by Sally Morgan
Told ya I’d make her pay, Annie!
Janey can’t walk good yet
but she is walking proud
Teacher’s got ugly glasses
They not her glasses
Janey says
they borrowed
She can’t see much
That’s why she wearing
her top inside out today
Ugly glasses
make Teacher’s eyeballs
huge
Knife-face got bug eyes
says Tim
Today’s an ice day
says Janey
Me feet are ice
Me hands are ice
What about your head, Annie?
Is it ice?
I nod
Even my breath is ice
I can see it floating in the air
Sorry, Annie
Janey says
but I forgot to count
Been more than two weeks
You wanna check ya hair?
My hands fly to my head
Has my hair grown?
It feels longer!
Just a little bit
When will it reach my ears?
Be lots and lots of two weeks
before it tickles ya neck, Annie
Wish I had a hat
to cover my prickly skull
No sun today
just dark clouds
and sharp air
Wish I had a jumper
to keep me warm
Janey’s jumper has a baggy neck
and a too-long sleeve
I made this meself, Annie
I’m good with knittin’
Sometimes outside people
remember us
and give old yarn
Or if they give
jumpers with holes
I can pull ’em apart
and make somethin’ better
If more warm stuff comes
I’ll make Tim a new jumper
Make you one too
I shudder
my skin is bumpy
my teeth are clicking together
my bones are stiff
All of me is ice!
Poor thing
you shakin’ all over!
Janey pulls an arm out her jumper
Here, stick your arm
in me sleeve
Be better than nothin’!
I wriggle my arm inside
The sleeve is warm from Janey’s arm
Feels good
It’s hard to walk to school
joined by a jumper
I try not to pull hard
Some of Janey’s still bruised
Dot and Emmy link arms
pretend to walk wonky
like me and Janey
They are so funny
Nancy gets the giggles
Then Janey gets the giggles
She gets them so bad
she makes me giggle too
Suddenly
I am giggling and crying
The crying giggles have got me
and I can’t stop
I cry for me
for Janey and Tim
for Mum and my little sister
for everyone and everything
I trip
and fall
to the ground
Janey lands next to me
I hear myself sobbing
Janey, Janey!
Janey squeals
Annie, you can talk!
three
Kookaburras
cockatoos
magpies
mudlarks
galahs
swoop
gossip
call out
make Tim smile
Tim loves birds
He squishes his mouth
with his hands
so his coughs
don’t scare them
Specially mudlarks
Tim spying on birds
Little sister spying on kangaroos
Wish she was curled in my lap
Wish I was showing her birds with Tim
Sometimes
Tim catches me watching him
Hey, Annie
Hey, Tim
I still don’t speak much
but Tim makes me talk
You love birds, Annie?
Yeah, Tim
Janey makes me talk too
You love trees, Annie?
Yeah, Janey
Love birds
Love trees
Love my new friends more
Teacher draws
a white cross
on the floor
with chalk
Points at me with her stick
Stand here, Annie!
If I stand on the cross
I will be out the front
facing stares
from every kid in the room
with Teacher standing
behind me
Teacher glares at me
Points again
I push back my chair
stand on the white cross
elbows pressed in
hands over my guts
No one looks
like they will laugh
They just look sorry
Stand straight
with your arms down
Now, repeat after me
Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was white as snow
everywhere that Mary went
the lamb was sure to go
So many english words
to say
all at once
I stutter and stumble
through the words
and when I get
to the last line
I get it wrong and say
the ham was sure to glow
The other kids bust out laughing
Teacher whacks me
but the edge misses
Tomorrow
we will do this again
We will do it every day
until you can say it perfectly
Teacher shoves
a rag into my hand
Now, clean the chalk
from the floor
Later, Janey says
That rhyme is for babies
Teacher wants you to feel dumb
and look dumb
but you ain’t dumb, Annie
Stupid Mary
and her little white lamb
can get lost!
Bit by bit
my hair gets longer
Bit by bit
Tim’s cough gets louder
His lips are blue
says Janey
Bad sign!
