Sinners and Shadows

by Catrin Collier

  Tonia stared at her mother, burst into tears and ran from the room. Her bedroom door slammed and the key turned in the lock.

  ‘I take it that’s a yes.’ Billy reached for his stick and rose stiffly and awkwardly to his feet.

  ‘This isn’t just Tonia’s fault,’ Connie said defensively. ‘If Joey hadn’t behaved the way he has over the years, none of us would have believed that he’d assaulted Tonia in the first place.’

  ‘Are you making excuses for your daughter’s behaviour, Connie?’

  Ashamed, Connie fell silent.

  ‘It seems to me that neither of them has behaved particularly well, Joey for years and Tonia yesterday afternoon. But just when I hoped that Joey was finally putting his past behind him, it looks like Tonia might have put paid to his future. I won’t argue that Joey had a right to the happiness he found. I’ve always thought that Rhian was too good for him, and that’s coming from a father who loves all his sons, even the wayward one. But one thing that I am certain of is that Rhian didn’t deserve to see the pantomime Tonia staged for her benefit. No wonder she’s hiding. The poor girl must be crushed by the thought of Joey’s betrayal. I’ll see myself out, Connie, Annie. Between the shop and Tonia it looks as though you’re going to have a full day.’

  At one clock, Edward Larch left his desk and walked through the connecting door into his rooms. He smiled when he entered his sitting room. The table had been laid for one and there was a cold ham, a bowl of salad, a loaf of fresh bread and a half-pound of butter set out on a clean, pale-green linen cloth. Rhian walked out of the kitchen with a jug of barley water and a glass.

  ‘Thank you for laying the table.’

  ‘The boy brought the food an hour ago, sir. Mrs Ball took the hamper in. All I had to do was set the table.’

  ‘There’s just one thing wrong, Rhian.’

  ‘What, sir?’ she asked apprehensively.

  ‘It’s set for one, not two.’

  ‘I couldn’t eat with you, sir. It wouldn’t be proper.’

  ‘Proper or not, I won’t eat without you. We have a lot to discuss and talk is always better accompanied by food, so the sooner you get yourself a plate, knives and a fork, the sooner we can begin.’ Feeling as though he’d come home after a very long journey, Edward removed his jacket, hung it on the back of a chair, unbuttoned his waistcoat and sat at the table. Then he remembered the visitor who’d called into his office that morning. He felt in his jacket pockets and removed the envelope Joey Evans had given him to pass on to Rhian. He set it in front of her plate.

  She picked it up, visibly flinching when she turned it over and recognized the handwriting.

  ‘He came in the moment the office opened. He wants to see you.’

  ‘You didn’t tell him where I am?’ she asked in alarm.

  ‘No, but as I said earlier, if you stay in Tonypandy you are going to have to face him sooner or later.’

  ‘I know.’ She stared at the envelope, before slowly and deliberately tearing it in two. Aware that Mr Larch was watching her, she continued to tear it and the paper it contained into tiny shreds. She didn’t stop until it was no more than a pile of confetti. Only then did she scoop the fragments into her hand. Leaving the table, she carried them into the kitchen and dropped them in the waste bucket.

  Her smile was too bright, too brittle when she returned, but he didn’t pass comment. Instead he changed the subject.

  ‘This looks a fine ham; would you like two or three slices?’ He waited until they had finished eating and she had made and served coffee before broaching the subject uppermost in his mind. ‘As I said, we have a lot to discuss. Starting with your salary for managing the shop.’

  ‘I’d be happy with whatever is the usual rate, sir.’

  ‘Two pounds a week.’

  ‘Two pounds a week, sir?’ she gasped.

  ‘Plus free accommodation and food. Is that all right?’

  ‘It is too generous, sir.’

  ‘Then it’s settled.’

  ‘There’s nothing I can say except thank you, sir.’

