The Millionaire's Redemption

by Therese Beharrie

  She was proud of herself. There was an ache in her chest that grew more painful with each beat of her heart, but she was proud. From the moment she’d met Jacques she’d told herself she couldn’t be interested in him—in anyone, really—until she knew her self-worth.

  It was the only way she knew how to survive what she’d been through with Kyle.

  How to ensure that it would never happen again.

  She couldn’t be treated the way Kyle had treated her again. She couldn’t be manipulated as she’d been by his parents. She wanted to think of herself without shame, without disgust. And the only way she knew how to do that was to stand up for herself.

  Jacques hadn’t treated her the way Kyle had. And after that night at the beach he’d no longer manipulated her. But in her heart she knew that if she’d accepted the little that Jacques had offered her she would have been undermining her worth again. She wouldn’t have been standing up for herself, or for the love she now believed she deserved.

  So she was proud of herself.

  Even when a voice taunted her that she’d failed at this too she stayed proud. And she banished those thoughts by remembering the way Jacques’s face had glowed with something he didn’t even know when he’d proposed.

  It had made her almost believe he’d meant all those things he’d said to her. That she had been showing him how to learn from the past. That maybe her determination to do that had been an example to him. Even if she hadn’t always succeeded, she’d tried. And wasn’t that something?

  And maybe she could believe that he thought she was strong—something she’d never thought of herself before. And that she was beautiful—something she’d never given herself a chance to believe before. But what had meant the most was what he’d said about her exceeding his expectations—something she’d never, ever experienced before.

  She hadn’t even cared that everybody had been looking at her. The only thing she’d seen was that look on Jacques’s face...

  She stilled.

  She hadn’t cared that everybody had been looking at her.

  That was in such stark contrast to what she’d felt only a month ago at the television show. Then, she’d hated the thought of people looking at her in normal clothing. But tonight she hadn’t cared that everybody had been looking at her in a tight dress. She hadn’t been thinking about what anyone might have thought about how she looked in it. She hadn’t cared about her weight.

  It was a victory she’d never thought possible. A victory that she knew had come from the time she’d spent with Jacques. His easy acceptance of her, his compliments, the way he’d forced her to see herself as he did—even if it had been harsher than she would have liked, she thought as she remembered what he’d told her that night—it had all been part of the reason she was in love with him.

  It was the reason she’d laid everything on the line and told him how she felt.

  Though she’d thought them all gone, another tear fell down her cheek.

  Had she given up the man who’d shown her how to love herself?

  Were the reasons she had worth the sacrifice?

  She didn’t know. But when things had ended with Kyle she’d promised herself she would learn from the experience. And she knew she had. But, as Jacques had told her, she needed to stop dwelling on the past. She needed to learn from it and move on.

  She could no longer expect to fail. She could no longer accept others’ expectations of herself as her own. She needed to stand firm in her confidence, in her newly discovered self-worth. She needed to stop letting her past mistakes define her.

  She would pay back the money, she told herself. It didn’t matter that it might take years. What mattered was that paying it back would allow her to take back the integrity she’d lost. What mattered was that she would finally be able to appreciate her hard work, her success, if she did.

  What will you learn after Jacques? an inner voice asked.

  Lily closed her eyes. What she’d learnt during her time with Jacques was easy, she thought.

  But all she had for after was a pain in her chest, mocking her for thinking she could move on to ‘after’ at all.

  * * *

  Jacques wondered if he would ever forget how it had felt when Lily had walked away from him on the beach. How it had felt to know he had feelings for her but being unable to say it.

  It had been two days and he hadn’t forgotten it.

  Hell, not even the news that he’d got the club had banished the memory.

  He’d given it time. He’d thought that maybe the misery of the past two days had just delayed the excitement, the happiness. But it had been nearly five hours now, and the satisfaction of getting everything he’d always wanted was still missing.

  Because it was only what you thought you wanted.

  He pushed up from the table he’d put on his balcony after Lily had suggested it to him. It was true. He’d believed he’d wanted the club. He’d believed it so much that he’d resisted his feelings for Lily because she’d distracted him from it. Because she’d distracted him from the plan that had driven him for seven years: to ensure that he wasn’t defined by his failures, by his mistakes.

  Or by the man who loved money more than his own children.

  Jacques’s fingers tightened on the balcony railing he was leaning against.

  He’d spent so much of the past seven years trying to prove his father wrong. But the truth was that Jacques had also been trying to prove that who his father was didn’t define him. That the man who would tell his son he could never mean as much to his mother as he did—who would call his son a failure and a disappointment—didn’t dictate who Jacques would become.

  When he’d realised he had treated Lily in those first two days when they’d met like his father had treated his mother, something had shifted inside Jacques. And he’d seen a change in himself over the past month. He hadn’t cared as much about his plan as he had about Lily. His wish for the world to see him as someone better than he’d once been had become less important than him being better for Lily.

