Roseflower Creek

by Jackie Lee Miles

  And then I knowed how a mama could sit rocking in a chair when horrible things was happening. A mama like that had no life left in her. On the outside she was alive, but inside she was dead. All that was left was fear. She was plumb full of it. She had no sign of happiness about her. She had no hope. It was like things was never gonna be different. And worse, she knew it. I looked again. Ray was still crying. He was still a young boy. Now maybe ten or eleven. It was dark. So dark I had trouble making out his outline in the room. His daddy had him bent over on the bed and I knowed he was doing to him what Uncle Melvin told me their pa done to Ray for years. Ray was begging his pa to stop. He was screaming.

  "Don't, Daddy! Oh, please, please don't! It hurts, Daddy! It hurts!" Ray said, and he was crying so hard. Ray's pa just kept smacking his man part into Ray's butt, all the while pushing the back of Ray's head into the covers.

  "Mr. Pruitt!" I yelled. "Stop it! Stop it! Don't ya' see what this done to yer boy? Ya' done broke Ray up good inside so he can't never be well!"

  I was tugging on Mr. Pruitt as hard as I could, but I couldn't feel his arm and I'm sure he couldn't feel mine. There weren't nothing I could do. I knowed I wasn't really there. It was a glimpse of Ray's memories I was seeing, his nightmares, them ones that haunted him his whole life.

  "Don't ya' see what Ray coulda been?" I asked. "Don't ya'?" But even if he did, it was too late. Wherever Mr. Pruitt was now, his being sorry wasn't gonna change it. But knowing what Ray been through could change us. In those minutes that I saw Ray's past, I forgive him for everything he ever done bad, right there on the spot.

  "It's okay, Ray," I called out. "It's okay. Don't cry no more. Don't blame yourself none. I know you didn't mean it. I know deep in your heart you wanted to live up to being what you coulda been. You just didn't have the right chance is all. You didn't have the right materials to do it with, just like Melvin said. I don't hold it against you, Ray. I don't. And I forgive you, Ray! I forgive you! I do! Don't cry!" But he couldn't hear me. He just kept crying.

  It felt so good forgiving Ray. I found out when I didn't have that anger and hatred for him inside me it left a light, happy feeling in its place, a feeling that everything would work out in the end no matter what I tried to do. That the world and the peoples in it and the way they behaved wasn't my fault. I didn't have to take care of them no more. It weren't my fault my real daddy took off. It weren't Mama's fault Ray was mean. It weren't anyone's fault babies died and grandmas got sick. It was all part of life. Some parts is good, somes is not. Once I forgive Ray I got me peace like I never had me before. I knew then we'd been a family all along. A family with hurts and wounds and nightmares maybe, but still a family. A family with good parts and sad parts. A family with some happy times. too. Sure enough, we had some of those. I guess we had it all. And now I had me an understanding that life is just that way. That it's best we take what it gives us and accept it. So that's what I done. I forgived and I accepted.

  I wanted my mama to feel peace and understanding, to have them warm feelings inside her I had in me. I wanted her to have this lightness in her heart I now had in mine. And for sure I wanted her to have it before Ray told her what happened to me.

  "Dear Lord," I prayed. "I hope you can hear me extra good 'cause I think I'm pretty close by. Please help my mama forgive Ray for what he done. That's all I ask. Just help my mama forgive him. 'Cause then, no matter what happens, I know she'll be okay."

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Ray still hadn't told Mama what he done to me. He drunk too much that night he did all that crying in the cabin and passed out. Mama left him there right in that chair next to the fire and climbed in the bed in the back of the cabin. He was too heavy for Mama to move, but even if he weren't I don't think she would of helped him none. She looked all over for the keys to the truck. They was in his jean pocket, but Ray was slumped over half on his side and she couldn't get to 'em. I think she would of took off and left him there if she could of got those keys. She kept trying, but finally give up when Ray come awake for a bit and pushed at her.

  "Leave me be," he said. So that's what she done. She didn't even cover him up with a blanket, and there was an extra one folded up on the bed even. That's how mad she was at him for dragging them off and not telling her what was going on.

