Untamed

by MJ Carnal

  He shook his head attempting to refocus on the task at hand. What was that smell? Jasmine? It had tortured him for weeks. Did she just naturally smell like that? Was it her shampoo or that damn lotion she put on every morning? She would rub it all over her legs before she got dressed. Her long, tanned and extremely well toned legs thanks to all the hard work she was putting in with Merck. What would it feel like to have her legs wrapped around his waist? Just once. To tangle his hands in her silky hair as he sank deep into her body, burying himself to the hilt. To see her sweating, to hear her panting, to feel her clench around him as her desire took over. Shit. His pants got impossibly tight.

  “Get it together.” Steve groaned to himself.

  “What?” Lily smiled at him from across the room.

  “Sorry. Just ready to dive into this interview.” Steve’s heart pounded. Traitorous organ! He turned his back to her to compose himself.

  Lily’s eyes widened as the band filed in one at a time. She recognized the bassist immediately. Lennon Chancellor. His band mates called him Chance. She called him the Scottish walking wet dream. He could incite a riot with just a smile. And he did. Then there was the drummer, Max Calum, Latin god. She licked her lips. The lead guitarist was a little more raw. His smile was reserved as he locked eyes with her. He smelled of smoke and sex. Griffin “Harley” Miles. Nicknamed after the legendary bike accident that had landed the band on the front page of the gossip rags, starting their rise to fame. And finally, sex on legs, lead singer and panty melter, Damien “D Rey” Reynolds. Tattoos and spacers and yes, the world’s most perfect teeth. She shivered.

  She took a step toward him on instinct. Her body hummed with excitement being in the same room with the man that had flirted with her only a few months prior. His mouth had been fire on her neck. She had left that night before things got out of hand. But tonight, she couldn’t help but move a little closer. He bit his lip as he extended his hand.

  “Lily.” His voice was smooth as silk.

  A noise caught her attention and she looked toward Steve. Papers scattered across the floor as they exploded from the file folder he had been holding. He stood frozen, eyes wide, jaw dropped. It felt as if all the air had been sucked from the room. She read the agony in his eyes as he stared at Damien. She dropped his hand immediately and took a step back.

  “Stevie.” Damien’s voice was strained. He took a deep breath. “It’s been a long time, man.”

  Steve sat down in his chair as his breath hitched. “Fourteen years.”

  The room fell silent.

  Chapter 2

  “What’s up LA? It’s Steve Wainwright, WXXT 98.3 Rock FM. Thanks for joining us for this special evening addition of the Wainwright Wake Up Crew. Jennifer and I are coming to you live this Thursday night with a special treat for all your rock lovers out there. How are you tonight, Jenn?”

  “Well, Steven, I’m a little hot and bothered. I’m sitting across from some pretty smoking eye candy right now. And from what I’ve heard, they’re the next big thing.” Jennifer winked at Steve.

  His grin in response had Lily straightening in her chair. She had spent so much time with him and had never questioned who else he socialized with. Her chest ached. She didn’t want to share him with anyone, especially not the attractive co-host that was currently staring at him. He was her best friend and aside from the occasional movie or dinner out with Nickie, Kevin’s nurse from the ICU, he never talked about anyone.

  “Ladies and Gents, I’d like to officially welcome ‘Liquid Regret’ to the show.”

  The band members mumbled their hellos into the microphones as Steve wiped his brow. His stomach lurched, his hands clenched. Fourteen years had crept by without a single word. Five minutes ago, he wouldn’t have been able to tell someone if Damien was alive or dead. His heart screamed at him to hug him and not let go. His brain, and the commander of the situation, kept a cool distance and a cold exterior.

  “As I’m sure all you ladies out there know, Damien Reynolds is lead singer and from what I hear, quite the performer. Tell me, why the name ‘Liquid Regret’? What’s the significance?” Steve looked away as Damien spoke.

