“I’m kind of busy with work right now,” he told her, staring at the screen of his computer.
“Oh come on, you can’t be that busy. You’ve never been too busy for a quick chat before. Come on, Eddie. I need you.”
“Why? Can’t Niall look after you? He’s the man you’re tying yourself too for the rest of your life, you know. Even if you split up, he’ll still be the baby-daddy.”
“Yes, thank you. I’m well aware of that. But he’s also really busy at work right now, and I’m feeling lonely. Anyway, I’m coming over with food and booze in half an hour. Thought I’d better warn you, although you’re being such a miserable sod, I’m wishing I hadn’t bothered.”
“Maddy, I really need to work.”
“Bullshit. You need to take a break and have a proper meal. And a few glasses of red. Seeing as how I’m not meant to be drinking anymore, I can’t very well go and open the whole bottle for myself, can I? But if you’re drinking it, I could just have a little splash to keep you company.”
In the end, Maddy bulldozered over all his objections, and he found himself choosing his favourites from her hastily recited list of specials at the local Thai takeaway.
He hung up with a sigh. Maddy was right, of course. He really wasn’t all that busy, as he’d turned down his last job offer—it really hadn’t appealed, and it wasn’t like he was desperate for the cash—and had been working on something that had never even been commissioned. He’d sketched out and scanned a retro-looking illustration of a burly gardener digging in a lush garden, before adding colour on the computer. And now he was trying to choose the right font to add “Jeff White, Gardener extraordinaire” to the top.
Of course, Jeff would never want to use it. He’d probably say it was far too gay for a straight bloke like him. But Eddie couldn’t help himself. He had to do something to feel closer to Jeff. Except for picking up the phone and calling him. That was way too scary.
Eddie cast his gaze around the place. He should probably tidy up a bit before Maddy arrived. But then he had an idea for a font that just might work and set about trying it out.
When the doorbell rang, Eddie was still fiddling with the font kerning. He buzzed Maddy in, then set about feverishly tidying the worst of the crap off the sofa and coffee table.
Clearly he didn’t do a good enough job, from the way Maddy’s nose wrinkled. “Oh my God, it smells like a sock graveyard in here. Have you even opened the windows this week?” She muttered under her breath as she thrust her achingly hip insulated picnic bag in his direction, then set about airing his flat.
“Oi! If I’d wanted the windows open, I’d have done it.”
“It stinks in here. And fresh air is good for you. It’ll help cheer you up, for a start.”
“Maybe I don’t want to cheer up. Did it ever occur to you I might want to wallow in my own misery for a while?”
Maddy turned from his window. “That’s such bollocks. You’ve never wallowed before in your life. You’re the bouncing-back type. Come on. Open the wine, and that’ll cure what ails you. It’s a good one. I nicked it from Niall’s cellar.”
Knowing Niall, that probably meant they were breaking into a bottle that cost more than Eddie usually made in a month, but what the hell. He poured them both a glass, but Maddy stopped him before he was halfway through hers. “That’s plenty, thanks.”
“You really are serious about all this earth-mother, healthy-living stuff, then.”
Maddy wrinkled her nose. “Yes, I suppose. But mostly it’s because I’m getting acid reflux pretty much constantly. And the bloody morning sickness! That’s a total misnomer, you know. It happens all day long. There’s no morning about it.”
“You’re not going to throw up here, are you?” Eddie looked around in alarm. He wasn’t that house proud, but puke on his sofa cushions really wasn’t going to improve the place.
“Don’t worry. I haven’t actually been sick yet. It’s just the constant nausea that gets me. And the oversensitive nose. I can’t actually go near the bin anymore. Or clean the lavatory.”
“You’ve never cleaned a toilet in your life.”
But Maddy was ploughing on regardless. “And as for the oversensitive, swollen breasts. Don’t get me started on those.”
“No. Please don’t start on those.”
