"Not bad you suppose?" Julia was incredulous. She had never known such blissful pleasure could exist. "I could not imagine better."
"I could." Without warning the duke pulled her to him and he ground his cock against her once more. "The next time, Jules, you and I will be in a bed. And when you come for me, my cock will be buried inside you, giving you more pleasure than you can imagine. We will do that together, sweeting. Make no mistake." He swallowed hard and suddenly, she knew that he had not found the release that she had. "I had said I would court you properly, and I do still mean to. However, I think that we can move certain parts of the courtship along, don't you? Because I need you. Repeatedly."
Julia knew what he was asking. He wanted to bed her tonight, yet still court her tomorrow. Typically, the bedding came at the end, but what he was offering? Repeated interludes together while still appearing to chastely court in public? It was scandalous. It was flirting with danger, especially if someone, say Henrietta or Landover discovered their secret. She could be ruined. She could be exiled from London. And she did not care a whit.
"Say the word, Ben, and I am yours." She did not want to wait. Not any longer. The end of the season was fast approaching. She did not want to wait until it was almost at an end. Not when the promise of so much passion hung between them.
The carriage ride from the Deaver's ball to Benjamin's London home was excruciatingly slow. After their interlude in the garden, the two of them had slowly worked their way back to the house. Julia had, of course, been unsteady on her feet and a little fearful that someone would notice the flush on her face. Once they had reached the balcony, however, no one had given them a second look. In fact, another debutante had appeared at the ball moments before, her hair mussed and her gown torn, sending the assembled guests into near apoplexy. It had been the perfect opportunity for Julia and Benjamin to slip out unnoticed. She had, of course, looked for her brother, but he was nowhere to be found, and she didn't much feel like going to look for him.
Her heart was still pounding, her blood rushing in her veins from her release, and the last thing she wanted was for her brother to question her about her activities. Julia was fairly certain that the gray-gowned chaperone provided by Lady Berkshire knew what she was about, for the other woman's eyes followed her closely, but she did not intervene. In fact, she had tilted her head as if giving Julia tacit permission to slip away from the ball. Or so it had seemed. In truth, Julia did not care. As long as she was with Benjamin, all was right in her world.
By the time the carriage rolled to a stop in front of the duke's home, Julia was wound tightly, all nervous energy and anticipation. By contrast, Benjamin looked to be the picture of relaxation, something she questioned him about as soon as they were alone in the library.
"Ben, I thought this was what you wanted," she sighed as she took the glass of scotch he offered her. "Me. Naked. In your bed. Yet you act as though you do not care." That was when she noticed his hand tighten on the neck of the decanter, and she was afraid he might shatter the delicate crystal.
"Do not mistake my control for lack of desire, Jules," he growled, picking up his own glass. "It was all I could do not to strip you naked right there in the Deaver's garden. But I am a gentleman and you, my love, are a virgin. I must be gentle."
Slowly, she crossed the room to stand in front of him, plucking the glass from his hands. In this moment, she felt like her old self, the wild, powerful Julia that she had been in Sussex. Where her scars did not define her, and she was mistress of Seldon Park, if not in name then in actions. "What if I do not want you to be gentle?"
Shaking his head, the duke backed up out of her reach. "You do not know what you are asking."
"I do," she countered moving forward, unwilling to let him back out now. "I asked you for a seduction and while this is progressing much faster than I had anticipated, it is still want I want." She looked past him then, as if she didn't see him for a moment. "This afternoon when Landover cornered me on the street and I discovered that Meggy had betrayed me, I knew that my time here was growing short. Whether they spout lies or not, it does not matter. Lies will damage both of us. Me in particular."
Placing a hand on his chest, she stroked her fingertips across the soft fabric. "Nicholas, for all of his good qualities, is fighting his own battle at the moment. I do not know what it is, only that he is distracted. Extremely so. He cannot save me from whatever is coming, even if he was paying close attention. And I think we both know that it is only a matter of time before someone, be it Meggy or Landover, begins to talk."
She slid her hand higher to caress his shoulder and felt him shudder at her touch. "I may be innocent, but I am not stupid, Ben. It is time I stopped pretending, stopped hiding from society. In a few weeks, I will never see them again. But starting now, I want them to see me - as I am. Including the scars. For the first time in my life, I am going to take what I want. And at the moment, I want you." Then she leaned up and kissed him again, much as she had in the garden. This time, however, there was no hiding, no fear of being seen.
"Jules, I can't resist you." Benjamin knew he should do the right thing, but with her soft body pressed against his, the feel of her breasts against his chest, he knew his resolve was weakening. Not to mention that she was right. They had little time. They might as well take advantage of it.
"So stop trying." Her words were barely a whisper as she kissed along the side of his cheek.
Without another word, Benjamin bent down and in one swoop, picked Julia up in his arms. He kicked open the library door and marched upstairs to his bedroom, confident that his servants would leave them alone. They were, after all, well trained. Once there, he reverently placed Julia on the floor, her delicate slippers touching down before he rose again so that he could gaze down at her.