  ‘I have been thinking about another vacancy that you might consider. And before I tell you what it is, I want you know that I won’t withdraw the offer to manage the shop or think any the less of you if you refuse it. You know what my marriage is like. There’s no need to be coy,’ he added, when she blushed. ‘The way Mabel behaves, everyone in Llan House knows it barely exists in name, let alone anything more intimate. I decorated these rooms so I could have some peace, and also so I could meet women here. I never thought of setting up another permanent establishment but if you were willing to live with me, I would take care of you. Good care.’ He stopped talking, scarcely believing that he’d found the courage to say what he just had to her.

  She was staring down at her hands and he found it impossible to gauge her reaction. ‘You do understand what I’m suggesting, Rhian?’

  ‘Yes, sir,’ she mumbled.

  ‘If I’ve offended you, tell me and I’ll never broach the subject again. If you decide to accept this – extra position,’ he said hesitantly, ‘I would like you to live in these rooms with me. If you decide against it you can live in the rooms behind the shop.’

  She finally raised her head and looked at him. ‘People would find out, sir.’

  ‘They might guess but they wouldn’t know. Not for certain, if we were discreet. There’s a communicating door between this building and my office so I could see you any time I wanted without having to go into the street. And although all I am free to offer you is a position as my mistress, I’d treat you like a wife. I’m comfortably off. I could give you everything you’ve ever wanted. And, if it worked out between us, you’d never have to worry about me looking at another woman. I loved my first wife.’ His voice wavered when he thought of Amelia.

  ‘The first Mrs Larch was lovely, sir.’

  ‘Yes, she was. And she’d be horrified if she’d heard the proposition I’ve just put to you.’

  ‘You wouldn’t have made it if she’d been alive, sir.’

  ‘No, I wouldn’t,’ he said slowly. ‘And I’ve said more than enough for now. I’m truly sorry if I’ve shocked you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, or force you into doing anything that you don’t want to.’

  He used almost the same words as Joey when she had offered to make love to him for the first time. She swallowed her tears.

  ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. You’re a decent young woman.’

  ‘If you want me, sir, I’ll run your shop, keep your rooms and sleep in your bed. But I told you that I’ve been with Joey. If I have a child it might not be yours, sir.’

  ‘I wouldn’t care.’ He left his chair, took her in his arms and helped her up. The feel of his hand on her head as he stroked her hair was warm and comforting and she allowed herself to relax enough to rest her head on his chest.

  ‘There’s all the time in the world, Rhian,’ he murmured, fighting the urge to carry her into the bedroom. ‘I don’t want to rush you into anything. We’ll talk again tonight. In the meantime, think about my offer, but remember the last thing I want to do is take advantage of you after everything that’s happened in the last two days. I wouldn’t have said anything to you now if I hadn’t seen you tear up that letter.’

  She recalled asking Joey how he could make love to someone he wasn’t completely in love with. ‘I don’t have to think about it, sir.’ Lifting her face to Edward’s, she kissed him.

  Edward tasted the salt tears on her lips, luxuriated in the sensuous feel of her smooth young body.

  ‘No … not yet …’ He tried to back away, but she kissed him again.

  ‘Rhian, I warn you, it’s been a long time for me, you have no idea what you are doing to me.’

  Wanting to hurt Joey as he had hurt her, she whispered, ‘Yes, I do, sir.’

  He finally picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. Dropping her on the bed, he kicked off his shoes, lifted his legs on to t
he bed and lay beside her. She helped him off with his jacket and shirt; he unclipped his braces and unbuttoned her dress. She lifted it over her head but there was no time to remove all her clothes.

  He pulled her petticoats and bust-shaper above her waist, tugging at her corset laces to expose her breasts. Yanking down her drawers, he pushed her legs apart with his knees and abandoned himself to a passion that he hadn’t experienced since Amelia had died.

  Rhian lay back and absorbed the sensation of committing the ultimate intimate act with a man she didn’t love. Even now, when she was practically naked in bed with him, she couldn’t think of him as anything other than Mr Larch. He was skilled and considerate. His kisses were tender; his thrusts urgent. He whispered no endearments but his touch was gentle and she knew that he would keep his promise and take care of her.

  It’s like the difference between watching a colourless silent film and experiencing reality.