Maddy gave him a sly look. “Better find something to distract me, then, or I’ll start talking you through milk ducts and birth canals and all that malarkey the midwife keeps telling me about. But a true tale of an unrequited gay love affair could be the kind of thing that stops me mentioning just exactly what’s happening to the inside of body right now.”
Eddie was done for, he knew. No point fighting it anymore. “Fine. You want to hear about me and Jeff? Then you’re getting every sordid little detail, whether you want it or not.”
Maddy sat up straighter with a gleam in her eye.
“Are you sure you’re not a sadist after all? You seem to enjoy me suffering.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I just think it will do you good to talk.”
“Even if I really don’t want to?”
“Especially then.”
So Eddie told her everything about their trip to Bournemouth, including the collapsing bench and the bitter ending. She moved over closer to him as he spoke, and somehow he ended up with his head on her lap, speaking almost directly into her stomach.
“I hope the baby can’t understand any of this,” he said. “Don’t want to corrupt the poor little mite before he’s even taken his first breath.”
“Don’t worry, pickle. He’ll be fine.”
“You talking to me or the baby?”
“You, obviously. The baby’s a girl.”
“You know that for sure?”
“As sure as the sonographer could be. I’m going to buy unisex clothes to be on the safe side, though.”
Eddie was still confused. “But you said ‘he’ll be fine’ to me. Who’s he?”
“Jeff, obviously. Come on, Eddie. I’m meant to be the one with baby-brain here. Use your head. Clearly, Jeff just needs a bit more time to get used to the fact he’s in love with a man. Give him a chance to wrap his head around it. It’s a big step for a straight bloke.”
Love? “What makes you think he’s in love with me?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s the way he’s been treating you so well. He’s never done that with any of the girls he’s had dates with, so far as I’ve heard. But with you? He’s smitten. Giving you pet names. Cuddling up all night. Even being out in public for you.”
“In a kink club.”
“And in the hotel too, you said.”
Eddie thought about them holding hands over the table. “Yes, I suppose he was. But still—”
“But nothing. Did he, or did he not, want to carry on seeing you?”
“He did. But only as a fuck-buddy.”
“Did he actually use that word?”
“Well, no, but I could tell that’s what he was—”
“No buts, I said. Trust me, Jeff White is not the kind of man to mince his words. If he’d meant fuck-buddy, that’s what he would have said. Now think about it, what did he really say?”
Eddie thought hard, then shook his head. “I don’t know. I was pretty furious with him at the time. I’m not sure my testimony would stand up under scrutiny.”
“Then talk to him. Give him another chance. And really listen this time, because it sounds to me like he’s just scared of having feelings for another man. He’s going to need some time and patience, but from the way you talk about him, it sounds like he’s perfect for you.”
“He’s an arrogant, pigheaded bastard.”
“Like I said. Perfect for you.”
“Thanks a bunch. Fine friend you are.” Eddie started to get up, but Maddy held him down.
�
�You need someone you can’t easily manipulate. Someone down-to-earth. Can you have a laugh with him? Chat easily?”
“Yeah, we used to be able to.”
“And the sex is fantastic?”
“Off the scale,” Eddie said morosely.
“And you think you love him.”
“I do love him. Even if he doesn’t deserve it.”
“Deserving it has nothing to do with it. If you wait around for someone who truly deserves your love, you’ll be waiting forever. We’ve all got our flaws. You can be a good Dom and still have issues.”
“I thought you used to say Niall was perfect.”
Maddy snorted. “Hardly. But he’s perfect for me. And he’s very patient with me too. That helps. Although I think the pregnancy hormones are proving to be a bit of a challenge for him. But he’s doing well, bless him. I can’t complain. Not much, anyway.”
They sat like that for a while, with Maddy twirling her fingers in his hair, while Eddie mused on the whole situation. “I’m not saying I won’t give him another chance,” he eventually said, “but he’ll have to earn it. There’s stuff he needs to do. I don’t want him hiding in the closet, too afraid to even touch my dick in case it makes him visibly gay or something.”
