Love Is More Than Skin Deep (A Hidden Hearts Novel Book 4)

by Mary Crawford

  My heart crumbles in a million little pieces as I realize once again the airtight family unit Ketki and Mark really are. It breaks my heart to realize how much responsibility Ketki feels for Mark’s well-being.

  I pat the couch next to me so Ketki can sit down as I reply, “You know, I’ve watched you and your dad play games on the computer before. He smiles plenty of times when you guys play together.”

  Ketki’s eyebrows raise in surprise as she answers, “I don’t think you’re telling me the truth. Daddy doesn’t smile when we play computer games. He frowns a lot and then pretends not to say bad words.”

  I snicker at her response, the child does not miss much. Her answer is actually dead on. “I can’t argue that you’re wrong—because you’re not. Still, in between those times when you do something really complicated or something that he can’t do, he smiles and cheers for you like you would not believe. Your dad enjoys seeing you do well.”

  “R-i-i-ight,” Ketki replies dubiously. “So, I suppose that’s why he calls me an ungrateful winner?”

  “For the sake of peace, you could tone down your victory dance just a tad. It can get a little obnoxious,” I concede.

  “Maybe we should send daddy on a staycation,” she suggests.

  I giggle as I respond, “A stay what?”

  “On a staycation,” Ketki answers confidently. “I saw it on one of those travel channels. It would be like daddy went on a business trip. Whenever I ask him how he is after he goes away for work, he says he’s ‘absolutely fine and that the trip was super-duper relaxing’. If he has that much fun on a real business trip, he would have a really great time on a staycation where he didn’t really have to work.”

  I can’t help but grin, because her logic makes me smile. Just out of curiosity, I ask her, “Now, that you got your dad taken care of what are we going to do?”

  “We’re going to have a slumber party, a’course.” Ketki answers with a shrug. “My dad already said I could do it weeks and weeks ago — but you got too sick. I guess we’ll have it in the summertime instead.”

  “Hmm, it might make it tricky to invite your classmates,” I remark.

  “They wouldn’t want to come anyway. Remember the birthday party?”

  “How are you going to have a slumber party with no guests?” I ask, puzzled.

  “I’m inviting you. Dad just said that the people I invited had to go to school and be as nice as me. Since you’re a teacher, you go to school.”

  I can’t fault her logic. Unorthodox, yes. Wrong, no. “Ki, that might be kind of a quiet slumber party since I’m not up to getting up and dancing and having fun. Do you mind if I invite some of my new friends?”

  Ketki is pensive for a moment before she answers, “Does my dad know these people? I think that’s a rule too.”

  Doing a brief mental catalogue, I nod my head. “I think all my friends are students too. I’ll check and make sure everyone is free. So, who is going to break it to your dad that he’s not invited to this shindig — you or me?”

  Ketki examines me closely before she responds, “Normally I would say you, but you look a little beat up. Maybe we shouldn’t point that out to Dad right now. He might not let you have friends come over to play if he thinks you don’t feel well. I’ll handle this mission solo.”

  “Good strategy. I’ll see about the rest of the crew. How does pizza and ice cream sound for the menu?”

  “You’re not going to put anything yucky on it, right?” Ketki clarifies.

  “No yucky stuff allowed, this is going to be an epic slumber party!” I confirm.

  “Ketki, I have to say you are a most excellent video game coach. When my brother was alive, he tried to teach me this game and it just never worked because he was way too impatient with me. Tetris is way more fun than I ever remember. Thanks for teaching me,” Jade compliments.

  “Is that why you’re friends with Shelby? Shelby’s brother died too. What happened to your brother?” Ketki asks abruptly.

  I can tell that Jade isn’t prepared for the question as she visibly flinches, but she quickly recovers and responds, “I don’t know exactly, but some people that knew him said that some people were being really mean to him and it made him feel really sad. He didn’t know that he had lots and lots of other friends, so he killed himself to get rid of the pain.”

  “Is it weird that your brother’s dead?” Ketki blurts.

