be facing.”

  I breathe a sigh of relief at his answer, “That sounds like a decent plan. If it’s devastating information, we don’t have to ambush her with it and if it’s potentially helpful, then we’ve laid some groundwork for a reunion. I’d like to see if I can help bring her some inner peace. Thank you for your help.”

  “You know, you are going to have to tell your girlfriend what’s going on. Sooner or later, she’s going to find out. It’s probably better you tell her in advance,” Marcus advises. “Being married has taught me that secrets aren’t really a good thing.”

  “I learned that lesson the hard way too,” I comment. “I’m just trying to protect her from any more pain.”

  “I know your intentions are good,” Isaac replies sympathetically, “Sadly, that’s not always possible.”

  “Dad, I thought you had a huge trial this summer? What happened?” Ketki asks as she separates her French fries by size, laying them out on a napkin.

  “Trial stuff can sometimes be complicated,” I try to explain. “It turns out that the judge decided that there was too much local news coverage about the people in this case and the jury members could not be fair, so he decided to move the trial somewhere else. That’s not an easy thing to do and it messed up some people’s schedules because the judge decided that people need to stay in a hotel and completely away from media attention. So, they had to postpone the trial for a little bit.”

  “That’s good, right?” Ketki asks.

  I chuckle softly before I answer, “I don’t know. There are a whole bunch of law review articles and case studies about whether change of venue helps or hurts my side.”

  “No silly, I’m not talking about your case. I’m talking about Shelby. Now you’ll be around when she has to go in and have another operation. She can stay with us again instead of having to stay at Rogue’s house.”

  “I suppose you’re right. If Shelby wants to, she could stay with us--but it’s going to be her choice,” I answer carefully, not wanting to get Ketki’s hopes up.

  Ketki’s silent for a couple of minutes before she adds, “Maybe Shelby is just scared of us.”

  “What do you mean, Ki?” I ask, curious about her theory.

  “Well, you know how some teachers are really nice and some teachers are not so nice? During the summer, you never know which kind of teacher you’re going to get when school comes — so you worry and worry all summer until school starts. Every teacher always says it’s going to be a great school year, but it doesn’t always turn out that way. Maybe she feels the same way about us. She told me she hasn’t had very many boyfriends… maybe she’s just scared.”

  It takes me a moment to form words as I study my daughter. Beneath her crooked braids — I guess I should’ve taken a little while longer this morning to put them in — and her all-too-brief smiles, you would never guess there is a wise little philosopher buried deep in there. “Ketki, I think you might actually be on to something. The question is, what do we do about it?”

  Ketki shrugs as she responds, “I guess you do the same thing with Shelby as you do with me when something scares me. You show it to me over and over again in different settings to prove to me that it’s okay and it’s not going to hurt me. We just have to prove to her that we’re not the bad guys. That should be easy enough, right? I played a lot of role-playing games and I know that we’re not the bad guys.”

  I grin at my daughter as I reply, “You’re absolutely right. If I can’t convince my girlfriend that I am a good guy, I am in serious trouble.”

  Shelby is looking less than amused as she climbs into my car. This is not an auspicious start to “Operation Good Guy.”

  “Good evening, Shelby. You look gorgeous as usual,” I say in greeting as I walk around the car to help her in.

  Shelby openly scoffs at me as she retorts, “Mark, you might want to get your vision checked. In case you haven’t noticed, Diamond and I have been working in the stacks all day today. I am an absolute wreck. I have never seen so much dust in my life. All I want is a shower and a bed.”

  I quickly consult my watch and mentally kick myself. I probably should have timed this a little better but I am discovering that juggling a dating life with a preteen and a career is a little more challenging than I had anticipated. “Can I offer you a compromise?” I offer. “How about a quick shower and a surprise?”

  Shelby sighs deeply before she relucta
ntly responds, “Is there food involved in this surprise? I am starving. Lunch was abysmal.”

  Sliding my courtroom demeanor on, I calmly answer, “Of course there is, I wouldn’t let you starve.”

  Boy, you have the moves down Littleton, how long has it been since you dated? I think to myself, as I quickly evaluate my options to cover up my colossal oversight. Why is it that I can manage a complex trial but I can’t seem to get a handle my own personal life?

