No Ordinary Man

by Suzanne Brockman

  “Oh, Jess,” he said, his voice a whisper of pleasure, his breath hot at her ear.

  They began to move together, slowly now, as he kissed her neck, his lips caressing her skin. She ran her fingers through his thick hair and down his powerful back, amazed at the way he could make her feel.

  And the love that she felt for him, this love that seemed so new and fragile seemed to flare up around her, growing even stronger with every passing moment. She clung to him, lifting her hips so that he plunged even more deeply into her.

  With a groan, he kissed her almost savagely, and began to move faster, each thrust harder and deeper than the last. His hands became rough, and Jess felt her own fingernails dig into his back as she welcomed the turbulence of his passion. Fiercely, she urged him on, with her mouth, with her hands, with her body.

  “Jess!” she heard him gasp as the world exploded around her. Sheer pleasure knifed through her, and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying out.

  And then Rob collapsed against her, holding her tightly, burying his face in her neck. She could feel his rapid heartbeat and unsteady breathing start to slow, and after a moment he rolled off of her.

  His arms still encircled her, and she rested her head on his shoulder, sighing with contentment. They lay in silence, holding each other for a long time.

  Finally Jess looked up to see him staring out into the darkness of the room. His gaze shifted down, and a smile softened his face. It was a small smile, a sad one, and Jess’s heart lurched. No promises, she reminded herself. He’d made it clear that he could make her no promises.

  She ran her fingers lightly across his chest, and he moved his hand, trapping her against him. “That was wonderful,” she said softly.

  Rob couldn’t speak. To tell her that what they’d just experienced had been amazing seemed inadequate. To start talking about anything else seemed inappropriate. And the words that lingered on the tip of his tongue were unutterable.

  I love you.

  He could never tell her that. And even if he could, she would end up hurt—in the long run, she would feel lied to, cheated. Because his love was worth nothing. His love was meaningless, of no value.

  Still, he could see that his silence confused her. He brushed her mouth with his lips, trying to tell her with a gentle kiss all the things he couldn’t say.

  It seemed to satisfy her.

  Jess returned his kiss, then gently extracted herself from his arms. “I better go check on Kelsey,” she said.

  Her headache was almost entirely gone, Jess realized as she swung her legs out of bed and headed toward the closet to get her robe. That was good. She smiled, wondering if she should tell Rob that he was better than aspirin.

  And then she stepped on something hard and cold.

  Bending down, she picked it up, turning to look at it in the candlelight. It was seven inches long and thin, made of metal, with crisscrossed lines scored into it, as if it were some kind of handle. “Rob, what’s this?” she asked.

  He sprang off the bed. “Careful—”

  A deadly, sharp-looking knife blade shot out from one end of the handle, narrowly missing her fingers. She fumbled it, lost hold, then jumped back to keep the knife from stabbing her in the foot. It landed blade down, stuck into the wooden floor, quivering slightly.

  Jess stared from the knife to Rob. It was the one she had seen him holding earlier that night—the knife he’d held to her throat when he’d thought she was someone breaking into his apartment. It was bigger and sharper than she remembered. It looked deadly and seemed to shimmer with an aura of violence.

  He pulled the knife out of the floor and released the catch. The blade slid back into the hilt with the quiet sound of metal on metal. “It’s my switchblade,” he said softly. He tried to make a joke out of it. “You carry a Swiss army knife in your purse. It’s kind of the same thing.”

  “It’s the same thing, plus four more inches of knife blade, which makes it pretty damn different. Isn’t carrying that—” Jess stopped.

  “Illegal?” Rob finished for her. He met her gaze steadily, as if daring her to comment. “Yeah. It’s a concealed weapon. It’s illegal.”

  But Jess didn’t say a word. She just watched him, silently willing him to tell her more. But he turned away to put the knife inside one of his shoes, pushing them both out of the way. She watched as he sat down on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, as he lowered his head and ran his hands through his hair. When he looked up at her, she knew that he wasn’t going to volunteer any more information.

