Nick's Baby

by Hestand, Rita

  "You're kidding, right?" He had asked the nurse when she brought the specimen jar along with a towel and washrag.

  "No Mr. Leonetti. Just knock on the door when you're—through."

  A couple of hours later the nurse informed Nick that everything went fine for now, and if they needed him they could reach him at the address he had given the receptionist. He could go home. That's all there was to it.

  All there was to it? Who were they kidding? They hadn't sat in a cold, isolated room for fifty-five minutes trying to figure out how to get turned on enough to accomplish such a task. And it hadn't been their magazines and tapes that finally accomplished it either. It had been the very vivid pictures of Kelsey wandering through his mind.

  Nick stared at the nurse for a moment, his brow shooting upward in question. Perhaps Kelsey wasn't the only one that took these things so lightly. It probably happened every day at these clinics. Every day maybe—but not with him! And as far as he was concerned, never again.

  Emptiness filled him as he walked home. He often walked instead of driving, preferring the exercise and fresh air. But today he wasn't noticing the fresh air, wasn't enjoying the exercise. Today questions filled his mind, creating emotions he couldn't express to anyone. He felt wrong all along, agreeing to such an arrangement. Now he was sure of it.

  As he strode into his apartment that evening he heard his mother calling.

  "Nicky, you got mail today."

  "Mail—not bills?"

  "From that O'Sullivan girl, I think."

  So Kelsey had kept her word about sending him her background information. Not that he'd doubted her. She might be a mystery, but it was obvious from the start that she was full of integrity. Nick fumbled with the papers, trying to decide whether he should read them. Finally, he sat down in his favorite chair, and studied the papers in hopes of figuring out what Kelsey O'Sullivan was all about. He told himself his interest was because she might very well be the mother of his child, told himself more than once, but didn't convince himself. Deep down he began to suspect it was more than that, much more.

  Inside the envelope was a smaller envelope, probably the check. He ignored it. He thought he'd find reassurance in this typed up history of Kelsey's life. He didn't. Words on a piece of white, starched paper wouldn't make his doubts go away. He'd had too long to think of questions.

  Probably to anyone else everything looked fine on the outside with Kelsey. But Nick had a gut instinct that everything wasn't fine. Her home, although unpretentious, looked as though it belonged in one of those house magazines. It looked too perfect; there was nothing out of place, as though no one really lived there.

  Where were the unfinished books that should have been lying on her coffee table in her living room? Or the misplaced earring, that pinched too tightly, or a shoe that offended her all day. Where had all the personal pictures of her family gone? Surely she had some. Where was the real Kelsey?

  She was a wound up lady who needed to be unwound—slowly. And he wouldn't mind being the gentleman to unwind her.

  His eyes swept the letter again. She had graduated SMU a magna cum laude, with a MBA. He wasn't surprised. A list of organizations she belonged to filled one whole page. Some of which surprised him, she actively supported Junior Achievement, and Parents without Partners. Charities she endorsed filled another, one of which was CARE, Inc., Feed the Children, and Right to Life. He read every one of them, and with each one gained new respect for her.

  According to the report, Kelsey spent very little time on the social scene, and when she did it was only with prominent business men. Must be the 'circles' she talked about, he mused. Nick wondered about those circles, about the men in those circles. A tinge of jealousy lingered in his mind. Why hadn't some of her blue-blooded friends volunteered for this job?

  "Wonder if she's ever ridden a Ferris wheel, or ate a hot dog smothered in 'kraut and onions."

  "What was that dear?" Mama came into the room, her face sweaty from cooking all afternoon, her smile warm and comforting.

  "Nothin' Mama."

  His mother blew the hair from her face, "Must be somethin', you never read the mail."

  Nick quickly set the papers aside, deciding not to indulge his mother's curiosity any further. He put the unopened envelope in his hip pocket. The less said about Kelsey O'Sullivan, the better.

  As though his mother read minds she popped off, "So, whatever happened between you and that Kelsey O'Sullivan girl?"

  "Nothin' happened, Mama. I told you she was just an acquaintance."

