by Marc Mulero
How long have I been here?
“Windel told me that I shouldn’t worry that you would not wake. She said you were probably in a more peaceful place than we could even imagine.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t Windel who hit her head?” Eres sat up and leaned onto his elbows. “But yeah, I’m fine.” He looked down in shame, wanting to thank her for saving him, but afraid of what conversation that might spawn.
“May I?” She gestured to the foot of the bed.
Eres nodded.
She then patted the comforter in a more maternal way than Eres would’ve ever expected from her.
“Why are you with us, proctor? Don’t you have to get back to Vinsánce?”
Her concentration was still on the softness of the bed. “Well, your charming pilot…”
“Mustae, not you too. Why does everyone like Ilfrid? It doesn’t make any sense!”
She laughed. “He offered me a ride after I showed up at the rendezvous point with your unconscious body. Of course, he doesn’t know that I may have nudged you in that direction, but that’s neither here nor there, is it?”
They both chuckled.
“He cares for you, Eres.”
“I know, I know, but more importantly, aren’t you abandoning your friends again?”
“Eres… there are more important things than vacation sometimes. Your journey is fascinating. To see you again, a budding hero back in Kor, somehow free of the Faction’s prescribed fate for you… it is astounding. Your resilience – that call to action by your fallen father. I know the story, my dear Dawn, the girls filled me in.”
“Girls? They’re both still here?”
Vasa pursed her lips, knowing of the break-up based on Ohndee’s fresh comments. “They are, and we’re on rotation checking up on you.”
“Well,” he found the courage to look into her eyes, “I hope you’ll do me the favor of telling them to stop and just send Ilfrid next. I have urgent questions for him, and other than that, I’d like to reside down here until we get to my destination… alone.”
She sniffed in disapproval and grabbed his ankle over the sheets. “May I tell you a story? It will be quick, I promise. Not one of my long-winded extravagant lectures.”
He sat up and folded his arms.
“Good. Well… when I was a child, younger than a first year in Kor, I would sit before supper and twirl a cutting knife between my fingers. They were dulled, of course, but I cut myself ten times a week all the same. My mother would gasp, what have you, ‘What am I going to do with you?’ she would always say, pressing a cloth hard on my finger so I would remember the pain, ‘What am I going to do…’ But she’d get over it, and I’d eat dinner like any normal kid would – scarfing down the good meals and pushing the plate away for the bad.” She chuckled, eyes far away in memory. “I remember afterward, no dessert for me, I wasn’t interested. My eyes were only on my mother’s cutting knife – I just couldn’t wait to get my hands it. Then I would have two.”
“You sound like you were, uhhh, interesting as a child. Maybe a little scary.”
“Please! I was harmless as a fly! All I wanted to do was go outside and practice. I knew I only had an hour before suns down, so I would sprint into the front yard to the nearest tree, and slice at the endlessly falling leaves to my heart’s content. Then in the morning, I’d get up and do it again. For hours Eres, that was all I would do – profuse sweating didn’t matter, dehydration, panting… my muscles were rubber, but somehow, I knew I was doing what I was meant to. Day after day, slowly, my coordination increased, agility sped up, reflexes sharpened. My mother would stare out the window and shake her head at me.
“’You’re your father’s daughter,’ she would always say. And I would smile. I was lucky when he returned from war, for he would smile too. Those were the best times, the most profound days, for me. He would teach me everything there was to know about swords – ‘Arkinite blades are durable, sharp, like you, my dear daughter. They are in no need of your care except for decoration, for the color and flare of your blade will speak to your care for it. Intimidate your enemies with your perfection, hear?’ He would tell me about Crule – ‘This sword will remain slick, Crule will light, leave its residue so you can light again. Always remember, Herry, your first Crule strike of an unused blade will be the least potent, so use it to scare. Then you are ready to deal! Oh yes, don’t forget your guardian angel either. One day you will have your own Glite disc, and when you do, dear daughter, you hold onto it like it was your own beating heart, because it will protect you as long as you carry it.’
