by Sally Morgan
Hey, prickly little sou’wester
Nancy calls
Want some fat gilgie?
Janey sits near the fire
We all eat gilgie
This a good place for gilgies
Nancy says
You fellas catch lotsa gilgies here
Okay?
Janey looks up
Why you tellin’ us?
They sendin’ you out to work
Nancy pokes out her bottom lip
Been told I’m the next girl to go
but I’m makin’ me own plans
I’m takin’ off
You fellas won’t see me for dust!
Janey was right
Nancy is running
Tim gets up
Hugs Nancy
Gunna miss ya
Cut it out, little fella
She pushes him away
You make me blubber!
Nancy leans forward
Listen, Janey
you gotta get well
Before I go
I need some stealin’ done!
Nancy belly-laughs
gets us all giggling
Janey told me
her most secret secret
Her real name
I told her
my most secret secret
My real name
We promised each other
to keep our secret secrets safe
Me and Janey are good
at keeping special things safe
Sun is burning
brighter and brighter
Days are getting
warmer and warmer
Birds are calling
louder and louder
feeding their hungry babies
But sun’s heat
can’t fix Janey
Gilgie meat
can’t fix Janey
Janey shakes
chokes
spits
sweats
her head hurts
her skin burns
her ears ache
Tonight
Janey’s bed is empty
Last night and night before
Janey’s bed was empty too
Nurse put her in the hospital ward
Tonight
I am squeezing my laughing stone
sometimes it helps to hold something
sometimes it makes me smile
but not tonight
I am just too lonely for Janey
If I was home
Mum would help Janey
If I was home
my aunties would help too
Rub her chest
Give her bush medicine
I gaze at Janey’s empty bed
Imagine helping Janey
Imagine telling her
what my mum tells me
when I am sick
Ssh, ssh
you’ll feel good by sunrise
Nurse is mad at me
Annie
you were wrong
to bring Tim here
Neither of you can see Janey
Tim wipes his eyes
with the back of his hand
But I ain’t seen her for three days!
I can’t let you see her
Janey’s caught influenza
like some of the other children
You must stay away
We don’t want more sick children
in the hospital ward
Do you understand, Annie?
I suck my cheeks in
give a liar’s nod
Timothy, do you understand?
Tim glances at me
gives a liar’s nod
Run along
both of you
Don’t come here again
Tim runs ahead
chucking stones
yelling
She’s my sister, Annie!
He rushes back to me
We’ll see Janey, huh?
Yeah, Tim!
Next day
when school is over
and jobs are done
me and Tim
sneak back
to the hospital ward
We peer through a side window
Inside kids are coughing
crying
sleeping
Where is Janey?
Tim
taps
a secret brother–sister beat
Someone moves
A head pokes up
Janey!
She spots us
Holds up her hand
Me and Tim grin
Janey’s got her laughing stone!
Behind us
a voice growls
What do you children
think you’re doing?
Nurse!
We spin around
Her face is red with madness
Annie, you are old enough
to know better!
Do you want
to get sick?
Do you want
Tim to get sick?
Anyone can catch this illness
You could catch it!
shouts Tim
Nurse waves her arm
GO!
Nurse told on us
Me and Tim
are being punished
Jobs
jobs
jobs
Sweep
mop
wash dishes
scrub pots
Nancy says
Stop worryin’, Annie
Janey’s strong
she be back soon
but if you keep helpin’ Tim
with his jobs
they’ll give him more work
He’ll be down on his hands and knees
scrubbin’ the floor
Poor kid’ll be worn out!
Tim is already worn out
I am too
But I’ve got to help him
I glare at Nancy
Nancy frowns
When you first come here
Janey was strong for you, ay?
That why you helpin’ Tim?
’cause he’s her little brother?
you bein’ strong for Janey?
I nod
Nancy shrugs
I ain’t gunna argue with that, Annie!
