by Aiden Bates
When the bar closed, Logan helped to clean up. Only then did he get a chance to talk to Sam. Silas, much to Logan's chagrin, didn't give them their privacy. He brought them upstairs, but he sat right there in the living room, glaring at Logan the whole time.
"So." Logan tugged at his hair. "Pregnant, huh?"
"Yup." Sam sat down on the couch.
"Get something to eat, Sam." Silas nudged his brother's foot with his own. "You need to pay attention to that crap now." He met Logan's eyes and twisted his lips, his message clear. Sam needed someone to look after him, and it was his alpha's job, and Logan was being derelict in his duty.
Like Logan didn't already know that.
Sam surged to his feet and stalked off to the kitchen. "Anyone want anything?" he called. "Since I'm up?"
"Nah. We're good." Silas grinned, all of his teeth showing. "Look, Logan. I want you to know that I told him, from the beginning, that you were going to leave him in the lurch."
Logan let out a little growl. "What the hell makes you think I'm going to leave him in a lurch, huh? I just found out about this today. I haven't exactly had a chance to figure out the best course of action. I get that you want me to claim him and that sounds great on paper, but it's only going to end in everyone going broke. You get that?"
Silas shook his head. "Are you kidding? Now, don't you worry your pretty little head about it. I'm going to take care of my brother, and his kid. They're my flesh and blood. But you can't sit there and convince yourself that somehow that kid's better off with a dad and an uncle. You know better."
Logan clenched his fists. How dare this man, who didn't know him from a hole in the ground, say anything about his intentions or about what was best for Logan or his family? "You have no idea what's going on, what would happen. Yes, I love him. It takes more than just love to make a relationship work. I'm not going to be able to support them if I can't maintain my position in that company, now am I?"
"What, you think he's into you for your money? You're high. For one thing, you're not that well off. For another, that's not him. He doesn't care, and we're just fine on that account, buddy."
Logan stepped forward to grab for Silas when Sam stepped into the room. He carried a plate of cheese and crackers. He sighed and put the plate down, and then got between his brother and Logan. "Both of you need to calm down. You're not going to solve anything by shouting at one another." He glared at both of the combatants. "And neither I nor my baby is a problem to be solved."
Logan turned away. That was a great sentiment. Unfortunately, real life didn't work like that. "Look, Sam, I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, Logan. Speak your mind. We're all adults here." He picked up a cracker and then put it down. "Look. I understand why you're not…" He closed those beautiful eyes of his and swallowed. "Let me try that again. We care for one another. We do, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise." He smiled a million watt grin. "That doesn't mean that there aren't obstacles. We both are who we are. I'm not suddenly going to fit in with the country club set. I don't want to fit in with the country club set. They creep me out.
"But that's important to you, and I get that. I respect that, even, and I sure as hell don't expect your very valid reasons for valuing that company or that way of life to just go out the window because the condom failed. I wanted you to know, Logan. I wanted you to know that I'm having a baby that you put there. That's all. I'm not going to be mad that you aren't going to be involved."
Logan tugged at his own hair. He wanted to throw punches, but he wasn't going to do that to Sam, and guys like the one he pretended to be didn't throw random punches. "It's not that I don't want to be involved, Sam. It's that I can't… I can't build a family like that. Like this. I'm afraid that we'll wind up broke."
Sam put a hand on his arm. It might have been the worst thing he could have done. Logan could maintain his anger when Sam was a few steps away, but having Sam in contact with him made him melt. "I know. I know, Logan. I understand that, and I respect it. I'm not asking you to build a family." He stroked Logan's arm with his thumb.
Logan blinked back tears. "How can you be so calm about this?" He pulled back from Sam's touch. It was too much, more than he could handle right now. "This is about your kid! Our kid."
"It is." Sam sat back down on the couch. "Getting mad isn't going to change anything. Getting mad isn't going to help change diapers or deal with feedings at three in the morning. That's all going to be me. I need to focus on the good things, and on my baby." He shrugged. "I don't mind kids, I've got my brother and a big community of people who care for me. That's going to have to be enough."
Sam's words were like a stab to Logan's heart, even more so because he knew that he deserved it. "You could give the baby up for adoption."
Silas charged right at him. "You son of a bitch!"
"Silas!" Sam barked the word, snarling it out.
Silas stopped just short of punching Logan in the nose. Logan hadn't seen his hand move.
Sam relaxed, just a little, and turned to his brother. "I had to think about it too, just for a second. And I'll tell both of you what I told myself. It's not an option. Silas and I, we don't have a big family. We're all that's left. It might not be easy but it's worth it for family, for us. Like I said before, it's okay for you to not be involved. We can do it on our own."
Logan sat beside him. "I don't know. I just don't know, Sam. It's… I want a family. I want a family with you, you don't know how badly. But it's just not something that can happen. Not now, probably not —" He choked himself off.
Sam waved a hand. His eyes slid away from Logan's face. "It's fine, Logan. It's fine."
