Nick thought about that and smiled.
Had he been too busy for a relationship? He hadn't noticed. There had been women, the one night stands his mother hadn't approved of. That was a few years back, when his hormones were still in overdrive. But no one girl stood out in his memory. He liked sex, women were great for that. But marriage, he wasn't sure there was anyone out there for him. No one had captured his heart, but then he'd held himself above emotional involvement. He had numerous lady friends, girls he grew up with, but most of them were married now with families.
"You have to forgive your father Nick, or you can't go forward with your own life."
Kelsey's comment struck a chord he didn't want to face, and yet it made sense too. For the first time in his life he saw things differently. Through someone else's eyes. How could a stranger walk into his life and tell him what was wrong with it? Hadn't he come here to tell her a few things?
Nick stood up to leave. "Look, I shouldn't have come here. But that check made me see red."
Kelsey rose, too. "I suppose we should have discussed it earlier. Had I known I was dealing with a man of such high integrity, I would have considered your feelings more, Nick. Please, take the money though. Otherwise, I'll be feeling guilty. Besides, I respect and admire your ambition to get your family out of the zoning wars. The rent will be outrageous. It's sad that progress has to do this kind of thing to people. Look, I can afford it. Sometimes, we have to bend a little Nick. Take the money. Keep your promise to your mother, buy her a home."
Feeling like the devil himself offering candy to a child, Nick faced her with a frown. "But I can't just sell my kid," he began fighting the temptation she offered. She looked beautiful standing there in that flimsy little cotton thing, with her eyes shining with emotion. God, he wanted her.
"You aren't selling anything, Nick. Look, this is a new day and age. We didn't make love and create a child from it. You went to a clinic and donated sperm. That's all. Like giving blood. Think of it as scientific. Lots of people do this. Can't you see that this is helping both of us? You get what you want, I get what I want?"
Her words reminded Nick why he'd come here in the first place. That damned check. His anger returned blotting out the odd camaraderie they'd just shared. His lips firmed, he regarded her closely, speculatively. "I guess you are used to getting what you want. Aren't you?" He moved closer, not liking her words, or his temptation. "It's still a kid, my kid. And I can't take it lightly. Do you think that just because we can both have what we want, it's okay? Just because it's clinical it makes it all right?"
Her mouth flew open, her eyes blazed angrily. "What is that supposed to mean?" she demanded her voice rising in instant anger.
He stepped away from her, trying to find some way of communicating. "I'm used to working my butt off for what I want or need. It doesn't just fall into my lap, because I want it. And if it does, I want to know why."
"You think this has been easy for me?"
"Yes. Yes I do." He glared at her, wanting her to realize the seriousness of their actions. "I think that's what is wrong with you!"
"I've dealt with my fair share of humiliation, through this. It's cost a lot of—."
"Oh yeah, cost a lot of money. Everything cost money, doesn't it? You think just because you want a baby, and you've got the money, you can get one. Do you have any idea what you're asking of a person? You think you can just order anything you want. Kelsey wants a baby; Kelsey gets a baby, to hell with everyone else."
"How dare you?" She gasps her dismay, her eyes flashing with anger.
"Oh, I dare a great deal." He rasps, coming to stand just in front of her. He was so angry he shook with it. She held her ground, her eyes darkening with rage, her hair flowing against her shoulders. And it was all Nick could stand. Reaching toward her he jerked her up against him. His big hands slid over her robe to her belly. He couldn't resist rubbing sensuously there where his child might soon grow. She let out a little unexpected whimper, as her eyes widened.
Without thinking he lowered his head, his lips clamping down on hers.
He meant to hurt her, scare her, and shake her up. Something. Yet when their lips met in a storm of emotions, he could no longer think. He wanted to kiss her, needed to, longed to. And now that he was, he gave it everything he had.
Hot scorching lips ran rampant over soft, melting ones. One breath became many, as he continued his blatant assault of her senses. She weakened, her hand clutching at him.