  In the morning they was mighty hungry. There weren't nothing for them to eat. Ray already eat up what little food they found in the pantry the night before.

  "Ray, we gotta get ourselves some groceries, unless you're fixin' to starve us to death, too," Mama said when he woke up.

  "Let's just move on to the next town. We'll get somethin' to eat there," he said.

  "I'm not goin' any farther, Ray, 'til you tell me what's goin' on," Mama said. "You can beat me silly. Go ahead. I'm stayin' right here 'til you tell me in God's name what we're doin' traipsin' cross the country like outlaws." Mama sat at the table with her arms crossed real tight against her chest. If 'n she was ever gonna pick a time to go against him this was a good one. Ray was pretty sick from that corn liquor he drunk so much of. When Mama said she weren't going any farther, Ray got up and headed towards her. He had a look in his eye like death and the devil was coming to call, but when he reached my mama he kept on going. He made it out the cabin door just in time, and threw up whatever was left of that corn liquor. When he finished he went out to the truck and got his rifle. It was the .22 Hornet he used to shoot varmints with.

  "It's the only thing our pa ever give him," Uncle Melvin once said. "He didn't give him a thing to take into this world and then leaves him a gun so he can take plenty outa it. Go figure."

  Ray and Uncle Melvin hunted rabbits and squirrels mostly. We ate 'em, too. Mama could fix 'em up mighty tasty. One day they come home after all the bullets was gone.

  "We ain't got a thing to show for our efforts today, Lori Jean," Uncle Melvin said. "I figure we fired ten rounds 'fore we run out."

  "Ten rounds each?" I said.

  "Yep. What do you think?"

  "I think there's been some mighty poor shootin'," I said.

  I sure hoped Ray hadn't gotten any better with his aim. He reached under the front seat of the truck and pulled out two handguns. Where he got those I have no idea. I ain't never seen 'em before. He had two boxes of bullets he gathered up with the guns and went on back to the cabin. Mama was still sitting there waiting on him.

  "You want to hole up here," he said, "suit me fine."

  "Well, that's good," Mama said, "'cause I ain't movin' 'til I know why I is."

  "I done killed someone, Nadine. The law's after me by now for sure. Reckon we'll just wait on 'em, then."

  "Oh, my God!" Mama said. "Who'd you kill?"

  "I stole that payroll money, too."

  "The payroll money? You mean that money from the mill?"

  "That be it."

  "Oh, Ray…"

  "We'd be outa here, too, if I had my hands…" Ray slammed his fist down hard on the table.

  "Who'd you kill, Ray? Paper didn't say nothin' 'bout nobody gettin' killed," Mama said.

  "That come later. It weren't intentional," Ray said. Mama eyed the guns Ray was loading.

  "And I s'pose the rest a' the killin' you plan on doin' is?"

  "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

  "Well, I want no part a' this," Mama said. She got up from the table and went to get what little she brought with 'em.

  "Sit down, Nadine!" Ray aimed the pistol right at her backside and cocked the trigger. Mama spun around.

  "You gonna shoot me, Ray?"

  "If I have to," he said.

  "Go ahead, then," Mama said. "Seems you killed a man, might as well kill me dead, too. We ain't got no life to go back to anyway."

  "What about Lori Jean. You thought about her?" Ray said, and that weren't playing fair even. He knew Mama didn't have to worry none about me no more.

  "Lori Jean…" Mama said. "Oh, sweet Jesus, what's gonna happen to Lori Jean?"

  "Well, there y
ou go, you got lots to go back to," Ray said. "Now sit yourself down, woman."

  I knew from checking on Melvin and the sheriff 's men that if Ray and Mama didn't move on they'd be caught for sure real soon. The posse was close by. They'd made it on up to that little town of McCoy where Ray got gas the day before. The sheriff showed that nice fella Chester the picture of Mama and Ray. Chester told the sheriff about George Johnson's place where he reckoned they'd be. One of the deputies went and got Mr. Johnson from the café so he could direct them to his fishing cabin.

