Yes. An overwhelming urge to punch you, then head over to Eddie’s place and shag him senseless.
“Maybe I am.” Jeff glanced up at the big screen and couldn’t even bring himself to care that Chelsea had now equalised. “I think I’d better head home and lie down for a bit.”
“You’ll miss dinner.” The plan had been to head back to Tony’s new place in a taxi and spend the night there, but since Jeff had only had a pint of weak lager, he should be okay to drive still.
“You know what, I’m feeling kind of funny. Wouldn’t want to pass a bug on to you or the kids. Probably best I just clear off now, out of everyone’s way.”
“Yeah, you do that. I’ll text you to let you know who wins.”
“Nah, don’t bother. I’ll catch the highlights later.”
“Suit yourself.” Tony pouted a little, but he slapped Jeff on the shoulder as he left, and told him to drive safe.
Outside, Jeff sat in the cab of his truck with the engine running, trying to calm his breathing. He’d been so bloody close to punching Tony’s lights out, and while it certainly wouldn’t be the first time in his life he’d beaten up his brother, he was a hell of a lot bigger now than the last time they’d fought. As far as he could remember, it had been over who got to have the next ride in their go-cart.
Scuffles between kids was one thing. With adults, it was quite another, and half the reason Jeff had shaved his head and pumped his muscles up so large was to look intimidating enough to be able to avoid fights altogether.
And what would his mum have said if she’d found out he’d hit Tony? She’d want to know why, and she was a lot sharper than Tony. She’d just be able to take one look at Jeff’s face and know what was really going on. And then his dad would find out Jeff was carrying on with a man. And then all hell would break loose.
No, best he kept his family out of this altogether.
But he did want to prove Tony wrong about it being degrading and disgusting for men to give blowjobs. And there was really only one way to do that.
Jeff eased off the handbrake, shifted into first gear and headed out of the car park. The main road ran south to Jeff’s house, and north towards Bradford on Avon.
Jeff turned north.
Fifteen minutes later, he was standing outside the main door of Eddie’s building. Should he have texted? What if Eddie wasn’t even in?
Fuck it. Only one way to find out.
Jeff pressed the buzzer.
What felt like hours later—but which his watch assured him hadn’t been more than a few seconds—Eddie’s voice crackled through the speaker.
“I think you’d better come on up.” The door clicked as the lock released.
Jeff decided to take that as a sign he’d been forgiven.
All the way up the stairs, he tried to think of what he was going to say to Eddie. He’d already planned out what he was going to do to him, but words had been left out of his fantasies. Maybe he wouldn’t need to say anything. Maybe Eddie would welcome him with open arms and kisses.
One look at Eddie’s face made him realise he wasn’t going to get off that lightly.
Jeff halted on the last step, suddenly unsure of himself. He should have taken the time to stop at the garage and buy flowers or wine or something. Did gay men like that kind of thing? Or was it just for women? No, he had to stop thinking that way. It wasn’t fair to anyone if he kept comparing Eddie to a woman.
And of course, that brought back their argument on Sunday morning. “I’m sorry,” tumbled out of his lips before he’d had a chance to bottle out.
Eddie’s glare softened a little, but he still looked wary.
“Can I come inside?” He didn’t want to have to do all this out on the stairwell. What if the neighbours heard?
Eddie paused, and for one horrible moment, Jeff thought he’d been let up here just to be given the brush-off in person, but then Eddie gave a peculiar, tight-lipped smile and stepped back, holding the door open.
“Thanks.”
Eddie’s smile twisted again, and even a knucklehead like Jeff couldn’t miss the sadness in his eyes. All of a sudden, the anger that had driven Jeff here evaporated. Why did he even give a fuck what an idiot like his little brother thought anyway? Even if he lost Tony’s respect, they’d still always be brothers. That tie couldn’t be broken.
But whatever it was that held him and Eddie together was new and fragile, and if Jeff didn’t do some rapid repair work, it just might snap.
And he didn’t think he could bear that.