Sometimes
ya just gotta do
what feels right inside
Every night
I am strong for Janey
Every night
I send her moonlit messages
Stop coughing
Eat
Laugh
Be brave
Come back!
Every night
I sing for Janey
in my language
Nancy creeps to my bed in the dark
Annie, you singin’ too loud
Teacher only likes English
You forgot or what?
Didn’t forget
Just don’t care!
Listen
some girls got sharp ears
Some girls tell on you for a sweet!
Like Janey got told on
when she stole them glasses
Teacher got a bag of sweets
that’s why some kids tell her stuff
You sing like a bird, Annie
Reckon your songs fly to Janey
You keep singin’
but sing real soft, ay?
Don’t want you to find trouble
you get what I’m sayin’?
Tim grabs me at breakfast
Eyes red and puffy
Nose snotty
Wanna see me sister!
Tim needs to see Janey
I need to see Janey
Janey needs to see us
Why won’t Nurse understand?
After school
we sneak back
to the hospital ward
Tim gives his secret tap
Janey doesn’t move
I thum
p the window
Janey raises her head
Hair dull
Face thin
Darkness round her eyes
Tim gasps
Poor Janey
She real crook, Annie!
Janey slides out of bed
No, no, stay there, sis!
cries Tim
Janey stumbles over
Eyes sunk
Lips dry
Skin tight
She presses her hand
to the window
I take Tim’s hand in mine
press our hands
to the same spot
All our hands together
Tim is crying
I am crying
Janey gives a little smile
Her head droops
hand slides away
body flops down
Janey is coughing
but the noise sounds weak
Nurse comes into the room
sees Janey out of bed
lying on the floor
spluttering
Spots me and Tim
at the window
GO AWAY!
I wake to see Janey
standing by my bed
I rub my eyes
Is she really here?
Janey?
I smile at her
You come back?
Janey stares past me
past the other girls
past the walls
of the locked sleeping room
I jump out of bed
You cold?
Annie, I’m a good big sister, huh?
Yeah, Janey!
Janey smiles like the sun
Someone touches my shoulder
I jump in fright
spin around
Nancy says
Who you talkin’ to?
Talkin’ to Janey
I spin back
Janey’s gone
Go to sleep, Annie
Nancy says
You dreamin’, girl!
In the morning
I wake happy
So what if I was dreaming?
Janey smiled
Janey talked
Janey’s getting better
I jump up
and straighten the blanket on her bed
Janey’s coming back!
Nurse is here
at school
talking to Teacher
Both talking soft
both nodding
both looking at Tim
Tim dreamed about Janey, too
He told me before breakfast
she was in his dream bossing him
and it made him laugh
Timothy
says Teacher
go with Nurse
Tim shoots out of his chair
Big grin on his face
Can Annie visit Janey too?
No, Timothy
just you
Tim weaves his way to my chair
I’ll say hello for you, Annie!
He rushes after Nurse
Some kids grumble
Tim is getting a treat
Teacher says
Quiet!
It’s time for mathematics
Annie, eyes front
away from the door
What is happening
is none of your business
You can only count to five
so pay attention!
I am too excited to do sums
I wriggle in my seat
Keep twisting round
looking at the door
I want to be with Janey and Tim
I want to go
I half rise from my seat
Whack!
Teacher hits my arm
Sit down, Annie!
Ugly glasses
drop down on their new ribbon
Ribbon loosens
Glasses hit the floor
Janey will laugh
when I tell her
After school
I duck into the bush
to look for something special
for Janey
I hear a crying noise
Soft at first
then louder
Soft and loud
loud and soft
Not stopping
I follow the sobs
through the bush
to the crying tree
Tim is curled inside
Why isn’t he with Janey?
Did Nurse make him leave?
I squeeze in beside him
put my arm round him
Tim is hunched up tight
He won’t look at me
won’t say my name
won’t talk
Tim, you see sister?
Tim gives a shuddery sob
squirms around
opens his fist
Why
does he have
Janey’s laughing stone?
