by HELEN HARDT
She chuckled. “Yeah. Good idea.”
I got up and pulled her off the bed and into my embrace. I held her for a moment, enjoying the warmth of our bodies, and then I led her into my bathroom. I got out a couple of clean towels and handed one to her.
Her cheeks had turned red.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. It’s just… I’ve never showered with a guy before.” She looked to her feet. “I mean, I know I’ve used your shower before.”
She had. She’d awoken in the middle of the night after a bad dream, and I’d found her in my shower, scrubbing herself raw.
“If you want, you can shower first. I’ll leave you alone.” I smiled.
“No, of course not. I don’t know why I even said that.” She hung her towel on the shower door and opened it. “Let’s do this.”
I couldn’t help a laugh. She sounded like a cop getting ready to investigate a crime scene. I gave her a few seconds to get used to the water, and then I entered behind her. Her long hair was pasted to her back in an onyx sheath. So gorgeous. I grabbed my Mane ’n Tail—yes, I used horse shampoo. What was good enough for Sergio was good enough for me—and squirted a liberal amount onto my palm, much more than I used for myself. Ruby had a lot more hair than I did.
“Come here.” I turned her around to face me and spread the shampoo into her hair.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Are you crazy? I want to. Your hair is a work of art.” I lathered it into her scalp and then pulled it through to her ends. “I might not have even used enough.”
She smiled. “It’s plenty.”
I continued to massage her scalp and then pushed her back into the shower stream to rinse her head. The trickles of water rivered down her beautiful body, and I was hard again.
Damn.
Without so much as a thought, I lifted her, turned around so her back was against the shower wall, and shoved my cock into her once more.
Every time was more amazing than the last. Every time I felt something new with this woman. This time, as our wet bodies slid against each other, a new sensation—something foreign and unsettling but deeply arousing—surged through me.
It wasn’t love. I already felt that. It wasn’t passion or desire. I was well acquainted with those around Ruby. Yet this emotion contained all three of those and more. It was almost an ache. Emotion so pure and strong that it hurt, but in a good way.
I embraced it, thrust myself into her body as she pressed her dripping breasts into my chest.
“Ryan,” she moaned, closing her eyes.
Her orgasm took her with more force than I’d yet seen, and I thrust into her deeply, filling her. I closed my eyes as well, letting her clamping walls milk every last drop of cum out of me. And when the convulsions subsided, still embedded inside her, I said again, “I love you.”
Again, she didn’t respond.
I set her on the shower floor, and we finished up, washing each other and sharing a few kisses.
When I turned the water off and we stepped out and toweled off, it was time to get serious.
“Ruby,” I said to her, her blue eyes slightly bloodshot from the shower, “you’re moving in with me.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ruby
Huh?
I’d heard him say he loved me three different times, and each time I’d ached to say it back to him, to reaffirm what I knew in my heart to be true.
But move in with him?
So not happening.
I must have had my jaw dropped nearly to the floor, because he pushed my chin upward.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?”
While in the shower, when he had me against the wall, our bodies sopping together as he made love to me, I’d decided to tell him my feelings. To tell him I loved him.
Now? I wasn’t sure what to say about anything.
“I…”
“What?”
“I can’t move in with you.”
“Sure you can.”
This was so Ryan. This was the Ryan I’d gotten to know in Jamaica. The Ryan who took charge, didn’t take no for an answer, always got what he wanted, flipped words around to suit his purpose.
After he found out that Wendy Madigan was his mother, rather than become distant, he’d come to me, nearly forced himself on me, and surprise of all surprises, I hadn’t said no.
I’d wanted it.
I’d wanted him. I’d wanted to help him in any way I could. I still wanted that. But moving in with him wouldn’t help him, and it wouldn’t help me either.
“You’re crazy,” I said.
“About you.”
That got a smile out of me. That was another classic Ryan Steel line, like the ones he’d given me in the Caribbean—the ones I’d tried so hard to resist but couldn’t.
“Look, I—”
He placed two fingers over my lips. “You don’t have to tell me you love me, Ruby.”
“But I—”
He shushed me again. “Whether you do or not—yet—doesn’t matter. I need you safe. You’ll be safe here.”
“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”
“I’m not saying you aren’t.”
“Well, yeah, you kind of are. I’m not moving in with you just to be safe. That’s not what I’m about.”
“Then move in with me because you want to.”
It would be so easy to say yes. To confess my love for him—and I did love him beyond reason—and shield myself behind his walls. Behind him.
But I couldn’t. That wasn’t who I was. That wasn’t who I’d ever be.
I cupped his cheek. “Ryan, are you sure you love me?” I hated the words as soon as they left my lips. This was “insecure-about-men Ruby” coming out. He’d only recently taken my virginity. He was the only man I had any experience with. Why in the world would he want me?
“I don’t say things I don’t mean,” he said, his dark eyes serious.
No, he didn’t. I knew that much about him.