“This is going to take more than a blowjob to fix, isn’t it?” Jeff said.
Eddie’s eyes went hostile again. “If you think I’m going to get down on my knees and suck your cock, you’ve got another thing coming, mate. I might be a total slut for your whole toppy vibe, but I’ve got some self-respect.”
Jeff ground his knuckles into his eyes and sighed. “Fuck, that wasn’t what I meant. This isn’t how this was supposed to go in my head.”
“Uh-huh. I suppose by now we’d be naked and humping like crazy?”
“Yes. I mean no! Not like that. I was going to… I mean, I wanted to…” Could he say it? “Eddie. I think I’m gay.”
“Really. Because just last week you were adamant you were no such thing. You’ll have to forgive me if I treat your sudden conversion with a great big dollop of scepticism.” Eddie’s tone was acid, but Jeff could still see the bruised hurt in his eyes.
“Look, I know you get bitchy when you’re hurt, but please, could we just sit down somewhere so I can explain myself properly?”
Eddie stared at him for a long moment. Then his shoulders slumped, and all the fight went out of him. “Okay. Jesus Christ, I really must have it bad if I don’t object to you calling me bitchy. Do you want a drink? I see you haven’t brought any yourself. Tip for the newbie gay guy: men appreciate kiss-and-make-up presents every bit as much as women do. I’d have been happy with anything. You know, a bottle of something nice, chocolates, fancy undies. Even a bunch of flowers picked from your own garden would have been a nice gesture.”
“I wanted to get here as fast as possible. While I still had the nerve,” Jeff mumbled, his cheeks heating.
“Well, at least you’re being honest rather than giving me some bullshit about the shops being closed or your car breaking down. I suppose that’s something.” Eddie turned and walked down the hall to the kitchen, and Jeff followed gratefully.
“So tell me,” Eddie said, his head in the fridge. “What happened to make you change your mind about the whole sexual-orientation thing?”
“I don’t know, exactly.”
“You’ll have to do better than that.”
Jeff watched Eddie fill the kettle and ready the mugs while he pondered his answer. Would it seem naff to admit to it being down to an argument with his brother over the football? Maybe he should say something about a divine revelation or something. But then Eddie seemed to want honesty.
“I’ve been miserable for days,” he said eventually, after Eddie had handed him a mug of tea. “Ever since Sunday morning.”
“Sounds like a classic guilty conscience.”
“It’s not.” Jeff paused at Eddie’s sneer. “Yeah, okay, it’s that too. I shouldn’t have said any of that crap, and I’ve apologised already, but that’s not all it is, okay? I’ve been looking around. At other blokes, and I’m noticing stuff about them that’s sexy.”
“But you still fancy women, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“So you’re bi. Not gay.”
“Does it matter?”
Eddie shrugged and took a gulp of his tea.
“Look, I might fancy women still, but I don’t want to be in a relationship with one of them anymore. I want to have a boyfriend, not a girlfriend.”
“So why does that make yo
u miserable? You can have all the cock you want. Gorge yourself. The gay world is your oyster.”
“I don’t want lots of cock. Just yours.”
“Really? Because you haven’t acted all that interested in it so far. Other than a couple of very brief reach-arounds, I don’t think you’ve ever touched it. You certainly haven’t tasted it.”
“But I want to. It’s all I’ve been thinking about.”
“Really.” Eddie didn’t look like he believed a word of it. “Well, it’s not the most romantic come-on I’ve ever had, but lucky for you, I’m not the romantic type. But you are going to have to prove all this to me.” Eddie went for his fly and very deliberately unbuttoned it. He tugged out his limp dick and stood there with his arms crossed.
Jeff nodded and dropped to his knees.
This wasn’t how it was meant to go at all. His first blowjob wasn’t meant to be given on his knees on the kitchen floor. And of course, in his fantasies he’d pictured Eddie gagging for it, already hard and dripping with pre-come.