  “Liquid Regret seemed pretty appropriate for most of us in the group. In simple terms, it means tears. We were just a bunch of guys that made some pretty stupid mistakes in our lives and we realized that the one thing we had in common was regret. For me personally, I have spent a good bit of my adulthood looking back at what could have been and I’ve shed quite a few tears over it. So, we became Liquid Regret.”

  Steve ground his teeth, his eyes pleading with Jennifer to take over. She gave him a half smile and focused her attention on the cue cards. “Your first hit, Without Novocain, will go live tomorrow on every major rock station in the US. I’ve heard it and it’s fantastic. Tell me a little about the inspiration behind the song.” Jessica reached out and touched Damien’s hand.

  “Without Novocain is actually the first song I wrote myself. It’s a song about regret, about wanting to make the pain go away but not knowing what to do to make it better. I wrote it for someone in my family. I just walked away when I was younger. I didn’t realize how important they were at the time.” Damien’s eyes shifted to Steve’s and held.

  “Before we go to the phones, let’s hear a little of Liquid Regret’s debut single, Without Novocain.”

  Harley picked up his guitar as Damien cleared his throat, centering the microphone in front of him. He nodded once and music filled the studio. Damien’s soulful voice filled the airways.

  I want so much to heal the pain, the wounds, the hurt, it’s all in vain

  Regret is deep and stings like rain, like an open wound Without Novocain.

  Anxiety racks my regret filled mind, like a life sucking virus of an unknown kind

  You’re like a drug and I need a fix, from the torture that my soul inflicts

  I want so much to heal the pain, the wounds, the hurt, it’s all in vain

  Regret is deep and stings like rain, like an open wound Without Novocain.

  Cutting to commercial, Steve got up from his chair and walked to the hallway. He scrubbed his hands down his face and jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you ok?” Lily pulled him in for a hug and his body instantly relaxed. She hadn’t seen this expression since Amber had torn his heart in two. It had taken her so long to pull him out of the pits of hell and help him live again. She would not stand by and watch it happen a second time.

  “I’m fine.” He shook his head.

  “You aren’t fine. You’re shaking.”

  Steve pulled away. “I told you, I’m fine.”

  Hands on her hips, Lily frowned. “I dare you to react to something. You’re so closed. So empty. I dare you to feel something for someone. Do something. Scream at him. Cry. I don’t care. Don’t close down again. Go in there and kick his ass. I’ll hold him down. Anything, Steve. DO ANYTHING!”

  “He’s a ghost, Lil. That’s all. Someone I used to know.” Steve started to walk away.

  “Bullshit. He was everything to you. You can’t walk away from this.” Lily grabbed his arm and wouldn’t let go. “Look at me, damnit.”

  When Steve wouldn’t make eye contact, she placed her hands on his cheeks and turned his head to face her. Noticing the pain in his eyes, she sighed. “You are my best friend in the world, Steve. You are everything to me. I love you.”

  “You have no idea, Lil.” Electricity sizzled as their eyes held. His breathing became shallow as her grip on his face tightened. One kiss. One second of courage. One moment that could change a lifetime. One insane move that would make her forever his. His body leaned toward her before his brain had a chance to stop him. One more inch. Just one.

  Jennifer cleared her throat and they jumped away from each other. “We’re on in thirty seconds.”

  Lily shook her head as she walked back toward the studio. Steve was helpless to do anything but watch her go. T
he sway of her hips, the confidence of her steps, they were going to get him in trouble. It was a guarantee.

  “That was intense.” Jennifer laughed as she clapped him on the back.

  “That was almost a disaster.” Nothing else was said as they returned to the studio.

  Lily’s fingers flew across the keys of her cell phone as she typed Mark a frantic message. She bit her lip and tuned out the interview happening in the background. What had just happened? Shit. She had almost kissed him. In his moment of weakness, she had almost made a colossal mistake that would have changed the course of their friendship. Not to mention, there was Nickie. Sure, they weren’t serious. She hadn’t seen him even hold her hand. Maybe they weren’t really even dating. But she was in the picture, and that’s all that mattered. And she had a rule about kissing. She shook her head.

