Dead Girls Don't Keep Secrets

by Ames B Winterbourne

  Brock throws his hands up in frustration. His towel stays without needing his help. “Screw this. I’m not gay. And you have no proof. I’m out of here, Jaxon.” He turns to leave, but then looks back at his lover and says, “Call me.” Then, he storms away. He claims he isn’t gay, but it sure seems he likes Jaxon’s D enough to ask for a callback.

  Jaxon turns toward us. He’s still rinsing off in the shower like he doesn’t mind that we see every inch of his body. “What are you guys doing here?”

  My mouth is hanging open. I can’t word. Partly because the boy I’ve crushed on for years is gay, and partly because Jaxon Smith is like Michelangelo’s David, only without the impotence. Since I can’t say anything, Ryder speaks for both of us.

  “We’re here to ask you some questions about Felicia.”

  “Why?” Jaxon turns off the shower and grabs a towel. He wraps it around his waist, and I have to admit I’m a little let down about that. Once he’s covered, I sober up.

  “Because you have the motive to kill her,” Ryder states.

  Jaxon’s eyes widen. “Are you serious?”

  “We know Felicia was blackmailing you, so we came to ask what she had on you …” I can’t look him in the eye, so instead, I just zero in on Ryder. “Believe me. I don’t believe for a second you did it, but—”

  “But Mr. Crane said you caught Felicia with him and Miss Kemper, and then you flipped out,” Ryder says.

  “What the … I thought she killed herself. Why would you think she was murdered? And why on earth would you think I did it?”

  “Felicia didn’t kill herself,” Ryder says. “She was murdered.”

  “Are you some sort of conspiracy theorist or something?”

  “No,” I say. “Felicia left me a note. She said she was sacrificing herself in order to …” I’ve said too much.

  “To what?” Jaxon says.

  “Felicia was blackmailing you for being gay,” Ryder interrupts. “And yet you found her screwing another woman.”

  Jaxon doesn’t look surprised. Instead, he looks disgusted. “Are you guys nuts?”

  “No,” I say. Just what I want: Jaxon Smith to think I’m crazy. “Felicia was investigating my mom’s murder when she died. I’m only doing this to find out if they were both killed by the same person. But you have a motive if you were being blackmailed, and that has nothing to do with my mom. If you just tell us everything, I’ll cross you off our list. I’m sorry.” I want to cry.

  “Lake.” Jaxon’s voice takes a sympathetic tone. He closes his eyes briefly and sighs. “Do you really believe that? Felicia was a bitch, and she bullied you.”

  “Yeah, I know. But she knew things about my mom that were true and that I didn’t even know. I think it could be a sick joke, but if there’s a possibility to find out what happened to my mom, I’ll take it.”

  He gives me these sad puppy dog eyes, like he feels for me. It doesn’t feel like pity, but more like understanding. “Fine, I’ll tell you everything. Felicia was blackmailing me for being gay. She caught me making out with a senior behind the bleachers after practice one day freshman year. Of course, she didn’t confront us together. Instead, she just made me her target. Everyone expected me to be nominated as freshman homecoming prince, so she decided I was the perfect person to blackmail. I was young and stupid, and it was my first time actually acting on my feelings. I was terrified. She said if I didn’t want anyone to know, I’d have to date her and give her the status of being the most popular girl in school. At first, I agreed. When I told my boyfriend I was dating her, he thought it was the perfect cover. Originally, she wanted me to stop seeing him. She would monopolize my time, and always said if I didn’t do what she wanted, she’d tell my parents I was gay. Because of that, my boyfriend broke up with me.

  “I always found it weird that she never tried to have sex with me. At first, I thought that was what she wanted, but she told me no. When I found her with Miss Kemper, I knew she had gotten her jollies elsewhere. I definitely didn’t expect her to admit she wasn’t that into guys, but girls.”

  “She was a lesbian?” I say.

  He frowns at me. “She bullied you for that even though you aren’t gay. She was a bitch. I think she must have really hated herself.”