  "Well, I'll be," he said. "I knew somethin' wasn't right about that fella. I kin spot a bad one." He climbed into the deputy's car all excited. If 'n his arthritis was causing him pain he sure didn't show it. They joined up with the others, and Mr. Johnson, he got in the sheriff 's car. He sat right up at the edge of the seat and give the sheriff a shortcut to the cabin. Melvin's truck was right behind the sheriff 's. Burt Peters was riding with him and had a shotgun in his hand.

  All the other cars and trucks got in line and took off following. Must of been twenty of them. It was something to see.

  It didn't take 'em long to get to the cabin. The sheriff had everyone park their cars at the bottom of the hollow and climb the banks up to the top on foot. He fanned them all out in a circle and when they got up to the edge of the landing everyone got down on their bellies and inched towards the fishing shack where Ray and Mama was.

  Before they climbed up there, the sheriff had Burt Peters wait by the squad car with Mr. Johnson. He didn't want that old man to get hisself hurt none.

  "This man killed his own little girl. Beat her to death," he said. He was talking about me. I weren't really Ray's girl, but guess they took it like I was, him being married to my mama.

  "He'd plug a hole in you, Mr. Johnson, soon as look at you," the sheriff said. "You stay on down here, now. No tellin' what's gonna happen up there." So, Mr. Johnson done like he said. And Burt Peters stayed with him.

  "Now, Sheriff, let me talk to him when we get up there," Melvin said. "He'll listen to me." Sheriff Dooley nodded his head.

  All told there was about forty men in the posse, so the cabin was surrounded but good. Ray didn't have no choice but to come out with his hands up. And that's just what the sheriff yelled for him to do.

  "Ray Pruitt!" he called out. "We know you're in there. We've got you surrounded." Ray grabbed his rifle off the table and run over to the window. Sure enough, he could see men was everywhere.

  "Come out with your hands up! The both a' you!" the sheriff said. Ray busted a hole in the window glass and fired a round at the sheriff. That shot went right over the sheriff's head. Missed him good. Sheriff Dooley dropped to the ground to get hisself out of the line of fire and the rest of the posse did the same. Now everyone was back on their bellies again.

  Ray fired the rifle again and it hit the tree right next to where the sheriff was crouched down. Him and his men started firing back. Melvin was yelling, "Hold yore fire! Let me talk to him." Nobody listened. They just peppered that cabin with bullets, they did.

  Mama hit the floor. Ray raised the rifle and fired it again, but it jammed up. It did that a lot when they was hunting varmints, too. Ray crawled over to the table and grabbed hold of the pistol, the big one with the long barrel. He tucked the other gun, the smaller one, into his belt and gathered the boxes of bullets in the crook of his arm and made his way back to the window.

  "Are you plumb crazy, Ray?" Mama said. "That's Sheriff Dooley out there. You need to give yourself up 'fore you get us both killed."

  "Suit yourself, Nadine," he said. "I'm done givin'. Now, I'm gonna start takin'." Ray fired the rounds in the gun he loaded up earlier. This time he hit a deputy right in the chest. The deputy fell backwards and grabbed the front of hisself. Blood was just pouring out of him. He looked down and his hands was covered in it. That poor man didn't say a word. He just slumped over on the ground and closed his eyes. I think he was dead for sure. One of the other men made it over to him and dragged him to the woods.

  Melvin stood off to the side in a small clearing. He took his cap off and slammed it hard against his overhauls. He put his other hand on top of his head and pulled it down towards his chin. He squeezed his eyes like he was trying to shut out the noise. Then he put his cap back on and looked around at all the men firing their rifles.

  "Let me talk to him, Sheriff !" he yelled. "Let me talk to him for chrissakes!" The sheriff didn't answer him. The posse man that dragged the injured man into the woods called out, "He's dead, Sheriff."