  "I liked her, Nicky. She was quite pretty, and a real lady. Seemed to have some brains too. She's nothing like what you used to bring home."

  "You liked her? You don't even know her, Mama. How can you like her when you only just met her? And she isn't pretty, Mama. Sophisticated maybe, but not pretty."

  "It doesn't have to take a lifetime to recognize quality in a person, Nicky. She's a nice girl. A mother knows these things. Trust me. Such nice bone structure, she'd give you lots of fine children. And what, Nicky, are you blind? She is very pretty."

  Mama's words struck a nerve Nick hadn't expected. He practically jumped out of the chair. Beautiful children? Pretty? All he needed was his mother singing Kelsey's praises.

  Despite his effort not to give into his mother, he smiled. "Now you're getting way ahead of yourself, Mama."

  "Don't you like her, anymore?"

  Nick threw the papers on the table by his chair and glanced indulgently at his mother, "Sure, she's—okay. She's a nice lady, like you said. But not for me."

  "Why not?"

  "Because she's not our kind of people, Mama."

  "Oh, you mean because she's not Italian."

  "That and other things." Nick agreed, hoping that would deter his mother from her match-making.

  "I liked her, Nicky, even if she isn't Italian. And usually I don't like the non-Italian girls you bring home. Doesn't that say something for her?"

  Nick crossed his arms in front of himself, and stared his mother down, unable to shake this stubborn, opinionated woman. "Okay, so what did you like about her? The glasses, the tight hairdo, the fact that she's a little crazy?"

  His mother was silent a moment, a frown puckering her forehead, "I don't know really. It's not something one might see on the outside. There's real quality in her Nicky, and something else. Something I can't explain. Except—I watched her facial expressions with you and Tony. For such a stranger, she seemed to really care, to be concerned. And she was very polite, not a talker, like some you've brought home. She didn't giggle every time she opened her mouth. She had such a quiet dignity about her. And sadness I couldn't help but notice."

  "That quiet dignity is called sophistication, Mama. Like I said, she's not our kind of people."

  "Why, she got money or something?"

  "Yes, she's got lots of money, Mama." How could he argue with his mother, when deep down, he agreed with her. Kelsey was different than any woman he'd ever been close to. At times she seemed so down to earth; he almost forgot she did have money.

  "Ha," his mother huffed, "Since when does a Leonetti judge someone by the amount of money they have? At least this girl seemed to have a mind."

  Nick sighed heavily. "Now how can you know what kinda mind she has, Mama? You don't understand. She's very rich. She's society. She lives in one world, we live in another. They don't mix."

  His mother shook her head, throwing her hands into the air. "I never thought I'd see the day when a son of mine classed people."

  "That's just it, she is class."

  "And you're not?"

  "Not her kind."

  Still, Mama shook her head again, "We're all just flesh and blood, Nicky. God made us all the same. We all need air to breathe, food to eat."

  Nick was quickly losing ground. "I don't understand why you took such a liking to her. Why this girl?"

  "I don't know," his mother gestured helplessly. "Like I said, she's very pretty, Nicky." Her voice
softened.

  "Did you see something, I didn't?" He saw, only he wasn't about to admit that behind those Coke bottle glasses, and starched linens suits was a woman to be desired. He'd only gotten a peek of high pouting breasts beneath a cotton pantsuit, and small rounded curves he'd like to tempt and tease. Control seemed to be slipping with Mama declaring her virtues too.

  "Perhaps. Perhaps you saw it too, Nicky."

  "Trust me, Mama, it would never work." Even though I can't keep her off my mind, even though I'm losing sleep, I know deep down it wouldn't work. Still, it was more than just Mama's words that had Nick thinking.

  "What wouldn't?"

  "Me and Miss Goody-Two-Shoes."

  "Is that how you see her?"

  Nick didn't want to discuss this with his mother. How could he expect her to understand? Besides, he'd done quite enough thinking about Kelsey. The less said the better.

  "Yeah, Mama, that's how I see her."

  "A pity. She's a diamond in the rough. My poor Nicky doesn't see that. When are you going to grow up and realize that those one night stands will never make you happy, Nicky?"

