Ruin's Lot

by ID Johnson

  Thinking of Liddy saying she was cursed reminded her of a time when she was younger and they’d all gone to the public pool together. Liddy had insisted she wear a T-shirt so that the scars on her back were covered. At the time, Ru couldn’t have been more than four, and she had no idea there was anything at all on her back. “You don’t want everyone to see where your real mom tried to kill you, do you?” Liddy had asked. Ru had shook her head, no. Of course, she didn’t want everyone to see that.

  Why had her mom tried to kill her? she’d wondered, and what had stopped her? Now, those scars were faded, but they were still there, and Ru had never cared much for swimming ever since then.

  As Ru began to fall asleep, her mind wandered. A face appeared in her mind’s eye. It was the image she’d created long ago to represent her birth mom. Despite Liddy’s warnings that her mother had never loved her, that she’d tried to kill her, that she blamed Ru for ruining her life, the face she saw before her was always kind and loving. She’d brush Ru’s hair out of her eyes and say, “Mommy loves you, always and forever. Don’t you ever forget it, Ru.” That was the mother Ru chose to believe in, the one that loved her, not the one who had cast her aside as a small child. After all of these years, she’d still never given up hope of finding her birth mom some day and asking her why she’d given her away. Surely, her true mother’s explanation had to be something more than Liddy Brown’s account that Ru was cursed.

  She rolled over and tucked her hand under the throw pillow, drifting off into a deep sleep….

  Ru was standing outside, an impenetrable, misty fog encircling her, rising up from the ground in thick tendrils, wrapping around her and preventing her from seeing more than a foot or two in front of her face.

  The air was cool, and a layer of gooseflesh rose up on her bare arms. She was dressed all in black; her clothes seemed foreign. Everything about herself seemed altered, as if she didn’t know who she was or what she was doing.

  She took a step and found the ground to be marshy, as it often was off in the hollows around the outskirts of town. A few more steps revealed she was standing in thick woods. The trees here were twisted, their branches extended in long, scraggly fingers.

  Another few steps and movement in front of her caught her attention. She stopped in her tracks, wondering who or what it might be. Peering through the dense fog, she made out an outline of a tall figure. Like a walking shadow, it came closer, and she wasn’t sure if she should be frightened or reassured. Was this her savior, here to guide her out of the darkness, or something far more sinister?

  The form stopped a few feet in front of her. The fog was still rolling about, but she could see now. By the shape of him, and the height, she guessed it was a man. He wore a cloak the color of night, and his hood concealed his face so it was obstructed from her view. Remembering the research she’d done, she checked his hands. Both empty.

  “Who… who are you?” she asked, her voice cracking and sounding as if it was a faint echo even to her own ears.

  He was quiet for a long moment, and Ru thought he might not answer. Eventually, his voice resounded in her head. “You know me. I’ve been looking for you for a long time. Now, I’ve found you at last, Ru.”

  His cadence was even, his tone rich, like a melody. The words played through her mind like a song. Did she know him? He seemed like a distant memory, like someone she’d known before, in another life. “What’s your name?” she asked.

  He chuckled, and once again it carried through her mind like an instrument. “You know my name, Ru. You know who I am. Come, we’ve much to do.” He extended his hand to her, and Ru looked at it cautiously through the fog. It wasn’t bone, as she’d thought it might be, but a strong, human-looking hand, and he seemed assured that she would grasp on to it.

  “Show yourself,” she said, her voice sounding more commanding than she felt. “I want to see your face.”

  “I would show you my face, Ru, but I fear you wouldn’t be able to comprehend a beauty as complex as my own. Come with me, and I will show myself in good time.” He beckoned her with his outstretched hand.

  It was tempting. To reach out, take his hand, trust him. He could lead her out of here, out of the dense woods full of confusion and darkness. He could save her. Ru picked up her foot, but then she thought about her students, her friends. She thought about Cutter. Ru put her foot back down, behind the other one. “No, I can’t go with you,” she said, shaking her head. “I have so much to do.”