  She didn’t want a relationship. Even though she loved LA, she missed her family back in Georgia. She missed her job at her old elementary school. She missed Sunday afternoons, snuggling into her dad’s side as they read the paper after church. At almost thirty, she was still a daddy’s girl. He would come by her apartment at least once a week with an excuse of being in the neighborhood or needing to drop something off. Her sister, Mia, had moved in with her just before she left for Los Angeles. She missed their late night chats with Ben and Jerry or the ridiculous way they could communicate with just a glance.

  No, LA would not be permanent. But it was home for now. And Steve deserved more than that.

  The lead singer of Liquid Regret is Steve’s cousin. Damien. We are at the station with them now.

  The text alert drew her attention away from Damien’s stare. Is he ok?

  No.

  We will meet you at the apartment. Get him home in one piece.

  Lily tucked her phone into her bra and smiled as Damien lifted a brow at her. Damien Reynolds. Jesus, he looked so much like Steve. She hadn’t noticed it before. Where Steve’s eyes were the color of chocolate, warm and inviting and dark enough to get lost in, Damien’s were piercing blue. They reminded her of the clear, glass blue of the ocean. Their hair was the same, dark and edgy. Steve wore his more spiked but often covered it with a backwards Red Sox cap. There was nothing sexier than a man that could wear a baseball hat. She shook her head. She couldn’t go there.

  He had saved her in one of her darkest hours. Kevin had been her reason for staying in Los Angeles. His friendship had been her driving force. In one second, everything changed. And while he lay fighting for his life in a hospital bed, Steve had been the one to hold her through her nightmares and together, they found the strength to heal from the worst few months of both of their lives. She couldn’t help but think she had saved him right back. His disastrous break up had been the source of so much distrust and she had pulled him from the depths of his depression into a life where he was laughing and smiling every day. They were good together. They made sense. They were inseparable. She wasn’t willing to risk that for a few thrills in the sack before packing up and heading home. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to feel the shiver of lust before letting it go.

  “Ready to go home?” Steve interrupted her thoughts.

  “Can we talk?” Damien put his hands out in front of him in a show of surrender. “Please.”

  “We have an entire firing squad waiting at home. I think it would be smart if we all headed there to talk. I don’t think you should do it here.” Lily put her hand in Steve’s and began moving from the room. She met his eyes and whispered. “Let’s get it over with. Some closure will do you some good. I’ll be with you the whole time.”

  Chapter 3

  Mark checked his watch for the hundredth time, impatiently waiting for Steve and Lily’s arrival. Her text had been the last thing he expected. Caleb and Ryan had met him in front of the apartment complex before anyone realized they didn’t have a key. Damien’s departure in the middle of high school had been a shock to all of them. Mark knew that Steve was his priority but a part of him was excited to see Damien, to make sure he was alright and to finally understand why.

  Headlights pulled them all from their quiet conversation. Mark was the first to get out of the car, with Ryan and Caleb following right behind. When Steve stepped from the passenger side of his own truck, Mark pulled him into an awkward hug. Ryan and Caleb each gave him a fist bump before they all turned their attention to Damien.

  Damien looked each one of them in the eye, never showing a moment of weakness. “I know you weren’t expecting to see me again.”

  “I think that’s an understatement. We didn’t know if you were alive or dead.” Caleb’s voice was stern.

  Damien shook his head. “I know. I’ll explain whatever you need me to. I’m not here to be an asshole. I just want a chance to try to make Steve understand.”

  “I doubt there’s anything you can say that will make any of this ok. Showing up at the station without giving Steve any warning was a douche move.”

  “Caleb.” Mark’s voice interrupted. “Back off. Let him say what he needs to say so we can get this over with.”

  “I won’t apologize for leaving. There was a lot you guys didn’t know about. I did what I thought I had to do. I was sixteen. Some fucked up shit was going down. The only thing I regret is not getting in touch with Steve and his family when it all blew over.”