  At first, Jade seems stunned, but then she just lets out a gasp of air mixed with laughter as she admits, “Yeah. It is weird. It’s totally weird. Even after all these years it’s weird. I don’t know that it’s ever not going to be weird.”

  Hearing her say that unlocks something inside me as I confess, “Oh thank God you said that. People look at me strange when I say that because I was so young when I lost Owen. They think that I should somehow forget what my life was like before he died — like I’m some sort of Etch-a-Sketch machine or something. Just shake me up with a few court papers and my past suddenly doesn’t matter.”

  “I hear where you’re coming from,” Jessica, a girl who is new to me, but not to the group adds. “Even though I was adopted by my grandparents, everybody wanted me to forget that I knew my parents and could remember them fighting like cats and dogs in front of me.”

  Ketki is listening as the conversation unfolds like a complicated tennis match. Finally she makes a seemingly random observation, but I have a feeling it’s profoundly enlightening for her.

  “Wait a minute… so… nobody here has a normal family?” She asks softly.

  The girl with fiery red hair, Jessica, shakes her head. “Nope. Eventually, I’m going to marry into a pretty normal family, but mine was anything but normal growing up. My mom couldn’t decide whether she wanted to go or stay. I never knew whether I was important enough for her and my dad to stick around. Finally, the lure of the road became too much and they left me behind to be raised with my grandma and grandpa.”

  “Wow, that sounds like what happened with me and my dad. My mom just decided that she hated me too much to stick around so she left,” Ketki discloses to the group. “She didn’t even say goodbye,” she adds sadly.

  Rogue reaches out to place her arm around Ketki’s shoulders. Ketki freezes in place but does not shrug off the contact. Rogue probably doesn’t realize this, but that’s a huge sign of progress in their relationship. It took me weeks before Ketki would allow me to get that close to her. Autism is a funny thing. It can create interesting boundaries.

  “Guerrerita, you might think you understand everything that your mom and dad were going through when they made those decisions,” Rogue says. “However, I can almost guarantee you that you don’t. I was once in your shoes. You know that older guy you met down at the shop, Isaac?”

  Ketki nods her head solemnly, as she recalls, “He let me organize his coin collection.”

  “Well, that man is my dad. He’s Ivy’s dad too—but I didn’t know that. I grew up thinking that he deserted my mom and I for no reason. It turns out that he was told something very different that changed everyone’s lives. It wasn’t anyone’s fault; it just happened. So, until you know the whole story, you can’t really judge your mom,” Rogue advises.

  “How am I supposed to talk to my mom when I don’t know where she is? Maybe she was like me and somebody bullied her? What if she killed herself like Jade’s brother or what if she got sick like Shelby… or maybe she died like Shelby’s brother? How do I get answers then?” Ketki asks staring down the adults in the room.

  I suddenly realize that Ketki’s pain and uncertainty goes far deeper than I knew. Fortunately, I know a person who can help provide her with more definitive answers — unfortunately, I’m not free to have that discussion with anyone just yet.

  I attempt to establish some eye contact with Ketki as I try to clarify the situation without breaking any confidences, “Ketki, just because your mom and dad couldn’t make it as a couple doesn’t mean that your mom didn’t love you or that anyth
ing bad happened to her. People get married too young or for the wrong reasons all the time. Sometimes, the grown-up just decides to leave so that they stop hurting the other person.”

  I am saved from a long drawn out conversation by the jangling sound of the doorbell. Ketki shrieks with delight as she screams, “The pizza is here! Now the party can really begin!”

  Jessica rolls her eyes as she responds, “Oh great! I am never, ever going to fit into my wedding dress.”

  “Did you bring your wedding dress here?” Ketki asks excitedly.

  “Well, not here with me tonight,” concedes Jessica, “but, I do have it here with me in Florida. I’m going to attend a young readers conference next week and I happened to find a dress I totally love while I was here. Mitch is probably not going to be real thrilled about carting it all over the country.”

  Ketki and I both exclaim, “Oh my gosh!” at the same time.

