Otherwise, it looked to everyone in the ton that the two of them were courting and that a proposal, or at the very least an understanding was imminent. The news, predictably enraged Lady Letitia and Lady Henrietta, both of whom were convinced that the Duke of Radcliffe should have been theirs.
There was even the potential for a scandalous scene between Julia and Henrietta's duke-grasping mama at a soiree given by Lady Berkshire. That had only been avoided by the quick work of the gray-gowned woman who constantly shadowed Julia's every move when she was out in society. The narrow miss had been prevented when The Gray Lady, as she'd come to be called, escorted Lady Cartwright to the retiring room before the older woman could catch a glimpse of Julia and Benjamin dancing.
Even now, Julia had no idea who the Gray Lady was, and did not dare ask. Though given her continued, and now extremely close presence in Julia's life, there was reason to suspect that Lady Berkshire, at least, knew the truth of what Julia and Benjamin had done. Still, it was enough that the woman was there and had not been removed from her duties. Everything else was irrelevant.
Benjamin, for his part, relished his time with Julia, no matter how scandalous it would be if word got out about their true activities. He loved her; he needed to be with her. It was as simple as that. He spent their long nights and occasional afternoons together teaching her how to please him, and was delighted to find that she was a quick study at everything from sucking his cock to learning how to ride him like a horse as they fucked.
He also took no precautions to prevent her from getting with child. If she bore his babe, she would have no choice but to marry him, and, he prayed, that in time, she would learn to love him as he already loved her. It was too much to hope that she loved him now, but the spark was there, glowing brightly every so often when she looked at him as if she could imagine no other man in her life. That was the way he wanted it to remain and the longer he loved her, the more hopeful he became.
The only shadow over his happiness was, of course, Landover, but the marquess hadn't been seen much the last few weeks. Not that Benjamin was looking, of course. He had far more important things to concern himself with - like how to bring Julia to the brink of ecstasy repeatedly before plunging himself deep inside of her, and then fucking her until they both thought they would die from sheer pleasure.
However, proprieties did need to be observed on occasion, as Nicholas reminded Julia as their carriage pulled up to the Smithson's ball as the season neared its end. "You will behave tonight, won't you, Jules?" he asked as their carriage waited in line to allow the passengers in coaches ahead of them to disembark.
Blinking, Julia sat back, more than a little stunned. This was the first time that her brother had even hinted that he knew what was going on between her and the duke. "I do not know what you mean," she protested, knowing that her denial sounded weak even to her own ears. "I have not yet caused any scandal, have I?" Then she looked at him, truly looked at him, and for the first time, noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the lines creasing his forehead. "Nicky, is there something wrong?"
He shook his head and brushed at non-existent lint on his jacket sleeve. "Jules, I know about you and Radcliffe. I know that you have been together - repeatedly. In fact, I've known if for some time now. It is plainly written on your face, at least to me." He held up his hand when she began to speak, silencing her. "I don't care, really. In fact, a part of me thinks it's wonderful, even though I do wish you would have waited until you married. I could force that, you know."
"We will not marry." She needed to be clear about that so that Nick didn't have any unreasonable expectations.
His mouth set in a grim line, he nodded once, seemingly unsurprised. "As I figured. Stubborn, the both of you. Bunch of mutton-headed idiots."
"It is not like that," she tried again, surprised that her brother truly did not understand. "You know that Radcliffe needs to marry a woman that can venture into society with him. That cannot be me. And I cannot tolerate more than a season of the looks and the whispers."
"I thought you were staying," he shot back, his temper clearly rising. If there was one trait that the three of them shared, even though Radcliffe was not related by blood, it was hot tempers.
She shrugged, avoiding his now piercing gaze. "I said that I would consider it. I made no promises." That wasn't exactly a lie.