  Shelby rolls her shoulders and neck as she answers, “All I can say is that this surprise better be pretty good, because today has been a rough one.”

  “I’m hoping that this surprise will ease some of your pain,” I admit as I reach out and rub a knot from the back of her neck.

  Shelby leans into my hand as she murmurs, “That would be nice, I could do with a little less pain in my life.”

  “After the way that I grew up, I never thought that I would believe a picnic on the beach would be a fun thing again. This is amazing. How in the world did you pull all of this off? I’m amazed that Ketki didn’t spill the beans. That girl is like a walking, talking tabloid.”

  I grin tightly as I answer candidly, “It took a little doing. There might have been some promises of new video games involved,” I add sheepishly.

  Shelby snorts with laughter as she responds, “Well, whatever it takes, this is lovely and the food is delicious.”

  I nod as I take a bite. “Yeah, Frannie’s is a perennial favorite at Ink’d Deep. I owe Declan big time for the recommendation.”

  I owe him more than that, but Shelby doesn’t need to know all that. While she was showering, I was busy trying to cover my dating gaffe. I haven’t been this clumsy at the dating game since I was about thirteen. I can’t believe that I’ve forgotten the tenets of Basic Dating 101, like Feed Your Date.

  In my defense, when arranging all of this, I spent a great deal of time dealing with one of Ketki’s meltdowns. Even though Ketki is brilliant when it comes to mathematics and problem-solving, sometimes when it comes to personal relationships, things are more difficult to explain. My daughter was devastated that I wanted to hang out with Shelby without her. It was a difficult departure this evening for sure. Even preparing Ketki in advance didn’t seem to lessen the conflict. I hope that this is a momentary blip and not an indication how things are going to go if things get serious between Shelby and I. It would be an impossible dilemma.

  An excited shriek breaks through my inner musings as Shelby exclaims, “You didn’t tell me that it was going to be Jade’s fiancé! I am so excited. They talk about Declan all the time. That’s funny, Diamond didn’t say anything either. Jett just came by on his motorcycle and told her she needed to ‘get in gear or she was going to be late,’ I suppose everybody’s here. This is going to be great!”

  It’s not often that I blush, but I feel my face heating as I pull her back against my chest and murmur in her ear, “Anything to make you happy, I just aim to please. I’m a good guy that way —”

  “I’m not sure why my friends say good guys are boring, I’m not finding that to be true at all…”

  AS STRANGE AS IT MAY SEEM, some days I wonder if getting cancer might have been some sort of blessing in disguise as they say. I can’t even believe I’m having that thought. Yet, I know deep down that it’s true. Had I not let my guard down in front of Mark on that terrible, awful day I received my news, none of the rest of this would’ve ever happened. This — this is what I dreamed of when I would sneak away by myself and write stories about how I hoped my life would turn out.

  I snuggle down into the thick comforter and roll toward Mark. I still can’t believe he arranged such an elaborate surprise. The concert was like something you might see on some music channel on TV. Jade’s fiancé, Declan, called us up on stage to slow dance to one of his ballads that he wrote to Jade. It was the most romantic thing I had ever seen—all of Jade’s friends were there dancing to her song. After all that Jade and her friends have done for me, it was such an honor to be included in such a personal moment. I was amazed how naturally Mark and I fit into the group. It’s almost as if we’ve been friends for decades.

  After the concert, Mark asked me how I wanted to handle the rest of the evening. In some ways, this was an odd question because Mark has already seen me at my most raw and exposed. Yet the context last night was unlike anything we had quite encountered before. It was a “close my eyes and jump kind of moment.” It might not be the smartest thing I’ve ever done, but to be honest, I didn’t spend a whole lot of time weighing the alternate consequences of my actions. It was a pretty simple equation in my mind. Mark was a really good guy on a mission to take very good care of me, for once I was going to let him do that, however he wanted to.

  My body heats and flushes a little as I remember how well he took care of me last night. I snuggle closer to his chest and let out a soft sigh.

  “What are you thinking about, Immokalee?” he asks with a tender grin.

  “Oh nothing,” I respond, burying my head in the pile of blankets next to his chest.

