Heart Trouble

by Jae

  Where was she?

  Her Hope-dar led her along the promenade walkway connecting the east and west terrace.

  Laleh rounded the corner, and the other terrace opened up in front of her.

  There she was.

  Off by herself, away from a group of hikers with backpacks, Hope leaned against the balustrade next to a coin telescope and looked out across the lights of LA.

  Laleh approached her cautiously. Her heart pounded faster with every step. Would Hope be angry that she’d followed her to her hideout even though she’d told her not to come? Would she refuse to talk about whatever was bothering her?

  She squared her shoulders, determined to try anyway.

  “Hi,” she said softly as she joined Hope at the edge of the viewing terrace.

  Hope didn’t turn toward her. She also didn’t flinch, and no wave of surprise came from her, as if she had sensed Laleh’s coming. “How did you find me?”

  “I seem to have developed some kind of Hope-dar.”

  “Hope-dar?”

  “Like radar…or gaydar, only—”

  “I get it.” Hope kept her gaze on the grid-like layout of twinkling city lights below them, obviously reluctant to face Laleh.

  They stood in silence for a while, their forearms lightly brushing on the balustrade as they looked down onto LA. Somehow, the lights and the miniature shapes of skyscrapers in the distance were soothing, a symbol that life went on for millions of people, no matter what was happening to her and Hope. After a while, the waves of tension battering Laleh through their link gentled a little. The darkness enveloped them, making it feel as if they were alone up here. If circumstances were different, it might have even been romantic.

  Romantic? Laleh shook her head at herself. Hardly. Hope was a woman after all, so Laleh wouldn’t be interested in a romance with her, no matter how attractive she was. How weird that she was even thinking about it. One hand on the smooth stone wall, she turned toward Hope. “Have I done something to upset you?”

  “No,” Hope said immediately. “None of this is your fault.”

  “Then what’s going on? And don’t even try to tell me it’s nothing.”

  Hope sighed.

  Well, at least she wasn’t trying to tell her she was fine. Laleh waited, not pressuring her.

  Hope stared straight ahead. Her face was expressionless; she had probably perfected a poker face as an emergency physician, but the emotions emanating from her made Laleh’s stomach quiver with anxiety.

  “It’s not just you,” Hope said so quietly that Laleh almost missed it over the sound of the wind and the chatter of the tourists nearby.

  “What’s not just me?”

  “This…thing.” Hope waved her hand between them. “This empathy thing.”

  Laleh’s breath caught. She clutched the balustrade as her legs turned into a wobbly mass. “You mean, you can sense me? Can sense what I’m feeling?”

  “Oh yeah. What I’m receiving from you right now makes my gut clench.”

  Ditto, Laleh wanted to say, but her vocal cords weren’t working. Now she understood how it had been for Hope when they had first discovered that Laleh could read her emotions. Suddenly, she felt like a goldfish in a bowl. It took her a minute to form words. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Hurt sliced through her. “Why lie and let me believe I was the only one who felt it? I thought we agreed that we were in this together.”

  Still looking down at the lights of the city, Hope drew circles on the stone wall with her index finger. “It wasn’t a lie. Not really. I only realized it earlier, on the phone.”

  “But why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I…” Hope peered at her and then quickly directed her gaze back to the city below. “I wanted to protect myself.”

  “From me?” It surprised Laleh how much that hurt. Was their bond intensifying all her emotions? She wasn’t sure.

  Hope’s finger slid closer on the balustrade, then, almost shyly, touched Laleh’s arm.

  Against the cool skin of her arm, Hope’s hand was warm, as if she’d had it in her pocket the entire time. Laleh wanted to inch closer to that comforting warmth but willed herself to stay put.

  “No,” Hope said. “Not from you. From this situation. It’s too much for me. Too close. After my mother…” She shook her head as if interrupting that train of thought. “I always avoided getting too close to people, but this… I can’t avoid this. You can see right through me, like my skin is made of glass, and now I can do the same. No matter how hard I try, I can’t escape that emotional entanglement.”