Julia was shocked when he reached across the narrow space between them and grasped her by the shoulders. "Damn you, Julia! You are better than all of these women! You could have Radcliffe in an instant, if you'd only allow yourself to drop the martyr act! Both of you!" His chest was heaving and his eyes were wide, a wealth of hurt visible inside of him. "All of my life, I have grown up watching the two of you in this ridiculous dance! Now that you have the opportunity to be free of the past, you do not take it! Neither of you! In my estimation, that makes both of you fools! You are both stronger than this!"
"You do not understand," she cried, on the verge of tears now, her happiness from earlier evaporating quickly. "These scars, Nicky, they define who I am. Neither of us can escape that, so if we find pleasure for a few weeks in each other's arms, what is the harm?"
"Bullshit!" She jumped when he swore. She had never seen or heard her normally sedate brother acting like this. "You use those scars as a shield, Jules, and you well know it. Yes, as a child, they were an issue and yes, people will talk. That cannot be avoided. But if you were stronger, if you truly wanted a life outside of Sussex, you would face the dragons and live your life. You would not allow them to dictate your life to you!" He squeezed his eyes shut and looked away. "You and Radcliffe are both free. It's not like..."
Whatever he was about to say was cut off when the carriage lurched forward and the door opened, the tiger riding in the back springing forward to lower the steps. He handed Julia down, and Nicholas followed silently behind him. Neither of them said a word as they walked into the ball and were announced. Once they were safely inside and Nicholas saw the gray-gowned woman in the corner, he made a brief bow and then left, leaving Julia alone, and feeling more than a little despondent.
In all of her life, Nicholas had never spoken to her the way he had in the carriage. It both shocked and hurt her, deeper than she could have imagined. However, a small kernel of truth had begun to grow in the pit of her stomach. Was her brother right? Did she hide behind the scars? Could she forge a life for herself, perhaps even one with Benjamin, that was free of the past?
Honestly, she wasn't certain. She could admit that not everyone she'd encountered thus far had been horrible. In fact, most of them had been lovely, even when she'd gone out of her way to hold them at arm's length. Lady Amy could have been a friend, Julia decided. Perhaps she still could be. All that would take would be for Julia to unbend a little.
Lady Henrietta and Lady Letitia still hated her, but then, they were cruel creatures, both of whom wanted Benjamin for themselves. That might have a little something to do with their behavior, Julia allowed. Perhaps the scars didn't really matter. Even if she had been beautiful and unblemished with impeccable manners, rather than a slightly wild thing from Sussex, they probably still would have been mean and cutting.
Looking around the room, Julia took an honest look at the scene before her - bright and glittering, and, since she was being completely honest this evening, one that she would love to be a part of permanently. Candles flickered and jewels sparkled. People danced and laughed, enjoying themselves. They were having fun. And for the first time, the wall of ice that Julia had built up around her heart long ago cracked, and she wished for something that was, as of yet, out of her grasp. She wished to be a true part of the scene below her, and she wanted to be a part of it with Benjamin.
Knowing that she needed to find him, she turned, only to discover the Marquess of Landover directly behind her. She'd nearly forgotten about him but now she knew that if she was ever to move forward with her life, she must deal with him.
Giving a curtsey, she gre
eted him with as much politeness as she could muster. "My lord. It is a pleasure."
"Is it?" There was a odd note in his voice and immediately, Julia went on alert. "Come now, Lady Julia. I think we both know that you are merely being polite."
"Better polite than a scoundrel," she replied evenly, unwilling to allow him to bait her. She wished he would leave, but knew he would not depart until he had said whatever he so clearly wanted to tell her.
"Better a scoundrel than a whore," he replied, that same odd smile on his face.
Julia froze. How did he know?
He reached out to pat her arm. "I know all of your secrets, my dear. I now I employ a friend of yours. Meggy, I believe her name is?" He grinned lasciviously. "She does have the most enjoyable tales to tell. So many things that, well, let's just say go far beyond scandalous."
