by HELEN HARDT
“Can’t we figure them out together?”
“I wish we could.” She massaged the fingers of my right hand. “But there’s still a lot of my life that I haven’t dealt with, Ryan. I need to work through those things before I live with someone.”
I heaved a sigh. “I need to say it, baby. I don’t want you going back to your apartment.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I’m booking a hotel room for you in the city.”
“Ryan…”
“No arguments. I’m putting my foot down.”
She opened her mouth, and I expected a hell of an argument, but then she closed it.
“Okay.” She squeezed my hand. “I need to go to work.” She stood and turned, but then turned back almost immediately. “And you need to find out what your mother wants.”
Crap. I’d nearly forgotten that my mother had e-mailed Ruby asking to see me. I quickly texted my foreman and told him I wouldn’t be in the field until this afternoon. “All right. Do you want to go with me?”
“I would if I could, but I need to get to work.”
“All right, but we still need to talk.”
“Ryan, I told you—”
“No, not about you moving in. About that theory you said you had. The one you think I’m not going to like.”
* * *
My mother looked more tired than usual. Still, I saw beauty in her. I wasn’t sure why. I had seen pictures of her when she was young, and she had been quite beautiful. Now, if I looked at her objectively, I saw a sixty-something-year-old woman with brown greasy hair and gray roots. She did have nice eyes though. They were blue, lighter than Ruby’s and not as sparkling, but deep and soulful. When she looked at me, her face lit up, and I could see what my father had seen in her.
“Thank you for coming,” she said, smiling.
“Ruby tells me that you hijacked one of your doctor’s e-mail accounts.”
“I do what I have to do.”
“If you keep this up, and you get caught, they’re going to take away what few privileges you still have.”
“Don’t you worry about me, my darling. I have everything under control.”
“Do you? Because it seems to me that if you had everything under control, you wouldn’t be in here.”
She laughed softly. “My dear, your father never understood how my life worked, and I see you don’t either.”
That was for sure. “Speaking of my father, I have a lot of questions for you.”
“Ask away. I keep no secrets from my son.”
First lie of the day. She had been keeping a secret from me my entire life until recently, but now was not the time to call her on that. “We found a death certificate in my father’s papers. A death certificate in the name of John Cunningham, who just happened to have the same date of death as my father and who happened to have the same physical characteristics. That same certificate is in the Colorado database under my father’s name. Same number and everything. Only the name was changed.”
“Yes?”
“So my father is alive, then?”
“Of course he is. Haven’t I already told you that?”
“Wendy, you lie as much as you tell the truth. How am I supposed to know the difference?”
“I would never lie about your father, Ryan. You and he are everything to me.”
“Then where is he? Why did you let me think he was dead all these years?”
“I don’t know where he is, Ryan.”
“That’s bullshit. Why are you keeping me from my father?”
Her blue eyes misted. “I wish I did know where he is. I do know that he’ll come for me one day and get me out of here.”
“Can you get in touch with him?”
“I have something for you,” she said.
“Don’t change the subject on me, Wendy.”
“Please. Could you call me mother?”
When hell freezes over. “Fine.” I would do whatever it took to get the truth. I had to force the word from my lips. “Mother.”
The orderly sitting next to her handed her a jewelry box. She slid it across the table to me. “For you.”
I opened the box. Nestled on cotton was a sapphire bracelet set in platinum or white gold. I couldn’t tell which.
“What is this? And what am I supposed to do with a woman’s bracelet?”
“Your father gave it to me the day you were born. He said it belonged to his mother. I’ve never worn it. I could never bring myself to. Every time I looked at it, I thought of you and what I had given up. So I want you to have it. Keep it as a way to remember me.”
My immediate reaction was that the bracelet was tainted. Tainted with the betrayal of my father, my mothers. Yes, both of them. Daphne Steel had furthered the deception. Nothing good could come from anything Wendy could give me.
But then I looked at my mother. Wendy looked genuinely sad. Her eyes were sunken and glazed over. Without meaning to, I actually felt a sliver of pity for her.
Maybe the way to get her to do something was to treat her as my mother. To feign love for her. I hated the idea of it, but I needed information. So I took the bracelet from the box and fingered it. Had it truly belonged to my grandmother? She’d died before I was born, and Talon and Joe would be too young to remember whether she’d ever worn a sapphire bracelet.
“It’s a beautiful piece,” I said. “My father must have loved you very much.”
I had no idea, but maybe he had. Maybe… I never really knew Bradford Steel. None of us had. Maybe this woman had truly known him, and not just in the biblical sense. Maybe she was the key.
“Thank you for saying that,” Wendy said. “We were each other’s true loves.”
Then why didn’t he go to you after our mother died? The question hovered on my lips, but I didn’t ask it. Mentioning Daphne Steel wouldn’t get me where I needed to be right now.
