by Marc Mulero
“Welp. I just called you down here… to say goodbye.” He choked up again. “I… don’t know how long I’ll be away in Verglas, in Skrol training, or if I’m even supposed to return. It’d probably be easier to hide amid a sheet of snow than anywhere in Ingora I suppose.” He chuckled nervously to himself. “But anyway, I wanted you to know that I will never stop thinking about you when I’m in solitary out there. You will always be a bright memory in my esper, in my octor, in my mind. I love you Ohndee, even if it counts for nothing now.”
Her expression suddenly softened, eyebrows knitting into one arch for a brief second, before she grunted herself back into firmness. Eres could almost read her thoughts. No crying, no letting up, he imagined. The decision was made back in the Colliding Spheres. A Swul’s methods – final, true, complete.
But she wasn’t just a Swul. She was something more unique than that, something that spoke to compassion that not many warriors knew. Being a Dawn, a sexless barren shunned by the world, meant having a shared bond. It deserved mercy when Swuls would show none.
“I loved you too, Eres.” It came out curtly, like she had to say it before her lips sealed back up on their own. It took a few awkward seconds and a terribly long sigh, but eventually, more spilled out.
“Since the day that I met you, I knew you were special… like me. That there was a fire inside each of us that was meant to help light a torch together. It’s just too bad I was the one always chasing you. At first I thought it was just your personality, that I would eventually win you over with my charisma.” She smiled for a half a second. “Nope. Not at all, huh?”
“Dee…”
“I’m not doing this again. Fighting… it’s not worth it, because we’re done. But I do want you to understand, you know, for future reference when you’re out there learning to be some dumb follower of ancestry. When I saw you arrive with her, I was confused, jealous even, because I wanted to join you on that trip into the Scarred Lands. Remember?
“It wasn’t until I found out who she was that I felt the first stab in my gut. But then I thought, nah, he loves me, we’ve been through so much, we’re both Dawns for Mustae’s sake. We’ve known each other for years. What could top that?”
Eres got up, holding himself tightly, feet pacing to distract himself from the pain.
This was a mistake.
“It was eating me, day after day, the way you looked at her, because it was different from how you looked at me. I felt it immediately. I still told myself that it was all in my head though… that it couldn’t be. We were together. Our future was ours.
“Then, after the daily stab to my heart, after ignoring what my body was trying so desperately to tell me, Crow showed up, and I couldn’t convince myself of anything anymore. Why, you ask?” She almost laughed through her words. “Because I knew that look on your face. That’s the identical feeling I felt when I saw her. It’s one in the same. You couldn’t stand that the one you love was interested in someone else.”
Eres grimaced, knowing all of it was true, thinking back to the stupid ways he tried to convince her and himself otherwise. Why was he so senseless? Now he had to be punished, to be sent off like this. He suddenly felt cold… alone.
“I’m sorry, Dee. For everything.” His eyes raised slowly to find hers. “You didn’t deserve any of this.”
She just shrugged, emotional armor slammed back on like she was being shoved into battle. “Whatever. I’m out of Elesion, free to find my parents again. Had some fun along the way. That’s all. I’m good. Excited for my next chapter now.”
“R-remember our nights in the jungle, you teaching me Artifice, me teaching you the berries that wouldn’t kill you?” Eres blurted like some masochist, desperate to reconnect before he was sent off.
She was stunned that he found some way to pierce through the veil again.
No response. It looked as though she swallowed past a lump in her throat. “Your memory must be a little fuzzy, because I saved you.”
“Pfft.” Eres laughed. “If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be hanging out with the Dagos… what were their names? Ofel and…?”
“Efan.” She clicked her tongue. “If it wasn’t for me holding on to that serpent string, you’d have fallen flat on your face and broken every bone in your body.”
“You got me there. We did have fun though, didn’t we? And what a hell of a team we made.”
Dee sighed again. “We did, Eres. But we never will again.”
Now Eres felt the stab to the heart.
She walked over to his dumbfounded face, grabbed him by the ears, and kissed him like she was sentencing her betrayer to death, giving him no chance to reciprocate. “Farewell, Eres Dawn. May you swiftly find where you’re going.”
And that was it. Ohndee Dawn stomped away without looking back, leaving Eres speechless, mouth still parted from the goodbye nooch. This couldn’t be it, he thought as another tear rolled down his cheek. But it is… isn’t it?
He paced for hours thereafter, hungry, still inhaling the scent of his ex-Dawnfriend, thinking only of hiding back in his esper again to rid himself of this pain. It all felt like a plot to get him upstairs, to the top of the shider where he could address everyone at once. But he wasn’t ready. This was the best he could do. Truth be told, he wasn’t even sure if he could handle what was next. It was like a priest’s confessional at this point. Secrets, regrets, reminiscence to cope. What would that mean if Windel came to visit? Maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe he should’ve just ripped the band-aid off like Vasa had suggested and faced them head-on.
Then on the fourth hour, the door creaked open and in stepped two matte black boots too big to be Windel’s. Designs that appeared as vines swirled up through matching pants to give Eres a clue. Thinly muscular legs, arrogant swagger. More clues.