She knew he wanted her to react, but she also knew that to give his claims credence would be to sentence both her and Benjamin to shame. "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean, my lord. I have no secrets." That, too, was a lie, but she needed to be strong. Nicholas had been right. She could not allow these people to dictate her life. She needed to fight back and claim a place for herself. She needed to be stronger than she had ever thought possible.
"No, my lady?" He was handsome in his own right, she decided as he stood there glaring at her, but his black heart made him look ugly everywhere. "Not even that you are fucking the Duke of Radcliffe at every available opportunity? That your innocence was lost to his cock some time ago?" When she didn't react, he continued smoothly. "Do you not care that, should others find out, you will be thoroughly ruined? For we both know that he will not marry you. He might care for you, but you are not suitable to be the wife of a duke."
Julia sniffed haughtily, even though she felt her face flame and knew that the patchwork of scars was probably an unsightly mix of red and white once more. "Since none of what you have just said is true, it is not of my concern. Spread your lies, but know that the duke and I shall weather them just fine."
He clucked at her with distaste. "Come, my dear. You know that even a hint of scandal is enough to ruin a chit."
"Then it is fortunate that the duke and I are courting, is it not?" She could feel herself being to shake but she knew she had to be strong. If she reacted, he would win. She could not allow that.
"I doubt you would allow him to court you if you knew the truth of his past." There was something in the way he said those words that made Julia's pulse quicken and her heart begin to race. Still, she needed to be calm.
She waved her hand in the air, dismissing him. "You forget, my lord, that the duke and I grew up together. This is nothing I do not know about him."
"Really?" The marquess' smile had turned truly evil now. "Then you also know that he was there when you were scarred, I take it. You know that he witnessed the entire thing. As did your beloved brother."
"You lie, my lord" she hissed, all hint of propriety now falling away, the wild Julia of Sussex reemerging once more. The one who refused to be hurt by society. "If either of them would have been there, they would have told me. There are no secrets between us. Any of us."
He raised an eyebrow imperiously. "Is that so? Then ask yourself this, my lady. If Radcliffe truly has no problem with your scars, then why will he not marry you? For I know the truth that he will not from your former maid. And do not say it is because you are old friends. We both know that is a falsehood meant to mollify both of you. In your heart, I do not think you believe it, either."
"What I believe or do not is no concern of yours," she snapped, the first bits of doubt beginning to creep into her mind. He cool facade was also beginning to crack at the edges, but she pressed on.
"Ah, but it is." There was a darkness in the marquess' eyes, one she did not particularly care for. "You see, long ago, your precious duke took something from me. Something I cherished greatly."
Julia rolled her eyes. This again. Had the man nothing better to do than plot revenge over a woman who did not want him? "The Lady Catherine affair. Yes, I know all about it. Radcliffe told me. You blame him for her running away."
"She was mine!" Landover growled, baring his teeth at her. "And he took her from me! So now, I will take something that is his."
Having heard enough, she turned to leave, but Landover grabbed her arm and tugged her behind a column, much like the one she'd attempted to hide behind not more than a few weeks ago. Perhaps she was stronger than she thought after all. However, tonight she was faced with a furious marquess and she did not believe that escape would be so easy.
"He took the woman I loved," the marquess sighed, all sweetness and seduction now, "and I have never been able to repay the favor. Until now." He trailed a finger down her throat and then lower to stroke the side of her breast. She shuddered in revulsion. "So here, my dear, is a proposition I think that you cannot refuse."
She was shocked when Landover leaned down and licked the shell of her ear before he spoke again. "I want you. Not because I desire you, but because I know that he does. So tomorrow night, after the Tarhill's musicale, you will come to my bed - willingly, I might add - and I will spend the night pleasuring you. Just as your precious duke has done. Of course, I will make sure that at some point during the evening, he is made aware of our activities and, oh, shall we say, happens to stop by to pay us a call in the middle of an intimate moment."
Now, his hand was fully caressing her breast through the bodice of her gown and she attempted to push him away, but he was stronger than she had anticipated. "And when he walks in, my cock will be buried so deep within your little cunny that there will be no mistake that I have taken that which he loves dearly."