  She could see the tension in his neck and shoulders, and she climbed onto the bed behind him and began gently rubbing his back. He glanced over his shoulder at her, surprise in his eyes.

  It was clear he’d expected the third degree, not a back rub. Still, there were questions that needed to be asked.

  “Why do you carry it?” she asked quietly.

  “I can’t tell you that,” he said, his voice so low she almost couldn’t hear him.

  “Okay,” she said. The muscles in his shoulders were way too tight. She massaged him harder, trying to loosen them.

  He pulled away and turned to look at her. “That’s all? Just, ‘okay?’”

  Jess shrugged, forcing herself to smile at him. They’d just shared the most intimate physical act. Why wouldn’t he share his secrets with her? “You said you couldn’t tell me. So, okay. What am I supposed to do, Rob—whine? I don’t think so. And using Chinese water torture isn’t my style, either. I can’t pretend it doesn’t frustrate me, because it does. I hope that someday you’ll tell me. Maybe someday you’ll trust me enough to tell me all about yourself.”

  Rob reached for her, pulling her onto his lap and holding her close. It’s not about trust, he wanted to tell her, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t begin to try to explain, because he could never tell her any of it. He felt her arms around his neck, holding him closely, comforting him—even though he wouldn’t tell her why he needed her comfort.

  He knew with a certainty that frightened him that he could continue this relationship with Jess for weeks, months, maybe even years, and she would respect his privacy and not demand answers to her questions. But she would be hurt. Every time he didn’t tell her something, every time he couldn’t answer one of her questions, she would think that he didn’t trust her.

  God, Jess’s quiet understanding and gentle acceptance was exactly what he needed. And because of that, he had to end this now, before the temptation pulled him in too deep. Because that was exactly the kind of relationship that she didn’t need.

  She also didn’t need him to tell her that their lovemaking had been a major mistake—at least not right now, not tonight. But he couldn’t stay here with her. He couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping with her in his arms, of waking up to her gentle smile and the welcoming softness of her body. The temptation would be too great. And each time he gave in and made love to Jess, the harder it would be to leave.

  He had to get out of here. Now.

  He gently disengaged her arms from their hold around his neck. “You better check on Kelsey,” he reminded her. “And it’s nearly three-thirty. I should go,” he added, nearly choking on the words.

  “Go?”

  He steeled himself against the disappointment in Jess’s eyes and nodded. “I’d like to stay all night,” he said, and it wasn’t a lie. He would’ve sold his soul to make things different, to make it possible to stay with her. “But I know you probably don’t want Kelsey waking up to find me in your bed.”

  The disappointment in her eyes faded and she nodded. “Good point,” she said. “It’s kind of sudden to just spring something like this—like us—on Kel.” She smiled. “Although I happen to know that she adores you. She’d like to see us together.”

  Jess stood up, and this time she made it all the way across the room to her closet. She slipped on her bathrobe and tied the belt. “I’m going to check on Kelsey,” she said. “I’ll be right back.” She crossed to
the door and when she put her hand on the knob, Rob spoke.

  “Jess.”

  She paused, looking at him. He stood, his naked body strong and beautiful in the dim light. Shadows fell across his face, accentuating his cheekbones and his sensuous mouth. A lock of disheveled hair fell over his forehead. His brown eyes had a sad, haunted look.

  “Only in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine we’d make love,” he said.

  Their eyes were locked, and slowly he moved forward, as if hypnotized. She turned as he pulled her toward him, cupping her face with his hands. He kissed her then, slowly and so sweetly. Jess felt her heart flip in her chest.

  “If I don’t leave now…” he whispered.

  She nodded, understanding, feeling the familiar tug of heat and desire at his touch. If he didn’t leave now, they’d make love again, and Kelsey would find them together in the morning. And then the little girl would no doubt start addressing wedding invitations.

  “I’ll see you in the morning,” Rob said, quickly pulling on his pants and gathering up the rest of his clothes.

  He opened the bedroom door and disappeared down the darkness of the hallway.