  “You can still do all those things,” he protested, taking a step closer. “You will be so much more than you ever were before, Ru, if you just come with me. I will help you.” His hand continued to reach for her, though he did not move to grab her.

  Once again, she was tempted, but she fought the urge to reach out and take his hand. “No, I can’t.” This time, there was not as much conviction behind her words as there had been before.

  “Very well then. You leave me no choice.” His voice was still calm, serene, but a bit more forceful. He reached up and moved his hood so that it rested about halfway back on his head.

  Ru gasped, her hands flying to cover her mouth. His hair was black as night, but his eyes were a glowing green, almost as intense as Cutter’s though even more electrifying. Perhaps what struck her most of all was the perfection of his face. He was by far the most handsome man she’d ever seen. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him. Feeling entranced, Ru took a step forward. “I… I do know you,” she muttered.

  “Yes, of course you do.” He broke into a smile, his teeth glinting even in the dim light. “Come along now, Ru. We’ve much to do,” he repeated.

  Ru took another step forward. How could she fear someone so pristinely beautiful, particularly when she knew she’d seen his face before? Had she known him when she was a child? Did he know her mother? Would he be able to help her find her? “How do I know you?” she asked.

  He shrugged, nonchalantly. “You have always known me, Ru.”

  She nodded, but his words didn’t make sense. She stopped, drawing her eyes away from his face as she contemplated a memory. Searching her mind, she fought to remember. And then it occurred to her. The computer—the research she’d done. She looked up at him, straight into his glowing eyes. “You’re Thanatos!” she said.

  His expression flickered, as if he was caught off guard, but then it changed back into that reassuring smile almost so quickly, she might not have seen the difference if she hadn’t been watching him so intently. “You know me.” He said it as if she shouldn’t have been surprised, like her speaking his name was natural, like they were old friends.

  “You’re Death,” she said, taking a step backward, suddenly feeling the fear building within her.

  “Ru, I’m not here to take your soul,” he said, stepping closer to her.

  Ru continued to back away, tripping over a tree root as she did so. “No,” she whispered. “I will never go with you.”

  “Ru, wait! We need to speak. I can tell you so much.”

  She wasn’t listening now, however. She turned and ran through the woods, praying that he wasn’t following her. The roots were thick, the branches reaching for her hair, the darkness obscuring almost everything, and she was certain she heard footsteps behind her. Ru picked up her speed and continued to run, feeling the sting of branches as they sliced through her skin, drops of blood dripping down her cheeks.

  It was too late to stop. The ground came to a halt in front of her. With a skid and a spray of twigs and leaves, Ru careened over a cliff, plunging into a deep ravine, the ground at least a hundred feet below her. Seeing the terrain rush up to meet her, she screamed.

  Ru sat straight up, sucking in air as if she’d actually been running through the woods. At first, she wasn’t sure where she was. A loud noise caught her attention, and she turned her head to see the television was on. Not exactly sure how that had happened, she fumbled for the remote on the coffee table. Piper was gone, likely frightened by the TV. The ceiling fan was
also on, whirring around on high speed, and every light in the house, as far as Ru could see, was on, too. A noise was coming from the kitchen, another electric droning, and steadying herself, Ru rose to investigate. The blender was on, and the toaster had also been activated. Ru put on an oven mitt and turned them both off, along with the light switch.

  “It was just a dream,” she told herself as she methodically walked through the house, using the kitchen mitt to turn off the rest of the lights and the fan. She left the light on in her bedroom, knowing she’d be back there in just a moment, and went to make sure the doors were all locked, and she hadn’t somehow managed to open windows. Everything was all closed tight, so she grabbed her phone off of the coffee table and headed to the back of the house.

  Piper reappeared as Ru stumbled into her room and dropped down on her bed. “Did I scare you, kitty?” she asked, rubbing her cat’s head. “It was just a dream.” The clock said it wasn’t quite 11:00. She wondered if she’d even be able to go back to sleep after that.

