Hothouse Flower

by Lucinda Riley

  ‘He was right, he would have done.’ Lidia’s amber eyes were angry. ‘When Bill come to see me here in Bangkok after Jasmine is born, and he tell me this, I nearly die again from the shock. But over the years I understand better.’ Her eyes softened as she talked. ‘I have understood it is possible to love two people at the same time.’

  ‘No, Lidia,’ Julia corrected, ‘that isn’t the way it was. Elsie told me that from the beginning it was an arranged marriage. Harry had no choice but to marry Olivia and try to produce an heir, in case he didn’t return from the war. Love was not deemed to be important. Olivia was thought suitable and it was simply his duty. You were the woman Harry loved and wanted to be with.’

  ‘And what about his wife? Did she love him? Or did she accept the arrangement?’ questioned Lidia.

  ‘Elsie worked as her maid for over forty years and she says Olivia adored Harry,’ Julia sighed. ‘It was the real thing for her, which of course made it terrible … when she found out about you.’

  ‘She find out?’ Lidia clapped her hand to her mouth. ‘How?’

  ‘She discovered your last letter to Harry, with your engagement ring inside it. And a few days later she lost her own baby. According to Elsie, she spent the rest of her life embittered by what Harry had done to her.’

  ‘Oh, oh! What pain was caused by our love!’ Lidia shook her head in despair. ‘I feel sympathy for this poor wife. Did she tell Harry she knew about me?’

  ‘Never. She simply closed her heart to him and put her duty to the estate first. Elsie said they both lived in misery for the rest of their lives,’ added Julia. ‘In retrospect, it would have been much better if Harry had returned to you and released Olivia. But, of course, there was Wharton Park, which was in a dreadful mess just after the war. Harry had dozens of estate workers who looked to him for their livelihood. Even though Elsie said it broke his heart, he had to stay in England. He really had no choice.’

  Lidia nodded. ‘Bill explain this to me when he come to find me here in Bangkok. He was very kind. I think he was very good man. He saved my life.’

  ‘Well, I adored him,’ said Julia. ‘Every time I went to Wharton Park, I spent most of my time in the hothouses, watching him tend his flowers. Both my mother and I grew up surrounded by the scents of the homeland we never knew was part of us.’

  ‘That is a comfort,’ Lidia smiled, ‘and I send some special orchid with Jasmine, so Bill can grow it for her. It is very rare, only few in world. I spot it one day in flower market here in Bangkok just before Jasmine is born. I know what it is and I buy it for her. I wonder if it flower for him in England?’

  ‘Really?’ Julia thought back to the young Jasmine’s painting of the rare orchid that George, her father, had spotted. ‘Yes, I think it possibly did,’ she whispered.

  ‘And your father? Is he dead too?’ Lidia asked.

  ‘No,’ Julia smiled, ‘he is very fit. He adored my mother, and they were very happy together. So happy that he has never tried to replace her.’

  ‘And does he know of his wife’s heritage?’

  ‘Yes, but only very recently, like me.’

  ‘I would like one day to meet the husband of my daughter,’ said Lidia. ‘So you, too, were an only child?’

  ‘Well, no, I … have a sister, but I’ve just found out she was adopted,’ Julia explained. ‘It turns out that my mother didn’t think she could have children, so they adopted my sister, Alicia, as a baby. She’s three years older than me and it was a surprise when I came along. I don’t think my father ever wanted to tell Alicia the truth, but when Elsie told him the story of how Jasmine came to Wharton Park, he felt he had to. Otherwise, she would have believed she too was yours and Harry’s granddaughter. But she is still my sister,’ Julia said emphatically.

  ‘Of course,’ agreed Lidia. ‘Now, I think we should lunch, yes?’ She gave a nod to her hovering houseboy, who immediately disappeared inside.

  ‘So, Julia, you are a pianist? Can I hear you play somewhere?’

  ‘Yes, you can. I’ve played all over the world. I’ve been very lucky,’ said Julia modestly. ‘I was discovered at the Royal College of Music by an agent when I was nineteen. He’s helped me build my career.’

  ‘Julia, luck does not happen without talent,’ Lidia chided. ‘You must be exceptional. And you are still so young. Where do you go after you leave Bangkok? Do you go to play somewhere?’