  Joey was right, making love without being in love was just as he had described. But Mr Larch needed her, and she needed to be loved by someone who would never lie to her or betray her again.

  So she returned the master’s caresses, telling herself that she did so out of respect and gratitude. But even as she kissed and held him, she knew that she was being driven more from an all-consuming, burning desire to wound Joey as deeply as he had wounded her, than any consideration for Edward Larch.

  Afterwards, Edward stripped Rhian of the rest of her clothes, lay back on the pillows and held her close beneath the single sheet that was all the cover they needed given the warmth of the afternoon. He didn’t doubt that the world would see him as the wealthy middle-aged roué who had seduced a sweet young girl and reduced her to the ranks of fallen women. Yet he didn’t feel guilty enough to regret what had happened. And certainly not enough to want to forget the experience, or send her away. He couldn’t wait to repeat it – and often.

  It wasn’t as though he had forced Rhian to do anything she hadn’t wanted to and they hadn’t caused anyone pain by making love except perhaps Mabel, Joseph Evans and propriety. And it could be argued that Mabel and Joseph Evans deserved to be hurt. As for propriety, he’d never been one to live his life by the rules drawn up by narrow-minded church ministers and old wives. So why shouldn’t their liaison continue?

  Was it selfish of him to want a quiet life in these rooms with all the pleasures that Rhian could give him instead of the fraught life of Llan House? The only wonder was that he thought so little of his marriage vows to Mabel to break them so soon after taking them. But then he’d observed them when he’d been married to Amelia. And hadn’t Mabel broken her vows first? Love, honour and obey. Mabel certainly didn’t love him, he had seen no sign of honour, only contempt and she had never obeyed him in the bedroom.

  ‘Are you all right?’ He looked at Rhian attentively.

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  ‘Given the circumstances, don’t you think that you should call me Edward?’

  ‘That will be difficult after years of calling you sir, sir.’

  ‘And you will be happy to stay here and take both positions I offered you?’

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  She plucked nervously at the bedclothes. ‘Yes, sir.’

  ‘And if your young man should want you back?’

  ‘I told you, sir, I would never go back to him, not after seeing him and Tonia together.’

  ‘Then, if you’re sure, I’ll see about getting stock for the shop. And if you feel up to going out, you could go shopping for clothes for yourself.’

  ‘I’d rather not, sir.’

  ‘You are going to have to leave here sooner or later.’

  ‘I know, sir. Just not today,’ she pleaded.

  ‘I’ll send up to Llan House and ask Mrs Williams to pack your things and give them to Harris to bring down here. I’ll tell her that you are going to live here and run the shop for me.’

  ‘Please, sir. Not just yet,’ she begged. ‘Can’t I stay here just for a little while longer without anyone knowing where I am?’

  ‘I told Mrs Williams and the two Mr Evanses last night that you are safe and being looked after. I suppose we could keep it quiet for another day or two,’ he conceded.

  ‘Thank you, sir.’

  ‘In the meantime, I’d better go back to work.’ He left the bed, but he didn’t stop looking at her even when he picked up his clothes. ‘When your things come, you can hang them next to mine in the wardrobe. There are two empty drawers in that chest, should you need more space …’

  ‘I won’t, sir,’ she interrupted. ‘I have very few clothes apart from my uniform.’

  ‘Then we’ll have to get you more.’ He bent over the bed and kissed her gently on the lips. ‘I would give a great deal to get back down there with you for half an hour.’

  The painful memory of seeing Tonia and Joey in one another’s arms had seared into her memory. Without hesitation she said, ‘Why don’t you, sir?’

  ‘As I don’t have any appointments until three o’clock, I suppose I could spare another half-hour.’ He pulled the sheet back and exposed her naked body.

  For a few seconds he saw her through his photographer’s eye. He even went so far as to imagine the erotic picture she’d make in black and white. A perfect female nude. Alabaster skin lightly shadowed with pale grey, as if an artist had drawn a brush lightly below her curves to emphasize their perfection.

  The stirrings of desire brought him crashing back to reality. His gaze lingered on her nipples, the triangle of curly golden hair between her thighs, the soft swelling of her breasts. He lay back beside her and touched the flat of her stomach. ‘You’re cold.’ He pulled the sheet over her.

