Tears of Blue (Shades of Death Book 2)

by Hoffman McManus, Stephanie

  I swiftly ducked around the corner by the stock room and continued to listen as the group of men came back inside the club. Hector was grumbling about quality assurances, and asked if Alexei was satisfied. They stopped just inside the doors.

  “Tomorrow at nine. We’ll see if I’m satisfied then.”

  Hector huffed. “Your cargo had better be as promised as well Kuznetsov.”

  “Don’t worry about that. We’ll deliver. The cargo will be in an SUV out back. As long as you bring the full payment, we’ll turn over the keys and you can drive it out of here.”

  The deal was on for tomorrow. Drugs for girls. Simple trade. My stomach rolled with disgust. It was time for me to get out of here. I started back down the hall, but came to a stop. Two of Alexei’s men that hadn’t been there before now stood with their backs to me, blocking access to the hall. I backtracked to the storage room. I’d just grab a few bottles or a case of beer to explain why I was back here. Before I made it there, a dark-haired woman in a short dress emerged from the bathroom, tottering on her high heels. She flashed me a flirty grin just as I heard footsteps rounding the corner.

  I did the only thing I could think of and hooked her around the waist, spinning us around and pressing her to the wall beside the bathroom. She let out a surprised “ooh” but didn’t push me away. The alcohol I could smell on her breath probably had a lot to do with that.

  Alexei, Hector and their men came upon us just as I slammed my mouth over hers. My life was sort of depending on it being a believable performance, so I put everything into it, thrusting my tongue into her mouth and sliding my hand down her side to grab her thigh and hook her leg around my waist.

  I pressed her hard against the wall, and instead of resistance, I met only eager excitement. Her hands wrapped around my neck and I was confident I could have taken it a lot further right there in the hall if I’d wanted to.

  Another time I might have been tempted. She was certainly attractive, but as it was, there were about half a dozen mobsters and thugs watching us right now, even if she hadn’t noticed them yet. Not to mention that there was currently only one woman I wanted to take against a wall, or anywhere, and it wasn’t this one.

  I wondered how long I’d have to pretend to be caught up in the moment and unaware, but thankfully a throat cleared and a few sniggers sounded. I broke the kiss, pulling away to feign surprise at being interrupted.

  Most of the men leered at us with lewd grins. Alexei wore an amused smirk himself, but Hector remained stone-faced while Oleg glared openly.

  “You need something, Alexei, or can we get back to what we were doing. Was hoping for a bit of privacy.” I just prayed this chick would keep her mouth shut. Thankfully she did.

  “I’m sure that’s all you were hoping to find back here,” Oleg spit through his heavy accent.

  “You stay out of my way Lenkov, I’ll stay out of yours,” I shot back. His hands fisted and he took a step forward.

  Alexei gave him a warning look and then faced us again with a wolfish smile. “By all means, carry on.” He jerked his head forward and his men, followed by Hector and his, started toward the club.

  Alexei lingered, his eyes roaming up and down the woman’s body, which was almost on full display in the short, tight dress she wore. I had to stop myself from instinctively stepping in front of her to block his view. Oleg stayed back as well.

  He muttered something in Russian to Alexei. I really should have spent more time studying the Russian dictionary or something, because I could only pick up a handful of words and they weren’t informative at all. Alexei snapped something back in Russian and then Oleg angrily stalked off.

  “Enjoy your night,” Alexei tossed over his shoulder as he followed.

  I didn’t relax or take my eyes off their backs until they re-entered the main part of the club and were out of sight. Only then did I turn back to my new . . . friend?

  “Hey.”

  She wore a semi-dazed look, whether from my kiss or the alcohol running through her system, I wasn’t sure. I only hoped she’d had enough to drink that she wouldn’t remember all this after tonight.

  Her lips spread into a shy smile. “Is that how you get to know every girl?”

