by MJ Carnal
His eyes met hers and his breath caught. Silent tears ran down her face. Her hands ran over his chest, making his stomach tighten in anticipation. When she looked away, he missed the connection. His heart sped and his hands shook.
“It breaks my heart to see you so scared of anything that might make you feel something. Would it be so terrible to love someone? To love me?”
“Yes.” Steve cleared his throat to force a voice stronger than the broken one that had answered the question. “You could destroy me. Look at you. I take one look and I can’t breathe. I can’t risk losing you.”
“But you could be gaining so much more. Jesus, Steve. Look around you. Sophie would never hurt Mark. Layla would never cheat on Ryan. Shit, Jena can’t even look at anyone but Caleb. And Andi, no one else exists but Kevin. None of them are like Amber. She did you a favor when she couldn’t keep her legs closed. She freed you to have a life. She’s nothing but a bad choice in your past. Does she get to ruin your future too?”
“She didn’t ruin my future. She ruined me. I spent years building my life around her. I dedicated every single part of what I am to insure that we had a future that allowed us to travel and have kids and have a life together. She slammed that door in my face like I was nothing more than an inconvenience. That will never happen again. I will never allow myself to be blinded by anyone again.”
“I’m not like her!” Lily yelled, her face full of emotion.
“No. You’re not. You’re more. You already mean more to me than she ever did. Feelings like that make it impossible to see anything.”
Lily wiped her face. “When I met you, I knew you were going to be a part of my life for a long time. I felt connected to you right away. I didn’t know how or why but I was drawn to you. When Kevin got sick, you were my rock. You still are. Don’t get me wrong. I’m so honored you chose me as your best friend. We’ve been through so much. And I’m risking everything right now. I know I am. But I want more. I want a chance.”
Tears gathered in the corner of his eyes. He took a deep breath in an attempt to push them away. “Lil, please stop.”
She shook her head, tears flowing faster now. “I have this amazing man that wants to give me everything. He wants me despite all the odds against us. He knows I have feelings I haven’t faced and he’s patient. He’s willing to wait for me. He wants a future with me. He’s standing right in front of me and all I do is look through him trying to find you. You’re everything to me. He’s perfect in every way except one. He isn’t you.”
“I can’t be that person, Lil. I can’t offer you what he can. He has the world at his fingertips and you deserve that. I can’t give you that.” Steve let his first tears fall.
“I don’t care about any of that. You know that. I want you to realize I mean something more to you than just your friend.”
“I already do.” Steve sat up and pulled her flush against him. The smell of her lotion and shampoo wrapped around him and he was momentarily lost. “You are so much more than my friend. But I’m not the person that can give you what you want.”
Lily pulled away. “I want you to try. I want you to realize not everyone will hurt you. I want you to give me your heart.”
Steve looked away. He couldn’t watch as he broke her heart. “I can’t give you that either. Lil, be with Damien. He’s the better choice.”
Lily stood up and wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks. She nodded her head at him when his eyes finally met hers. “Ok.”
And as she walked away, Steve felt his soul being shattered into a million pieces.
Chapter 10
Lily sat at the end of the guest room bed in Kevin and Andi’s new house. The sound of the Grandfather Clock in the foyer echoed through her empty heart. The ticking reminded her of all the seconds she was wasting feeling lonely. The chimes alerted her to another half hour gone. Or was it an hour? She didn’t know.
It had been three days since she had spoken to Steve. She had packed an overnight bag the morning after their talk and had shown up at Kevin’s doorstep after an emotional day of teaching. Andi had welcomed her with open arms, feeding her dinner and insisting on a girl’s night. Kevin had been quiet, watching her every move and giving her time to open up about what happened. She admitted her feelings about Steve and talked about how torn she was between letting her heart or her head win.
The only time she had laughed was while she talked on the phone to Damien. They had spent hours talking every night. His band rehearsal was going well and her teaching assignment was coming to an end as summer quickly approached. He told her stories about his band mates and they laughed about childhood memories with her sister. She felt at peace during their calls and realized that he not only deserved a chance¸ but that he was willing to follow her to the ends of the earth to get it.