  Jess heard the kitchen door open and then close as she tiptoed into Kelsey’s room. The child’s hair was matted with sweat despite the battery-powered fan that Rob had put in the window.

  Kelsey shifted positions, still sound asleep, and Jess kissed her on the cheek.

  Then she went back into her room, found her night shirt from the floor and climbed into bed.

  It was the same bed she’d slept alone in for years, but it suddenly seemed much, much too big.

  She lay awake, missing Rob’s arms around her.

  It was nearly dawn before she finally closed her eyes. Just as she was drifting off to sleep she was roused by a car engine. It was Rob’s car, and he was pulling out of the driveway.

  Jess sat up, suddenly wide awake.

  Was he restless, unable to sleep—the way she was? Or did he have someplace to go, someone to see?

  The aura of mystery that surrounded Rob like a cloak seemed to thicken, suffocating Jess with the uncertainty.

  Who was this man she was falling in love with?

  And where was he going at four o’clock in the morning?

  Chapter Seven

  The house had turned into an oven.

  Jess awoke slowly, groggily, drugged both by sleep and the heat. It took her a moment to remember why the air conditioner wasn’t working. And then it all came back to her in a rush.

  Last night…

  She’d made love to Rob last night. It had been wonderful. Exhilarating. Dangerous.

  She saw a flash of Rob, his face lit by lightning, his eyes cold and menacing, a knife clutched in his hand….

  “Mommy.”

  She shook away the memory, turning to see Kelsey standing in the doorway. “Morning, Kel.”

  The child’s face was puzzled. “The clock in my room says four-thirty, but that can’t be right, or the sun wouldn’t be up so high.”

  “Power went out last night,” Jess said. “We had a big storm.”

  Kelsey nodded, her unbrushed brown hair stringy in the heat. “Thought so,” she said, satisfied the mystery could be cleared up so easily. Then she frowned again. “Your clock works.”

  “My clock has a backup battery,” Jess said. As if to punctuate her words, the alarm went off. She reached over and shut it off. “Time to get ready for school.”

  “I am ready,” Kelsey said patiently.

  Jess looked more closely. Kelsey was dressed in clean shorts and a T-shirt. She even had her sneakers on and tied.

  Jess swung her legs out of bed. “I’ll get you some breakfast.”

  “I ate.”

  “Teeth?”

  “Brushed.” She bared her teeth as proof. “Can I play in the yard until the bus comes?”

  “Hair,” Jess said.

  “Oops.”

  “Get it brushed, then you can go outside.”

  Kelsey headed out of the room, but turned back to her mother almost as an afterthought. “Rob’s on the deck eating breakfast,” she said. “He asked me to tell you he was out there.”

  Rob. Jess’s pulse kicked into double time. “Thanks, Kel,” she said, somehow managing to keep her voice even. He was back.

  Jess dressed quickly, throwing on a pair of shorts and a halter top, splashing water onto her face, brushing her teeth and dragging a comb through her hair. And then, trying not to run, she headed for the back deck.

  She made herself stop in the kitchen and pour a glass of iced tea, counting slowly to ten to catch her breath.

  And then she pushed the screen door open.

  Rob was sitting at the picnic table, reading the morning paper in the shade of the umbrella. He was showered and dressed, his sleeves carefully covering both tattoos. He glanced up, his eyes hidden by dark glasses.

  Jess felt suddenly nervous and self-conscious. She should have showered before coming out here. She should’ve at least taken the time to put on some makeup.

  “Morning,” he said. A box of donuts sat on the table in front of him. He gestured to it. “Hungry? Help yourself.”

  Jess shook her head. “No, thanks.”

  She wanted him to kiss her good morning. She wanted him to stand up and take her into his arms and kiss her the way he’d kissed her last night. But he didn’t move.

  “Is your head feeling better?” Rob asked politely.

  Jess reached up, lightly touching the bump with her fingers. “I’d forgotten about it,” she admitted.

  He nodded. “Good.”