  Laleh nodded slowly. Her anger and hurt about Hope not telling her faded. Letting someone else in emotionally was a scary thing for Hope, and now she had no other choice but to deal with not just her own emotions, but with someone else’s too. No wonder she’d tried to hold on to the last bit of control she had by keeping her newfound skills to herself.

  “Knowledge I could handle,” Hope continued. “But emotions?” She shook her head. “That feels…I don’t know…personal. Like an invasion. And it really hit home when we talked on the phone earlier, when I realized that my good mood today wasn’t actually my good mood. It was yours.”

  Invasion… The word seemed to echo through the night. Laleh swallowed. “I hope you know I would never do anything to—”

  Hope squeezed her arm, stopping her words. “I know that. You’re a good person, without a mean bone in your body. That’s the only thing making this halfway bearable.” In the muted light from the observatory behind them, Hope’s expression softened. She took her hand away, shrugged out of her short denim jacket, and held it out to Laleh. “You’re cold.”

  Laleh stared at her. “You can sense that?”

  A hint of a smile played around Hope’s lips. “No. But your skin is cold and covered in goose bumps.”

  “Oh.” Laleh had to smile too. “Won’t you get cold without it?”

  “Not as cold as you. At least I had enough sense not to drive out here in just a thin T-shirt.” Hope pointed at the long sleeves of the button-down shirt she was wearing.

  Laleh accepted the jacket and slipped her arms into the too-long sleeves. It was still warm from Hope’s body heat, and her perfume—something that smelled like summer rain and citrus—wafted up from the collar. Grateful, Laleh snuggled into the denim. “I wasn’t planning to end up in Griffith Park. But I couldn’t stand the thought of you out there, all alone.”

  “Well,” Hope said, “looks like I’ll never be alone again.”

  Despite the emotional connection between them, Laleh couldn’t tell how Hope felt about that, maybe because she was experiencing too many conflicting emotions. “Is that a good or a bad thing?”

  Hope shoved both hands into her jeans pockets. “My instincts tell me it’s bad.”

  “But?” Laleh prompted, sensing there was more.

  “To be fair, I don’t know yet. Part of me still thinks I’m gonna wake up tomorrow morning and find out it was all just a dream.”

  Laleh knew that feeling all too well. “And the other part?”

  Audible growling noises from Hope’s stomach interrupted her answer. She pressed a hand to her belly. “Well, the other part is hungry, apparently.”

  “Do you want to come home with me? I’ve got at least two different Persian dishes in my fridge.”

  But Laleh knew the answer before Hope opened her mouth.

  “Thanks, but…not tonight. I need some time alone, if that’s okay.”

  “Of course it is. Just don’t shut me out.”

  Hope shook her head. “Not that I could, even if I wanted to,” she said with a wry smile.

  “You could.” But it would hurt Laleh more than she could express.

  In the dim light from the observatory, they searched each other’s eyes.

  Without looking away, Hope nodded as if acknowledging what Laleh hadn’t said. “I won’t. After all, I pinkie-swore.”

  The hikers that shared the terrace with them troop
ed toward the walkway.

  Hope glanced at her watch. “I think the park is closing soon. Let’s head back.”

  Side by side, they crossed the plaza in front of the observatory and headed toward the parking lot.

  In front of Hope’s BMW, they paused.

  Hope unlocked the car with a press of her key fob and opened the driver’s side door but didn’t get in yet. “Drive safely, okay?”

  Laleh nodded. “You too.”

  Hope slid behind the wheel and reached out to close the door.

  “Wait! Your jacket.” Laleh started to take it off, but Hope stopped her with a wave of her hand.

  “Keep it for the drive home.”

  Gladly, Laleh let the warm denim settle around her again. “Thanks.” She reached inside the car and gently nudged Hope’s shoulder, warm and solid beneath the cotton of the button-down shirt. “You do know that this doesn’t mean we’re going steady, right?”

  Hope burst out laughing. It sounded like a release of tension. “Well, what’s a jacket compared to all the other things we share?”