“It’s just…so much has gone on in the last two weeks. Your mother—”
“My mother isn’t who I thought she was. I’m dealing with that. I’m still dealing with your part in it, as well. But I can’t deny my feelings any longer. When you got that text…” He raked his fingers through his damp hair. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you being in danger. Even potential danger. I’ve been living the past several months with everyone I love being in potential danger, and I’m damned sick of it, Ruby. So you’re moving in here.”
“Don’t go all caveman on me,” I said. “It isn’t you.”
“Maybe it is me. Maybe I want to have some semblance of control over my life.”
“You can’t control me.”
“Damn it!” His fingers threaded through his hair once more. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
I knew what he meant. His life had been turned upside down, and now he wanted to take it back. Beginning with me, apparently.
I took his hand and caressed his palm. “Look. I get it. I get what you’ve been through. But me moving in with you isn’t the answer.”
“What do I have to do?” His eyes blazed with dark fire. “Fuck you into submission?”
I arched my brows, and my pulse beat rapidly in my neck. Goose bumps erupted all over my flesh, and a flaming arrow shot between my legs. My clit began to throb, and before I knew it, the familiar scent of my arousal permeated the bedroom.
Ryan’s eyes glazed over, and he inhaled. He smelled it too.
Did I want to be fucked into submission?
Hell, no. At least not the rational, logical part of me.
But part of me did. The part that wanted to surrender to Ryan Steel in all his masculine glory.
And that frightened me. Big time.
He walked toward me, like a wolf stalking his mate. My rational brain screamed at me to push him away, get out of there, run like hell.
But my libido ov
errode all reason. He was going to try to fuck me into submission, and I wasn’t going to stop him.
A simple “no” would do it. I knew that. Ryan Steel wasn’t a rapist. He wasn’t any kind of criminal. But he was domineering. He had been since the beginning, always getting what he wanted in that jovial way of his. He was far from jovial now, though.
My heart nearly thumped out of my chest, and my tummy fluttered with anxiety. Yet I didn’t stop him when he grabbed my shoulders. Didn’t stop him when he lifted me in his strong arms and carried me to his bed. Didn’t stop him when he nearly ripped the terry robe from my body and spread my legs harshly.
No. I didn’t stop him.
I didn’t want to.
I wanted this, and I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do. He knew this about me, so he knew it now. He knew how much I wanted this. Wanted him.
He didn’t speak. He acted with feral ferocity, thrusting his tongue between my legs. Then he stopped, staring at me, inhaling.
My arousal. He was smelling my arousal like a damned animal. Such a turn-on. His eyes were closed, and still he said nothing. Just continued inhaling the aroma that hung in the air.
So I inhaled, and I could smell his arousal too. The scent of lust. It was thick around us.
Finally, he opened his eyes, so dark in their intensity, and began licking between my legs.
My nipples pebbled, and I moved one hand toward my breasts to squeeze them, but he brushed it away and began fingering both of my nipples as he licked me.
I closed my eyes again and became a slave to him, to the feelings he evoked within me. I lifted my hips, gliding them up and down, grinding against his lips and face. The stubble on his cheeks and chin scratched me in the most delicious way. I’d have some nasty razor burn, but I didn’t care. I needed this. Needed him. I continued grinding into him, his stubble scratching the inside of my thighs now. He kept up with my movements, sucking me, thrusting his tongue inside me and then tugging on my clit.
I skyrocketed and climbed to the precipice. All of my energy pulsing outward and inward to my secret-most core.
When I finally came down, he was still eating me, and although I whimpered when he took one of his hands from my breasts, I was elated when he thrust two fingers in my pussy. I cried out his name—once, twice, three times. He finger fucked me, moving his fingers in such a way that every part of my pussy walls felt him.
I had nothing to compare this to, but I couldn’t even begin to fathom that sex with anyone else could ever be this good. Ryan Steel touched something inside me, something I had ignored for far too long.
When I started another climax, he flipped me over and shoved his cock into me from behind.
Slap!
I gripped the covers when his hand came down on my ass.
I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for his palm to come down on me again.
It didn’t.
Part of me was relieved. Part of me, disappointed.
Who was I? I wasn’t sure I knew anymore.
He grunted on top of me, continuing to plunge into me. He said nothing, which surprised me. Normally he talked during sex. Dirty talk. Dirty talk I had come to enjoy. But not this time. This time he was in pure animal mode, taking me.
And I was letting him.
With each thrust, I became more his. I lost more of myself inside of his body.
And suddenly, a lance of fear so sharp speared straight into my heart.
“Ryan,” I whispered into the covers, knowing he wouldn’t hear me.
“Ryan,” I whispered again.
He was all body, all physical, as he continued to slam into me. With each thrust, I felt more of what made me Ruby seeping out and melting into the bed. Leaving me.
I no longer whispered his name. Because though my first instinct was to tell him to stop, I didn’t want him to stop. Part of me wanted this. Part of me wanted to become part of him, to lose myself in him.
Another orgasm was imminent, but I bit my lip, fighting against it, fearing that if I came, all that was Ruby Lee would become encompassed in all that was Ryan Steel.
