Fear of God (Trials of Strength Book 1)

by Matthew Bell, Jr

  The hairs on my body stood on end.

  ‘I went to my superior, stupidly,’ he spat. ‘I relayed it to him. He didn’t care, and told me to stick to my job, not question others. But I wouldn’t let it go. I told him I wouldn’t be a part of slaughtering innocent people, and he knew I was serious.’

  ‘Wait, I thought you said you were the head of security?’ Anna mused.

  ‘Of outside, I told you, I monitored the town and entrances and kept my eyes out for anyone sent by the division’s old bosses,’ Chris replied. ‘My superior was head of security for the inside, which was a much bigger group with more clout. He was really in charge, but he doesn’t matter.’

  ‘And after you told him?’ Anna pushed.

  ‘After?’ he whispered. ‘After that, they chained me down in the tunnels under the town, dragged my wife in front of me, and killed her.’

  The Guilt

  After his confession, Chris sagged. He finally broke down and the tears fell freely from his eyes. We sat that way for a while. Anna was doubtful of his story to begin with, but once the tears wouldn’t stop, her expression softened and she looked away. Chris’s story answered some questions, but asked more in their wake. A rogue government science division was playing with our lives, I felt like I had fallen into some movie.

  But movies don’t generally end up with you very real death.

  Chris wiped his eyes, taking shuddering breaths, and then turned back to us.

  ‘Why?’ I asked softly.

  He laughed coldly, but it wasn’t directed at me. ‘Why? To keep me in line, that’s why. Unfortunately for them it had the opposite effect. I was so angry. I wanted nothing but to see them all burn.’

  ‘If you were down in the tunnels with them, how come we haven’t stumbled onto them yet?’ Anna asked fearfully.

  ‘When I gathered you guys and the group down there, I didn’t have time to think of that. When I saw what was happening, I panicked. I thought maybe being under their noses would be safer,’ he said. ‘But my guess is, they wanted you down there. Rats in their maze. It’s the only conclusion that makes sense, plus, none of us turned into murdering monsters, so.’

  I trembled. I hadn’t thought of that. How none of us had gained strength and speed, only to lose sense and reasoning. What made them into killers? Killers, who couldn’t be talked down, and why hadn’t we become the same?

  ‘So they let you go?’ I said.

  ‘Yeah,’ Chris replied. ‘For them, murdering my wife wasn’t good enough. Killing me would be too easy, so they released me into this nightmare instead. They only had to keep me locked up until their plan came into action, then it wouldn’t matter what I did.’

  ‘What do we do now?’ Anna asked.

  Before Chris could answer, footsteps echoed from the hallway outside. Our heads together snapped to the door. Chris and Anna bolted up, guns ready. I slid Claire to the floor, whispered goodbye, and moved behind Anna. I felt small without a weapon, no matter how much I’d preferred not to use one. Chris wrapped his hand around the handle and waited for the steps to get closer before he wrenched the door open.

  A woman screamed and smacked Chris across the head. I waited for the guns to fire, but it never came. I looked around Anna. A woman stood in the doorway, eyes wide and hands balled into fists. She didn’t look like one of them, and Anna and Chris lowered their weapons. Chris rubbed furiously at where she had slapped him and Anna chuckled. The woman looked to be in her mid-thirties, she had smooth skin, but the faint lines of age were growing. Her black hair was loose and messy, and her navy-blue eyes darted between us.

  ‘Oh thank god,’ she sighed. ‘You’re not going to kill me are you?’

  I shook my head, numb.

  ‘No,’ Chris gasped. ‘Not unless you try hitting me again.’

  ‘Sorry,’ she grimaced.

  ‘Who are you?’ Anna asked almost bouncing on her feet.

  I realised that it was the first person we’d run into that wasn’t changed. That meant others might not have. That meant hope. In spite of everything, I felt myself smile.

  My family might still be okay.

  ‘Jane McDonald,’ she said, ‘and boy, am I glad to see you guys.’

  Before anyone could say anything else, Chris interrupted, ‘Not to break this wonderful conversation, but we’ve given up enough noise to be heard for miles over. It’s time to go.’