  “Let’s take this inside.” Lily pulled her keys from her purse. “It’s late and if you guys are going to get all caveman and shit, I would rather the whole neighborhood not know.”

  They followed lily into the apartment. It was silent as she turned the lights on. When no one moved, she pointed at the couches. “Sit, talk, fight. Whatever you need to do. There’s beer in the fridge. Anyone want one?”

  They all nodded and she couldn’t help but smile. This was a night that would change their lives. Handing them each a beer, she sat down next to Steve. He put his arm around her and looked at Damien. “I’m waiting.”

  “You know I’d fallen into some bad shit. I got hung up on a chick and went to this party. They had some cocaine and she was doing it. I wanted her to think I was cool so I did it too. I felt invincible. I started using and tried to hide it from everyone. I didn’t care about anything but fucking her and getting my next fix. I knew I was in trouble but I didn’t care. I was sixteen. We didn’t have any cash so she’d suck off the dealer for drugs. Soon that wasn’t even enough and I started shooting up. She’d ride me while I shot that poison into my veins. When he threatened to cut me off, I made her fuck him while I snuck in and stole his stash.”

  “Jesus.” Ryan rubbed his hands down his face. “Why didn’t you come to us, man?”

  “I didn’t want to stop. I was an addict. I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. My old man found me crushing aspirin and snorting it, trying anything to stay high. He beat the shit out of me the night before homecoming.”

  “I thought you got into a fight with the dude from the other football team.” Steve leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Scott somebody.”

  “He was one of her brother’s. I gave him twenty bucks to tell everyone he kicked my ass. I’d seen my dad angry and I didn’t want my mom to know what he was really like. I started staying over at your place more and more, hoping that if I wasn’t there to make him angry, that things would just go back to normal. Your mom saved me. She never cared when I would show up on the front porch at midnight, shaking and stoned out of my mind. She would just tell me I was welcome any time and she would make sure I had something to eat. She’d sit with me while I was puking my guts out when I was trying to get clean. She helped me when I was going through all the withdrawal.”

  “I had no idea.” Steve’s eyes filled with tears.

  “I begged her not to tell anyone. I knew she’d kept her promise because you came home from school early one afternoon and she made you go over to Moretti’s because she said she was sick. That was the worst day I’d had. The drugs were almost completely out of my system and
I wasn’t sure I was gonna live through it. Once I was clean, I thought everything would be alright. Your parents paid the dealer back for the shit I’d stolen from him. He was leaving me alone and I stopped looking over my shoulder.”

  Damien’s eyes filled with tears. His hands rubbed together and he looked at the ground. “Then right before Christmas, the shit hit the fan. There was a party at Brain Lemier’s house. Everyone was drinking and I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t think I was strong enough to stay away from the liquor. I met up with Claire Benton that night. Do you remember her?”

  “Wasn’t she the chick that got pregnant our junior year? The cheerleader?” Ryan asked, oblivious to the turn in the conversation.

  “Oh God.” Steve whispered and covered his face.

  Damien just nodded his head. “Guilty. A couple weeks later she was on my doorstep crying. I promised her I would be there for her. She went home that night and told her parents I had raped her. She knew my history, knew no one would believe me. I confided everything to her the night we hooked up. I begged her to tell the truth but she refused. The night her parents called, my dad answered. He made sure I knew what he thought of me. Told me that he was gonna turn me over to the cops the next morning for raping that girl. He said he was gonna tell my mom everything then beat me so badly that I prayed the cops would show up and arrest me.”

  Damien wiped his eyes and continued. “I heard him telling my mom what a disappointment I was that night. Told her I was an addict and that I had raped Claire. She begged him not to call the cops. She sobbed that whole night. The sound broke my heart. I couldn’t be a disappointment to her. I couldn’t let that worthless piece of shit I called a dad embarrass her or worse. I grabbed all the cash out of his wallet and I was gone before the sun came up.”