  ‘No, sir …’

  ‘And no more sirs, Rhian. Not ever again. Why don’t you call me Eddie?’ It was a name no one had used since Amelia had died.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Thursdays and Fridays were the longest retailing days in Tonypandy. Gwilym James opened at eight, as it did every morning, but unlike the other four days it closed at ten not seven o’clock in the evening. Joey had been in the habit of taking a walk in the quiet hour after lunchtime or locking himself in the office to ‘do paperwork’, which the staff knew was an excuse that enabled him to take a short nap, or time out to read the paper. But that Thursday he couldn’t settle to anything. Even when he was forced to go into his office to answer the telephone, he left the door open so he could continue to watch the main door.

  Edward Larch had promised to deliver his letter to Rhian and he kept expecting her to walk in at any minute, or at the very least send a messenger with a reply to the heartfelt outpourings that had taken him all night to compose.

  But as the morning wore on into the afternoon and finally the evening, and there was still no word, he didn’t know what to think. Then, the idea came to him when he was closing the store and preparing the day’s takings to put in the bank’s night safe. She could have gone to his house! He seized on it because it was preferable to the alternative, that she still believed the allegations Tonia had made.

  He locked up in record time, entrusted the takings to Sam for the first time since he had managed the store and ran all the way to his father’s house. His spirits soared when he opened the door and heard voices. Rushing down the passage, he threw open the kitchen door.

  ‘Lloyd, Sali, Dad?’ The disappointment was evident on his face when he looked around and saw no one else. ‘You’ve heard from Rhian?’ he asked Sali, brightening at the prospect.

  ‘No, we hoped you would have. Dad said you were going to talk to Edward Larch.’

  ‘He won’t tell me where she is.’

  ‘He wouldn’t tell me either,’ Sali divulged. ‘All he would say is that she’s safe and being well looked after and she’ll contact us when she’s ready. I went up to see Mrs Williams at Llan House afterwards. She told me that Rhian had sent for all her things.’

  ‘She’s given up her job?’ Joe
y took off his hat and dropped it on the table.

  ‘Mr Larch told Mrs Williams that she wouldn’t be coming back.’

  ‘I gave Mr Larch a letter for her. I hoped she’d answer it.’

  ‘But she hasn’t?’ Lloyd said shortly.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Bit of a mess all round,’ Billy said superfluously.

  ‘It is.’ Suddenly and desperately tired, Joey sank down on a chair.

  ‘All you can do is wait.’ Lloyd laid his hand on his brother’s shoulder. ‘If we can do anything to help, you know where to find us.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Joey mumbled disconsolately.

  Sali kissed Joey’s cheek. ‘Just give Rhian time; she’ll come round when she finds out the truth about you and Tonia.’

  ‘I hope you’re right, Sali.’

  ‘And I hope it’s in time for two weeks Saturday,’ Sali said thoughtfully. ‘Otherwise there’s going to be a stunning dress and an awful lot of wedding cake going begging.’

  The next day was the longest of Joey’s life. Expecting Rhian, or at the very least a reply to the letter he had sent her, to arrive in the store at any moment, seconds dragged like minutes, minutes became hours and hours crawled the length of days.

  Unable to settle, he paced between the counters nearest to the front door until Miss Robertson asked if he was trying to wear out the floorboards.

  He retreated to his office, piled suppliers’ catalogues on his desk and pretended to study them, but he kept his door and the blinds on his internal window open. And every time an assistant or customer obstructed his view of the front of the shop, he leapt to his feet.

  By closing time he was physically and emotionally drained with barely enough energy left to walk home. The last thing he felt like was company – apart from Rhian’s – and when he saw Connie and Tonia sitting with his father in their kitchen he retreated before crossing the threshold.

  ‘Joey, you’ll want to hear what Tonia and Connie have to say to you,’ his father called after him.

  He returned to the doorway and not trusting himself to look at Tonia, spoke to Connie.

  ‘Have you seen Rhian?’