"It's not fine. There has to be some kind of a way that I can be there for my kid, and for you." Logan stood up and walked across the room. "It's just not acceptable for the kid to grow up without knowing his father, if he's not going to be adopted."
Silas' lip curled. "Oh, how do you plan to do that? Going to tell your kid that you're hiding him and his dad away like some kind of creature?"
Sam flinched. Sam flinched, and Logan saw it. "Silas, he didn't sign up for this."
Logan reached out for Sam. "I kind of did, though. In a way. I mean it's always a possibility, right? And I'm freaking out, I know I'm freaking out and I'm sorry. I just don't understand why you're not freaking out. How can you be so calm about all of this?"
Sam's mouth twisted, and Logan could almost buy that it was supposed to be a smile. "I always figured that it would happen eventually, you know? Condoms aren't a hundred percent effective."
Logan shook his head and lowered his ignored hand. "Okay, I guess." He took a deep breath to steady himself. "But your whole life is going to change."
"Too late to do anything about that now." Sam picked up a cracker and put it down again.
"Aren't you worried that you'll have a harder time finding an alpha if you've already had a kid by someone else?" Logan pressed his fingertips into his temples.
"Again, it's a little late in the day to be thinking about that." Sam glowered at Logan for just a second, and Logan felt about two feet tall. He shouldn't be mentioning Sam finding another alpha, especially not when that was the last thing Logan wanted him to do, but that was the only practical solution. "Besides, I've never wasted my time sitting around and pining for some alpha, okay? That's not who I am. I knew that if I ever did get pregnant, I'd pretty much be on my own anyway. I didn't think it would be someone like you, but I knew I wasn't going to be claimed. Known it since I was a teenager. So maybe get off the whole puritan thing now that the situation can't be changed, and oh yeah, you had as big a hand as I did in doing it."
Logan covered his mouth with his hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to be shaming," he said, when he took them away. "You're right."
Sam leaned back against the couch cushions and closed his eyes. "Who knows? Maybe I'll meet the perfect alpha someday, a guy who doesn't care that I screwed up and who wants to be a part of my family. Someone who w
ants to actually be a father to my kid, or at least a father figure, but I'm not going to sit around pining for that." His green eyes flew open and he looked right into Logan's eyes. "I'm going to put my energy into building the best life possible for the family I have."
The thought of some other alpha coming along and taking what was his made Logan see red, even though it had been something he'd suggested in the first place. Sam was his, damn it. That baby was his, too, even if he thought that everyone would be better off with the kid being adopted by some nice couple far away. "Sam, damn it, I need time. Okay? You've obviously had time to think about the possibility, and you've accepted it. I'm still kind of in shock, and I'm blurting out the first thing that comes into my head. I don't think that's great for either of us, and I'm afraid of saying something that's going to hurt us both. Maybe we can table the discussion until another day?"
Silas scoffed. "Yeah, okay. You go ahead and table the talk until it's convenient for you. In the meantime, the rest of us will try to come up with a plan and go with it."
Logan was going to punch Silas one of these days. He'd probably get his ass kicked for it, but it would be worth it. "I just need some time, Sam. I'm not rejecting either of you, and I'll respect whatever decisions you make."
Sam nodded. "Of course, Logan. It's like I told you before, I'm not expecting anything from you. I just thought it was fair to let you know."
Logan nodded and took his leave. It had been fair to let him know, all right. Now he just had to figure out how to live with it.
Chapter Nine
Sam refused to sit around and be upset about Logan's reaction to the news about the baby. He just refused. Logan had his reasons for needing to break into the country club set. Fear of poverty was a powerful incentive, and Sam didn't blame him. He pitied Logan, in a very real way. Logan was almost certainly going to miss out on his first-born child's life, and that was a shame.
Maybe Logan would get his head out of his ass, but Sam wasn't going to bank on it. He could cut Logan a lot of slack because of what had happened with his family, but he wasn't going to let it affect his own decision making either. He needed to get a move on planning.
A lot of people figured that Sam was a lackadaisical, take-it-as-it-comes kind of guy, just because he didn't get worked up about much. He got that, and he didn't mind it when people made that mistake about him. They never quite got that he was able to be so laid back because he was a planner. He planned things out, and he had a plan in place for just about every contingency. That way, he had what he needed close to hand when the time came.
Yes, the baby would be a financial hit. It wouldn't be a disaster, because Sam was the one who handled the books for both Joe's and for the brothers personally. He'd been socking money away for something like this since he turned eighteen and got control of his own income. Getting the apartment ready for the baby was going to be a pain, but if he worked slowly and carefully, he'd get everything done before it became a crisis.
They'd kept the three-bedroom apartment for themselves for a reason, after all.
His first order of business was to find a doctor, one who knew how to deal with omegas. There weren't a lot of omegas in southern Maine, unfortunately. Most alphas and omegas tended to head to big cities like Boston or New York if they were more modern, or out to remote areas in the north if they wanted to hold to older traditions. There were a few omegas in the general area, though, and they all had social media. He found that most of them recommended a Dr. Young, who worked out of an office in Gray even though his admitting privileges were for the big hospital in Portland.