  “What happened the night you found her?” Ryder says.

  “It was a few days before she died. I was supposed to give her a ride home from cheer practice, but she ended up taking her time. I was searching for her when someone mentioned she was approached by the school counsellor. So, I went to the counseling office and I walked in on Miss Kemper spanking her and Mr. Crane watching.” A shiver racks his body, and I know he’s definitely scarred for life.

  Flashes of my time in the room with Mr. Crane and Miss Kemper send a tremor through my own body.

  “When I asked her if she was gay, she laughed in my face. She said we were more alike than I ever imagined. No, she wasn’t gay, but she wasn’t straight, either. I asked her why she would do this to someone like her, and she told me that if she was unhappy, no one should be happy. She admitted to hating me and wanting to hurt anyone who had it all. It didn’t matter anymore. She didn’t care if I tried to blackmail her back. I could try, but it would be no use. I didn’t even think about using it against her. I’d been so tired of all this shit that I decided to come out to my parents that night.”

  “You did?”

  He smiles brightly. “Mom was just happy I wasn’t serious about Felicia. Dad wasn’t as understanding. But when Felicia’s body was found, he had a change of heart. He said he couldn’t bear it if he lost me.”

  “So, you’re happy she’s dead?” Ryder asks.

  Jaxon rolls his eyes. “I don’t really care either way. I didn’t kill her. I had an alibi.”

  “Well, that crosses you off the list,” I say smugly.

  “What?” Ryder says. “You have to be joking. You can’t truly trust what he says.”

  “I do trust him.” I look at Jaxon, who seems relieved. He gives me a small smile. My heart should be more broken than it is. I’ve crushed on him for four years, and yet, there’s no pain or anguish that I feel about him not wanting me. It’s weird, but at the same time, it’s okay.

  “I don’t know what Felicia knew about your mom, but I don’t think you should get your hopes up, Lake. She lied about everything. Felicia lied about a lot of stuff to get what she wanted. She may have wanted to torment you.”

  “That’s different than what Ryder speculated.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “That she loved me,” I say, and then snort.

  Jaxon’s eyebrows jump up.

  “Back to the matter at hand,” Ryder interrupts. “Felicia looking for Lake’s mother’s killer isn’t that unbelievable. She was desperate.” Ryder sounds defensive. His overprotectiveness of Felicia surprises me. “Listen, I knew Felicia. I wasn’t screwing her or anything, but we were friends.”

  He snorts. “Just friends with Ryder Frost.”

  Ryder ignores him. “Not the best of friends, but I know for a fact that she cared about Lake. If she said she was looking into Lake’s mother’s death, I believe her. If you know anything, we could use the help.”

  Jaxon sighs and then says, “I don’t know if this will really help, but last weekend Brock and I were out by Bridgeridge Peak. We saw a cop car there.” Bridgeridge Peak is on this large hilltop by the park. Most people claim to go there to stargaze, but really, it’s the hookup capital of our little town. “At first, we thought we’d be busted for having sex in public. Anyway, we got nervous and were about to drive away when I saw someone get out of the car. I can’t say for sure it was her, so I never brought it up to her. But it really looked like Felicia. She was in the car arguing with someone. I definitely recognized the person who was with her.” Jaxon bites his bottom lip.

  “Who did you see?
” I ask.

  “It was Sheriff Frost.” He gives Ryder the stink eye. Ryder tenses. “It looked like they were arguing. It was weird.”

  Ryder takes a sharp intake of breath.

  I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to believe. Felicia told Ryder his father had been having an affair, but I guess she left out the fact that it was with her. “Ryder …”

  Ryder’s guarded expression doesn’t give anything away. I can’t help but feel sorry for him, though he’d probably be furious at the very thought.

  “Thanks for your help, Smith. We’ll be in touch.” The words are short and clipped. Ryder doesn’t waste another moment as he storms away.

  As I turn to follow, Jaxon grabs my arm. I look back at him in shock. “I know I don’t have to ask you to keep our secret, but Brock would have wanted me to. So … please.”