Tim lifts his wet face to mine
And I know
I just know
Nurse finds me and Tim
crying in the crying tree
She kneels
opens her mouth
closes it
shakes her head
I am sorry
Janey’s illness
stole her away
I wish I had let you see her
I didn’t want you to get sick
Her voice is kind
but her thinking is crooked
If we could sit with Janey
if we could make her smile
we wouldn’t care if we got sick
Nurse holds out a hand
I think you’d better
come with me now
Tim kicks a leg at Nurse
yells
What you do with Janey?
Nurse pulls her hand back
Timothy, I already told you …
Tim screams
What you do with her?
Where you put Janey?
I wanna say goodbye!
Nurse says
Isn’t it nicer
to remember Janey
how she was
before she got sick?
Tim kicks again
I wanna say goodbye to me sister!
He looks at me
You tell her, Annie!
Tell her I wanna say goodbye!
I lean forward
I’m strong for Janey
Strong for Tim
Strong for me
I grab Nurse’s arm
Dig my fingers in hard
Yell loud as I can
TIM WANTS TO SAY GOODBYE!
four
A government man
dug a government hole
in government ground
and buried Janey
in a government grave
1 – 2 – 3 government graves
Janey in the middle
A small grave each side
Little ones coughed
till they stopped
just like Janey
Me and Tim
stand at Janey’s grave
Hands shaking
Legs wobbly
Tim sobs
Why didn’t they send her home, Annie?
Dunno, Tim
Tim kneels
pulls Janey’s laughing stone
from his pocket
lays it down
I kneel
pull my bush doll
from my pocket
lay her down
Tim leans against me
shivering
I put my arm round him
We cry and cry
and cry
and cry
Till Tim whispers
Bye, sister
Then we cry lots more
Me and Tim
have a big bunch of wildflowers
for Janey
Nancy and Emmy and Dot
cried themselves s
ick
helping us pick them
We spread out the flowers
and I lay some boronia
on the little graves
Tim says
They baby graves, Annie
I come here as a baby
They took me from the hospital
Janey told me
Tears flood his eyes
Me heart’s busted
busted wide open
Hurts real bad, Annie
Poor Tim
I can’t fix him
I can’t stop him hurting
I can’t bring Janey back
But I can be a big sister
I hug him tight
Hours are days
days are weeks
weeks are months
without Janey
Everything is slow
without Janey
Everything is dull
without Janey
World’s too sad
without Janey
I do the same things
Sleep in Margy’s bed
do jobs
go to school
eat stinky soup
help Tim
get bossed by Nancy
Same
but not the same
Not without Janey
I dream I tell Mum about Janey
Dream she holds me
Dream I am crying
I wake up
Crying
I sit in the crying tree
looking out at the bush
watching birds
insects
lizards
Like I used to
with Janey
Wildflowers are fading
No more billy buttons
pepper and salt
bacon and eggs
boronia
No more Janey
talking
giggling
whispering in my ear
Tim finds me in the tree
crying for home
crying for family
crying for Janey
crying for him
crying for me
He slips in beside me
You watchin’ the bush, Annie?
Won’t see no more flowers
they all gone
Look, Tim
I open my hand
He gasps
The last billy button!
Tim looks at me
eyes wet and shining
We gunna give it to Janey?
We lay the last billy button
on Janey’s grave
So bright
here
in this place
It’s a smile
A sad smile
but a good sad smile
Like Janey
smiling at us for the last time
Like us
crying our hearts out
but smiling back
Tim stands tall
I ain’t a baby no more!
I don’t forget what Janey told me
I got country
I got family
Dad’s tall as a gum tree
and he’s a good bushman
Mum likes blue dresses and cuddles
Granny Alice sings real sweet
and drinks black tea
I remember, Annie!
I nod
I remember my family too
Mum’s high voice
bright as the stars
Little sister’s sloppy kisses
Aunty’s hugs
Uncle’s bush food