  “Just the pretty ones,” I winked. “Now how about you go get a drink from the bar. Tell the bartender Deacon said it’s on the house.” I guided her back into the club with my hand on the small of her back. “I’ll come find you again in a bit, sweetheart.”

  She nodded and bounced off to the bar. I had no intention of tracking her down again; hopefully she wouldn’t be too disappointed. I was going to lock up my office and get the hell out of here and back to the woman I really did want in my arms. More than likely this would be my last time setting foot in here. That didn’t make me sad in the least. I couldn’t wait to put this case behind me.

  In fact, my mind was already on other things when I shut my office door and locked it up for the last time. Caught off guard, I froze when I turned and found Alexei and Oleg at the end of the hall.

  “What happened to your pretty friend?” Oleg sneered.

  “The moment was kind of ruined.”

  His lips curled in a snarl. “You sure that’s it, and that you weren’t back there sticking your nose where it doesn’t fucking belong?”

  Alexei remained leaning against the wall, arms casually folded across his chest. I glanced between the two before taking a couple steps forward. Oleg shifted forward into a more aggressive stance.

  “Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is my fucking club, and if I want to fuck around in my club, then I don’t really give a shit if you don’t like it. I took down the cameras you wanted, and made sure the upstairs was kept clear. You wanted the back clear,” I glanced over at Alexei, “you should have fucking said so. We all make use of the stock room from time to time when we want a little privacy.” I brushed past them.

  “And yet here you are. Couldn’t get the job done,” Oleg tossed out.

  “Or perhaps he just prefers blondes.”

  I stopped short of making my escape and slowly turned. Alexei had pushed himself off the wall and was watching me with those calculating eyes while he tried to maintain a disinterested look. Like a wolf pretending to be a sheep, it was easy to see through.

  “What would make you think I have a preference for blondes?”

  Just like that, he fixed an easy smile on his face. “How many nights last month did you spend trying to hook up with that hot blonde rep from the brewery? And she shot you down every time.” He chuckled and I forced myself to as well.

  I pretended he was just a buddy, giving me a bad time about striking out. Natalie from the brewery had been hot as hell and during the month that the club worked out an arrangement to start carrying two of their brews on tap, I had tried to tap more than the beer. But Alexei was not my buddy, and I questioned if that’s really who he was referring to with that little jab. Shit, I was growing paranoid.

  “I guess she was the one that got away.” But my mind wasn’t on Natalie. It was where it always seemed to be lately. On Emily, and right now I was feeling an urgency to get back to her.

  “You boys have a good night.”

  Eighteen

  Emily

  It was well after midnight when I heard his car come up the drive, followed by the eager pitter patter of the dogs. I’d been tossing and turning for over an hour, unable to sleep, just like last night when he was out.

  Cash and Kota greeted him excitedly when he came in the door, and then after a minute, the house fell almost silent again. I listened closely but couldn’t hear his movements downstairs through the closed bedroom door.

  I almost got out of bed. I wanted to. I wanted to go down to him, but I didn’t know what I’d say. Certainly not the truth, that I’d missed him again when he left, worried about him, wanted to check on him, make sure he was safe.

  He seemed so troubled earlier about this case. I wanted to help him relax, or just listen, whatever h
e needed. I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about him and everything he’d said on the porch and what he’d done before that in the kitchen.

  It felt like some fantasy come to life for a few minutes. There I was, having made dinner and doing the dishes when he came home and greeted me as if he’d done it a thousand times, as if that was our normal. He’d put his arms around me and kissed my neck like I was his, and coming home to me was the best part of his day. It was sure as hell mine, but that was all the fantasy in my head.

  In reality, it was confusing as hell.

  So, I stayed where I was, safely tucked under the blankets. Safe from him and all the murky, conflicting feelings he was making me feel. I continued to listen for him until I finally heard his footsteps on the stairs, and then in the hall. I held my breath when I heard him pass my room on the way to his, as if somehow if I breathed, he would know I was awake in here, thinking about him.