  Jessica laughs in delight at our twin expressions. “Yes?” she inquires teasingly.

  I defer to Ketki and allow her to go first because she is literally jumping up and down as she asks, “Can I help with the wedding? I always wanted to.”

  Jessica tilts her head and looks at Ketki as she announces, “You would look stunning with wildflowers braided in your hair. Let me check with my fiancé and make sure he doesn’t already have a family member slated for this — but I’m sure you’d be a wonderful flower girl.”

  Ketki looks like someone told her the solar flares were a permanent condition on planet Earth. Her eyes are wide with shock and her mouth is wide open. Finally, she speaks, “Wait, I don’t want to be a flower girl. There are way too many people and I don’t wear dresses because they’re itchy.”

  “I thought you said you wanted to help with the wedding,” Jade probes.

  “I do!” Ketki insists. “I want to make one of those cool projection light shows for the wedding cake. I’d program it with my computer. It’d be like coding for a game. They look totally rad. I could put your names in them and everything.”

  Jessica gasps and puts her hand over her mouth as she starts to dance with excitement, “Are you serious? I saw those on one of those fancy cooking channels. I fell in love with the idea, but I knew that it was never going to be in our budget. Mitch is going to be so jazzed. Do you think you could put some dogs in the design?”

  “2-D or 3-D?” responds Ketki with a look of concentration.

  “Hey, you guys can come on down to Ink’d Deep and use the light box for design if you want. It sounds like it might make it easier,” Jade offers.

  “Yeah, I’ve got some new auto CAD software I had to buy for a class a couple terms ago that might help with that too,” Ivy adds.

  Jessica can barely hold back tears as she remarks, “I miss you guys so much. Kansas is nice and all, but you all are my family too.”

  “What’s holding you in Kansas?” I ask, unfamiliar with Jessica’s story.

  “That’s a really good question, since we seem to spend most of our time on the plane headed here. The airlines have threatened to give our dogs their own frequent flyer cards. Even my grandparents aren’t opposed to retiring here anymore. Mitch just built Hope’s Haven and invested all that money and getting training facilities up and running. It seems crazy to walk away.”

  “I don’t know that he’s walking away,” Rogue argues. “Your fiancé does an incredible amount of work with my husband. It’s not like he’s slacking off.”

  “It’s true. It’s almost as if Devon and Riley run the place on their own most of the time anyway.”

  “Well, there you go,” Jade says with a note of finality. “Now can we get back to the fun part of the evening. I am dying to eat. Besides, I’ve got some new video game skills to conquer.”

  Abruptly Jessica turns to me and asks, “Were you going to tell me something?”

  I blush as I reply, “Yes, but my news isn’t nearly as exciting as everyone else’s. I was going to tell you that I think you are my team leader next week at the library. I’m going to the Promoting the Power of Prose training.”

  Jessica grins as she responds, “Oh, this is going to be fun. You’ve only seen the quiet side of me tonight. Wait until I start performing in front of a crowd.”

  My heart starts to pound a little. I’m not sure if it’s from fear or anticipation.

  I TOSS MY DIRTY LEATHER gloves into the back of Tristan’s work truck and I try to brush off my pants before entering the restaurant. As Tristan and I are walking across the parking lot, I notice Declan, Marcus and a guy I was introduced to as Mitch walking toward us. When I see Marcus, I ask, “Not that I ever mind helping out on a Habitat for Humanity house, but I have a feeling there is something else going on. What’s up?”

  “Shelby is at that conference thing with Jess and Diamond, right?”

  “For now. She doesn’t start her next round of chemo for a couple weeks, why?”

  “Where is Ketki?” Tristan asks. Something in the tone of his question makes my stomach clench.

  “My sister decided to be brave and take her camping with her kids. Ketki without computer access ought to be interesting —”

  Tristan just smiles slightly as he remarks, “If she’s anything like me, she’s probably just programming in her head and waiting until she can code it into the computer.”