“This is an expensive bracelet,” I said. “Why did you keep it? You could have sold it.”
“I couldn’t part with it, and I didn’t need any money. You know that.”
True. She’d said my father had paid her five million dollars to give me up. But the timing didn’t quite coincide. The five-million-dollar transfer had left the Steel account twenty-five years ago, around the time Talon was taken. I’d been born thirty-two years ago.
“If you couldn’t part with it, why didn’t you wear it?”
“I don’t expect you to understand.”
“Then help me. Help me understand…Mother.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ruby
“Congratulations,” Melanie said to me. “You’re the first patient I’ve seen in this office in weeks.” She smiled. “It feels good to be back here.”
“I’m glad my uncle dropped the medical malpractice lawsuit against you,” I said.
“You and me both. But there’s still so much to figure out about Gina and her death and how it all relates to…well, to your father.”
My father. Everything always came back to my father.
“But you came here to talk to me professionally. I appreciate your trust in me, Ruby. I truly do.”
“Talon and Jonah say you’re the best.”
She laughed. “They might be a little bit biased.”
I hoped she could hear the sincerity in my voice. “I’ve heard in great detail from Ryan how much Talon has changed for the better since he started seeing you. And I know the whole story of how he suffered at the hands of my father and the others. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think you were the best therapist in the state. I appreciate you seeing me on such short notice.”
“Not a problem. I’m not officially back until next week, but I was here getting the office ready. Are you hungry? I know this is your lunch hour. We can order something in.”
“No. I’m fine.” I gripped the arms of the forest-green leather recliner upon which I sat. Was this where Talon had sat? Where Gina had sat?
“All right. What can I help
you with?”
Where to start? I fidgeted a little. “I need to become…” Shit, Ruby. Just say it. “I need to become whole, Melanie. I don’t know exactly where to start, but that’s where I need to end.”
“What makes you think you’re not whole just as you are?”
I couldn’t help a laugh. “Are you kidding? I was a virgin until age thirty-two. I’ve been dressing down for over a decade to keep men from noticing me. Even that didn’t stop some of them, but I was able to scare them off.”
“So you’re not a virgin anymore then?”
“Surely you’ve heard all about what happened in Jamaica.”
She smiled. “The Steels don’t kiss and tell, but of course I had a hunch.”
Heat burned my cheeks.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m proof enough that no one can resist the Steel men.”
That got a smile out of me. “So you resisted at first?”
“I did. But we’re not here to talk about me.”
True. And I was paying her. Or rather, my insurance was. “I’m finding out some things about myself that…surprise me. Even disturb me a little.”
“What things?”
I inhaled and let my breath out slowly. Here went nothing. “I’ve been afraid of men for so long. I really took a big chance with Ryan, and I never expected it to turn into something.”
“Has it turned into something?”
I nodded. “I love him. And what’s even more unbelievable? He loves me.”
“That’s wonderful! And just to reiterate what I said on the phone, everything you say in our sessions is completely confidential. I won’t go running to Jonah with this news.”
“I know that.” Melanie was a consummate professional.
“So what are you finding out about yourself that troubles you?”
I fidgeted some more. “I’ve always been attracted to men. I just never let it go anywhere. I didn’t want them to be attracted to me.”
“That makes perfect sense, considering what you went through with your father.”
I’d told Melanie weeks ago that my father had attacked me but that I’d escaped before he could rape me. “I get that. I do. But then I look at people like Talon. Gina. Colin Morse. The people who weren’t lucky enough to escape. I don’t know how Colin is dealing with things since it was so recent, but Talon and Gina didn’t swear off the opposite sex.”
“How anyone else handled a similar situation really isn’t relevant. People are individuals. We all handle things in our own way.”
That didn’t make me feel a whole lot better.
“At any rate, you seem to have come out of your shell quite a bit. You’ve lost your virginity, and you’ve fallen in love. Those are very special things.”
“I know that. And I want to be with Ryan. More than anything, actually. But there are a few things holding me back.”
“What?”
“First, my father. I haven’t been able to bring him to justice. I feel like a failure.”
“You’re not a failure, Ruby. Your father has eluded everyone. Not just you.”
“I know that. But still… I have to see him behind bars before I can do anything else.”
“Says who?”
“Says me.”
She smiled. “So before you can have a relationship, you need to make sure your father is captured.”
I chuckled. “When you say it like that, it sounds really stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. But it is irrelevant. Why would you want to punish yourself for things your father has done?”
“I don’t.”
“Sure you do. You said yourself that your father being at large is keeping you from delving into a relationship with Ryan—a relationship you say you want.”
“Yes. I want it. I just don’t want to want it.”
“Relationships with other people are what make us human, Ruby. It’s no sin to want that.”
“I know that. I just mean…I never thought I’d want it.”
“I never thought I’d be pregnant at forty. Things change.” She smiled.
“This is a little different from that.”