  ‘Somewhere safe?’ Jane asked with wide eyes, surprised.

  ‘Relatively,’ I shrugged as she frowned.

  Chris looked at us, narrowed his eyes, and we fell silent. We headed back through town as the sun set. The air grew colder and we walked with our gazes darting back and forth. The tension was palpable, and no one uttered a word until we had reached the hole we’d come up through.

  That’s when another thought struck me. It hadn’t really registered before, but once we were back underground I pondered it. Before we had started running, we’d left the way topside open, but when the car alarm sounded, we came out to it closed. I walked beside Chris and relayed my thoughts to him.

  ‘Hasn’t it dawned on you yet?’ he asked, not too harshly. ‘There’s someone down here who isn’t one of us, in the group. They’re one of them.’

  I knew he didn’t mean the insane creatures.

  *

  Once we got back to the group, Chris brought everyone around him. Paul and Terry eyed me suspiciously, and Anna eyed them both back with a growl. I couldn’t help but smile, which probably didn’t improve their opinion of me. As soon as we had come back Anna asked Terry to check me over. He had sighed at my stitches which had broken a little, and cleaned and fixed the wounds, wrapping fresh bandages around them. He muttered how we didn’t have an infinite supply of them, and told me to drink water in sips. My throat was bruised, but would heal. There was nothing he could do for my broken nose, and he looked pleased I would have to suffer the pain.

  Chris nodded at us and we knew what he was about to do. He was going to tell them, tell them what he told us, and it wouldn’t be pretty. He sped through his story, no one interrupted. Everyone was shocked when he finished and couldn’t utter a word. Chris kept his composure, he’d shed enough tears, and it was time to let it go. Paul’s mouth was a gaping mess coupled with his permanent scowl, and Terry looked faint.

  ‘You?’ Terry trembled. ‘You did this?’

  Chris shook his head, but Terry continued, ‘You killed my family.’

  He pounced. Paul caught him before he reached Chris and held him still. I had never seen the rage Terry had, it aged him years and he looked ready to kill. Paul mirrored that, his eyes wide. Jane was beside us and she looked oddly detached, but no one could say anything. The group as a whole never questioned their saviour, but then everything had been destroyed, and they were left with only reality. A few cried.

  ‘Now, now Children,’ a voice came from behind the group.

  ‘Shit,’ Jane muttered under her breath.

  I looked over to her and she shook her head. A large woman made her way through the group and positioned herself next to Chris. Her skin was a dark mocha colour and she looked like she was approaching her fifties. Her light brown hair sprung out in curls and her pale blue eyes looked into your soul. A few people groaned, but I had no idea why until she spoke again.

  ‘Do not blame this man. I sense he tells the truth and should be forgiven for has he not brought us to salvation?’ she said gently to the people around her. ‘Now, I would hope you will listen to me. For now we know this enemy is human, let us break into the light, let us reason with these creatures for our lives, let us beg of them forgiveness hmmm?’

  I could only stare at her. What? Really? I understood rejecting reality, but this was something else entirely. She was serious, and looked to be of sound mind, well, in control of her senses.

  ‘Grace, honey?’ Jane chimed. ‘Sit down and shut up would you?’

  ‘Ahhh, Jane,’ Grace said, her voice dripped with false delight. ‘It’s
wonderful to see you again, how, hmmm, fortunate, you weren’t killed.’

  Grace smiled.

  Jane laughed. ‘Fuck you.’

  ‘Enough,’ Anna waded into the middle. ‘It took a lot to tell us all this. But now is not the time to fall apart. If we turn on each other, not only are we screwed, but then we’re no better than those things up top. Chris saved us. He didn’t have to but he did.’

  A few people nodded and I smiled. A few hours ago she looked at Chris with suspicion, and now she backed his corner. I admired her compassion and strength, and wished I had some of my own. After a while, we passed around some of the food and water we’d collected and I turned to Jane.

  ‘So what’s the deal with you and this Grace?’ I asked, shivering slightly at the latter woman’s smile.

  Jane laughed, ‘Don’t worry sweetie, she’s harmless. Just before this all happened she was known to be a bit, well, you know, crazy.’