  I feel his chest rumble with laughter as he teases, “Come on, are you going to lie to an officer of the court?” He pulls me up to a sitting position next to him as he continues sounding more serious, “I bet you’re thinking about the same thing I’m thinking about — which is how absolutely perfect we are together. I know that you’re probably going to think this is some cheesy morning-after line, but please believe me when I say that I have never had this kind of connection with anybody, ever.”

  Before I can censor what I’m about to say, I hear myself ask, “What about Ketki’s mom?” I want to disappear. I don’t know what made me ask that question; I’m not that kind of woman. Yet, the question is just hanging there in the air like a pair of stinky socks. Way to kill the mood Shelby…

  Mark is silent for so long I’m certain I have done serious damage to our communication at the very least. Just as I’m about to open my mouth to issue the most epic of all apologies, he starts to speak, “I suppose if I was in your shoes, I’d want to know too. It’s a fair question. I guess the short answer is that Tanyanita and I were different people back then — both young and ambitious. We were good friends when we got married, to be sure. Yet, in retrospect I think that maybe we were both a little too anxious to get married and get on with the business of life before we knew what the business of life was like.”

  “I’m sorry Mark, it’s not really any of my concern —” I start to apologize.

  Mark shrugs as he continues with his story, “It’s okay, it seems like it was a lifetime ago. We were so young. We hadn’t even really talked about what our expectations of marriage were. Our families had been friends for generations and everyone always assumed that we would get married. Since we liked each other, we didn’t see any reason not to. We thought we could build a solid life together. I just didn’t realize that we were not only on totally different pages, we were reading from completely different books. If I had known that she never wanted any children, I probably wouldn’t have agreed to marry her.”

  His explanation of his relationship with his ex-wife is different from what I expected. I guess I thought that he might absolutely hate her for rejecting Ketki. “Are you always this levelheaded about it all? I’m impressed because I guess I’d be much more ticked off.”

  “Honestly, I don’t think about her too much anymore. For a long time, I used to wonder if she was going to change her mind and show up at my front door with her moving boxes. It seems like the timeframe for that has passed by now, don’t you think?” he asks philosophically. “If she had some undying love for me and her daughter she would’ve been around by now. I guess it’s her loss. I suppose if I had to deal with her every day and have her in my face to remind me of what happened, it might be a different story, but she’s just gone. We can’t miss what isn’t here,” Mark explains.

  “Well, I give you massive kudos for being a very grown-up grown-up. I’m not sure I would be so
generous. I’ll try not to give her a piece of my mind if we ever have the misfortune of being face-to-face. I think what she did to you and Ketki is despicable. Ketki is amazing and she did not deserve to be discarded like yesterday’s trash,” I sputter indignantly.

  Mark draws big circles on my back with his hands being careful to avoid any of my sore spots. He took such a careful catalog of all of my pain last night. It was like he worshiped every inch of me. He kisses the top of my head as he remarks, “Immokalee, do we really want to waste the time we have together talking about my ex-wife? I can think of much more productive ways to use it.”

  As usual, Mark makes an excellent point. I ignore the twinges in my ribs and back as I throw the blankets off his chest and throw my leg over his so that I’m straddling him. As I start to kiss his jaw and chest, I look up coyly and remark, “You’re right. This is a much more productive use of my time.”

  The air is stale and tastes like chemicals. Someone has tried to make the environment less clinical by hanging some brightly colored abstract art on the wall. Unfortunately, it doesn’t evoke the feeling of home, it just feels out of place and wrong. Everything about this place is a reminder of the pain and suffering as a result of the procedure I’m going to subject myself to again. It completely blows my mind that I have to start again from scratch. I had worked so hard on my rehab. I hate thinking in circles. I’ve been doing it for days. One minute I’m fine and the next minute, I’m so angry that I can’t think. I’m angry because my body betrayed me. I’m angry because one little PET scan has the power to change my whole life. Yet, I’m even more angry at the life choices I made to bring me to this point. I try to distract myself from my disappointment by talking to Mark about inane stuff, “I couldn’t believe it the other day when Jade told me the story of her engagement. It’s amazing that she had the presence of mind to say yes. I’m so nervous that I don’t even remember my own name,” I babble.