  Where had his mother gotten such ideas? He hadn't been with a woman in a long, long time. Too long, in fact. Oh sure, he dated a few, here and there. But it never amounted to anything. If the truth be known, he could have had any number of one night stands, if he was so inclined. Only, he wasn't. Somewhere, over the course of the past few years Nick had stopped being interested in dating for a night.

  "Look Mama, when I find a woman like you, I'll settle down and get married, okay?" He chuckled as he got up from his chair and kissed his mother lightly on top of her head, then strolled past her to his small bedroom.

  He was about to close the door when Tina pranced through announcing proudly, "I have a date tonight, Mama."

  "What?" Nick stormed towards her. "With whom?"

  Tina didn't grovel! "Joe Giovanni. And I don't want to hear a word about him, Nick. He's a very nice guy."

  Nick's blood pressure sky-rocketed. "Guy is right. He's not a kid. And you are not getting mixed up with that creep."

  "Creep? Look, you said the other day I was old enough to date. And he is coming here to pick me up, just like you said. What more do you want?"

  Nick's face screwed up like a war-cloud.

  "You're not dating Joe, no matter what, young lady. He's a hoodlum. Find someone your own age."

  "Everyone's a hoodlum, according to Nick Leonetti," Tina pouted.

  "Why can't you date someone like Haskell Freeman, or Dino? Them I might be able to tolerate."

  "You! You! Who made you the law around here, anyway? Why can't I date who I want, Mama?"

  Mama watched them, indulging their argument, then quietly said, "I'm afraid Nick's right about this, Tina. Joe isn't right for you, right now. He's much too old. He's been around too much. You are young and innocent. Your brother is overbearing at times, I'll agree. But this time, he's right."

  "I am so tired of him trying to lead my life. He's not my father," Tina spouted.

  "Enough go to your room, Tina." Mama frowned at her beautiful daughter. "And don't come out until you can apologize to your brother. Nick has sacrificed his own life so we can have things better around here. He is the bread winner in this family, and don't you ever, ever forget it."

  "How could I ever forget it, Mama?" She cast a contentious glance Nick's way, then stomped to her room and slammed the door.

  A silence filled the room, as Mama glanced at her son, "She's right you know."

  Nick turned stormy eyes on her.

  "You can't lead her life, Nicky. Even when it's for her own good. Any more than I can tell you that your Miss Goody-Two-Shoes is right for you. Tina will rebel if we strangle her with our love. Perhaps you should go to Joe and talk with him about it. Even if he won't listen, you might make him see the responsibility of dating such a young and innocent girl."

  "Like reasoning with a rattlesnake."

  "You could try."

  Nick's face turned beet red. "You're actually going to let her date him?"

  "What? You want her running around behind our backs. Maybe if you talk to him, Nicky."

  Nick shrugged with a low growl, and wiped his eyes, trying to clear his mind.

  "This is exactly why we need to get out of here, Mama. Don't you see that? We don't belong here, anymore."

  "Oh, and where do we belong, Nicky?"

  "In Queens. I've been lookin' at a nice little place in Queens, Mama. A buddy of mine wants to sell it. All I need is the down payment, and we can move in, and the rent won't be any higher there than here. And you should see the neighborhood, Mama—such a difference."

  "And how will you go about getting this down payment, Nicky?"

  He didn't answer. Nick thought of Kelsey again, and wished he could confide in his mother about Kelsey's offer. He needed someone else's input, to get a clearer picture. The check in his pocket burned his hip! Yet he knew couldn't cash it. Couldn't look at it.