  ‘Crazy how?’ I said.

  ‘Well, Miss Fletcher was notoriously known for talking to plants. Once I was walking by her house, I stepped on a flower that had grown out from her garden,’ she chuckled again, and the sound was soothing. ‘Well you see how that ended. She said she would curse me and that I was the spawn of hell. There are more things, but by the looks of it, you’d rather not hear them.’

  I shook my head and she laughed again. I made my way over to Anna and sat cross-legged in front of her.

  ‘You okay?’ I asked.

  ‘Am I okay?’ she smiled. ‘What about you? You’re the one who got shot.’

  ‘You’re the one who just had their arm dislocated and, um, relocated?’ I said, not sure whether that was the proper term.

  She smiled again, and moved her arm slowly. ‘It’s alright. A bit stiff, but otherwise.’

  We sat in silence for a few minutes, and it was relaxing, both of us needed a while with our thoughts before we could speak.

  ‘So, do you trust Chris now?’ I said.

  ‘No,’ she replied honestly. ‘But I’m glad we know. Plus, we can’t usurp him from the leadership role. He’s better at it than anyone here. Or do you think Paul would be a good fit?’

  ‘You’re right,’ I laughed. ‘Hey, what’s the deal with you and Paul? You seem to know one another, albeit in an angry sort of way.’

  She eyed me carefully.

  ‘I dated his son,’ she sighed and blushed. ‘Not long, and not well, and don’t judge.’

  ‘What?’ I said as my eyes widened. ‘I wouldn’t judge you. I would if it was serious. None of them seem the relationship type, and yeah, I guess I just judged.’

  She punched my arm.

  ‘I never said it was smart,’ she said. ‘It wasn’t for long, and we didn’t do anything.’

  I wrinkled my nose and laughed. After a while she joined in.

  ‘Thanks,’ she whispered when we’d stopped.

  ‘For what?’ I asked.

  ‘For cheering me up,’ she replied. ‘You’re about the only person I trust around here.’

  I nodded, I felt the same.

  ‘It’s me that should be thanking you, Anna,’ I said. ‘Without you I’d be hung, drawn and quartered by now. I’m not even talking about what’s on the streets. I have no idea what would have happened if you hadn’t been here.’

  ‘You would have survived,’ she said, but I shook my head and she put her hand on my arm. ‘Yes, you would have. I know it. I admire you, Lucas. You kept your humanity even after all this started. The rest of us couldn’t wait to chuck it away, we just wanted to survive.’

  ‘I don’t know how long I can keep it up,’ I whispered, trusting her. ‘I’m scared of exactly what you’ve just said. What will we have to give up to last and get out, if we get out? Will it matter if we escape, if we become worse than what we’re hiding from by our own choice? I can’t stand the guilt anymore.’

  ‘No,’ she said gently. ‘You shouldn’t be guilty or blaming yourself. None of this is your fault. I’m so sorry about Claire.’

  I looked away, tried to keep the tears from my eyes. Anna bent over and wrapped her arms around me. I did the same, and we sat there, accepting our grief and guilt. Realising the want to survive versus what we were capable of to achieve it. We clutched each other, and tried to let it all go.

  The Doctor

  I wished I’d never need sleep again, but after a while I drifted off. I was back in that chair, bolted to the ground, restrained in a room empty of hope and full of blood. I waited for them, the strange men, the fire. I waited for the agonising ring and the woman’s chipper but cold inducing voice. I waited for the faces of the dead to haunt me, but none of them came. The light above cut off and I was plunged into darkness.

  I could hear them, voices whispering from around me, through the black mass.

  FOG. They screamed.

  Aim. Shoot, Chris repeated. It’s you or them, and you have to get that, or you’ll die.

  Hope, Anna whispered. Someone made sure, Lucas, that their shots wouldn’t kill you.

  Don’t worry, Subject 17, I’ll be looking out for you. Make me proud, a stranger’s voice said through the darkness.