"He does not love me," Julia managed to force out, her voice strangled as she attempted to shove Landover away from her. She could not comprehend doing what the marquess had suggested. She would not!
Another kiss to the side of her head. "Ah, but he does, my lady. All the men of the ton know the truth of it, despite the fact that he tries so hard to hide it. Lady X knows as well, whoever she is. So truly, the only people you are lying to are yourselves."
She shook her head as if that alone could banish his words. " Believe what you like. I will not come to your bed, my lord. Never."
His hand slid down her waist to cup her bottom firmly, and she gasped as he pinched her there. "Oh, yes, you will. For if you do not, I will ruin all of you. For, you see, I know the true story of how you came by your scars, my lady. As I said, Radcliffe and your brother know, as well. Once I whisper the story in the right ear, it is only a matter of time before all of society knows as well."
"It was an animal attack," she insisted, even though in her heart, she knew it wasn't true. "Everyone knows that. People will not believe otherwise."
"No matter." Landover seemed surprisingly unconcerned and unaffected, though with his hand so firmly planted on her backside, she did not know how that possible. "For if they do not believe that, they will believe what secrets I spill next. They will know the truth of what you have been about with Radcliffe. He will not be harmed by that, just you, but his pain will greater still when I march into White's and claim the bet about your scars. For the answer is in the book. The winner simply has to provide the correct information." He clucked again and withdrew his hand, sliding it back up her body, caressing the flesh as he went. "Improper to speak of such things as bets, I know, but then, you are not really a lady are you? Not when you allow that man's cock in your cunt so frequently."
Julia squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to shut out the awful words as well. "It does not matter. I am returning to the country anyway. He will not be hurt by your petty words." She would not yield. Not to a man like Landover.
The marquess sighed wearily and slowly caressed her collarbone with the pad of his thumb. "If none of that persuades you, my lady, and believe me, I had considered that, then I am left with no choice. If you do not come to me willingly, I will destroy your brother."
"Leav
e Nicholas out of this!" Real fear gripped Julia now, and her eyes flew open in shock and despair. She knew her brother had not been a saint, though she didn't believe that anything he'd done was truly that horrid. It was simply not possible.
Landover's thumb dipped lower to caress the top of her breasts and she bit back a moan, angry that her traitorous body was responding to his caresses. "I'm afraid I can't do that, my dear. You see, he slept with a married woman, one whose husband would not be pleased to learn about the affair." He sighed again, this time almost wistfully. "Ah, young love. It's a beautiful thing. Except, of course, when the young lady in question must marry well above her own age to secure a failing barony."
Lady Berkshire. There could be no one else. Julia had long suspected that Nicholas held a tendre for her, but then she'd married the marquess, and well, that had been that. Julia had known it wasn't a love match, but she hadn't given it much more thought.
Was that the reason Nicholas had never married? Because he was in love with a woman he could not have?
Julia didn't know for certain, but what she did know was that if the marquess learned the truth, he would call Nicholas out. Even though duels were illegal, they still occurred, and this time it would be no different. She also knew that the marquess did not like to be bested at anything, especially by younger men. It was rumored that was the primary reason he had demanded to marry the baron's daughter - merely to prove to the young bucks of the ton that he was still superior to them despite his advanced age.
She also knew that the marquess would make certain that he won the duel, even if that meant placing other shooters around the dueling site. He'd done it before, though no one could prove it or was even willing to take the issue to the magistrate, lest they be arrested themselves. In that case, the now deceased Lord Fallston had paid for his folly of flirting with Lady Berkshire with his life. Julia could not allow that to happen to Nicholas.
"Fine," she hissed in disgust, knowing that, for the moment at least, she needed to appear to give in to his wishes let the situation become worse. "I will come to your bed. But just once. Then, I am gone, and you will have your revenge. You know as well as I that, though Benjamin might care for me, he does not love me."
To Catch A Duke Page 12