  No, he wouldn't sell his kid down the river.

  ~~~

  Nick found another job, working in construction again. Lousy hours, lousy pay, and a lot to put up with, but it was a job. Had it not been for his garage, Nick might have gone nuts, but he knew when he sank his teeth into an old classic '57 Chevy, he'd forget about his job and Miss Goody-Two-Shoes.

  It worked until nearly quitting time on Friday, when his boss pulled him off the job for a phone call. Just what he needed. Nick gritted his teeth as he went to the phone, probably Mama wanting him to come home and rescue one of the kids. At the rate he was going he'd never keep a job.

  "Nick?" The voice was soft, sexy and familiar as hell. Nick knew instantly it was Kelsey, and felt the same gut reaction to her voice, as other parts of his body reacted as well.

  "How'd you get this number?"

  "I looked it up in the phone book after I talked with your mother. She's a lovely woman, your mother. We've become good friends over the phone, Nick."

  "My m-mother? You called my mother?"

  She hesitated answering. "Yes, it was the only way I knew of reaching you."

  Questions danced in Nick's head. How many times had she spoken with his mother, and why?

  "Is everything going all right?"

  "As far as I know. It takes a little time to be sure." She sounded as though she were smiling into the phone.

  Nick tried to remember her smile, but he didn't recall her ever smiling. Not an out and out, get down kind of smile.

  "Look, I thought we agreed not to have any contact," he began, feeling a turbulence of emotions swamping him. He glanced over his shoulder to see if anyone was watching, but the small office was empty.

  "You're right, Nick, of course. But I became concerned when I realized you haven't cashed the check I gave you. Is something wrong with it? You didn't lose it, or misplace it, did you?"

  Loose it? He hadn't even opened it. He just wasn't the kind of guy that would sell his baby down the river.

  He doubted she'd understand, but he wanted to be honest with her. "Nah, I decided not to cash it, is all. I mean, it made me feel as though I'd be selling the kid up the river. So, let's just say this one is on the house."

  Kelsey paused so long to answer; Nick wondered if she hung up.

  "Nick, you haven't even looked at the check, have you?"

  He breathed a little heavier into the phone. "I'd rather not."

  Again there was a silence. "But, I thought we had a deal, Nick? I thought you wanted to get your family out of that building before the landlord started forcing you out. He could cut off the electricity; he could tear up the place. I've read a few stories in the paper about what they are doing. You have no choice, Nick. You've got to get your family out of there."

  She sounded as though she really cared about his family.

  "I do, and I will. I'll just have to find another way. All I really need is a down payment for a house, anyway."

  "I don't feel right about
this, Nick. I mean, it isn't fair to you!"

  Life wasn't fair, but that didn't make it right to sell a baby. Nick had made his decision and that was that. No check.

  "Just take care of my kid." He smiled, warmed by the thought of creating a life.

  "All right Nick. Rest assured she'll be well cared for, and thanks. It's been a pleasure, knowing you."

  "Anytime, babe." Even through the phone, Nick felt an odd closeness with this woman he'd never held in his arms, never kissed, and never shared a hot dog with.

  But realizing he could never hold onto this woman, he hardened himself, once more. He couldn't let himself forget who and what she was? High society, big business, dressed in black rimmed glasses, and starched linen suits.

  Yet it was how she looked the last time he'd seen her that stood firmly in his mind. He saw golden hair falling down from its pins, dislodged glasses on her face, and clothes hinting at her sexuality, full alluring breast with hardened nipples, and a dainty waist. And even deeper, he saw a heart as gold as the sun.

  She seemed vulnerable—and very alone.

  Nick felt a surge of compassion—along with a rush of desire. He pushed them aside. Time to end this impossible situation.

  "Goody-bye," he said softly, and hung up.

  Nick never felt so satisfied. He had done the right thing, not cashing the check, and he felt good about it. He worked the rest of the day with an eagerness that surprised him. Suddenly, this hot, physical labor was nothing. Not after he'd given a life to the world.

  That night he was late getting home, because he stopped off at the garage to tinker with one of his favorite cars. He heard the echoes of Mama and Tony's snoring and smiled to himself as he shrugged off his shirt. Life didn't get much better than this, he told himself. Tiptoeing through the house, he disposed of his clothes. His muscles ached, but he wasn't complaining about an honest day's work. A shower was just what he needed. Only the light didn't come on. Nick grimaced, the war had begun. The landlord had turned off the electricity. Damn, his family deserved better.

  Later, as he lay in bed, he closed his eyes and immediately pictured Kelsey in a bathing suit, then in a Maternity dress, then with a beautiful black haired baby. His baby. He smiled contentedly.