A fine wine, his mind decided, as he sipped the sweet nectar of her lips. Not too dry, not too wet, aged to perfection. He wanted more, and that realization stunned him.
The kiss deepened, strengthened, enriched of its own free will, like the wind taking control of a storm. Streaks of lightening ran down the center of him, homing in on him like an unsettling tidal wave.
His hands threaded through her hair, shaking her combs to the floor, as he pulled her against him tighter, savoring the feel of her. He growled in his throat at the excitement touching her elicited. She groaned in return.
He wanted to make her feel what he felt. Wanted her to feel all the raw emotions she had exposed in him. He wanted her to see him as a man, with feelings, desires, and guilt and to feel those same emotions. He moved his hands to her head, positioning her just right for each kiss.
Yet all too soon she wrenched herself away from him, as though it took all her might, and yet it took no physical effort at all, for he merely held her head and a full mass of her hair.
She flushed and flamed.
"I think you better leave," she muttered breathlessly, obviously rattled more than she cared to admit by the kiss. Her lips were swollen, and pouting, her chest heaving for air, and her eyes darkened with desire. She was in that moment, the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen.
For a moment he didn't move, didn't breath. He stood staring at her, as though really seeing her for the first time, and marveling at the beauty within her. How could he have not thought her beautiful?
Gaining composure, he nodded, "Maybe I better."
"I think you were right, Nick," she said, leaning against the fireplace for support suddenly, as Nick's eyes torched her. "No more contact."
Her voice was breathless, gasping, her body trembling. There was a wild woman inside her, and he had unleashed it. Still, she began forcing it away. The lady had control, and only he recognized it, in her eyes, in her soul, in her heart.
"Yeah, I guess so," he said roughly, not looking back at her. "So long Kelsey!"
~~~
Weeks passed and Nick heard nothing from Kelsey. He tried to put her out of his mind. Erase what was between them. He tried not to remember the satisfaction of her kiss, the fit of her body, the feel of his hand against her belly the one time he had touched her. He tried not to think about that belly swollen and growing with child. His child. It was useless.
Every waking moment was filled with her.
Determined to wipe her from his mind, he sank himself into his job, working long hours in record heat. A forty hour week became sixty. He even worked late at the garage, sinking himself into another old classic car that would turn into nothing more than a kid's hotrod.
He hadn't cashed the check; he looked at it every night, kept it in a special place by his bed. He steadfastly refused to cash it.
That is until he came home one evening and found half the kitchen ripped out. Making improvements the management had explained. Improvements hell, the kitchen was gone. The stove had to be turned off, the icebox didn't work now. Nick smeared a hand across his face in anguish, "What next?"
He knew from that day forward that his goal to get his family out of this place had to come first. He'd deal with his conscience later. The landlord wasn't going to let up till every occupant of the building agreed to walk away, or sign a new lease on the new building going up.
Instead of cashing the check, Nick decided to talk to Mr. Gallagher at the bank about taking out a loan against the check. Th
e loan officer was eager to talk to him once he realized the kind of money Nick was toting around with him. He quickly informed Nick that if the check was placed in the bank in a CD, Nick could borrow against it. As long as Nick paid the loan on time, the check would stay intact. No one would lose anything, including, Kelsey O'Sullivan.
Within an hour, Nick had the money for the down payment on the house in Queens. He quickly called his buddy about the available house and arranged for Mama, Tony, and Tina to go with him to see it.
It was only right that the family see the house and approve it. They were going to be living there.
"But where did you get such money, Nicky?"
"It's a loan, Mama, not to worry. I got a loan at the bank," Nick explained, hoping that would satisfy his mother's curiosity.
"How can you suddenly get a loan? In all these years, you've never gotten one before."
"I used the garage as collateral?" Nick hated lying but it was a small sin, compared to others.
"Collateral? Who'd give you money on that garage? It's so run down, no one would have it."