“Then he proceeded to destroy me in duels. I was less than useless, ‘Up!’ he would say, eyeing my bruises, ‘Up Herim!’ He would only use my full name in combat. It scared the shit out of me, but it motivated me too. ‘When I shout, that will act as a Crule strike. Understand?’ I still hear his shouts to this day whenever those blades ignite. My greatest lessons were taught to me when I was on my back, fighting to stay conscious. ‘When a wide swipe comes in, Crule lit, that only means that my next will likely be unlit. That’s when you use your arm to block the next, and then, it’s your turn, then you ignite your blade. Your opponent will be off guard, and the duel will be yours!’
“What if they ignite twice? I would ask. He would say, ‘Then you lose your arm, Herim.’ I would cry, and he would laugh and hug me.”
Eres sighed, deeply preferring an experience like that to his own with his father. If not for all of his lessons within his esper, he’d probably hate Agden by now. But seeing him so often, for some reason, didn’t allow for it. Just a strong distaste at times.
“All those times, over and over, I would fall. But they didn’t feel like losses, because he was the elder. My confidence was still intact. This fact, over time, allowed me to be built up into something unstoppable, Eres. A master duelist, a learned historian, and when he unleashed me unto the world… I was free to dominate.
“My confidence was teeming. Nothing could strike me down… and it carried me all the way to the top, to who I’m revered as today - the former Champion of the Colliding Spheres.”
“I don’t see how I could relate.” He tightened his folded arms.
“But all of his training, all of my victories, could never have prepared me for the fall. The real fall. The one not provoked by my father. I was living in a bubble, Eres, one that no one could pop for a very long time. But when it did, as an adult, it broke me, nearly killed me even.
“You, on the other hand, have been rolling with the punches since day one, Meeting Day, and from what I understand,” she lowered her voice for sensitivity, “before that, too.”
“Do you mean my upbringing? The girls talk a lot, don’t they?”
“Stop it. I learned of your family life by circling you and Windel in between your duels. You both speak a lot.” She grinned. “Your father, Eres, your gender, loneliness. No peers or friends. You started off getting knocked down. Don’t you see? You’re building yourself up in the right mold, with bumps and bruises along the way. Tough skin cannot be manufactured but through experience. Now you’re a young adult as resilient as Glite – no one else the better for the journey that awaits you. I lived in a bubble, but you… you live in fire.”
Eres nodded bashfully, half believing and half skeptical, but fully understanding the point.
“So, what am I going to ask of you next?”
He sighed. “To go up and face them.”
“I always knew you were smart.” She smiled playfully.
“Proctor.”
“Yes?”
“It’s hard for me to ask since you saved my life and all…”
“Go on…”
“But can you do something for me? Well, two things.”
“Yes, Eres. Anything.”
He stood up and abruptly hugged her. “Give my ooma this. Her name is Lorfa, and she lives on the trail from Vinsánce into Dolseir, two hours walking, past the Shief of Owins, in a small hut. Tell her I’
m with Ilfrid, I’m okay, and most importantly, that she was right.”
“About what?”
“Everything. Tell her Gushda is true and good, but it’s not the only place. Beg her to stay in Rudo enough so she remembers it when I return. Please, proctor. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. I took her for granted because she wasn’t my parent… but she was. I see that now.”
“Done. And the other?”
“Proctor Ren. Please visit him in jail.”
“I do every other week, Eres.”
He smiled openly for the first time in what felt like forever. That changed everything. “Give him my appreciation. Tell him if it wasn’t for his blind acts of kindness at Kor and thereafter I never would’ve made it out Elesion. He sacrificed time for me, a student, not even his own blood. That is a lesson I will never forget. Ulmanity should be embodied through him. Tell him that.”
Herim patted him twice as she rose. “Your messages will be delivered. You have my word. Now, you can either sulk down here for the rest of the trip and wait for your peers to visit you one by one, or you can come face them all at once in the cockpit.