He should tell her the truth. He should tell her the deep secret that he had carried around with him for so long. Yet he could not. If she knew, she would, in all likelihood, despite him. At the very least, she would be angry and storm out. At worst, he would never have her.
Later. He would tell her later, he promised himself silently. By then, perhaps, she might even love him, be more willing to forgive him for withholding the truth for so long. But at the moment, well, she wanted him, but beyond that, he wasn't certain.
"Last chance to change your mind, my pet." If she truly wished him to stop, even now, he would, but he was quickly moving past the point of all rational control.
Shaking her head, she moved to him and quickly stripped off his waistcoat. "No more waiting. No more words. Not tonight. Right now, there is only us. No others." Then she undid the first few buttons of his shirt and slipped her hand inside.
Her touch was like velvet, and it ignited something deep inside of him, something that he knew could not be tamed. With a growl, he tugged at the laces on her gown, thankful that he'd had plenty of practice removing ladies from their clothing. With a few more tugs, her gown was loose enough that she could slip it off, but he didn't urge her to do so. After all this time, he knew she needed to feel secure. What she was about to reveal to him was an intensely private thing. Something no other man had ever seen, and, God willing, no other man ever would.
Instead, he stepped back and slowly shed his own clothing until he was naked in front of her, his cock jutting out from between his legs as if it was saluting. Given her beauty, it might well have been. He couldn't help but notice that she stared at him there, and he knew that he was the first man she had truly seen naked.
Benjamin was so beautiful and perfect that Julia almost forgot to breathe. His chest was beautifully sculpted, with a body that seemed more like it belonged to a god than a man. His thighs were enormous, well-muscled and clearly powerful. All of him was powerful, it seemed.
"What you do to me, sweeting," he said with a smile, moving closer to her. "I am hard for you. Only you."
Julia licked her lips, unable to find her voice. She had expected Benjamin to be big. She had heard storie
s after all, but now, faced with the evidence of his arousal, she could not stop staring. "I do not believe, Ben, that is shall fit." He was enormous. There was no way his cock would fit anywhere inside of her, save for her mouth, and even then, not all of him.
"We will fit," he told her, reaching out to stroke her arm and tug lightly at the top of her gown. "This is a dance older than time itself, Jules. We were made for this." He slid his finger along her shoulder. "Now let me see you. Please."
The Julia she'd been when she'd arrived in London would have cowered in fear. Then again, the old Julia would never have asked to be seduced. Tonight, she'd been the woman she remembered from a time before. Gathering her strength, she closed her eyes and allowed her gown to fall away and pool at her feet.
She heard Ben's sharp intake of breath, followed by a rustling noise. However, she did not hear a door close, indicating that he had fled. The last time he had seen her thus was when they had been children. She'd had no breasts, the scars thicker and more pronounced than they were now. Still, at the moment, she was being judged as a woman. She prayed that she was not found to be lacking.
"You are exquisite." There was a reverence in Benjamin's voice that made her open her eyes. "I knew you would be."
He was standing before her as if in awe and when he reached out to follow the line of the scar as he had done earlier, she allowed it. Down to the tops of her breasts, each line radiating outward. He slid his fingers over the scars down her side, caressing the jagged one as if it were the most precious thing he'd ever seen.
She wanted to cover herself. Even though this was Ben, she was ashamed. Ashamed she could not tell him how the scars had come to be there. Ashamed that they were there at all. She moved a hand to cover herself, but he stilled her with his own.
"No." He voice was soft, and she was surprised when he sank to the floor in front of her, his hands on her hips. Then he looked up, a hint of pleading in his eyes. "Do not be ashamed with me, Jules. You could never be anything less than beautiful. You know that. You are perfect as you are."
"I am scarred," she replied, allowing her hand to rest on his head, marveling at the softness of the silky black waves. "Damaged."
"No." He said it again, this time with a note of anger in his tone. "You are many things, Jules, but not damaged. Never that." Then he placed a kiss on her stomach and she felt her knees go weak with a mix of need and desire.
When he kissed her again, lower this time, she wanted to pull away, but his hands held her there. When he urged her thighs further apart, she did as he silently requested, unable to tell him no. This was what she had longed for, after all. This was a taste of paradise, the only one she might ever have. She would not shy away.
When he parted her soft mound and pressed a kiss to the heated flesh, she gasped and tried to wiggle away again, but once more, he held her tightly, not allowing her to escape him.
"Ben, you can't..." Then the rest of what she meant to say was lost as he dipped his tongue inside of her heat, teasing the hard little nub of flesh that she knew could bring her pleasure. She'd explored her body before, but nothing she'd done with her own hands had prepared her for what she felt now, the rush of heat and desire swirling through her, making her ache deep inside - a part of her that she hadn't been aware existed.
He chuckled and lapped at her again. "I can, Jules. And I know you're enjoying this." Then, to her surprise, he dipped a finger inside of her and she moaned. "So wet. I knew you would be."
Julia lost all sense of time after that. She had no idea how long Benjamin kissed her, only that at some point, he lifted her onto the bed and lay down beside her. He could have kissed her for hours or minutes. She wasn't certain. All she knew was that with each nibble of his teeth, each lap of his tongue and each caress of his lips, she was pushed higher and higher until she felt as if she were someone else. A wanton woman who luxuriated in the pleasures of the flesh. For truly, that was how she felt.