“I know. But things do change. People change. Maybe you’ve changed. And if you have, that’s okay.”
Was it? “This was never part of my plan for myself.”
“Plans change.”
“Yes, I know. Maybe I’m not explaining this right.”
“You’re explaining it just fine. But there’s one thing you need to truly accept.”
“What’s that?”
“You are not responsible for your father’s actions. You never were.”
“Of course. I know that.”
“Yes, you know that. But part of you is taking the blame, and that’s why you feel so personally responsible for all of his victims and personally responsible for getting him put away.”
“It’s just…”
“You can’t be held responsible for your DNA. You and Ryan have that in common.”
We did. I’d never actually thought of it in those terms. “He seems to be dealing with it better than I am.” Then I shook my head. “I’m sorry I said that. I can’t belittle what has happened to his life. He’s having a hard time. It’s easier for him sometimes than it is for others.”
“Sounds like he’s reacting normally.”
“He is. It gets to him sometimes. He still blames me a little bit, I think.”
“Yet he told you he loves you?”
I smiled. “Yeah. He did.”
“Then either he doesn’t blame you, or even if he does, the love he feels is stronger than any other feeling he has about you. That’s a good thing.”
“I suppose.”
“So tell me, then. Is the love you feel for him stronger than the things holding you back?”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ryan
Wendy smiled. “That sounds so wonderful, you calling me Mother.”
Part of me was glad it sounded good to her, because it was making me cringe and want to blow chunks on the table. I didn’t consider this woman my mother. I no longer considered Daphne Steel my mother either. So where exactly did that leave me?
“Are you going to help me understand?”
She closed her eyes, a dreamy smile on her face. “Your father and I met in high school.”
I already knew that.
“He was so handsome. So strong. Even at seventeen. He took my virginity. And I took his. We were soul mates, Ryan. That’s why you’re so important. You’re the progeny of two soul mates.”
I still didn’t understand. This was clearly all part of Wendy’s delusions. She might think of my father as her soul mate, but he’d never thought of her as his.
Had he?
“Why were you never together?”
“He got Daphne Wade pregnant.”
“I know that story.”
“It’s why we weren’t together.”
“What about later? After my mo— Er…Daphne died?”
Her eyes darkened with…anger? “Too much had happened by then. He’d had another child with her, and she was only two or so.”
Yes. Marjorie. “Again, I know all that, Mother.”
“Your brother had been taken.”
Now we were getting somewhere.
“He couldn’t forgive you, could he? For the part you played in Talon’s abduction?”
She sighed. “I didn’t want to do that, Ryan. You must believe me. I would never intentionally contribute to any child’s suffering.”
I cleared my throat, looked down at my thighs, and desperately tried to contain my rage at the woman who’d borne me. Flying off the deep end would not help. “So it’s true, then. You helped with Talon’s abduction.” My mind whirled. “My—” Shit. “Daphne was pregnant with Marjorie when Talon was abducted. That’s it, isn’t it? This is so sick. You were angry with him because he got her pregnant.”
“It’s not sick, Ryan. He was supposed to remain faithful to
me. He promised me, after you were born, that he’d never sleep with her again.”
My blood boiled in my veins. She’d had a child tortured and raped? The child of the man she professed to love? Because, in her warped little mind, she thought my father had cheated on her? I had to stop myself from dry heaving. I carried genes from this monster.
I gripped the table, my knuckles white, and forced myself to keep sitting when what I wanted was to stand and kick the shit out of this woman. My fucking mother.
“You promised me the truth, Mother.”
“That is the truth, my darling. All of it.”
I cleared my throat. “Larry Wade says Talon was never supposed to be taken.”
“Larry Wade knows very little. He wasn’t the brains of the bunch.”
“He isn’t stupid, either. He’s a lawyer, for God’s sake.”
“Yes, he’s a lawyer. So was Tom. They were in law school together, actually.” She closed her eyes again.
I needed to stop this little jaunt down memory lane. I needed more of the truth, and I needed it now. Larry had always been, according to Talon, a yes man to the other two, Simpson and Mathias.
“Who, then, was the brains of the bunch? Mathias?”
She opened her eyes, settling her gaze on me.
“Who do you think?”
Her look said it all.
Mathias is still out there, and even he isn’t the most dangerous.
“It was you. You were the brains…Mother.”
She smiled then. A motherly smile. It sickened me.
“You’re brilliant. Just like I always knew you’d be.”
Still, she hadn’t admitted it.
“So tell me, Mother. In what world is it okay to have a little boy abducted and tortured to pay back a man who supposedly cheated on you?”
“In my world.”
She was sick. So damned sick. Bile crept up my throat, and bitterness coated my tongue. “Your world?”
“I promised you the truth, dear. I didn’t promise you would understand.”
“I asked you to help me understand, but this is so twisted.” I stood, rage boiling. “Who in hell could understand this?”