“Just give him a bit more time,” Maddy said. “He’ll come around. And if he doesn’t, I’m setting Niall on him.”
“Oh.” It was nice to know his friends were looking out for him, but still. “I can fight my own battles, you know.”
“Of course you can,” Maddy soothed, but he was sure he heard doubt in her voice.
Damn it. Eddie would prove he had backbone. He wasn’t about to give in to Jeff just because he could do The Voice and The Look. That would be pathetic.
He wasn’t going to give in to Jeff’s toppy ways. And if this was going to work out, Jeff would have to apologise and make things good without attempting to dominate Eddie. He was going to have to grovel.
Chapter Thirty-One
The Fox and Hen was absolutely heaving—standing-room only—as it usually was when there was a premiership match on the big screen. Chelsea were playing Arsenal, and so Tony had driven over from Trowbridge and insisted they watch the game together, just like old times. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. Nothing except Jeff, who just couldn’t get his heart behind cheering the boys in blue on.
But he did his best, watching the screen and joining in with the outraged insults and jubilant cheers when everyone else did. He even made the mistake of joining in with the Arsenal supporters at one point, but a dirty look from his brother set him straight. No one seemed to have noticed he wasn’t his usual self. No one except Tony, anyway, who’d told him he was being a miserable git and had gone to get another round in. Jeff was still only halfway through his first. Maybe he did need to drink more. He took another swig of his lager, but it might as well have been fizzy water. Nothing seemed to have any flavour these last few days. He’d been chewing his meals mechanically, no real enjoyment in the act.
Tony jostled his way between a group of cheering Arsenal supporters—they’d just scored—and made his way back to Jeff’s pillar. He put two full pints down on the shelf next to Jeff’s half-empty one. “God, you still nursing that one? You sure you’re not coming down with something, mate? You’re looking kind of green around the gills.”
“Nah, I don’t think so.” Not unless gayness counted as an illness, and Jeff was fairly certain Eddie would have something to say about that. “I’m just knackered.” That much was true. He’d spent the morning lugging a truckful of sacks of sand and cement around, and that was on top of a restless night.
“You work too bloody hard,” Tony said. “Don’t want to end up like Dad, do you? You should get yourself something a bit easier. My new job’s well cushty. I could see if they’ve got any vacancies coming up. Put in a word for you.” Tony was now a security operative, although as far as Jeff could see that was just a poncier way of saying night watchman.
“I don’t want to work nights.” And more to the point, he didn’t want to spend his working life wandering around a deserted industrial estate in the dark. “Dunno how you put up with it. And having to wear that stupid uniform.”
“Hey, Denise loves the uniform. Says it makes her hot. She went and bought a pair of fur-lined handcuffs to go with it too, so we can play, if you know what I mean.” Tony’s eyebrows waggled up and down suggestively.
A memory of Eddie cuffed to Jeff’s bed, legs spread wide, taunted Jeff from behind his eyelids. He tried to ignore it. “You’re into all that kinky stuff, then?”
Tony screwed up his nose. “It’s all right. I dunno. I’m happy with whatever so long as I get to come, but Denise has got a bee in her bonnet about spicing things up. Next thing I know, she’s going to get me a doctor’s coat or something. Or maybe I should suggest a nurse’s outfit for her. You know, a really short one, maybe in PVC.” Tony’s eyes lit up.
“Nice one.” Jeff raised his glass and forced himself to have another gulp.
Tony was clearly warming to the idea. “I could get it for her for her birthday. Where do you think I’d buy something like that? On eBay?”
“You could try Honour Fetish Wear,” Jeff suggested, then took another swig of beer to shut himself up.
Tony tipped his head back and gave him a sly look. “Oh yeah? You’ve been shopping there before, have you?”
Yes, just last week, because he hadn’t wanted to let Eddie down on their club night. He’d been determined to make a good impression, even if he never got to wear his leather jeans again. But he didn’t share any of that with Tony. Instead he just shook his head. “I’ve just heard about it. You know. From Niall.”