  ‘No,’ Julia replied, as Nong came out of the house, carrying a tray with two bowls of steaming soup. ‘This last year, well, it has brought some – difficult changes,’ she explained. ‘It will be a few months before I play again. And, to be honest, I have literally no idea where I go from here. That’s why I came to Bangkok, to give me time to think.’

  ‘Well, you must tell me everything, for I can see in your eyes that you are troubled. But first, enjoy Nong’s Tom Kha Gai. I think it is the best in Bangkok.’

  After the delicious, milky coconut and lemon grass soup, filled with strips of tender chicken, Nong brought out a plate of mango and papaya for dessert.

  ‘So now, Julia, tell me about your difficult year.’

  ‘Well …’ Julia still had to steel herself to voice the words, ‘I lost my two-year-old son, Gabriel, in a car crash, twelve months ago. I also thought I’d lost his father, Xavier, but in fact, he walked back into our house in France a few weeks ago. He was driving the car that killed our son and he vanished after the accident. He said he couldn’t face me.’ Julia’s brow furrowed. ‘And only a week ago, I found out that he was very drunk and shouldn’t have been behind the wheel at all. So,’ her voice dropped to a whisper, ‘I left him and came here.’

  Lidia’s eyes grew wide with sympathy, and she reached her hand across the table to Julia. ‘This is terrible tragedy for you. I, above anyone, know that to lose a child is God’s worst punishment.’

  ‘Yes,’ agreed Julia. ‘I can’t imagine anything worse.’

  ‘There is nothing. I know. Your heart,’ Lidia clasped hers, ‘it is empty.’

  ‘Yes,’ Julia murmured, ‘there is no comfort or relief from the pain.’

  ‘No. I too must mourn for the loss of my daughter’s spirit from this earth. I feel I mourn for her twice,’ Lidia sighed. ‘But even more difficult for you: you must blame your husband for your son’s death.’

  ‘I despise him for what he did, not only to Gabriel, but to me too,’ answered Julia, unable to keep the anger from her voice.

  ‘It is only natural you feel this way. But, one day, you must forgive him for what he has done, for your sake, Julia. I learn it is not good to carry such anger inside. It eat you up, destroy you.’

  ‘I know, Lidia, but it’s so hard in practice.’

  ‘Yes, it is. We have both been betrayed by men we loved and trusted. Your husband, he sound like a weak man, but then, many men are,’ commented Lidia. ‘At first, I think Harry is too, but now I see maybe he was not. He must be strong to stay in England and do his duty.’

  ‘If it’s any comfort, I truly believe, from what Elsie told me, that the decision broke his heart. You really were the love of his life.’

  ‘As he was mine,’ Lidia replied. ‘Did you love your husband?’

  ‘Very much, and I believed he was the love of my life, until …’

  Lidia sat forward in her chair expectantly and Julia felt the colour rise to her cheeks as she struggled to explain: ‘When I thought I was a widow, another man in England was very kind to me. He cared for me when there was no one else. With his help, I began to recover and see there might be a future for me. And us.’

  ‘I see.’ Lidia listened intently. ‘And where is he now?’

  ‘In Norfolk. Ironically, he’s the new Lord Crawford,’ admitted Julia. ‘He lives at Wharton Park.’

  Lidia stared at her for a few minutes, trying to comprehend what Julia was saying. ‘But that means … ?’

  Julia saw her train of thought and halted it. ‘No. We’re not closely related. Harry did not have any m
ore children after Olivia lost their baby. Kit and I are – we think – third cousins.’

  A look of relief appeared on Lidia’s face. ‘I am happy to hear that, Julia. I can see in your eyes you feel strongly for this man. Do you love him?’

  ‘I thought that maybe what I felt for him was because he was there when I needed him. But when Xavier reappeared, and I became his wife again, all I could think of was Kit. And,’ she confessed, ‘it still is.’

  ‘But then, my dear Julia, why are you not returning to him?’

  ‘Because … oh dear.’ Julia swept her hair off her shoulders, feeling uncomfortably hot. ‘It’s all too complicated. I didn’t even speak to Kit to explain that Xavier was back. He had to find out through the media that my husband was still alive. No,’ she shook her head, allowing the breeze on her neck to cool her, ‘I’m sure he would never want me again. I’ve hurt him too much.’