Janey yells at Tim
to wear his jumper
Too hot, sis!
She feels his face
You sweatin’!
We steal bread for Tim
Janey shows me how to do it
without getting caught
Stick it down ya top, Annie
then hunch over little bit
cross ya arms
like ya cold
No one will see the bump
Janey is making me a good stealer
We soften bread with water
Tim coughs it up with snot
Janey pokes Tim’s ribs
You gettin’ bony, little brother
I’ll catch you a gilgie
Nancy told me a spot
Nancy can’t come with us
She’s doing jobs
jobs
jobs
no more school for Nancy
now she’s fourteen
just jobs
Reckon Nancy might run
says Janey
She sick of bein’ bossed
She sick of bein’ spied on
Wants her own life
Wants to be free
You watch
she gunna run!
Tim frowns
When I’m fourteen
will I work for strangers?
Yeah
Janey says
till then ya stuck here
Tim stares at Janey
What if I hate where they send me?
What if they mean people?
Janey fixes sad eyes on him
Don’t matter, Tim
If someone needs a worker
you stuck there
Ain’t got no choice
But why, Janey?
She shrugs
Government don’t like our family
Don’t like Annie’s family
Or Nancy’s
That’s why they took us
to make us forget our families
to make us forget our country
to make us what they want
I won’t be what they want
specially not on the inside
Grandpa told me
our people been in our country
forever
This is your home place, my girl
Your heart place
You remember that
My heart tells me
it’s the same
for Janey and Tim’s family
same for Nancy
same for all the kids here
Tim says
I won’t forget, sis
Can’t forget yourself!
says Janey
We all laugh
On our way to the creek
Janey shows me bush flowers
peeping out at the world
billy buttons
pepper and salt
boronia
Janey squats down
touches a billy button gently
Billy buttons
are like baby suns
I like billy buttons too
Billy buttons are a smile
on the ground
Tim coughs
Hurry up, you girls!
I’m gettin’ hungry for gilgie!
The spot Nancy told us is good
We search the muddy shallows
for gilgie shadows
Tim says
There! Three gilgies!
Me and Janey jump in
Splash!
Grab gilgies
Water is so cold
Tim yells
I wanted to catch them!
Not warm enough
Janey says
You only swim
when it’s hot
Your chest still rattlin’!
Tim huffs and puffs
Lucky you girls
didn’t squash them gilgies!
We make fire
in a hollow in the ground
Fire is good medicine
I love blowing on the flames
seeing them flicker higher
watching wood burn hotter
cooking gilgies
Campfire makes me feel safe
for a little bit
Eat slowly
Janey tells Tim
Don’t cough it up
Tim nibbles gilgie
Janey and me
eat what Tim can’t fit in
You know what Teacher eats, Annie?
says Janey
Jam and cream!
True! I seen her
Haa
says Tim
Don’t make her sweet!
Bush tucker’s better
says Janey
I bet queens
eat gilgies for breakfast!
No one can see us here
Just trees
lizards
birds
and wildflowers
Catching gilgies
making fire
eating bush food
being with friends
keeps me strong
stops me breaking
When I look into the fire
I pretend I’m not in a bad place
I pretend I am home
Clang! Clang! Clang!
Gotta run!
says Janey
We race along the riverbank
Thump, thump, thump
Tim huffs and puffs
coughs up snot
but gilgie stays down
Tim trips
falls toward the water
Janey darts
grabs his shirt
throws him at me
slides down the bank
Splash!
into the river shallows
I scramble
quick
Help her out
Sis, you okay?
wheezes Tim
Course!
says Janey
Janey shakes herself
I twist her dress
squeeze water out
We walk to the eating place
Tim moans
I don’t want stinky soup
Who wants soup after gilgie?
Nancy is mad at Janey
Shoulda told me you fell in!
No time, Nancy
Bell was ringin’!
We locked in now
Can’t steal you dry clothes
Janey laughs
You no good at stealin’ anyway
Dot grabs a handful of Janey’s dress
twists hard
No water comes out
What we gunna do, Nancy?