  She set her glass of iced tea down on the table wishing he would smile at her—one of those soft, secret, “I remember what we shared last night” smiles that only lovers can give one another. She wished he would take off those sunglasses so she could look into his eyes and at least guess what he was thinking. “You’re going to be late for work,” she said, mostly to fill the silence.

  He nodded again, looking out into the yard where Kelsey was playing on her swing set. “I called and told them that I wouldn’t be in right away,” he said. He turned and looked at her. “I thought it would be a good idea if we had a chance to talk.”

  Talk.

  Jess wanted to feel glad that he wanted to talk. He was so quiet, so used to keeping his thoughts to himself. It was good that he wanted to talk, she tried to tell herself. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that Rob was going to tell her something that she didn’t want to hear. She squared her shoulders and sat down across from him.

  “Okay,” she said. “Let’s talk.”

  He carefully refolded his newspaper and set it down on the table. “Maybe we should wait until Kelsey’s bus leaves.”

  “Wow,” Jess said, trying hard to keep her voice light. “The news is that good, huh?”

  Rob was silent, turning to watch Kelsey climb the stairs to the deck.

  “Carlos is waving at me from his yard,” Kelsey announced. “Can I go wait for the bus in front of his house? His mom’s out there, too.”

  Jess stood up. “Grab your schoolbag. I’ll walk you down.”

  “See you later, Bug,” Rob said.

  Kelsey threw her arms around his neck. “Bye, Rob. Are you going to come home in time to play before dinner?”

  Jess could see the muscles working in Rob’s jaw as he returned Kelsey’s hug. “I don’t think so,” he said. “Probably not tonight.”

  “Come on, Kel,” Jess said, starting down the stairs.

  This was bad. Whatever it was that Rob wanted to talk about, it was definitely bad.

  Jess was silent as she walked to the neighbor’s house, letting Kelsey chatter on. She exchanged pleasantries with the mother of Kelsey’s friend, all the while thinking about Rob.

  Rob—sitting back there on her deck, waiting for her to return so that he could hand deliver his regrets about last night. Jess had no doubt that he was going to let her down gently, but he was going to let
her down. She could practically hear him now: “About last night… It was a mistake, things got out of hand. I’m sorry….”

  Sorry.

  He was going to tell her that he was sorry about the thrilling perfection of the lovemaking they’d shared. But to Rob, it had probably been neither thrilling nor perfection. Apparently while Jess had fallen in love, he had fallen into a mud puddle of remorse.

  Kelsey gave her a kiss goodbye, and Jess automatically kissed her daughter back. The little girl was gone then, racing around to the back of Carlos’s house to check out his new puppy. And then there was nothing for Jess to do but walk back to her house—to Rob and his regrets.

  She felt like a condemned woman, marching to the hangman’s noose. She was more than half tempted to turn and run.

  Somehow she was going to have to sit down and listen and pretend that Rob wasn’t breaking her heart.

  She climbed the stairs to the deck, and when she reached the top, he was sitting exactly where she’d left him.

  Jess didn’t bother to sit. She also didn’t wait for him to speak. “You’re going to apologize,” she said flatly, crossing her arms. “You don’t think it’s going to work between us. Last night we got carried away, we let things get out of control, and now you’re really sorry, but you have to be honest with me.”

  Rob looked away from her, out over the rail and down at the backyard. He didn’t say a word.

  “Am I right?” Jess persisted. “Please, tell me if I’m wrong—”

  “No,” he said, still looking away. “You’re right.” He turned and looked at her. “Jess, I don’t want to lose your friendship.” His voice was low, intense.

  Jess felt both hot and cold. She wanted to run inside, to get away from this man, to throw herself on her bed and let herself cry and ache and hurt. But more than that, she wanted to know why. Why wouldn’t he give their relationship a chance?

  She sat down across from him, her hands tightly clasped together on the table in front of her. “I don’t understand,” she said quietly. “Please make me understand.”

  Rob took off his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes. He looked tired, bone weary, as if he hadn’t slept at all last night. “I’m not sure I can.”