“Ilfrid offered to drop us off first, but we all decided to see you off.”
“How touching,” Eres kidded.
The door suddenly slid open again, and two familiar multi-toned boots walked through all of the clothing.
Eres tensed. “Umm, who’s flying the shider?”
Ilfrid cackled as he mosied on over. “Autopilot. It’s nothing but a white fluffy sheet of snow for as long as you can imagine. Don’t worry, if we fall, it will be nice and cushy.”
Eres just blew hair out of his face in response.
“Okay, I’ll leave you guys to it.” Vasa dismissed herself. “Remember what I told you, Eres.”
Not a second after the contraption cranked shut, before the pristine suits and dresses had even stopped swaying, Eres grabbed Ilfrid by the collar.
“Whoa boy, easy now…”
“No!”
“It’s me who should be grabbing you like that! You nearly scared an owin out of my behind. Wait… that didn’t sound right.”
“Ilfrid, shut up! We need to talk.”
“Relax, will you?” He backed up and dusted himself off. “Girls already told me.”
“Ugh.”
“Point is, I know the trouble. Why do you think I’m rushing straight on Masarian Bo’s orders? No more messing around.”
“You can’t just keep dropping me off places, Ilfrid. I know you’re informed… you know more than you lead on, and I need to know why you’re keeping it from me.”
“Keeping what?” He threw his hands up innocently.
“Ilfrid!”
The pilot sighed. “Fine, Eres.” He looked up and begged, “Agden forgive me. The thing is…”
“Out with it!”
Ilfrid’s face turned serious. “The Alliance doesn’t have very many Skrols left in it anymore.”
Eres’ heart dropped. “How many?”
“Well, none actually. Not since the news of your father and Wukaldred’s capture. They were the last ones. It’s just people like me now, ordinary tradespeople. The Judicator of course… some warriors. But in terms of espers,” he clicked his tongue, “you’re it, kid.”
Silence fell between them.
“I… I didn’t want to put that on your shoulders. It’s been eating at me since I picked you up, but well, here it is.”
Eres was still quiet, eyes darting back and forth at the floor. “There… can’t be so few, Seren only wears two handfuls.”
“There could be. I don’t know why you would think otherwise? Regardless, this is a conversation your father and I had many times. We think he may wear one or two like Wukaldred does, around his neck.”
Eres’ eyes dulled, his voice lowering despairingly, “He got to all of them? And my fata, he took a gamble, didn’t he? To hide this?” His esper flashed. “He sacrificed his life, himself… the most powerful Reacher in Ingora, so that I would be able to hide it.”
“He did, son.”
Eres looked disappointed. “Always a Skrol first, never a father.”
Ilfrid puffed his chest. “Take that back! Agden was the best of us. A father and a Skrol at the same time! He gave everything so we could be here, having this conversation. He gave you the best gift Ingora has to offer. Something he said you begged him for since before you could even walk.”
Silence. Eres tried to respond, but a tear tickling his cheek distracted him.
He was already thinking of Vasa’s story… Don’t clam up, he told himself. “You’re right, Ilfrid. I’m just upset. I know what my fata did… I know that what he was involved with was bigger than any of us.”
“You have the weight of a thousand generations on your shoulders, Eres, but don’t carry it alone. I’m here for you. Your friends are here.”
Another tear. “What do I do?”
Ilfrid moved closer and hugged him. “You absorb the wisdom of your elders, from whence you came and where you’re going, take everything you know of your esper and then, when all is right, you listen to yourself. Okay?”
He choked back his emotions. “Okay.”
“Listen to me,” Ilfrid pulled away and held Eres by the shoulders, “the Alliance shot off a distraction before we left to make it look like us. I took special care not to be seen… so you can go on this last drop off.”
Eres’ eyes bulged, a flash of his duel with Crow coming to mind. “Mustae… Seren and that hooded man… they were both watching the duel. They saw me retreat into my esper; it must’ve shined. They know, Ilfrid. He knows everything.”