  And then he’d seen his father, and he’d been able to stand up to him. He’d been able to set aside his feelings for the parent who’d dismissed him—who’d been the reason his mother had dismissed him, too—and he’d bought his club, just as he’d told his father he would.

  He’d thought it had been possible because he’d changed so much over the seven years since he’d last seen the man. But the real reason had been the change he’d experienced over the past month.

  With Lily.

  For Lily.

  Because although she’d thought she wasn’t good enough for him, he was the one who had needed to work to be good enough for her.

  His actions two days ago had shown him he still wasn’t good enough for her.

  Now, he didn’t know why sticking to his plan had been so important to him. Of course he still wanted the opportunity to make up for his mistakes. Rugby—the Shadows—had been there for him when he hadn’t had anything, and he would do all he could to show his gratitude for that. But since the night they’d spent at the beach restaurant he’d been resisting his feelings for Lily.

  He hadn’t been acknowledging it, but he’d changed—and that was because of his feelings for her. Feelings he now knew had grown with every moment he’d spent enjoying her company and her uncertain feistiness.

  Her point of view had always given him something to think about. And he had genuinely enjoyed seeing how her mind, eager and quick to learn, grasped the aspects of business that he’d taught her.

  He’d never been interested in relationships. When he’d discovered rugby—when he’d discovered he was good at it—it had become all he’d been able to think about. It had been easier to focus his attention on work than on relationships. Than on love.

  Part of him realise
d now that it was because of the fear witnessing his parents’ relationship had instilled in him. And maybe that was why he’d clung to his plan instead of opening up to Lily. It had still been easier to focus on work, on things that didn’t force him out of his comfort zone.

  But Lily had forced herself out of her comfort zone to take part in his plan. She’d put herself in the public eye despite her insecurities for him. Before she’d really known him. Just because it had been important to him.

  And he didn’t even have the courage to admit that he loved her.

  He didn’t deny it any more. He was in love with Lily. It still terrified him, but the past two days had shown him something even more terrifying—a life without her.

  The fear of that thought had been eclipsed by excitement now. By hope.

  She’d always seen a side of him that no one else had bothered to see. He’d known that the moment she’d said those things about him on the talk show. And he knew that was something special. He’d fought for years for the world to see something she had seen within twenty-four hours.

  Lily had told him she knew how hard he fought for the things he wanted.

  It was time he showed her that he wanted her.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  LILY FLUCTUATED BETWEEN the devastation that had her spending hours in bed and a busyness that had resulted in a spotless house and a fridge filled with food she knew she would have to share with Caitlyn and her parents—as soon as she’d built up the courage to see any of them and explain what had happened with Jacques.

  She hadn’t heard from him since that night on the beach, but whenever the phone rang her heart jumped with the hope. And then she would see that it wasn’t his name or number—like now, when her display showed Caitlyn’s name—and she would sink back into the devastation.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Wow, you sound terrible.’

  ‘Thanks, Cait.’

  ‘Not in the best of moods, are you?’

  Caitlyn’s cheery voice grated on her, and Lily clenched her jaw.

  ‘Aren’t you supposed to be engaged or something?’

  The annoyance turned into devastation once more.

  ‘Yes,’ she hiccupped.

  ‘I know it wasn’t real, but I saw a clip of it on television again this morning—it’s been on about every hour since it happened—and it looked really sweet. Not as sweet as my proposal, of course, but then, mine was real—’

  ‘It was really sweet,’ Lily interrupted, not in the mood for her friend’s energy. ‘Listen, Caitlyn, I’m not feeling—’

  ‘Actually, Lil, I’m calling for a reason.’ There was a pause. ‘I’m worried about Nathan. He hasn’t been... Well, he hasn’t been himself for the past few days. And I know it has something to do with him wanting to smooth things over between his father and Jacques.’

  ‘Yeah, their dad was at Jacques’s charity event.’

  Caitlyn sighed. ‘I know. He wouldn’t tell me anything about it.’

  ‘Probably because it didn’t go well.’

  ‘I thought so. I heard Jacques was staying at his beach flat so I came by, hoping we could talk, but he isn’t here. Could you...? Could you please come by and open up for me? I don’t want to wait outside his flat and risk the chance of being branded as “the other woman” if a photographer sees me.’

  ‘You don’t know when he’ll be back?’ Her heart thumped at the prospect of running into him.

  ‘No...please, Lil.’ Caitlyn’s voice had gone hoarse. ‘I’m really worried about Nathan.’

  Lily’s resistance melted. She couldn’t leave her friend in the lurch. ‘I’m on my way.’

  She clicked off the phone and dragged herself to the bathroom. She showered, shoved her hair into a bun on the top of her head, and stared at her clothing options.

  She was engaged, after all. She couldn’t look the way she felt. The thought had her selecting a pretty white and pink floral dress and adding a pair of pink button-shaped earrings.

  Twenty minutes later she was walking towards Caitlyn at Jacques’s flat.

  ‘You’re a life-saver,’ Caitlyn said as soon as she saw Lily.