  Only he didn’t pass. He stopped outside my door. I’d heard his footsteps stop and I swear I could feel him through the door. Or maybe it was my fantasies playing tricks on me again.

  Then, just when I convinced myself he must have moved on to his room, the handle twisted and the door scraped softly over the carpet. I had less than a second to decide between sitting up or feigning sleep. I didn’t decide fast enough so I did neither.

  I was laying there anxiously, staring at the doorway when he appeared in it. He stood there for a moment, so quiet and still, while I continued to stare, transfixed, waiting to see what he was going to do. The lamp in the corner was dimmed to the lowest setting and I’d lain a thin scarf over it to dim it even more. It was putting off just enough light that I could make out his face in the shadows. I couldn’t see his dark eyes but I felt them fixed on mine. They had connected almost instantly. He knew I was awake and watching him.

  “Something told me you’d still be up,” his near whisper filled the quiet room, the low timber of his voice washing over me in the dark. I was not unaffected by it, though I tried to appear as if I was. I was afraid even in the dark he would see the flush rise to my skin.

  “I have trouble sleeping, remember,” I muttered.

  “No, I don’t. I remember you sleeping just fine last night.” He took a step farther into the room and my heart lurched.

  “Last night was . . .” God, last night was a lot of things. Incredible, amazing, fan-fucking-tastic – heavy on the fucking – but I wasn’t about to say any of that. “Different. Someone wore me out.” I pushed myself up on the bed into a less vulnerable position.

  He reached for the door and slowly shoved it closed behind him. The soft click resonated through the room. My pulse quickened, and he took another step toward the bed. “It was more than that.”

  My eyes anxiously tracked each step that brought him closer to the bed.

  “I don’t know how else to say it, except that last night felt right. Tell me it didn’t to you too.”

  My fingers fidgeted with the sheet over my lap. “You said we’d talk about this tomorrow.” After I’d had time to sleep on it, and get my head straight. Not right here. Not right now, when everything was feeling a little hazy and I was in a bed and he was standing over that bed, and we were both thinking about how good we were in bed together.

  “Technically it is,” he lowered himself onto the edge of the mattress and I fought the urge to scoot away and put more distance between us. “Tell me what you’re so afraid of,” he urged.

  So many things. Namely this right here. What he was doing to me.

  “I’m afraid that this is real,” I admitted hoarsely.

  “Why? What about that would be so bad? Because I have to tell you, I’ve been thinking about it all day, and I’m just not seeing the downside here.”

  “Of course you don’t.” I pulled my knees into my chest and tugged the covers up higher.

  “And what does that mean? Explain it to me, make me understand.”

  I shook my head. “You can’t, because you don’t know what it’s like being in my head, being scared all the time, afraid to trust anyone new, afraid to let anyone see just how screwed-up I am. I’m afraid of the dark for fuck’s sake. I can’t leave my house without making sure I have my pepper spray in my pocket. I avoid going out at night all together. My emotions are all over the place like I’m sixteen again. I’m angry and hurt and depressed all the time and it doesn’t go away.”

  There was a tightness in my chest that bubbled up into my throat and choked my voice. “I’m afraid I’m not the girl you think I am, but more than that, I’m afraid you’ll make me fall for you and then something will happen, either you’ll turn into someone else and you’ll let me down, or maybe you won’t. Maybe you really are this great guy and then something will happen to you and I’ll lose you anyway. I can’t do that. I can’t be hurt again. Not like that. Not by you or anyone,” I said defiantly, clutching the bed covers tightly to my chest, clinging to them as I swallowed against the humiliation. Tears gathered in my eyes, threatening to spill over.

  “Woah, woah,” he scooted closer and tried to take my hand, but I wouldn’t let him. “Slow down, Em. I’m not asking you for forever here. I’m not asking you to give me anything except a chance. A chance to prove you wrong. A chance to see if we’re as good together outside of bed as we are in bed, but you’re already looking into the future as if you can see how it will all play out.”