  I’m sick and tired of secrets, but Jaxon’s pleading with me. Even though any chance of us dating is over, I still don’t want to see him hurt. “Your secret’s safe with me. I promise. What I don’t get is why you tried to talk to me so much. You’ve ignored me for four years.”

  He looks down at his feet. “Well, Felicia treated you like crap, and I knew you understood how it felt to be an outcast. I just—I’m scared of what everyone is going to say about me once I’m completely out, and I thought maybe we could be friends. I know most of my friends will abandon me, but you … you’re different.”

  I don’t know whether to feel complimented or upset about the fact that I’m such an outcast he thought I’d understand him. I do, though. “I would love to be your friend, Jaxon.”

  He gives me a smile, and though I imagine my chest should ache at the sight, it doesn’t. “Thanks.”

  I pull my arm away from his grip and follow after Ryder.

  He’s halfway to his car by the time I’m out of the building. I run for it, scared he’s going to leave me behind. “Ryder!” I call after him, but he doesn’t turn around. “Ryder, wait!”

  Ryder stops abruptly, but doesn’t turn to face me. I finally make it to him and force my way in front of him. Acid burns in my stomach as I take in his frightening expression. His jaw is locked tight, and his eyes are as crazed as a tornado. Though I suppose now he’s out for murder, I can’t help but feel he’s just covering up his devastation.

  “Ryder, don’t do something stupid,” I say softly.

  “Stupid’s my middle name.” He wants to sound strong and harsh, but his voice cracks.

  I have to calm him. He looks ready to cut a bitch, and that bitch is his own father. I have to distract him. I don’t know why, but I hate the idea of his world crashing down around him, like mine has. I don’t think, just act. My hands reach up to his face and pull it to level with my own. He sucks in a breath, and his eyes widen as they meet my gaze. I lean in and bring his lips to mine. At first, Ryder doesn’t respond, but I keep kissing him, softly. My eyes flutter closed as I take it all in. His lips are soft and moist, and slowly he starts to give in to me. His tongue slowly caresses my bottom lip, and I respond by opening to him. Ryder’s arms circle me, and he tugs me close. He tastes warm and like peppermint. I wonder when he’s had time to chew gum so he could taste so good.

  At first, I don’t know what to do, but that’s quickly remedied as I follow his lead. The goal is to get him lost in my kiss, but instead, I’m the one who’s living in a blissful daydream. I feel myself dissolve into him. I open an eye to peek at him, and his own are already closed, too. I shut mine again. The kiss that was slow and soft at first intensifies, and he’s suddenly devouring my mouth with his own. His grip on me is unyielding, but I don’t pull away. His fingers dig into my hips as he holds me flush against his body, his hard body. I give in, kissing him back just as hard. His hand tangles in my hair and I can’t control myself as I moan into his mouth. Then, before I know it, he pulls away. The loss of his warmth chills me and sends me spiraling back into reality. My breathing is heavy, and I feel like when I was a kid, spinning around in circles until I couldn’t feel the floor beneath me.

  I wait for a beat, trying to get my body to still before I allow myself to open my eyes. I know once I open them I might be full of regret. I don’t want to be, but I’m scared of what I’ll see in Ryder’s eyes. I slowly open mine and zero in on him. His gray eyes shine like the moon that brightens the sky at night.

  “That was …” My voice is more breathless than I imagine it should be. Before I can finish my sentence, he drags his eyes away from mine.

  He attempts to catch his breath before he says, “I know you’re going to say that was a mistake. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was stupid.”

  The spinning in my head ceases, and I sober up. “I was the one who initiated the kiss, and I was actually going to say that was my first kiss. I was also going to add that the next kiss you give me has a lot to live up to.”

  I can’t believe I’ve admitted all of that. But it has to be the best first kiss anyone could ever have, and I really want to do it again—and not with just anyone. Though my mind protests, my body hums at the thought of my lips swelling from the intensity of his kiss.