  ‘You must be aware of the irony,’ Lidia said slowly. ‘You are in love with Lord Crawford of Wharton Park, and here with me in Bangkok. I think we both cry many tears into our pillow for those that are far away in England. Perhaps,’ she shook her head, ‘it is Wharton Park itself that is cursed. It is like helpless baby, needing to be fed and cared for constantly. It does not think of those whose lives are sacrificed for it.’

  Julia smiled at Lidia’s imagery. ‘Actually, the estate will have to be sold eventually. Kit has no money to repay the loans on it, and the restoration will cost hundreds of thousands of pounds. Soon the “helpless baby” will have a new and, hopefully, wealthier set of parents.’

  ‘It is hard to think I lose love of my life to a house,’ grimaced Lidia, ‘but I understand it is more than that. It is heritage, and it is sad that this will die.’

  ‘Yes, because however much pain it has caused, Wharton Park is so very beautiful. Oh, Lidia, I wish you could see it,’ breathed Julia. ‘I’ve always loved it, since I was a little girl, and I think back now to living there with Kit as some of the happiest few weeks of my life.’

  ‘It is in your blood,’ Lidia nodded sombrely. ‘If you had been a boy, surely – as Harry’s grandchild – it would be yours?’

  ‘Perhaps. My sister tells me that these days, with DNA tests, I could make a claim. But I would never do that to Kit,’ Julia said firmly, feeling it was time to change the subject. ‘Do I have other relatives here in Thailand?’ she asked.

  ‘Oh!’ Lidia clapped her hands together. ‘You have plenty! Aunts and uncles, and so many cousins I could not begin to count. Some of my great nieces and nephews are very successful,’ she added proudly. ‘They are university educated, and live in Japan and America. Even though I come from a simple fisherman family, we were always clever,’ she smiled, ‘especially my father. He won scholarship to Chulalongkorn University in Bangkok and become successful journalist and political activist. Now, may I see the photographs of my Jasmine?’

  ‘Of course.’ Julia fished them out of her bag and moved closer to Lidia, so she could explain each picture. ‘This is my mother at five years old, then this is when she passed her Eleven Plus to get into grammar school …’

  ‘She was clever too!’ Lidia smiled.

  ‘She was, and this shows her graduating from university, and this is with my father, and then with Alicia, and me.’

  Lidia pored over the photographs, tracing the face of her daughter at every stage of her short life. She looked up and asked: ‘How did she die, Julia?’

  ‘From ovarian cancer. Apparently, it’s notoriously difficult to detect. By the time they found it, it had spread and there was nothing they could do.’

  ‘I see. And Jasmine always believe Elsie and Bill were her parents?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Lidia’s eyes were bright with tears. ‘I am sure she was loved.’

  ‘She was, I promise you.’

  ‘Even if she did not have what I thought she would when I sent her to England.’

  ‘No, but, Lidia, once upon a time it mattered where in society you were born. Now, I really don’t think it does. The old rules have disappeared. And, in fact, because my mother and I weren’t encumbered by our heritage, we were free to do with our lives as we pleased.’

  Lidia nodded. ‘I understand what you are saying and I agree. Now, even here in Thailand, women are becoming stronger and learning to be independent. And, though I was born in a different time, I married a man who respected me as an equal, we were in partnership and our business leave me a very rich woman. It is not what I expected when I was young; I thought I simply marry and have a family.’

  ‘Believe me, in the past year I’ve learnt to take each day as it comes and to expect the unexpected,’ said Julia.

  ‘Then you will know, like I do, that anything is possible. And one must always look to the future and trust in god, whichever god that may be, to guide us. I think we have many thing in common, don’t you? We both learn about life the hard way, but it make us wise and strong. And now, my dearest Julia,’ Lidia smothered a yawn, ‘I must take some rest. You are welcome to sit here or you come again tomorrow, and we talk some more.’

  Julia could see Lidia was exhausted. ‘I will come again tomorrow.’

  ‘And as many times as you can before you leave here. We have much to make up for.’ Lidia rose, kissed Julia on both cheeks and took her hand. ‘I am so happy you came to find me.’