  “Then tell me it won’t end badly if I give you that chance. Promise me that won’t happen.”

  “I can’t. You know I can’t promise that. None of this comes with any guarantees, but that’s life. And if you aren’t willing to take the risk, you could miss out on something amazing, and this – you and me – could be that something amazing.”

  “I know that, but . . .” I sighed and let the blankets fall away a little as I wavered.

  “But what?” This time when he reached for my hand, I let him take it in his.

  “I don’t think I’m ready to take that risk. Even though, last night . . . and then this morning,” I was blushing again, “well, it felt right to me too. It doesn’t make sense to me, why I feel this way with you, why you’re able to get to me to let my guard down, why I trust you when every fiber of my being tells me I shouldn’t trust anyone.

  “I don’t want to feel any of it, because in case you haven’t noticed or I haven’t already said it a thousand times, it terrifies the shit out of me. I know it’s not healthy, but it’s better this way . . .” My gaze fell to my lap. It was hard admitting this to him, but when I glanced back up, there was nothing but tenderness and understanding in his gaze, like nothing I was saying freaked him out or made him want to run.

  I drew in a deep breath, drawing on the courage he gave me. “For a few minutes last night, you made me feel brave, like I could take chances again and be the me I used to be, but the truth is, I’m not her and I don’t think I ever will be again.”

  “I don’t want you to be.”

  “But–”

  “No, it’s your turn to listen.” He laced his fingers through mine. “I didn’t know you before. I’m sure if I’d met you then, I would have felt the same way I do now, but it really doesn’t matter. I like the you that you are now. I get that you’re afraid, but it just makes me want to try harder to convince you that you don’t have to be afraid with me. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you.” I believed him when he said that, but it still didn’t mean I wouldn’t get hurt.

  “I’m not going to play games with you, and if I wasn’t sure that this thing between us was worth giving a chance, I would let you go without a fight, because I know you’ve been through enough. But you need to know you’re not alone in this.

  “The way you drive me crazy with wanting you, the fact that I haven’t been able to get you off my mind in days, the way my heart is beating out of control inside my chest, the panic I start to feel when I think about you walking away without giving us a shot – it’s all new to me and I’
d be lying if I said I wasn’t at least a little bit terrified too. I don’t know what it means or where it’ll lead, but I know that I want to find out.”

  With our fingers still linked, he tugged me to him so that I was on my knees, my butt resting on my heels. He lifted his other hand to the side of my face and pressed his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. I squeezed mine shut too, holding back the tears that wanted out.

  “I know that you are worth it. Worth every chance and every risk.” It was even harder to hold back the tears as his breath feathered across my lips and his words feathered across my heart.

  As I blinked my eyes open, a tear finally slipped free and I was all at once caught up in the intensity of his gaze. With one look, my breath caught and when I breathed in again, it felt like the first breath I’d taken in years. Then he touched me, a simple swipe of his thumb across my cheek, brushing the tear away, and the numbing cold melted away. He tilted his head and the bass drum inside my chest picked up a familiar quickening beat I thought it had forgotten how to play. He was stirring something deep inside of me and when his lips finally met mine, it exploded to life inside of me.

  I came back to life in that moment.

  And I think he felt it too, because he pulled back, eyes searching mine. Neither one of us had words for what was passing between us. They weren’t needed. It was all in our eyes. It was almost too much.

  Camden sensed my apprehension returning and I think anticipated that I would try to pull away again.

  “Let me make you brave. And you can make me anything you want, because I already know I’d do anything, be anything for you.” The tears welled again and I swallowed through the emotion.

  “And you can also make me french toast, because I like french toast a lot. With extra bacon.”

  A soft laugh escaped past the lump in my throat. As I blinked my eyes open, one tear finally slipped free as well. “You’re in luck, because I make really good french toast,” I whispered, bringing my hand up to his face.