Crow.
Eres tensed. Why was he here?
He waved the curtains away with one hand, presenting a tray of Ilfrid-made food in the other.
Eres had a mind to whack it out of his hands, recover his Crule blade and cut him from neck to torso. That would be satisfying, wouldn’t it? But then he would be no better than the juvenile version of his enemy. He would be nothing more than a bully on Meeting Day in Kor Vinsánce. He would have regressed to a child. So instead, he just stared.
“Here.” Crow offered the plate, rolling his eyes and looking away.
“Poison?” Eres joked, kind of.
“Wouldn’t be satisfying enough,” he hit back.
After they both sneered, Eres asked, “What are you doing here, Crow? Why didn’t you fly back with the goons you came with? You have no part in my journey.”
“Your journey?” He scoffed.
“Yes. My Journey.”
“Oh Eres, did you already forget all that we discussed back in the Colliding Spheres? I’m obviously here because Windel begged me to be.”
Another punch to the gut. This one hurt more. It was strange what the mind did to prevent trauma - forcing that painful first memory of Windel kissing Crow deep down to the pit of his mind. Then, as time passed, convincing himself that it meant nothing, that he was mistaken. They were just a fling while he was away. She’d see who the better choice was, right?
But every notion since said otherwise. It was he who was the fling. Not even… he was almost a fling. They’d never even nooched. Eres was nothing in the grand scheme.
It bubbled up again, that fire within him. It made Eres want to lunge and strangle this terrible malicious obstacle. But again, he digressed.
“Whatever you came to bring, for whatever reason, I am not interested. Go back to your little life of staring at underground dirt in your mind’s eye or whatever it is that you Reachers do and find a way to bury your head in it.”
Crow laughed almost heartedly. “We will be on our way shortly, not to worry.”
We?
“Maybe with you on a different planetary sphere, you’ll finally be far enough away where she won’t try and rescue you.”
“You can go, Crow. Really.”
“I will. I’m not going to jeopardize your little stunt. I want it to go well.”
Eres scoffed this time. Crow was like his own personal devil, always showing up at the worst times, in the worst ways. Smug, arrogant, vengeful. Always at odds. Why couldn’t he just disappear?
“Aside from the obvious, and although I would never be down here talking to you on my own… there is one thing I wanted to discuss.”
“Only if you leave immediately after.”
“Fine.”
“Well, out with it.”
Crow dropped the tray of food onto Eres’ bed.
“There are many formidable warriors and Reachers in Kor Blu. But none of them, not even my proctors, could get through my oceanic barrier. In every instance, if there was a body of water in place, I could conjure a shield so strong, so powerful, that I could hide within it with no one able bother me. It was a feeling of invincibility. Somehow though, you, a barren, surprised me again. You ruined my isolation. You took that away from me like you took Windel from me before. Tell me Eres Dawn, how did you do it?”
“I don’t know… I guess I hate you enough to not let a little tickle of water up my nose stop me.”
Crow shook his head. “How is it that everyone who has tried, and I mean everyone, was flung out onto their asses if they even touched the current. What did you do differently?”
I wanted to kill you.
“I didn’t hold back. I wasn’t scared. I had already lost everything important to me in my mind, was read like a book by my enemy, failed my fata in every way. I had nothing left to lose. I charged it head on, which is not something you do in sparring, genius.”
Crow rubbed his chin. “And when you were in the current, how did you advance?”
Eres threw his hands up like he was talking to an idiot. “Flenos boots! What else would propel me in there? There’s no wind obviously.”
“There’s no fire either.”
“The propulsion is developed within the sole of a flenos boot. It doesn’t matter what’s happening in the outside environment, acceleration can still be generated. How do you think you rode that tidal wave to come slash me down?”
“Fascinating.”
“Yes, mind blowing,” Eres mocked. “Now are we done with your remedial science lesson?”
“I suppose we are, Eres. Farewell.”
Farewell? What the…
It felt like a thank you, which was bizarre coming from his oldest rival. Then, as the anger dissipated in his mind, a moment of clarity struck. He had a question lingering that he might never be able to address again.
“Crow… wait.”
“What?”
“The voice.”
He dipped his head. “What about it?”
“Why are you so against my theory? Every sign points to it coming from Keeper Decalus.”
“Because I’ve heard his Reach voice before. Hell, you have too, when Kor Vinsánce was boarded up by his vines. He spoke through them, remember? The voice that’s rumbling through my head from the oceans or whatever other means… it’s not his.”
“Maybe it reverberates differently through other channels?”
“No.”
“You have to give me something. This information is critical for my journey. If someone is trying to unite us for some reason, I have to understand who, and why. The keeper is truly the only one who comes to mind still.”
Crow scoffed again. “Much of Reach is about feeling… and I feel, which is the same as being sure in this case, that Vindom Decalus is not your phantom angel. It’s someone else, and it may not necessarily be a good thing. The voice seems… tainted.”
Eres pushed him hard. “And you didn’t think that was something worth bringing up before? Are you tainted in the head? You traveled across the sphere on account of some potentially devious voice telling you what to do? Why would you go?”