  It had seemed so real, as if she had actually been talking to Thanatos in the woods. Of course, she knew that wasn’t the case, but she’d never had a dream that vivid before. Or had she? Ru leaned back on to her pillows. Hadn’t she had a similar dream when she was much younger? Only she wasn’t in a thick wood at night. She was near the ocean, its waves calming her soul. And it wasn’t Thanatos whose face she was staring at then. It was her mother’s. Was it possible both of those dreams were real?

  Ru took a deep breath and tried to think of something else. She carefully plugged her phone in and saw she had a text from Cutter from several hours ago saying he was looking forward to seeing her the next day. She wanted him to know she was looking forward to it, too, but she definitely didn’t feel like starting a conversation right now, so he’d have to wait until tomorrow. Surely, he wouldn’t think her lack of an answer meant anything more than she’d fallen asleep early.

  She headed for the bathroom, hoping she could wash her face and wash away the dream. Ru had never lived a normal life, but things seemed to be getting even more complicated by the moment, and she was more than a little anxious about the situation, particularly when she wasn’t sure what Cutter was going to tell her the next day, but something in the back of her mind made her think whatever it was, her life be changed forever.

  Chapter 9

  “Wear the halter top,” Candice insisted. “It looks good on you.”

  “No,” Ru replied, tossing the black shirt onto the bed. “I never wear that. I don’t even know why I have it.”

  “Because it looks good on you,” Candice repeated. “If you’re self-conscious about showing that much skin, put a jacket on over the top. You have a black leather jacket, don’t you?”

  “I’m going to dinner, not a rock concert,” Ru reminded her friend who’d come over to help her get ready for her not-a-date with Cutter. “What about the red?” she asked, holding up a red dress in front of herself in the full length mirror.

  “It looks nice,” Candice agreed. “But I think it’s a little too fancy for a not-a-date. If you want Cutter to see who you really are outside of work, wear the black halter top, your leather jacket, and those black leggings. Hell, you can even wear that black miniskirt over the top. Oh, and your boots.”

  Ru turned around to face her. “Who am I outside of work? The Grim Reaper?” The words came to her mind before she even had a chance to reflect on them. Memories of her dream made her stomach tighten, but Candice was laughing, and she shook her head to clear those thoughts.

  “No, but I think he needs to see your edgy side, the side that listens to The Ramones and The Cure. At school, all we see is Miss Goody Two-Shoes.”

  “Thanks.”

  Candice shrugged. “Let him know you’re not so… vanilla.”

  “Again, thanks.”

  “Oh, come on, Ru. Who is the fashionista here, the one who goes on, like, a hundred dates a year, huh? Me or you?”

  Ru turned to look at her friend who was sprawled on her bed amidst dozens of discarded outfits. Her number was an exaggeration, but Candice certainly had more experience dating than she did. “You do,” she replied.

  “So… wear what I tell you to wear, girlie.”

  “Yeah, but, this is different,” Ru protested. She didn’t think it would be polite to remind her friend that very few of those first dates turned into second dates, and she definitely needed to make sure that Cutter still wanted to see her—as friends, of course, and coworkers.

  Holding up the black halter top, Candice said, “Wear the black halter top!” in an almost-monster-like voice, her eyes bulging.

  “Fine!” Ru finally agreed. She grabbed the only strapless bra she had out of her drawer and took both items into the bathroom, figuring there was no reason to let Candice have a glimpse at her scars. She was hopeful the top would hide them, though she’d never even put it on before and couldn’t even remember how she’d gotten it. She thought her mother might have bought it for her when she was in college and Liddy thought she needed help finding a man. It had been a running joke amongst her family members that the only letters she was capable of earning at college might be her MRS if she put out a little bit. Ru had shown them when she’d earned her Bachelor’s in less than four years.