  *

  I woke with the last voice echoing through my mind. I’d forgotten about that moment after being attacked the first time, but the man’s voice rung loud and clear and fresh questions burst into my mind. Anna was already awake, and part of me wanted to tell her what had happened, but the other part of me was too afraid. She trusted me, and I her, but if I told her what some man might have said, what if she turned on me? One look at her face and all thoughts vanished.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked.

  She clenched and unclenched her fists, her eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared.

  ‘The group,’ she said, ‘they want someone else to lead us. They don’t trust Chris, and now they’ve had time to chew over what he told them, they’re panicking. Plus, guess what? Paul’s leading a campaign for himself, and he’s gained some followers.’

  I hadn’t realised the ruckus. Chris and Paul stood inches apart, both red with rage. A few people had chosen Chris’s side, but the majority had taken a place beside Paul. They were discussing what they should do with Chris. I even heard the word kill. A shiver ran up my spine and I had to breathe deeply to stop the bile at the back of my throat.

  Anna’s face was flushed, as if she’d tried to wade into the argument, but had gotten knocked back out. She confirmed as much.

  ‘Paul and Chris won’t let me get any say in, sexist bastards,’ she spat. ‘I understand what Chris has been through, and Paul. But this can’t happen. I’m sitting here watching us fall apart and there’s nothing I can do. With Paul leading this group, how long do you think we’ll last?’

  I nodded in agreement. Paul was arrogant and head strong, with no idea how to strategise and lead the way Chris had. Chris’s loyalty might still be up for debate, but we’d survived this long. Jane sat not too far away from us, and she seemed to be withholding judgement for the time being. I squeezed Anna’s hand to comfort her, and walked over to Jane.

  ‘What do you think?’ I asked.

  ‘That someone had better step into that and break it up,’ she answered honestly. ‘It’s not going to end well sweetie, and we can’t be divided. I know I’m new here but that Paul, he doesn’t seem a good fit for what they’re fighting for.’

  ‘He isn’t,’ I whispered, filling her in on Paul’s history down there.

  ‘Hmmm,’ she sighed. ‘Then you should put a stop to this.’

  I gaped at her. ‘What?’

  ‘These people are full of questions and suspicion,’ she said. ‘What they need now is to know the people they mistrust are on their side. Chris won’t win this himself. Empathise with them, that’s what they need sweetie. To know they aren’t the only ones who’ve lost their families. They need someone they wholly trust to tell them to believe in Chris again.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s me,’ I replied.


  I understood what Jane meant. Chris was a stranger to them, a stranger who had just admitted to working for the enemy, whether he still did or not. Their trust was gone and panic was forefront in their minds. We were cooped up, stuck in darkness while monsters roamed the streets, monsters who had once been our friends. They felt alone, even surrounded by people. I didn’t know how much I would be able to help, but, I stood, my mind raced.

  ‘Lucas,’ Jane said. ‘Be careful.’

  I stepped away from Jane and wondered what I could say, but thought better, a lot of the group didn’t even trust me. Plus the men weren’t backing down, and the two divided groups argued with one another. Terry was on Paul’s side, or so it looked, but he had backed up against the wall to watch.

  I had it. The people needed someone they could trust, someone who had lost like they had, and someone a lot like a certain angry doctor. But how could I get him to switch his allegiance, when he blamed Chris for him family?

  He blames you, not Chris.

  ‘Terry?’ I said, my heart hammering against my chest. ‘Can I have a minute?’

  He looked me over coldly, and I shivered under his gaze. The man I had met before had been warm and caring, but now he was empty, the people closest to him gone. I almost backed away, but I had to try.

  ‘What is it, Mr Bishop?’ Terry said. ‘Be quick, it looks like things might be about to change down here.’

  ‘That’s why I wanted to speak to you,’ I said and swallowed. ‘If this keeps up, this whole group will collapse, we’re tearing ourselves apart.’

  Warmth glimmered in his eyes, and then it was gone.

  ‘What does it matter, huh?’ he whispered. ‘Chris as leader, Paul as leader, we’re all going to die anyway.’

  ‘You can’t think like that, Terry,’ I replied, even though personally, part of me felt the same. ‘The only way we can get through this, is together. And Chris has kept us alive this far, if Paul takes over, he has no idea what to do.’