“Another critical piece of information flies over your head as usual. Isn’t it obvious, barren? The voice told me that Windel was in danger. That she needed me.”
Eres threw his hands up again. “So the voice is a liar. Great.”
“Not so sure about that. She was with you.”
Another push.
Crow chuckled. “I don’t think you want to fight me in here. We’d blow a hole through this shider, and then she really will be in danger.”
“There’s nothing to use for Reach,” Eres taunted. “I would just slice you up and that would be the end of it.”
Crow looked at him blankly and said, “It appears that we’re done here, so I’ll be going.”
Eres shouted in frustration, more from himself than from his rival, knowing that no matter what, since the beginning of Kor, he lost focus whenever he was around. Then another idea hit him square in the face, the same one that hit him right before he fell unconscious.
“Wait a second,” his voice lowered, “maybe the voice wanted us to clash… wanted me to get angry for some reason. Or maybe you have something to do with this. Seren was watching our duel, you know.”
“Now who’s withholding information?” Crow challenged.
Eres looked at the floor, pacing, stuck in his mind. “He needs my esper obviously… but what else? One strange thing is that, in every instance I’ve seen him, he lacks Reach, like me. Maybe he needs it for something.
“He has Proctor Wudon though, who is undoubtedly one of the strongest wielders. But maybe he’s not cooperating. No. He never would,” Eres kept talking out loud to himself. Then the epiphany came, eyes rising to meet Crow’s. “He needs a corruptible mind. Someone who hates me. You.”
Crow sighed and began to circle Eres. “Well let me put your fears at ease: There is no way I’d ever side with a spineless rat like Seren Night. I work alon-”
“What if he had Windel?” Eres cut him off.
“What?”
“What if he was able to capture her, use her against us?” He stepped in close to his rival. “Crow, when I’m gone, you can’t let that happen. Stay with her. Protect her. Please.”
“Well, what did you think we were going to do with you out of the way?”
Another punch to an already bruised gut. “Well, now you’re aware of another potential threat,” he backed up, “just don’t be an idiot about it. Alright?”
“Yep,” Crow said coolly. “Avoid the most notorious murderer in the world. Got it.”
Eres slowly retreated and plopped himself onto his bed. Painful images of Windel and Crow together clogged his imagination, crushing him.
It’s just not my path to be with someone, he kept telling himself. I have to hold onto Fata’s legacy. For my ooma, for the Skrols. It’s just me now. Let them go. Let her go.
Crow spread his arms. “Are we done here?”
“Yes,” he said quietly.
“Goodbye, barren. Be sure to earn your keep wherever you’re going.”
“Be sure not to destroy yours.”
Crow left for good this time, hopefully heeding Eres’ warning. And then he was left to wonder, for hours, if she would ever come to say goodbye. Or maybe she was waiting for him to join the group so it didn’t have to be awkward, so neither of them had to face the harsh reality that she’d always chose Crow over him, even in the beginning, when he was the bully clashing with people for no reason.
What did that say about her? He pondered, trying to convince himself again that they didn’t belong together. Attracted to evil. What does she think, that she could fix him? Pfft. What does he have that I don’t?
“Confidence,” he said out loud to himself.
But I’m confident. I know what to do, and I have the nerve to do it.
“Arrogance.”
Well, if she likes arrogant guys, then she’s not for me. It would’ve never worked anyway, remember? I’m a Dawn. No one wants a sexless barren. There’s no future in it. You blew it, Eres. You had something that could work and you threw it all away.
She never showed, however. The fifth hour passed, then the sixth, until all of the fear and allure, all of the scenarios playing out in his mind eventually faded. He looked to his esper and considered taking another ride before going to sleep again, but then clank - the door slid open. Two slippered feet, legs bare all the way up to a hemmed nightgown swaying at her thighs. Less muscular than Dee, but smoother, perfect. All of the emotions that had been suppressed, came up like vomit.
“No.” He tried to rid himself of foolish thoughts, bury his nerves, and sat up straight in his bed once more.
“Did you say something?” Windel pushed away the last dress that tickled her nose and caused her to blow tinsel out of her face comically. “He totally wears these, you know that right?”
And just like that, all of the malice and seriousness evaporated. They both chuckled together. “The image is horrifying.”
“Isn’t it?” She plopped down at the foot of the bed lightheartedly, as if nothing had transpired in the past day. “You really should come upstairs. The views are breathtaking – a blanket of snow that stretches in all directions forever and ever into the horizon.”
“Err, then I’ll start thinking about what happens if we become stranded.”
“Oh!” She perked up, “Then we’re dead, duh.”
“Mm, great.”
“Please, Ilfrid, weird as he is… I don’t know, I trust him. He’s comforting somehow.”
“Me too. He broke me free of that hellhole Elesion after all.”
“Hey, I tried!”
Eres waved his palms. “That’s not what I meant! It wasn’t a jab against you!”
She giggled. “Good to know I can still get you to freak out. I’m just messing with you. Besides, Proctor Ren should be getting out any day now; then all will be right in the world.”
No, it wouldn’t, we still wouldn’t be together. We’re living in some backward dimension where you’re with the villain.