  They both smiled and lifted a hand to wave good-bye. Laleh walked to her Toyota and got in, aware that Hope wasn’t driving off but waiting until she was safely in her car.

  They drove along the winding road until they reached Los Feliz Boulevard, where Laleh turned left while Hope headed right.

  In the rearview mirror, Laleh watched the taillights of the BMW disappear in the distance. For a moment, heading in a different direction felt strange, as if they were tied to each other by a rubber band that was now stretched uncomfortably.

  She popped a new CD into the player to distract herself. “Well, I hope you like Adele, because you might get another song stuck in your head.”

  CHAPTER 14

  When they stepped out of the store where they had bought the curtains, Hope tried to steer her in the direction of the parking lot. “We’re done, right?”

  “One more.” Laleh pulled her toward another store.

  Hope let out a long groan.

  “Hey, you were the one who called me, begging for help because you need ‘stuff’ for your condo.”

  “I didn’t beg.”

  “You said please at least three times, with a slightly whiny undertone, and you promised to buy me lunch. I call that begging.”

  “What do you expect? I hate shopping. All lesbians do.”

  “All lesbians?” Laleh shook her head. “Apparently, my friend Jill didn’t get that memo. She loves shopping.”

  “She should have her lesbian card revoked,” Hope grumbled.

  For once, their emotional connection came in handy. Through their link, Laleh could sense that while Hope was a little fed up with shopping, she was actually enjoying their afternoon together.

  “How did you meet her anyway?” Hope asked.

  “She’s a regular at the restaurant and lives just a few blocks from me. I kept running into her when she was walking her dog, and we started talking. At first, we only went out for coffee or to the movies together every now and then, but since she and Crash got together, our friendship became much closer.” Falling in love had made Jill willing to open up to other people too. When they’d first met, Jill had been like the characters she usually played: irreverent, funny, and quick to make new acquaintances. But beneath it all, she’d been reluctant to let anyone get close, probably because of her MS.

  A little like Hope, who only now had slowly started to let her in. Since that evening at the Griffith Observatory last week, they had talked on the phone every day, but today was the first time they’d met again face-to-face.

  “Crash?” Hope repeated. “What kind of name is that?”

  “She’s a stuntwoman.”

  Hope shook her head. “With a nickname like that, she must be in and out of the ER a lot.” She looked around the mall. “So, what else do I need?”

  “How about a rug to cover that large empty space in front of the TV?”

  “I like the one you have in your apartment,” Hope said.

  Laughter bubbled up inside of Laleh. “Oh, no. Don’t think I’ll start taarofing and offering you my rug now so you can get out of shopping. Remember, I can see right through you.”

  Hope’s step faltered for a moment. “Yeah, I remember. Hard to forget with this constant background noise in my mind.”

  Was that what it felt like for Hope? Laleh stopped in front of an empty bench and pulled Hope down with her. They hadn’t talked about it again, but now that the elephant in the room had been mentioned… “How are you dealing with that?”

  Hope sighed. “I’m going back and forth about it. Sometimes, I think it’s not so bad. Yesterday afternoon, I could have killed one of our nurses who made a big mess with a cleansing enema. The entire ER stank like a sewer for the rest of the shift. But you were so happy about something that I couldn’t stay angry with her.”

  “One of my cousins just had a baby, and I was really happy for her because they have been trying for ages.” Laleh chuckled as she realized something. “So that was why!”

  “Why what?”

  “I kept wrinkling my nose. My poor cousin thought I didn’t like the name they picked out for the baby.”

  Hope joined her laughter. After a while, she sobered. “As funny as that was, this could really cause some problems for us down the road. I mean, what if you or I get involved with someone? How would you explain this to a boyfriend?”

  Laleh blew out a breath. She hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I have no idea. I guess one thing’s for sure. It would take a pretty special person to be understanding about it.”

  “Yeah. This…” Hope touched her own temple and then Laleh’s. Quickly, she withdrew her fingertips, as if only now noticing how intimate the gesture was. “This isn’t what men have in mind when they fantasize about having a threesome.”