I couldn’t let that happen. Even though a big part of me wanted to let it happen.
Finally, he pushed into me so deeply and let out a loud groan. His orgasm. By now I was flat on the bed. He had fucked me so hard that I had fallen from my hands and knees.
Though my body was sated, my mind whirled. Ryan loved me. He’d said so three times, even though I hadn’t returned his words despite feeling them in the depths of my heart, my soul.
He rolled off of me onto his back so that he was lying beside my prone form. I turned on my side to look at him. His chest was moving up and down rapidly, his body shiny with perspiration, his arm over his forehead, covering his eyes.
What was he thinking? I glanced at his clock on the night table. It was past midnight. Not surprising.
I wanted to go back to my apartment. I was a cop, for God’s sake. I couldn’t let some anonymous text scare me away from my own home. Yet that other part of me—that part that wanted to lose myself in Ryan Steel—didn’t want to leave.
Ryan let out a soft snore. He had fallen asleep.
No way was I going to fall asleep with my mind racing as it was. I would stay here—only because I couldn’t stand the idea of Ryan waking up and finding me gone. I couldn’t do that to him.
I had to work things out, and this was all so new to me that I knew I couldn’t do it on my own.
Tomorrow I would call Melanie and begin therapy. I needed to figure myself out. I needed to be whole for Ryan.
But first, when he woke up, I would tell Ryan Steel that I loved him.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ryan
I woke up, the sheet twisted around my body. “Ruby?”
Damn. My clock showed seven a.m. I had forgotten to set my alarm. I was late getting out to the fields. Where was Ruby?
Fear settled in my gut. Had she gone home? No, she wouldn’t have. She wouldn’t have put herself in danger. I sat up quickly and found my robe. I walked swiftly through the house. “Ruby?”
No answer.
When I got to the kitchen, I noticed Ricky sitting outside the door, on the deck. Then I saw Ruby sitting in the family room. I walked toward the sofa.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey, sleepyhead.”
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
“I figured I’d let you sleep. We were up pretty late last night.”
“I should’ve gotten up two hours ago,” I said.
“I only just got up about fifteen minutes ago. I fed Ricky and let him out, made a pot of coffee. I need to leave pretty soon to get to work on time.”
The thought of her leaving sent a spear through my stomach. Somehow, I had to convince her to move in with me. And that thought brought last night back to the forefront of my mind.
“Baby…”
“What?”
“I’m…sorry.”
“About what?”
“About trying to…fuck you into submission.”
She laughed. She fucking laughed!
“What’s so fucking funny?”
“You didn’t fuck me into anything, Ryan. I’ve told you many times before. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do.”
“Oh. Good. I guess.”
“I was actually going to wake you up soon,” she said. “We need to talk.”
Yes, we did need to talk, and I had to figure out a really quick way to get her to move in with me.
She stood. “Want some coffee?”
I nodded, and we walked back into the kitchen. She poured two cups and set them on the table. Then she sat down. I followed suit.
“Ryan, last night was… There really aren’t any words.”
“Does that mean it was good or bad?”
She smiled. “It was good. Very good.”
“Thank God.”
“And I want to tell you…” She bit her lip, looking down. Then she met my gaze, he
r blue eyes burning. “I love you, Ryan. I really do love you.”
Happiness surged through me. And a giant weight floated off my shoulders. Though I had wanted to hear those words last night, I’d had no idea how much they truly meant to me until they left her lips.
“Do you? Really?”
“I do. I have for a while. I just never in a million years dreamed that you could love me.”
I took her hand, entwining her fingers with mine. “I do. What I feel for you is something I never imagined. It’s almost an ache.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that. Since I have no frame of reference, I wasn’t sure exactly what I was feeling, but you just described it perfectly.”
“Then will you move in with me? Let me protect you?”
She closed her eyes and let out a breath of air. “I’m sorry, Ryan. I can’t move in with you.”
“Why? If we love each other—”
She held up her hand to stop me. “Because. Because I need to figure some things out about myself first. And quite frankly, you’re not ready for this either.”
“Ruby, I know exactly what I’m ready for.”
“Do you? You admit yourself that your life has just been upended. Don’t you need to work through all of that before you start a serious relationship?”
“I’m pretty sure that ship has sailed, Ruby. This relationship is already serious.”
“Because we love each other?”
“Yes, because we love each other. Don’t you know anything about relationships?” I regretted the words as soon as I said them. Of course she didn’t know anything about relationships. I was her first one. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s okay. But I think this is new for both of us.”
She had the right of that. “So it’s new. So what? I want you to move in with me. I want you to be safe.”
“Keeping me safe is not the best reason to have me move in with you,” she said. “I may not know much about relationships, but I do know that much.”
“Fine,” I said. “I love you. Isn’t that a good enough reason?”
“It’s a wonderful reason. I love you too, and a big part of me really wants to live here with you. But I just can’t. Not until I figure a few things out.”