  ‘Sure,’ Lily answered, and handed her friend the key. ‘You can let yourself out.’

  ‘I won’t need the key. Jacques can let me out.’ Caitlyn frowned. ‘Besides, don’t you need it?’

  ‘I...’

  She’d wanted to give Caitlyn the key and escape as soon as she could, but she couldn’t answer Caitlyn’s question without telling her the truth. She didn’t quite have the energy for that.

  ‘Yeah, of course. I’ll just let you in, then.’

  She took the key back and pushed open the door.

  And froze when she saw Jacques.

  His gorgeous face was set in a serious expression, his muscular body clothed in fitted black pants and a light blue shirt. He held a gift-wrapped box in his hands, and she idly wondered if it was for her.

  And then she began to put the pieces together. Caitlyn’s cheerful tone at the beginning of their telephone conversation, the fact that she didn’t look nearly as upset as she’d sounded earlier.

  ‘You missed your calling,’ she told her friend.

  ‘I’m sorry, Lil.’ Caitlyn had the grace to look chagrined. ‘It was a favour. For family.’

  With one last apologetic look she left. Leaving Lily alone with Jacques.

  She closed the door behind her, not wanting anyone to witness whatever was going to happen between them.

  ‘Thank you for staying.’

  ‘Did I have a choice?’

  ‘I... I didn’t know if you would have come if I’d asked.’

  ‘I don’t know if I would have either.’

  Everything inside her was coiled and twisted. She didn’t know what to do to make it go away.

  ‘I was hoping we could talk,’ he said, and took a step closer.

  ‘About what?’ Then she realised what the day was. ‘You made your bid today.’

  When he nodded, she set her handbag on the couch.

  ‘How did it go? Or are they still making their decision?’

  ‘I got it.’

  ‘Congratulations.’

  ‘Thank you,’ he answered, but something in his tone sounded off. ‘I really mean that. None of this would have been possible without you.’

  ‘Then why don’t you sound happy? It’s everything you’ve ever wanted, isn’t it?’

  ‘I thought so. Until I got it and it didn’t make me feel the way I thought it would.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  He set the gift down on the coffee table and took another step towards her. She took a step back, unsure whether she would be able to handle it if he came any closer.

  His eyes dimmed at her movement, and he shoved his hands into his pockets.

  ‘When you got your shop...did it make all the trouble you’d gone through worth it?’

  ‘You already know the answer to that.’

  ‘Humour me.’

  She took a deep breath. ‘It felt like it was worth it at first. When I signed the lease on the property...when I decorated it. It was mine. But then... But then reality set in, and I couldn’t escape what I’d done to get it.’

  ‘And then it didn’t seem worth it any more?’

  ‘For a while. But since I met you things have been going better. I’ve told myself I’ll pay back the money, and that’s made it a little easier to live with myself.’

  ‘When did you make that decision?’

  ‘Two nights ago.’

  His eyes searched her face, as though he was looking for something there, and she shifted her weight. Tucked a curl behind her ear.

  ‘Do things...not seem worth it any more to
you?’ she asked.

  He smiled, but she could see the touch of sadness behind his eyes.

  ‘Not so much, no.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because I sacrificed something much more important to get it.’

  Though her heart-rate spiked, she asked, ‘What?’

  He didn’t answer her for a moment, and Lily thought she’d been foolish to ask.

  ‘I told you...you distracted me from my plan. And I meant it. I’d spent years fixated on making a name for myself other than the bad one the world had given me.’ He paused. ‘When I heard the club was going to be sold I was sure that it would be my chance.’

  ‘I know all of this.’

  ‘Yeah, you do. But you don’t know that the reason I was successful in the end was you. Not because you helped my reputation—I think we could have chosen anyone else for that and my reputation would have improved.’

  This time she didn’t move back when he took a step forward.

  ‘I succeeded because you, Lily Newman, showed me how to be someone I’ve been trying to be for years in one month.’

  Speechless, she watched as he walked back to the table and picked up the box. She took it from him wordlessly.

  ‘What...?’ She cleared her throat when she heard the hoarseness of her voice. ‘What is it?’

  ‘Open it. Please.’

  It was a plea, and though there was a part of her that was still in shock she was helpless to resist it. She tore the paper open with shaking hands, opened the box and felt the pieces of her heart that were already broken turn into a million more.

  He’d given her a beautiful picture frame—wooden and hand-made. She recognised Caitlyn’s artistry in it, and knew her friend had created it with Lily in mind. But it wasn’t the frame that had Lily choked up. It was the picture it held.

  It was a photograph of the exact moment she’d told herself to focus on for the past two days. The moment she recalled when she wanted to think of something happy. When she was brave enough to face what she had lost.

  It was a picture taken at the charity event, of when Jacques had proposed to her. He was on his knee, looking up at her with an emotion on his face that was similar to the one it held now. She traced his face, and then looked at her own. Looked at the light, at the hope that shone in her eyes. She saw her eyes focused only on him, though there were so many people looking at her.