  Laleh stared at her. Jeez! It hadn’t occurred to her so far, but if she or Hope slept with someone, the other one might automatically share the experience. The thought was mind-boggling. Not that she planned on jumping into bed with anyone in the near future, but maybe Hope would.

  With her clear blue eyes, husky voice, and her wavy hair that gave her that sexy tousled look, she probably had no problem attracting women.

  Sexy? Where had that thought come from?

  “Are you coming?” Hope asked from several steps away.

  Laleh hadn’t even noticed that Hope had gotten up from the bench. She jumped up and hurried after her.

  “Are you all right?” Hope studied her with an intensity that made a shiver go through Laleh.

  Boy, was she glad that their link wasn’t a telepathic one. At least that way, she could keep some things to herself. “Yep.” She caught up with her and hooked her arm through Hope’s. “Come on. Let’s go buy a rug.”

  * * *

  “This one,” Hope said, trailing her fingertips over a rich burgundy rug.

  Laleh smiled. “You’ve got good taste. That’s a Persian rug.”

  Good taste, yes. But was it her taste or Laleh’s? How could she be sure that she liked the rug because she liked it, not because Laleh did? Hope stared at the rug, trying to figure out if she’d have liked it before she had met Laleh. What kind of décor had she preferred in college or med school?

  She suppressed a snort. Admit it. You didn’t have a decorating style. Not then and not now. Which was why she needed Laleh’s help. So, did it really matter why she liked the rug, as long as she did?

  Laleh studied her. “If you’d rather not buy a rug…”

  Damn. Laleh must have sensed her hesitation. “No,” Hope said firmly. “I want this one.” She patted the red Persian rug.

  “Sshh!” Laleh looked around. “Not so loud. Never let a salesperson know you’ve fallen in love with one of his or her goods. If you do, you’re handing over all your bargaining power.”

  That advice sounded like something Hope had learned at seventeen, when she’d had her first girlfriend. “Are we t
alking about shopping or relationships?”

  Laleh shrugged. “My father would probably say both. According to him, all is fair in love and shopping.”

  “So he’s the haggling champ in the family?”

  “Oh yeah. When he first came to the US as a young man, he even tried to haggle with the postal employees over the price of a stamp.”

  Hope laughed. She could picture him doing that.

  “So,” Laleh said, “do you trust me to take over the negotiations for you?”

  Normally, Hope hated letting other people act on her behalf while she stood by, watching. But with Laleh, she felt none of the usual reluctance, and she was curious to see her in action, so she said, “I do. Negotiate away.”

  Through their connection, Hope sensed a warmth spreading through Laleh. It radiated outward, engulfing Hope. At moments like this, when she could sense Laleh’s joy, she didn’t mind their emotional link so much. The brightness of Laleh’s feelings swept away her own, gloomier ones.

  Laleh looked her in the eyes. “Thank you. How much do you want to spend? Do you have an upper limit?”

  “No idea. I usually just pay the asking price.”

  Laleh tsked. “Amateur.” She nudged Hope with an elbow. “Look uninterested! He’s coming over.”

  The salesman walked up to them. “How can I help you?”

  “We’re looking for a rug, maybe five by eight.” Laleh glanced around as if undecided. “Could you show us a few?”

  “Certainly.” The salesman smiled, probably already tallying up his commission.

  Hope watched, keeping to the background as Laleh had the poor guy pull out rug after rug, even though Hope had already decided on one. She bit back a smile as she finally understood what Laleh was doing. Now that the salesman had already invested so much time and energy, he would be more willing to compromise a little to make the purchase happen.

  Finally, with sweat dotting his brow, he pointed at the burgundy Persian rug that Hope had her eye on. “How about something like this?”

  Laleh eyed the rug. “How much?”

  “Five thousand,” he said, fidgeting a little.

  “Five thousand?” Laleh echoed as if she had no idea a Persian rug could cost that much. “For a rug?”