  Once she had the questionable top on, she turned to look at herself in the mirror the best she could. Above the top seam, she could faintly see the beginnings of her scars. They had diminished over time, but they were still visible, crooked and jagged. She didn’t think anyone would see them even if she didn’t wear the jacket Candice had recommended, but Ru still felt self-conscious.

  “Well?” her friend yelled, clearly still on the bed. “Come out and let me see.”

  With a sigh, Ru opened the bathroom door.

  “Wooo! Hot mama!” Candice exclaimed. “That looks good. Real good.”

  “Why do I feel like you’re trying to pick me up in some sleazy bar?”

  “Please,” Candice protested, “as if I’d go out with you.” She winked at her friend. “I’m just kidding. I totally would. If I swung that way. Here,” she picked up the leggings and skirt she’d already decided on and threw them at Ru, who caught them just before they hit her in the face. “Oh, and do you have on sexy underwear?”

  “Candice! It’s not even a date!” Ru yelled before turning back toward the bathroom.

  “It doesn’t matter if he’ll see it or not,” her friend shouted after her. “It’s about how it makes you feel!”

  Ru didn’t feel like her panties were any of Candice’s business, so she didn’t answer. She finished putting on the rest of her outfit and went back out to check herself in front of the full-length mirror. She did look good, if she said so herself. “Wear this,” Candice said, handing her a chunky necklace and a set of bangle bracelets. “And where is your jacket?”

  “It’s in the closet,” Ru replied, slipping on the jewelry and grabbing a pair of hoop earrings to add to it.

  Candice had the jacket and stood behind her for Ru to slip into it. “Whoa, girl. What happened to your back?” she asked, freezing with the jacket still spread open. “That looks like it hurt.”

  Feeling a blush coming on, Ru hurried and slid her arms into the sleeves. “I don’t remember, honestly,” she replied. “I’ve always had them.” She wondered how much her friend could even see.

  “No wonder you never wear any cute bathing suits,” Candice remarked, and then, clearly seeing Ru’s face in the mirror, she added, “I mean, they don’t look bad or anything. I’d never noticed them before. It’s just… you’re probably self-conscious about it, huh?”

  “Will you get my boots out of the closet?” Ru asked, changing the subject. She could’ve gotten them herself but sending Candice after them might get them off of this topic. She’d already done her makeup but thought her mascara could use a touch up, so she crossed to her dresser, where her makeup bag was, to fix it.

  “Here you go,” Candice said, drop
ping the boots beside her. “Are you sure you don’t want me to put your hair up?”

  “No, thank you,” Ru replied. They’d had this discussion. She didn’t want to look like she was trying too hard, though in her current outfit, she had no idea what message she might be sending. Was she a punk rocker or a vampire hunter?

  “You look great, girlfriend,” Candice reassured her, putting her arm around her shoulders. “I’m sure this will be the best not-a-date ever.”

  “Yeah, well, let’s just hope I don’t end up making him not-a-friend.” Ru looked herself over again in the mirror, unsure of everything.

  “I’m sure that won’t be the case.”

  Candice’s words were said with confidence, but Ru still didn’t know if this was a good idea. She definitely wanted to hear what Cutter had to say, particularly about her car, but it might not be worth it if it jeopardized their working relationship.

  “I wonder if Jane knows about this,” Candice said, stepping back toward the bed and grabbing her handbag. “She’d die!”

  The thought had crossed Ru’s mind as well, and picturing Jane at home by herself crocheting or knitting or something, with her dogs at her feet, while she was out with Cutter, made her laugh. “I’m sure she has other plans tonight.” Jane was a pretty woman. If only her personality matched her face….

  Thinking of a face that didn’t quite match reminded Ru of the dream she’d had the night before. It had been stuck in her mind all day, creeping up on her when she least expected it, and she had to keep pushing it away. For some reason, when Cutter had called her earlier that morning to talk about what time to pick her up, she had felt compelled to tell him about the dream, but she hadn’t done so. Why would he care that she’d had a vivid dream about the Grim Reaper?