  His shocked expression makes my cheeks warm. Though I should regret telling him, I don’t feel ashamed. But his silence makes me antsy. I shift from foot to foot, waiting as he watches me. I open my mouth to say something more, but before I can, a lazy grin spreads across his face.

  “That was your first kiss?” He looks a little too proud of himself. He’s so cocky that my palm itches to smack him. Is that all he’s going to comment on? He isn’t going to say anything about my confession. Sure, it’s a big deal that this was my first kiss, but I thought he’d focus more on the fact that I said I want to kiss him again.

  “What about your time behind the bleachers with Piven?”

  I cringe at the thought of that leech. “He did a striptease and went straight into sucking my neck. He had a thing about kissing on the lips.”

  “Good to know,” he says. “So, you want to kiss me again, huh?”

  There it is. My eye twitches at him. “You’re such an ass.”

  “Hey, it’s just a simple question.” I storm the rest of the way to the car. He snickers as he trails after me. “Lake, wait up.”

  “Are you going to continue to make fun of me?” I say as I yank on the doorknob a few times. It’s locked, but that doesn’t change my continued abuse to the handle.

  “Be careful with my car!” he snaps, but he sounds more amused than angry. He unlocks the door and I get in, slamming the door as loud and hard as I can.

  He continues to chuckle as he gets comfortable in his seat. “It was a legitimate question.”

  “If you must know, it was nice,” I admit. I hate how embarrassed I sound and how nervous the very question makes me.

  “Just nice?” His mouth hangs open, and his hand goes to his chest like he’s offended. He does that little thing a lot, and even though it may seem annoying to some, I can’t help but think it’s cute. “I need to step up my game if that’s the only adjective you can come up with.”

  “I take back what I said. There will be no other kisses,” I mutter.

  He snickers and shakes his head. “Next time, I’ll be the one initiating it. Only seems right. And ‘nice’ won’t even cover it.”

  I roll my eyes and try not to let him get to me. “In your dreams, Frost.” He starts the car, and we speed off. “Where are we going anyway?”

  Suddenly, his roguish grin fades, and a brooding scowl settles on his face. “To our most likely suspect. The Shady Sheriff.”

  Chapter 13

  Ryder glowers out the windshield as he speeds down the road toward the sheriff’s station. I grab on to the center console, tensing up at every turn and screech of the tires. He’s driving two times the speed limit and into oncoming lanes, like he’s a perpetrator in a car chase, only
no cops or news helicopters are around to make it a spectacle. There aren’t any cars on the road, but still, he rushes through every yellow light just as it changes to red. It isn’t common to do that in our town. No one ever really speeds in this town. There’s barely ever any traffic in the first place.

  A little voice in the back of my head is making peace with the universe and begging for mercy. I know he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me, but accidents happen.

  “Are you okay?” It’s all I can say. I don’t want to shout for him to slow down. It might scare him.

  “Just peachy.” I notice the tick in his jaw as he grinds his teeth.

  I want to comfort him for two reasons: The first is because I don’t want to end up a victim of a car crash and have my classmates claim they knew me and were saddened by my death at my funeral. The second is because a little part of me hates seeing Ryder hurting. It’s different from just a few days ago, when I wanted to maim him with a plastic spoon in the cafeteria. “Ryder, I’m sorry about your dad.”

  He sneers. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m not surprised by my father’s behavior. For a while now I’ve known about his indiscretions.”

  “Then you’re mad at Felicia?” I ask.

  His silence is my answer. I don’t like that it bothers me so much that he’s more upset with Felicia than his own father. I’ve never really experienced jealousy before, and I wish I was still oblivious to the pain it causes.

  “I guess Felicia forgot to mention she was the one he was screwing. Now I really know why she called him the Shady Sheriff. Sure, she threatened to blackmail me by telling my mom about the affair, but I doubt she would have ever admitted one of the girls was her. Shit, and I played right into her hand, too. After she told me and presented enough evidence with a picture of him with another woman in a car together, I willingly helped her.”

  “Are you going to be okay?”