She pulled her white sundress from her bag and let her hair fall in waves to her mid-back. She smiled in the mirror as the first wave of excitement hit her. This was their first official date and she was happy she had made the choice and said yes. “It’s ok to feel something.” She whispered to herself in the mirror.
A soft knock sounded at the door and Kevin stuck his head in. He smiled at her and whistled. “Your date is here. Make sure you’re home before midnight, young lady.”
“Watch who you’re calling a lady.” Kevin laughed as Lily smiled at him. “Thanks, dad. I’ll do my best.”
Lily walked down the hall and stopped short when she saw Damien. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Damien grinned. His dark hair was spiked on top and his piercing blue eyes drew her in. Slight stubble lined his jaw. She longed to touch it. His smile made her heart flutter.
She knew in that instant that moving forward with him had been the right choice. Her distance from Steve had been good. She knew she loved him more than she could ever explain. But his choice to move forward, without giving her a chance, was one she would have to live with. Damien was a good man and she knew he could make her happy.
He had chosen a restaurant in a high rise in Santa Monica Beach. Getting off the elevator at the eighteenth floor, Damien took Lily’s hand. She gasped as she took in the view. The floor to ceiling windows were framed in white cascading curtains that gave it a romantic feel. The sunset in the background took her breath away. He led her to the white couches surrounding their table. Candles danced and the chandelier sparkled. The waiter brought them a bottle of champagne and left them alone.
“This is so beautiful.” Lily was breathless.
Damien’s eyes roamed her body and his heart began to thunder in his chest. “You are beautiful.” He handed her a glass of champagne and motioned for her to sit.
Lily’s eyes remained glued to the sunset. “Thank you for this. I don’t know what to say.”
“Thank you for saying yes.” He ran his hand down her arm and she leaned back into his chest.
Her skin was soft and warm and he wanted more. He leaned in to kiss her neck and she moaned. His pants were getting impossibly tight. His hands massaged the tight muscles in her shoulders and as she relaxed, he smiled. She pressed her back into his chest, looking over her shoulder and smiling. He was suddenly nervous.
He could stand up in front of thousands of people, singing and dancing and didn’t have a care in the world. But sitting here in this small booth, surrounded by romance, his palms began to sweat. He chuckled and she turned to look at him. “I’m suddenly nervous.”
She giggled. “Me too.”
As the appetizers arrived at the table, Lily’s nerves were beginning to disappear. By the main course, all her nervousness was completely gone. She laughed at Damien’s jokes and had to wipe the tears from her eyes several times. He was full of personality, his face animated when he would talk about something he was passionate about. The conversation flowed with no awkward pauses. It was as if they had known each other forever.
A group of women came up to the table and asked for his autograph. He smiled as he signed their napkins and they gigg
led. Lily knew it was only the beginning. As their song hit the top of the charts, there would be groupies in every city. A pang of jealousy hit her and she smiled knowing that the feelings she was developing for Damien were real.
She saw a lot of Steve in Damien. They had the same mannerisms and the same big eyes that she could drown in. The differences were also very apparent. Where Steve was closed off, Damien was wide open to the idea of a relationship. He welcomed it and she was drawn to that. He leaned into her as they talked, capturing her complete attention. There were moments she felt guilty, like she was cheating on her heart. But her head knew better. The undeniable truth was that Steve wasn’t ready, and may never be. Damien looked at her like she was the only woman in the world. That did amazing things to her heart. Her grin was so big, her face hurt.
“So, tell me more about the tour.” Lily took a bite of her cheesecake and sighed. He watched her mouth and couldn’t help but groan. Watching her eat was one of the sexiest things he had ever seen.
“It’s a 36 city tour. We’ll be opening for the band Ripping Pages. Ever heard of them?”