"Mr. Gallagher, the loan officer, Mama. He's wanted the property for a long time now. He wants to make a parking lot out of it. If I miss a payment, he'll do it, too. You know they're tearing down a lot of the older buildings, and putting up big sky-scrappers. Well, they need parking spaces too. If I don't pay the note off, he'll have the land, Mama."
Mama frowned, as though she didn't believe a word of it, but she walked slowly around the yard, entranced by its beauty. Nick could tell she was trying her best not to agree with this move, out of stubbornness, and disbelief. But the house sold itself.
The house was in a well-developed neighborhood. It was an older home, but Mama liked it immediately.
"It's got trees, Nicky. Real trees."
"I know, Mama. It's a beautiful place. I know you're going to like it. Let's go inside and see what you think."
Tina and Tony were already in the house, wandering about. Tina hollered out to them several times. "My own room, look Mama, my own room."
"Look Mama, new carpet," she exclaimed moments later, her eyes wide with appreciation as her fingers delved into the plush carpeting. Mama nodded and smiled vaguely, but Nick knew he hadn't completely satisfied her curiosity. There would be more lying before this became a reality, and he knew it. But the central air and heat unit decided the matter. Mama was sold, despite all her other objections. No longer would she have to run two fans in the kitchen during the summer to cook, or thump the old radiator, and light the stove to heat the place. This was her heaven.
"What do you think, Tony?" Nick came to stand beside his brother.
"It's so big. It's gotta lot of room. And with that back porch, I could sleep out there and use it as my room."
"I got debs on that, little brother. I'm the one that comes and goes around here. I'll sleep out there. You'll have your own room, and privacy," Nick decided. "You can hang posters and school banners on your walls. Paint it a different color if you want to."
"My own room?" Tony's deep set brown eyes got bigger. "Did you hear that, Mama?"
"I heard, but I still don't think . . . ,"
Nick went to grab his mother around the shoulders and pulled her into the kitchen, knowing this was another one of her weak spots. If it passed her inspection, the house was as good as theirs. "Look at this Mama."
He showed her the refrigerator and her eyes widened. "It's beautiful, oh so beautiful. But…"
"No buts Mama. It's ours, if you like it."
"Nicky, you should be buying your own home, not a home for us," Mama protested. Even so, she leaned closer to examine the stove. Putting her hand over her mouth, she gasped when she realized it didn't require matches to light. "Oh, Nicky, it's so wonderful."
"Then it's ours."
"It's not right, I just feel it," Mama kept insisting, as she went from room to room, with exclamations of happiness and worry combined. Nick smiled to himself. Even if he had sacrificed his beliefs for their happiness. It was worth it to see the smiles on all their faces. And when he learned to live with his decision he'd be happy too. He prayed God understood.
Kelsey was right about one thing, sometimes sacrifices were worth it. He'd never forget her as long as he lived, and somehow, he'd see that his baby was properly taken care of. He didn't know how he'd do it, but he knew he would.
This much he promised himself as he turned to hug his family and welcome them to their new home.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Rain pattered against the tin roof of the garage, a lulling sound that Nick tried to ignore, even though he found himself yawning incessantly. People should sleep when it rained.
"You gonna shut this place down, boss, now that you moved your family to Queens?" Jimmy, the part-time mechanic asked as he removed his overalls, and cleaned his hands at the makeshift sink on the far counter.
Nick slid out from under the '57 Chevy and glanced at him, his face screwed into a slight frown. Jimmy worked for peanuts, enjoying the job for what it was, a chance to tinker with classic automobiles. "What gave you that idea?"
"I dunno know, I just thought you might…"
"Get outta here." Nick threw a greasy rag at him and continued at his task. "This is my heaven, right here, Jimmy. And you and everybody else that knows me, knows it. I'm not about to give it up. I just got less to worry about now," Nick explained as he reached for a wrench and went back under.
"I guess it's a good thing. The kids that hang out here on Tuesdays sure would miss you. Where would they go without you? They'd be little hoods again, that's where. But look, the word's out you've moved and everyone expects you to fold up."