Tony just kept looking at him, and it made Jeff want to scratch his neck, but he couldn’t. Not when he was holding his pint in one hand and leaning against the pillar with the other. Jeff rushed to fill the awkward silence with words. “You can get other stuff online too. You know, for the nurse’s outfit. Medical examination kit. Pinwheels and so on.”
“What the fuck’s a pinwheel?”
“Pretty much what it sounds like. A little metal wheel with sharp points on it. You run it over someone’s skin. All the especially sensitive parts.”
“Never had no doctor do that to me before.”
“It’s meant for testing your reactions.”
“Yeah?” Tony narrowed his eyes. “You seem to know an awful lot about this for someone who’s never been on this pervy website.”
“Niall showed it to me. You know what a dirty bastard he is.”
Tony sipped his lager with a thoughtful expression. “He’s one of them Doms, isn’t he?”
“I think so.”
“You should watch it, mate. Next thing you know, he’ll have you tied up and strapped down over a table while he does unspeakable things to your backside. You know, like that scene in Pulp Fiction. You remember? When they’ve got those rubber balls in their mouths? Bloody disgusting, that was. Dunno how any self-respecting man can get off on being used like that.”
“That was a rape scene,” Jeff pointed out. “I don’t think they were meant to be getting off on it.”
“Yeah, but some blokes do, don’t they? Bloody weirdos. Imagine wanting to do that. Being tied up and abused, or, you know, getting down on your knees and sucking cock. That’s a woman’s job. Revolting.”
Jeff was filled with the urge to punch Tony’s big fat mouth. He’d gone along with that kind of homophobic ranting in the past, just because that was what they’d been brought up with. But now it wasn’t some faceless, stereotypical gay man Tony was insulting. It was Eddie.
And if he was perfectly honest, it was Jeff too.
And come to think of it, he was fairly sure Tony had just insulted women too. He recalled Eddie’s photo holding up that feminism sign, and why he’d done it. It had struck a chord at the
time. Jeff had even agreed to do one himself, he seemed to remember, although since that hadn’t happened yet, it seemed unlikely it ever would.
“You think it’s a woman’s job to suck cock?”
Tony smirked and raised his glass. “I’ll drink to that.”
But when Jeff didn’t respond in kind, Tony’s smirk faded. Jeff placed his glass down carefully, determined not to give in to temptation and throw the dregs of his beer at Tony’s smug face. “You think that’s all women are good for, do you?”
“Well, that and cleaning and bringing up kids and shit. I mean, yeah, some of them are pretty shit hot at work too, but there’s some stuff birds are just naturally better at than men. Like sucking cock.” The smirk was back again.
“Yeah? You ever had a bloke suck you off? You know, for comparison’s sake?”
Tony grimaced. “Don’t be disgusting.”
“It’s not disgusting. Best blowjob I’ve ever had in my life was off a man, so don’t you go telling me all women are naturally better at it.”
Tony’s slack-jawed expression would’ve been amusing if Jeff had been in a better mood. But then something shifted in Tony’s eyes, and he laughed loudly. The sound grated on Jeff’s eardrums.
“Nice one, mate.” Tony slapped him on the back. “You really had me going there. As if you’d ever let a bloke suck you off! You’re straighter than a fucking ruler, you are. Thirteen years with the same bird. Speaking of which, you need to let me set you up with this mate of Denise’s. She’s well up for it, she is.”
“I’m okay, thanks.”
“What? You must be gagging for it by now. Or have you had luck with that dating agency at last?”
“Something like that.”
“Oh yeah? What’s she like? Come on, mate. Spill the beans.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”
Tony pulled a face. “All right, all right. Keep your hair on. I was only making conversation. Jesus, you’re touchy today, bro. You sure you’re not coming down with something?”
How to Train Your Dom in Five Easy Steps Page 26