Lily’s jaw dropped. “Hell yes! I have the biggest crush on their lead singer, Van Whitaker.”
“Van’s cool.” Damien chuckled. “We’ll kick off their nationwide tour. We’ve got a twenty minute set before they go on. It’s a huge opportunity for us. They’ll go on to finish the tour and we’ll be back in the studio to record our second album. We leave mid June.”
“I’m so excited for you.” Her smile melted his heart.
“I’ll miss you Lily. Would you be willing to come see me on the road? It’ll be crazy but I can’t imagine spending three months without seeing your face.” Damien held his breath as her eyes searched his.
She put her fork down and took his hand. “I would be honored to come see you. I’ll be done with classes and I’ll have the whole summer free.”
He rubbed circles on the back of her hand with his thumb and she shivered. “What would you like to do next, beautiful? We could go out to a club, go see a movie, walk the beach. You name it.”
“Is this where they’ve got you and the band staying?” Her cheeks pinked when she asked and Damien wanted to grab her and kiss her. Her no kissing rule was his enemy. Their chemistry and flirting at dinner made him want to pin her to the couch cushions and have his way with her.
“We have a suite down one floor.” He cleared his throat, suddenly aware of the change in temperature in the room.
“Let’s go curl up on your couch and watch a movie. I’ve enjoyed being alone with you. I’d love it if I didn’t have to share you with anyone else.”
“Let’s go.” Damien led her out of the restaurant. His hand came to rest of the small of her back and it was a surprisingly intimate gesture. She melted into him and at that moment, he would have done anything to make her happy.
Their suite was on the seventeenth floor overlooking the beach. His band mates were all out for the evening and Damien knew they would have hours to themselves. He poured her another glass of champagne and grabbed a bottle of water for himself. He watched as she stepped out onto the patio. Her white dress blew in the evening breeze, making her look even more angelic. Her blond hair was the color of the sun and he longed to run his hands through it. She got more beautiful every time he looked at her. He was falling for her and he didn’t want it to ever stop.
Walking up behind her, he braced a hand on each side of her, pinning her to the railing. His tongue licked the length of her neck, stopping to concentrate on that sensitive spot behind her ear. She shivered. He tilted his hips forward, letting his erection grind into her. Her breathing changed and she rubbed against him. He had spent weeks dreaming about this moment but he knew nothing would compare to reality. They had been a breath away from being intimate in Georgia. He needed her to know how he really felt.
“I want to take you inside and lick every inch of your gorgeous body. I want to make your legs shake when you get so close to orgasm that you beg for release. I want to make you come so hard that you forget about everyone else in the world but me. Do you think you’re ready for that with me?” Damien prayed she would say yes because if she kept rubbing up against him the way she was, he was going to lose it standing on the balcony.
“Yes.” Her voice was a purr as she turned around to face him.
He lifted her and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Her hands made quick work of the buttons on his shirt. He thought about how close the couch was and didn’t want to go any further. With the fear his roommates would come home, he picked up his pace as he walked down the hall. She pulled on his hair and he growled. Her hips ground against him and he had to take some deep breaths. If he didn’t get his body under control, this wouldn’t last.
Damien laid her down on the bed and crawled on top of her. He laced his fingers through hers and pinned her hands above her head. His hips kept a steady rhythm. She bit her lip, breathing rapidly when he pressed his erection into her. He kissed her neck, bit at her collarbone and she whimpered.
She pulled her hands away and finished unbuttoning his shirt. Her fingers traced the tattoos on his chest, paying extra attention to the lines that wrapped around his nipples. He hissed as she ran her nail across them. “Like that?” She smiled.
His hooded eyes met hers. His hand pushed her dress up, fingers trailing up her thigh before landing on the spot she needed him most. She threw her head back at the first touch of her hardened bundle of nerves. She was soaked and Damien couldn’t wait to bury himself in her. “Like that?” He smiled back at her.