But if this was the hand he’d been dealt, he’d just have to do his best. And he figured the way to start out would probably be with a kiss. He’d have preferred to work his way down Eddie’s body, starting at his lips, but here went nothing. He didn’t have to feel submissive, though. He gripped hold of Eddie’s hips and pushed him back against the fridge, letting him feel the strength in his arms. Eddie gave a surprised “oof”, but Jeff was pleased to see his cock stir as it began filling with blood.
He pursed up and leaned in to kiss Eddie’s dick. It felt so smooth and vulnerable beneath his lips. Protectiveness welled up inside him. He was going to cherish this cock. It was his to look after now. Even if Eddie didn’t know that just yet.
And hopefully it would be his to spank and abuse too, but only with Eddie’s express permission. For now, it was all about convincing Eddie he could do the whole dick-loving part. They’d deal with the cock torture another day.
Eddie sniffed. “Well? Is that it? Because I’ve got to tell you, I’ve had better. Blowjobs generally involve getting a cock inside your mouth. Not just kissing it.”
“Shut up.” Jeff inhaled deeply. Eddie smelled of citrus shower gel and musk. “I’m working my way up to it.” This time, he licked a stripe up Eddie’s cock. It was definitely plumper now and starting to lift up a little. He took one hand off Eddie’s hip to take hold of it, carefully peeling the foreskin back. The smell here was stronger, and he just touched the tip of his tongue to Eddie’s piss slit, wanting to sample the flavour before going the whole hog.
“Jesus,” Eddie breathed as his cock hardened in Jeff’s hand. Jeff’s own was busy fattening up too, clearly excited by the smell and taste of another dick. Yup. Definitely gay. Or bi. Whatever. The important thing was, Jeff loved cock.
Eddie’s cock in particular.
But Eddie probably wouldn’t believe him until he took it inside his mouth. Jeff looked up at him, trying to judge how he was doing. Eddie’s eyes were wide open and staring, but Jeff couldn’t figure out his expression.
“Go on, then,” Eddie said.
Right. Only one thing for it. Jeff opened his mouth and filled it with flesh.
After a few moments of struggling with keeping his teeth out of the way, Jeff began to relax and explore with his tongue. Eddie had almost reached full mast now, and he was making those super-delicious turned-on noises Jeff always enjoyed. Oh yeah, he was obviously doing something right.
Confidence poured through him, warming him inside. He could do this. He could get the hang of being a gay man and having gay sex. Proper gay sex, where he took as well as gave. His arsehole clenched at the thought, but if that was what Eddie wanted to try, he’d happily give it a go. He’d give anything a go if he got to spend more time like this, with Eddie in his mouth and in his life.
“Okay, that’s enough. Christ, that’s enough, stop it!” Eddie pushed Jeff’s head back until he popped out of his mouth. “Oh Jesus bloody fuck, why did I let you do that?”
“Because you wanted me to.” That was a no-brainer. “No man turns down a blowjob. Ever. Even I didn’t, back when I thought I was straight.”
Eddie didn’t reply, and his arm was still shielding his eyes.
Oh fuck. Doubts bubbled up from somewhere in the region of Jeff’s gut. Had he really been that bad at it?
“I’ll get better with time,” he promised. “And practice. Lots of practice.”
“That’s not it. You were fine for a first-timer.”
“Well then, I don’t get it.” Jeff sat back on his heels, perplexed. This was starting to remind him of one of those times Sarah would get all moody and he’d have to figure it out or she’d end up sleeping in the spare room. “Come on. Tell me what’s up? I can’t read minds.”
Eddie finally took his hand away from his eyes and looked down at Jeff. His eyelashes were all wet and sticking together in clumps, and then Jeff realised why he’d been hiding them.
He’d been crying.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Eddie buttoned up his fly and swallowed back his tears as best he could, determined not to give in to them. It was bad enough letting Jeff see this.
It was humiliating, and not in a good way.
Eddie had been splayed out and sexually tortured in front of an audience many a time, but he’d never, ever felt as naked and as exposed as he did right now. And that look of earnest bewilderment on Jeff’s face was only twisting the knife into his heart.