Sam wasn't a big fan of the idea of going into Portland to deliver his baby. He didn't see a whole lot of viable options. Plenty of towns in the counties around Portland had community hospitals, but they were smaller places. Some of them didn't even have maternity wards, never mind birth centers. They definitely wouldn't have a separate space for omegas. The last thing that a guy wanted after giving birth was someone to come in and talk to him about how to still feel "feminine" after delivery, for crying out loud. He steeled himself and made the call. Portland, and Dr. Young, would have to do.
Dr. Young turned out to be accepting new patients, which was awesome. Sam wasn't going to get much out of a visit for a few weeks, but he made the appointment now just to be on the safe side.
He did some research into nutrition during pregnancy. He didn't need a doctor for that. He'd never been a great eater. His anxieties got the better of him, a lot of the time, and he knew that he needed to be better about that. While he was making more of an effort to put food into his belly, he might as well do what he could to make sure that he was getting the right foods for his kid.
He didn't see much of Logan on Friday or Saturday, but he didn't expect to. Those were both excruciating days in their lines of work, and given that Sam was already dragging by the time last call came around, it was the last thing he wanted after a long day of wrangling drunks and he was grateful for the chance to head back to bed.
Sunday rolled around. He saw that the odious Wesley Utkin stopped by the trattoria, but Utkin didn't come over to Joe's, and Sam could absolutely live with that. He could handle Utkin, technically. Getting pregnant hadn't somehow erased his knowledge of how to throw a punch or how to roll a drunk out of the bar, but the thought of Utkin's oil-spill scent anywhere near him or his kid made him want to throw up.
Logan came in at around eight that night. Joe's had a healthy crowd, not too many people but enough to pay the bills, and Logan was able to find a seat for himself right away. He had a little bag with him and his shoulders were square and set.
Sam wasn't quite sure what to make of Logan's presence, but he mixed his martini anyway. He refused to call it hope. Affection would be a better word. No matter what happened, he would always love Logan. Logan was a good guy, even if he was more loyal to his company than to anyone else.
He slid the glass across the bar to the father of his child. Logan slid a ten back, but he paused and put a hand over Sam's. Sam's entire body hummed at his lover's touch. "What brings you by?" he asked, not daring to really look.
"I've been doing some thinking." Logan looked into Sam's eyes, and Sam thought that the earth might have moved then and there.
"Go on, get out of here." Silas swatted at Sam with a bar towel. "Go chat. I've got things here, don't worry."
"Are you sure? I don't want to leave you hanging."
"It's all good." Silas patted his shoulder and glowered at Logan.
Logan scrambled to follow Sam out. They took Siena out for a short walk to do her business and then Logan carried her up the stairs. "I don't like that you still have to carry her up the stairs, Sam," he told Sam in a solemn voice. "I mean, what about the baby?"
Sam snorted. "You know that's an old wives' tale, right? Pregnant people have been working hard for centuries. They've been carrying heavy loads, working in the fields. I'm still carrying kegs, for crying out loud, and Siena weighs less than that."
Siena wagged her tail at the mention of her name, thumping Logan in the face.
They got to the top of the stairs, and Logan put the dog down to take his bag and his martini back from Sam. Sam unlocked the apartment door. "I don't care that people have been doing it for centuries, Sam. I need for you to be safe."
Sam huffed and let them into the apartment. He didn't want to hear that nonsense from Logan, not right now. It was all well and good for Logan to say that he wanted him to be safe, but when it came right down to it Logan was still going to leave him alone. "You hungry? We can do some cheese and crackers or something until Silas is done downstairs."
Logan shook his head. "I brought up some leftover gnocchi. There's nothing in it that pregnant people shouldn't have." He reached into his paper bag and pulled out a plastic takeout container. "I'm actually having the supervising waitress close tonight. I figured it wasn't a bad idea to let someone else close sometimes." He swallowed. "If I'm going to be someone's father and ever
ything. You know."
Something welled up in Sam's chest. He thought it might be joy. "Logan…"
Logan pulled out a plastic fork. "I mean some things haven't changed. A lot of things haven't changed. But two things that haven't changed are how I feel about you, and the fact that you've got my baby growing inside of you. Even though things are a little unconventional, a father has a responsibility to his kid. I'm going to be here for him, and for you." He reached into his bag and pulled out a little onesie.
Sam took the onesie and unfolded it. "Future shortstop for the New York Yankees," he read, and looked over at his lover, fighting a smile. "You do get that Maine is Red Sox territory, right?"
Logan laughed at him. "Hey. You made the choice to sleep with a guy from Bridgeport. That's almost in New York. It's in our baby's blood."
Sam put a hand on his belly. "Our baby's blood." The phrase struck him with a sense of wonder that he hadn't felt before. He'd pushed through all of that in favor of the practical. "This is really happening. Our baby." He covered his mouth as joyful tears sprang to his eyes. "What's wrong with me? I'm not like this."