Still feels wet
Nancy grabs Janey’s jumper
pulls it over Janey’s head
Sleep curled up
Janey slips into bed
We tuck her blanket tight
Only her nose pokes out
Stay like that all night
bosses Nancy
I wake early
Janey has an extra blanket
Nancy is squeezed in with Dot
snoring
I like Nancy
I can count
1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
I can spell Annie
A – N – N – I – E
I do jobs
go to school
eat stinky soup
But I’m still not the Annie
they want me to be
They call me Annie
I answer to Annie
But they don’t know
who I really am
They don’t know Janey
Tim
Nancy
Emmy
Dot
Inside
we are all secrets
dreaming secret dreams
of another life
My language name
is still hiding
When I go home
and see Mum
it will spring out
like a seed sprouting
Till then it’s a secret
Me
on the inside
is a secret
to the outside world
Only way to stay safe
from the world of this place
World of school
work
bossing
World of forgetting
World I don’t understand
I am like Janey
I keep my secrets hidden
Gilgie is good medicine
Tim is breathing easy
Snot’s gone
cough’s small
lips not blue
But now Janey’s sick
Tim feels Janey’s face
You gettin’ hot like I got hot!
I’m catchin’ you a gilgie
Make you strong!
Janey grabs his arm
I’ll be bustin’ mad if you try!
Days are still too cold, Tim
Promise you won’t!
Yeah, yeah, bossy sister!
Promise good way!
Tim spits on a finger
crosses his heart
Janey lets him go
I’ll be watchin’ you!
Can’t watch me always!
Janey goes to yell<
br />
chokes
spits muck
Tim looks sorry
Promise I won’t, Janey!
Promise I’ll stay away
from cold water
I’m worrying for Janey
When it’s dark
and all the girls are asleep
Janey’s coughing wakes me
She is sitting up
in bed
under her blanket
Don’t cough so bad
if I sit up
she croaks
Someday, Annie
I’m takin’ Tim to see the family
He’ll get lotsa hugs
Won’t be lost no more
Janey coughs
If I take him home
he’ll know
the stuff I said’s true
Dunno how I’m gunna do it
but I am
She plucks at her blanket
Should I give up hopin’?
Am I crazy, Annie?
I pat my chest
I’m crazy with hopin’!
Janey giggles
then coughs
and coughs
Poor Janey
I think she needs medicine
Next night I talk to Nancy
I got no medicine, Annie
Gotta be dyin’ round here
before they give ya medicine
Nancy has a look at Janey
You crook?
I’m hot, Nancy
like I wanna melt
but I’m cold too
like I’m ice
Sleep in your jumper
Janey shakes her head
Nancy feels Janey’s face
Lie on ya bed
Janey lies on her bed
Her face is shiny with sweat
but her teeth are clicking together
Nancy, Emmy, Dot and me
hold up her blanket
flap it about to cool
the hot part of her
When Janey falls asleep
we lay the blanket over her
Don’t wanna get too cold
when you got a chill
says Nancy
Don’t worry, Annie
I’m gunna tell Nurse
Janey needs medicine
After school
Nancy grabs me
Come on, Annie
Got a surprise!
I follow her to the creek
She points to a branch in the water
They hidin’ under there
Gilgies?
She nods
I’ll lift that branch
you catch ’em
Nancy heaves
Splash!
I jump in
throw gilgies on the bank
Four gilgies!
Get Janey
says Nancy
Get Emmy and Dot too?
Nancy shakes her head
Nuh, I’m dodgin’ ’em
They like gilgie too much!
I rush back
Find Janey sitting with Tim
in the crying tree
You got medicine?
I ask Janey
Yeah
Nurse made me swallow oily stuff
Just gotta bad cold
I’ll be okay
Janey doesn’t look okay
I bend down
speak soft
Nancy got better medicine
Janey and Tim
follow me through the bush
I walk slow
so Janey doesn’t hurry