  "They done killed Bernie Jacobs!" he yelled. So, I was right. Ray killed that deputy man dead, all right. Now he was really in trouble. He'd get the 'lectric chair for sure. Melvin run over to the spot where that Bernie guy was laying and put his ear next to his face. He held it there for a long time. When Melvin looked up, he had one hand over his eyes and I seen his shoulders shaking theirselves up and down. He patted the man's chest nice like. Then he got up and punched a tree that was standing next to him 'til his hand got bloody.

  All the men there, except Melvin, was firing their guns 'til they was empty. Then they loaded up and fired again. Bullets was flying into that cabin from all directions. Mama screamed, "I'm comin' out! I'm comin' out!" She started for the cabin door. It had more holes in it than that bad-tasting cheese MeeMaw used to like so much. Before she even got halfway there, a bullet come whizzing though the windowpane and hit Ray in his right shoulder. The gun he was shooting went flying across the room towards Mama. He let out a howl and grabbed his arm.

  "Jesus Christ almighty!" Ray yelled. "I caught one in the shoulder." He took his belt off and started to wrap it tight around the top part of his arm. The little gun he had shoved in the waistband of his jeans dropped out on the floor. He tried to pick it up with his right hand, but his arm wasn't working good no more. He used his left hand instead. Ray couldn't hardly shoot straight with his regular firing hand. Now he was fixing to shoot left-handed. It was good news for the deputies.

  They was closing in on the cabin. Then everything got real quiet. The sheriff was motioning all the men to hold their fire.

  "Nadine Pruitt, you need to give yourself up," he said. "Do right by your little girl." Mama was on the floor sobbing. I don't know if she heard him. I think she was in shock or something 'cause she didn't move no closer to the cabin door or nothing, and just minutes before when them bullets was flying all around her she said she was coming out.

  "Nadine? You hear me? This is Sheriff Dooley. You come out with your hands up. I'll personally see to it you can bury your little girl 'fore we lock you up. You hear me?"

  When Mama heard what the sheriff said she got up on her knees and looked over at Ray, but she didn't say a word. She didn't ask any questions and she didn't answer any of the sheriff's, neither. There was a look on her face hard to describe. It was a look that said I don't need to ask no questions 'cause now I got me plenty of answers. It was a look I ain't seen on my mama's face ever before. It was a mighty scary look, and I wanted her to wash it off 'fore it froze in place, so her face could be soft like I remembered it all them nights she tucked me in. Mama's lips was pressed tight together, and her eyes was ever' bit as spooky as Darla Faye's cat—and a mighty scary cat he was. He could stare ya' down and make ya' run. Mama stared at Ray like that, only Ray didn't run. She stared at him like she could see into his soul, like she could see every dirty deed he ever done and the ones he was still fixing to do. It give me the goosey bumps.

  "Ray Pruitt!" the sheriff called out. "We found Lori Jean in the creek bed. We know what you done to her." The sheriff, he motioned for his men to come in closer to the cabin. He was moving in along with them. Melvin was right beside him. The men had their guns ready, 'cepting Melvin. He didn't have one.

  "Wait, let me talk to him!" Uncle Melvin said. The sheriff didn't pay him no mind.

  "Don't make this no harder on yourself," Sheriff Dooley called out. "You two come on out now with your hands up. It's the last tim
e we're gonna ask you." Ray didn't answer none. And Mama didn't say nothing, either. It got so quiet you could hear the squirrels rustling in the trees, and somewhere nearby a little bird was chirping. The sheriff motioned for everyone to keep moving in. Inside the cabin Ray was trying to get a look-see out the window to find out what was going on. I think after all that gunfire the stillness spooked him good.

  "You killed her, didn't you?" Mama said. "Lori Jean found that money. That's what was in that sack you kept pestering her about." Ray didn't say nothing. He kept looking out that window. I think he spotted one of the men behind a tree just a stone's throw away. Ray had the small gun in his left hand and he was aiming it out the window. He had his finger on the trigger. His regular firing arm was just hanging down by his side and blood was dripping all over the cabin floor.

  "She told you it burned up in the fire and you didn't believe her, and when she wouldn't give it to you, you killed her," Mama said. She about figured most of it out. She sure did.