“I don’t get it,” Jeff was still saying. “Talk to me Eddie. Tell me what it is so I can put it right.”
Eddie swallowed a few more times, not really trusting his voice yet, but he had to give Jeff something. The poor bloke was getting to his feet now and hugging himself like he didn’t trust his arms not to do something crazy.
“Eddie? Please?”
“This isn’t going to work,” Eddie said.
“What isn’t? Me giving you a blowjob? I don’t see why not. I could tie you up first if that made it any better for you.”
Eddie snorted, snot bubbling out of his nose. Oh, that was attractive. Way to pull the newly bi bloke. “I’m sure being tied up would make it more fun, but it’s still not what I’m after. I can’t do this, Jeff. I can’t be your dirty little secret. I haven’t gone through my whole adult life as an out gay man, only to go running back into the closet and pretending to be just your friend. Or your mystery girlfriend who hides up in your room when your mum comes round.”
Understanding dawned on Jeff’s face. “Oh, you’re still upset about that?”
“No, not exactly. I get why you want to pass as straight if your family are really that bad. It’s much easier for bi guys to get away with that. But there’s no future for us, is there? If you won’t come out and I won’t hide, I don’t see how it can work.”
“Wait a minute.” Jeff grabbed Eddie’s shoulders now, dislodging a fridge magnet, which clattered to the floor. “Who says I’m not coming out?”
“You do. Ever since I’ve known you, you haven’t missed a chance to remind me of how straight you are. Why should things be any different now you’ve had a taste of my cock?”
Jeff shook his head impatiently. “You’re an idiot. Everything’s different. And not just coz I tasted your cock either.”
“No? Why then?” Eddie held his breath waiting for the answer.
“Because I figured something out. I love you.”
Eddie stared, dumbstruck. He wasn’t being given a line, he was sure. Jeff looked deadly earnest and intense. Eddie’s heart trembled, and for some reason, he felt like he was about to vomit.
“You love me? How do you know?”
Jeff huffed. “Maybe because I can’t stop thinking about you? And not just the sexy bits. I miss chatting with you and stuff like that. And your smile. I miss that. Yeah, there it is. I want more of that
smile in my life.”
Eddie’s heart swelled dangerously, but there was one last thing he had to get clear before he kissed the living daylights out of Jeff. “And you’d be willing to come out? It doesn’t have to be straight away, but I’d want you to work your way up to it.”
Jeff ran his hands down Eddie’s arms and took hold of his hands. “I can’t pretend the idea doesn’t scare me shitless, but…” Jeff’s gaze skittered about the room. Then it landed somewhere, and his eyes widened. Eddie found the source of his fascination pinned on the noticeboard: the printout of his ad for Jeff’s gardening business.
Shit.
“What is that?” Jeff strode over to the board and now all Eddie could see was the back of his head. Hard to get a read on what Jeff was thinking.
“Just something I was working on. More to keep myself amused than anything else. I mean, I don’t expect you to use it or anything.”
“You did this for me?” Now Jeff had turned back to him, and if it weren’t so patently ridiculous, Eddie would have said there were tears glittering in his eyes. Men like Jeff didn’t cry, though.
But maybe this one did. Jeff walked back to him, and up close, the awestruck emotion in his face was obvious. “I can’t believe you did that for me. And you never even said anything about it.”
“We haven’t exactly been talking this last week.”
“Nobody’s ever made me anything like that before. I’m truly honoured.”
Eddie wanted to protest it was only a design, same as he’d do for any of his clients, but that wasn’t exactly true, was it? He’d put his heart and soul into that drawing, and he’d worked late into the night even though he knew he’d never be paid for his efforts. And so he simply smiled and said thank you.
It was the right thing to say. Jeff smiled back, then pulled a resolute expression. “I’m still scared, but after you doing something like that for me… Yeah, I want you to come for lunch with me at my folks’ tomorrow. My brother and his wife and kids will be there too, so you can meet the whole family.”
“They already know?”
How to Train Your Dom in Five Easy Steps Page 27