“Not everything, Eres. Oy, you are your father, paranoid to the brim. Have some faith in us, yes? You’re going to go see Ramillion Kesh now, who from what I hear is a special, special being. And there you will be equipped with the knowledge to combat this bastard. Okay? This was always the plan.”
“But if I’m the last one… and he knows it, there’s nothing else for him to do but find me? Nothing else stands between him and the ancient secret. If he bested real Skrols, warriors that each counted for a small army on their own, what chance do I have? I lost us the element of surprise! That’s all we had left!”
“No. You have me and my network, our network.” Ilfrid grabbed him harder by the shoulders. “For the memory of your father, and for you, I would give my life. The entire Alliance would.”
Even though Eres didn’t show it, he felt more at ease hearing the words, like a heavy two-handed grip around his throat just loosened. Ilfrid really was the closest thing he ever had to a father and he was too stupid to realize it until now, when he was about to depart for whoever knows how long.
“Thank you, Ilfrid, for everything. Really. You’ve been a great caretaker and a better friend.”
“And you a great co-pilot.” Ilfrid mussed his hair. “Now enough of this sad stuff, okay? I bagged myself a richie last night.” He winked.
“Isn’t that a man’s name?”
“No! Well, yes, but that’s not what I meant! A wealthy woman.”
“I know what you meant.” Eres smirked.
“Aha! You’re screwing with me, aren’tcha boy?”
He nodded. “Well, aren’t you going to tell me about her?”
And so, they spoke for some time. Ilfrid was all animated as he told the story about how some high stakes gambling paid off for once, how it added to his charm for that night. His excitement distracted Eres in the best way, reminding him that it didn’t all have to be so bad. Eventually though, the pilot did have to get back to the unmanned shider, and when he was on his way, Eres asked.
“How much time do I have?”
“About eighteen hours.”
“Again?”
“Again.” Ilfrid cleared his throat. “Well, are you going to come up?”
“I thought about it… and I think I’d rather say my farewells like this for now.”
“’Cause you�
��re a weirdo.”
“Yep, that’s it.”
“So, who would you like me to kick down next?”
“Ohndee. I need to speak to her, to clear the air.”
“I know, kid. I’ll send her straight away.”
“No! I mean, no… give me some time, please. Send her in like an hour.”
He nodded, winked, and made his way past the glimmering curtains.
What a mistake it was to be left alone in his own thoughts. Anticipation always reared the worst in him – dwelling, unsettling memories bubbling up to exacerbate guilt.
An image of their first meeting made him curl over like he’d been punched in the gut. He remembered it like it was yesterday - the Elesion classroom filled with dead eyes but for a lone pair teeming with life. Hers to his. Grey linked with amber. It was a connection that was meant to be.
Then came the pain, however. Doubts locked like chains around his neck since the first day of Kor. Windel. She threw a wrench into everything. No… he couldn’t keep blaming her. It was him, his heart.
Look inward you idiot. It’s not her, it’s you! Now suck it up.
Back and forth he went with himself until the door slid open once more. The sight of one bare foot and one stockinged one shot pain all around his stomach. He could sense her disdain just by her walk.
She pushed the curtains aside like she was sure she would find something hiding behind it, full lips pulled into a frown, pixie hair now beadless.
“Dee…”
Half-closed eyes spoke louder than words ever could. She walked silently over to the bed and plopped herself down. Body language rigid, telling Eres how temporary this meeting would be. Then finally, her eyebrows raised – she allowed him to speak.
“I know. I don’t even deserve to see your face again. I should be banished to my esper, maybe even to Elesion, to be reminded of you for the rest of my days and how I screwed up something so perfect. Two Dawns with life! How stupid am I to throw it all away? All because of a lingering memory.”
For a moment Ohndee was almost goaded to say, “Pretty stupid,” but that would mean lightening the mood in a dark situation. The wound was still too fresh.