  I shake my head in agreement as I acknowledge, “You’re probably right. But as you know, I’m not a big believer in coincidences, so I have to ask — why is everyone here?”

  “You’re right. It isn’t a coincidence. My wife thought that it would be a good idea for us to talk to you about Ketki. Since we were altogether anyway, I decided to work on the latest Habit project. We’ve all worked together so often in the past that it’s pretty seamless to get us together. By the way, you didn’t tell me that you have mad, ninja-like tiling skills. Way to hold out on me —”

  “Another time I’ll tell you about the summer I made my living restoring bathrooms in hotels, but right now I want you to tell me why my daughter is even almost the topic of conversation?” I demand, feeling myself grow warm.

  Declan steps forward when he hears the conversation heat up. “It’s all good, really. Jade was in on this too. Remember last weekend when the girls sent us off to play laser tag and watch movies? It turns out that they had a girls night too,” he explains. We reach a back booth where the rest of the gang is already seated, but I can’t help but feel like I’m getting ready to face down a firing squad. I have no idea what’s about to happen.

  Isaac pats the vinyl seat beside him as he says, “Sit. It will all be better with food, I promise. I took the liberty of ordering the usual stuff.”

  Reluctantly I slide down into the seat next to Isaac. I like the guy, but there is something about his almost military bearing, which makes me feel like I’m being hauled into the principal’s office whenever I speak to him. It’s like speaking to an elder of our tribe.

  “Am I going to need something stronger than Pepsi for this meeting?” I ask, not entirely sure that I’m joking.

  “You know, it’s probably just because Jess is in on it that this has become such a big deal,” Mitch admits.

  Everyone around the table nods and agrees. Tristan interjects, “I suppose Ketki would relate to her the most.”

  I hold up my hands in a timeout gesture as I sharply whistle to stop the conversation around me. “Will somebody please just start at the beginning of the story? Why is everyone suddenly so concerned about Ki? You’ve all known her for a few months now — well everyone except for Mitch.”

  Tristan clears his throat before he responds, “I don’t know if you know this about everyone in the group, but there isn’t a simple story among us. My mom gave up a child for adoption as a young woman and later ended up raising her grandson after my sister passed away. Jade’s brother committed suicide, and Jessica’s parents essentially just dropped her off at her grandparent’s house and forgot to pick her up.”

  “Don’t forge
t whatever the craziness is that happened with our wives —” interjects Marcus.

  “Okay, that’s interesting. But what does it all have to do with Ketki?” I push.

  “It seems that Ketki has some pretty wild ideas about what might have happened to your ex-wife,” Isaac answers shaking his head. “Ketki thinks her mother killed herself.”

  “What? That’s crazy even for Ketki. I know for a fact that Tanyanita isn’t dead,” I protest. “In one of the most bizarre incidences of ‘I can’t seem to bury my past’, my ex-wife was actually taking care of the love of my life before I even knew about it.”

  Suitably amazed looks gather on faces around the table as Isaac asks, “Does Ketki know this?”.

  “Of course not! How do I go about telling her that her mom is alive, but isn’t sure she wants to see her? I don’t want to break my daughter’s heart that way—that’s beyond cruel. It's almost worse than Ketki assuming Tanyanita is dead.”

  “I don’t know that it is.” Isaac responds sagely. “Kids’ minds can come up with some interesting ideas.”

  Marcus shakes his head as he replies, “I don’t know what to tell you… I just know that my wife is really concerned that Ketki is blaming herself for things she shouldn’t even be worried about at her age. Maybe you can convince your ex-wife to talk to Ketki. Tell her what really happened—it can’t be any worse than what she’s making up in her mind.”

  “I guess not,” I concede. “I mean, Ketki has said a few odd things here and there, but I didn’t think she thought about Tanyanita that much. Maybe having Shelby around has brought it all up to the surface.”

  Declan chuckles softly as he interjects, “Yeah, I kind of learned the hard way that for every good thing that happens in your life, there’s always a downside. You have to remember that when you’re dealing with the down side not to forget that there is a good side.”