Benjamin could not believe that Julia was allowing him to worship her body, at least not to the extent that she was. He'd thought that, despite her brave words, she would allow some kisses and caresses, but no more. He'd meant to go slowly, but then she'd dropped her gown and he had lost all control.
It still tore at him that she bore the scars of a sin she did not commit, but he could not change it, just as he had been unable to stop it when he'd been a child. But he no longer saw them. Instead, all he saw was Julia, so willing and wet, her body eager to receive his, even if she did not know precisely what it was asking for.
She would learn. He would teach her. He wanted to keep her, but knew that it was impossible. He could not live a lifetime of lies and he could not tell her the truth. So they had this night, and whatever ones that followed that she would allow. He would have to make the most of it.
By the time he was certain that she was ready, Benjamin's cock was swollen and aching. He should protect her, he knew, but he found that he really didn't want to. Would it be so bad if he got her with child? She would have to marry him then, no question. Then again, the humiliation might be more than she could bear. This strong, defiant Julia was new. If he pushed her too hard, she might shrink back into her old shell.
He was still debating the issue with himself when she reached out to stroke him, nearly setting him off like an untried youth.
"I need..." She searched for the words and he stroked her face. "I do not know what I need, Ben. Only that I need you to help me figure it out."
Chuckling, he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear before he kissed her lightly on the lips. "I know what you need, pet. Just know that this first time may not be all you have dreamed of. I will try to be gentle, but that is no guarantee."
"I do not care." She pressed closer to him, the ache between her legs now a throb that she could no longer bear. "Help me, Ben. Please."
He settled himself between her legs then and slid one finger inside of her, just as he had in the garden, to test her readiness. She was beyond wet, and the way she tightened around him told him all that he needed to know.
Slowly, with more restraint than he believed he possessed, he slid himself inside of her a fraction of an inch. He did not want to hurt her, and damn, she was tight. Except that Julia knew her body better than he did, at least at the moment, and she arched up so that he slid deeper inside of her, his cock coming to rest against her fragile barrier.
"Ben." She was begging now. Breathless. Waiting. "Please."
With a hard thrust, he pushed his way through the barrier, feeling her tense beneath him. When he was all the way inside of her, he paused, giving her time to adjust to him. "The worst of it has passed, Jules," he told her, praying that he hadn't hurt her too badly. Given the expression on her face, he could not tell for certain.
Julia gave an experimental wiggle and was surprised when Ben groaned this time. "Did I hurt you?" That was the last thing she wanted.
"God, no," he ground out through clenched teeth. "You just feel so damn good, Jules."
"Oh." She had not expected that, especially since, while this was nice, it wasn't quite as spectacular as she had anticipated. Then he flexed his hips and pulled out a bit before driving back in. Then she understood precisely what all the fuss was about. "Oh!" This time that single word had an entirely different meaning.
That seemed to give a him permission he didn't know he'd been seeking. Thrusting in and out of Julia's luscious body, he took them both to the brink and back several times before finally pushing them both over the edge. As he spilled his seed inside of her, he thought again about the possibility of a child. It did not bother him as it once might have.
The sensations crashing through her body were exquisite, Julia decided when she had a moment to think. Then, Benjamin thrust one last time and she was over the edge once more, her body spiraling into a place of contentment that she had not known existed. It was magical. It was perfect. And it could not last.
Even as the last of their shared pleasure ebbed and flowed
, Ben's softening cock still buried deep inside of her, Julia knew that nothing this perfect could be forever. There would be problems in the morning - from any number of sources. However, that was for later. Right now, there was just Ben, and she would live in the moment he had given her.
When he finally did pull out of her body, he rolled onto his side and snuggled her close. "Was that what you expected?" he asked, nuzzling her ear and nipping lightly at the lobe. "Or did I disappoint?"
"Better," she sighed contentedly, needing him to know exactly how much he'd pleased her. "I had no idea. No wonder the young ladies of the ton are kept in the dark about things such as this. Otherwise, that would be all they could think of, especially at balls and parties." Truly had she known, she probably would have asked Benjamin to seduce her long ago.
She also wanted to tell him that she loved him. That she always had and always would. But she could not. The words could not be spoken unless she wanted what was between them to change. If he did not feel the same, they would never share another moment like this. So she simply snuggled deeper into his embrace.
He placed a kiss on her shoulder blade. "Tonight was only the beginning, Jules. There is so much more than I can teach you." Then he rolled her over onto her back to begin the next part of her education.
Chapter Ten
For the next week, Julia lived in a state of unparalleled bliss. She and Benjamin snuck off as often as possible, though their intimate moments were limited, since they did have to keep up a good front for society. Not to mention that, while Nicholas had not said anything specific, it was clear that he had his suspicions about their relationship. What was unclear was whether or not he approved of the potential match, but if he didn't, he remained silent on the issue. Much to the relief of both Julia and Benjamin.
To Catch A Duke Page 11