She reached into his pants, pulling him free. “Don’t make me wait.” A drop escaped the tip and she ran her finger through it. She put it to her lips and licked it off.
“Jesus.” He was out of breath. Reaching into the nightstand, Damien pulled out a condom. She stroked him as he struggled to get the foil packet open. “You keep this up, It’ll be over before it starts.”
“Give that to me.” She tore it open with her teeth and rolled it onto his hardened length. She laughed as he took some deep breaths.
He rested his forehead on hers. “Are you sure about this? If you aren’t ready, we can wait.”
“I’m sure.” She smiled at his serious expression. “Less talking, more doing. It’s been a long time for me.”
He pushed into her in one long, smooth stroke. Her heat surrounded him and he knew he wouldn’t last long. The first stroke and she rolled her head back and moaned. He rolled his hips against hers and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Each stroke hit her in just the right spot. His pubic bone rubbed against her clit and within seconds, she was ready to shatter. His pace quickened and she couldn’t control herself. Her legs shook and her body trembled.
Damien changed his angle, deepening their connection. His slow, deep strokes dragging against her sensitive G spot. Her eyes met his, begging for release. He increased his pace and she whimpered.
“I’m so close.” She met him stroke for stroke. When her body wouldn’t let go, she pulled him against her harder. “I can’t let go. I need to get on top.”
He rolled over and pulled her on top of him. She leaned back onto her hands and rode him hard. Her breathing changed, each stroke becoming more frantic. When her orgasm hit, it was so powerful, she collapsed onto his chest. Moisture drenched them both, making their connection hot and wet. Damien gritted his teeth as he pounded harder, her body heating for the second time. He pressed his thumb to her clit and sent her over the edge for the second time.
She bit his nipple and he exploded inside her. He yelled her name as she milked every bit of pleasure from his body. His cock pulsed with aftershocks and she moaned.
“God, Lil. You’re soaked. That was amazing.” Damien’s brow was covered in sweat. He rubbed his finger across her eye brow and sighed.
“Yes it was. I needed that.” Her fingers traced the ‘faith’ tattoo along his ribcage. “You make me feel so beautiful. Thank you for that.”
> “You should always feel beautiful. I promise to always remind you that you are.” Damien pulled out slowly, discarding the condom in the trash. “Come with me to the shower. Let me clean you up. I don’t want our night to end yet.”
Chapter 11
Steve rolled over in bed and sighed. It had been four nights without Lily. His heart broke. The apartment was eerily quiet without her. Everything was empty. He had questioned himself so many times. Was she the one he could live with the rest of his life? The answer was no. He was realizing she was the person he couldn’t live without. His feelings had been all over the place and being so uncertain about everything wasn’t fair to her. She deserved someone who didn’t doubt love, someone who knew from the second they laid eyes on her that she was the only thing that mattered.
He grabbed his cell from the dresser and dialed. “It’s Wainwright. Is she there? I know she won’t pick up if I call her.”
Kevin’s voice was quiet. “No. She went out last night.”
“Damien?” Just asking the question hurt.
“Sorry, brother.” Kevin hung up.
Steve stared at the phone in his hand. She was gone and there wasn’t anything he could do to change that. It was his fault. He knew she would need to come home eventually and he would be ready. He needed to make things right.
The way my heart breaks when I know I’ve hurt you. Please come home. I’m so sorry.
Lily stretched her arms above her head and smiled. Last night had been exactly what she’d needed. Damien was still asleep, his gentle breathing giving her heart peace. Tonight was the awards show and she couldn’t wait to see him in a tux. She snuck out of bed and tiptoed to the bathroom. Her body ached in all the right places. She brushed her teeth with the extra toothbrush Damien had set out for her before bed. He was the kind of person she envisioned spending her life with. She liked him more and more every day.
She took a deep breath. She knew it was too soon to have any kind of overwhelming feelings for him, especially since her heart still belonged to Steve. She wondered if last night was a mistake but shook off the feeling as soon as it came to her. She needed to move on and she would.