  ‘I am too,’ responded Julia as she returned the kiss. ‘Do you think that perhaps Nong could call me a taxi?’

  ‘I’m sure he already has,’ smiled Lidia.

  ‘The same time tomorrow?’ Julia asked.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Goodbye, Lidia.’ Julia gave a wave and, escorted by Nong, made her way through the house and out to a waiting taxi.

  59

  In the following week, Julia visited Lidia every day. They talked for many hours, each discovering more about the other’s life. Julia learnt how Lidia had helped her husband build a small silk-weaving business into a multi-million-dollar company, exporting all over the world. Lidia’s designs and unusual colourways had been ahead of their time and proved popular in the West. Her soft-furnishing fabrics now graced some of the most beautiful houses around the world.

  ‘Of course, the business gave me what I wanted most – the opportunity to travel,’ added Lidia. ‘I sold it when my husband died and it left me a very wealthy woman … but I still miss the excitement of it.’

  ‘Did you ever come to England?’ asked Julia.

  ‘Oh yes, and I always stay at the Oriental in Knightsbridge. They give me a good discount! But,’ she shivered involuntarily, ‘I do not like the English weather. Harry called me a hothouse flower and he was right: I could not have lived there. Which is why I always come back to my homeland. This country, this small house where I first live with my husband, is where I belong.’

  ‘I wish I knew where I belonged,’ Julia said wistfully.

  Lidia patted her hand. ‘Julia, Ka, you are at a point many people reach; where all the signposts telling you where to go next have vanished.’

  ‘Exactly,’ Julia agreed, thinking how cathartic these days had been, as she learnt to trust Lidia and opened her heart to her. The old lady’s gentle, wise words had soothed and comforted her. ‘I will miss Kit for the rest of my life, but I just can’t see a way back to him. He would feel he’d never be able to trust me again. Somehow, I’ve got to find a different signpost and follow it.’

  ‘Do not worry, Julia. I know it is already there inside you. Perhaps you simply need a little help to see it,’ Lidia smiled.

  ‘I only hope you’re right,’ she replied sadly.

  Julia knew her time in Bangkok must now come to an end and she had to reach some form of decision about where to go next, so that evening she booked herself on to a flight to Paris for the following night. Olav was there for a few days and she wanted to see him to discuss her future. She was also concerned that, having had no piano at her disposal, her fingers would be stiffening, hampering the prog
ress she had made in the past few months. She could rent a practice room in Paris and catch up on the time she had lost.

  Unable to face another lonely supper on the terrace, Julia ordered room service and ate on her balcony. She watched the to and fro of boats on the river below, enjoying her vantage point for the last time. She knew she would miss the tranquillity she felt in Thailand; from its people and the place itself. But even Lidia, with all the experience of her eighty years lived to the full, could not show her where to put the next stitch in her own tapestry. That was something Julia knew she had to discover for herself.

  She spent her last afternoon by the pool, where many of the attendants now knew her by name. She had called Lidia to let her know she was leaving, and Lidia had insisted on coming over to the hotel for a farewell dinner. She would arrive at seven, and Julia had to leave for the airport by nine thirty.

  At six, Julia showered, finished her packing and checked out of her room. As she walked past the Bamboo Bar and down towards the terrace for dinner, Thanadol greeted her with his customary smile.

  ‘Good evening, Khun Julia, how are you tonight?’

  ‘Sad,’ she admitted, following him across the terrace. ‘It is my last evening here. Has my grandmother arrived yet?’

  ‘No, she has not. She has asked that you wait for her here.’ Thanadol indicated a table that was already taken.

  As they drew nearer, Julia recognised the figure at the table.

  And her heart began to hammer against her chest.

  He turned round, sensing her presence.

  ‘Hello, Julia.’

  ‘Hello, Kit.’ Her voice didn’t seem to belong to her.

  He smiled and indicated the chair opposite him. ‘Won’t you sit down?’

  ‘But … what on earth –?’

  ‘Please, for goodness’ sake, sit down and I’ll explain.’

  Julia did so abruptly, feeling her legs might buckle beneath her if she didn’t.

  ‘There,’ Kit put a glass of red wine in front of her. ‘Drink up, don’t want you wilting from the shock.’