Nick slid back out, disengaging himself from his task. "Then spread the word, Jimmy, I haven't left, and I don't intend to. This is where I belong. And those kids mean a lot to me. Make sure they know I'm here to stay. Let them know I'm not going anywhere."
"That's a relief. I like working here. I gotta admit, you had me worried. You know I thought the first time I saw you with them kids you were just showing off. But you're pretty dedicated to teaching them how to take care of themselves. I even learned a few Karate moves by watching'. And the kids, they look up to you. Ever thought about opening up one of those places-that teach Karate, professionally." Jimmy was saying as he buttoned his shirt and wiped a grease smudge from his face and stared in the small, cracked mirror on the far wall. His red hair and face full of freckles made him look younger than his twenty two years.
"Nah. I'm just trying to help those kids stay straight and learn to defend themselves, Jimmy. You gotta know that kind of stuff these days. Bein' a cop's kid, you should know. It's important that they know how to handle themselves. Give them a little positive self-confidence."
Jimmy stopped what he was doing and looked at him. "They sure straightened their acts up since you've been fooling with them, boss. Dad said what you're doin' for the neighborhood is a good thing. He said if more guys like you would take an interest his job would be a lot simpler. I've stayed late a couple of times and watched you work with them. You're damned good, as good as I ever seen. I think it's great. I mean they really like you, and they are a scruffy bunch. I just don't think you see the po-potent-ah-you know what I'm sayin'."
Nick smiled crookedly. "Yeah, I know what you're sayin'. Goodnight Jimmy. See ya tomorrow."
"I'd stay and help ya, but I gotta date with Gloria."
"No worries, I can handle it, mate," Nick answered in a strange Australian accent that made both of them laugh. "I didn't know you were dating Gloria. Wonder why Tina never mentioned it. How long has that been going on?"
"'Bout a month. She's a nice girl. Don't blame me; it was Tina that introduced us to the idea. Catch ya later, then."
"Okay, Jimmy." Nick went back to his position under the car. He made a couple of adjustments and sailed out from under the Chevy with a frown.
Did he have potential? He wondered. He enjoyed his time with the kids. He knew ev
ery one of them by their first name, and most of their parents. Good kids, looking for a way to stay out of trouble.
He glanced about the place, seeing it for the first time as a stranger might, as Kelsey might. The garage could stand on its own merit, if he wanted it to. Up till now, he had only used it as a diversion from his regular job, a getaway. He liked having his own little haven to go to. Still, he knew all along that if he really wanted to turn it into a profit making business he probably could. It had become his refuge. And refuge and business didn't mix.
He never considered himself a failure in life. He supposed being happy made a man less apt to aspire to greatness. He had more than some, and he was happy. Still, there was a growing urge in him to do better now. Maybe Goody-Two-Shoes had something to do with that.
He threw down the wrench and wiped at his face, he had to get that dame off his mind. Although calling her a dame, even to himself left an aftertaste in his mouth. She was no dame. She was class, all class.
He glanced in the mirror, giving himself a Karate chop for being so stupid. Why hadn't he been more ambitious? Did he want to rot in this hellhole forever? He ambled to the garage doorway, watching the silent rain, and staring out onto the older buildings, and the docks beyond, toward the Hudson. A rough neighborhood once was now turning into a metropolis. He hated the changes going on, but it was home, like Mama said so often.
Practicing his moves, his mind filtered to the boys who had one by one drifted into his shop late at night out of curiosity. As young as twelve, as old as nineteen, they had come to know and respect Nick.
Weekends of National Guard duty, and a drill Sergeant that liked to pick on him, had trained him well. He had been proud of that hitch, learned so much from it. So when a bunch of scraggly kids with a penchant for trouble wandered into Nick's garage one night Nick decided it was time to teach them some manners. So it wasn't surprising to him that he ended up teaching them Karate in his spare time, late at night. Every Tuesday night they gathered here.
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