Charity's Secrets

by Maya James

  Eventually the world comes back to me. I'm gasping and grunting under Justin's godlike, spent body. My secret parts are still convulsing on his slowly softening member when I feel him softly kissing his way around my back.

  When I catch my breath, and Justin pulls himself out of me, I tell him, "Thank you for making me cry."

  He climbs off me, still quivering, and replies, "It was my pleasure, and I mean that." His laughter melts my heart.

  After he's back in the driver seat, I turn over and crawl back to the front. Instead of sitting on my side, I climb into his lap. His arms slip around my naked waist and I can feel his wet cock under my ass. My heart skips beats when I look at him. I take his face gently into my hands, running my thumbs over his mouth. "I missed you."

  "I know," he says softly.

  "No," I interrupt him before he can say he misses me too. "I really mean it. I missed you terribly. My heart is yours and I am always by your side. Remember that tomorrow when you need me—it's going to be a hard day."

  CHAPTER XII

  Justin and Garrett didn't talk as much as I thought they would during the flight here. Finding out you have a brother is huge; there's a lifetime to catch up on, but Justin hasn't asked Garrett a damn thing about his mother, and Garrett is doing his best not to be curious about how he is sitting in a private jet.

  Stubborn men!

  I think I get it, though. They haven't heard the story yet—they have no proof its real.

  Until they know what happened, they're all puffed up and pretending it doesn't matter. It does fucking matter! Both of them are close to breaking down, I can see it.

  I'll let them do it their way—for now.

  We're in a car being driven the twenty or so miles to their mother's house. We should be close now. Garrett, with his deeply bruised jaw, is looking much more agitated and nervous, fidgeting his hand on the arm rest of the door.

  I'm sitting silently between them, noticing every detail.

  This morning when we were getting ready I told Justin that he had to do today as Justin, but he keeps slipping into his JP persona and I have to keep snapping him out of it. Our driver was absolutely terrified of him within the first thirty seconds of meeting us at the airport. Shain was particularly on edge on the plane as well, sensing the powerful air around his boss.

  Somehow, Justin still manages to make jeans and a t-shirt work like a power suit.

  I'm really not sure how any of this is going to work; one of them, maybe even both of them, could end up freaking the fuck out, and the whole thing has me sick to my stomach. I want this over as much as they do, so we can figure out where to go from here.

  We turn into the development, and Garrett sits himself upright in the seat. "It's just up ahead at the end of the street." His voice is noticeably shaky. "I can't believe I'm scared to see my own mother. I grew up in this house for Christ sake!"

  Justin nervously grabs my hand. He makes it look like it's for my benefit, but we both know the truth. He squeezes my fingers a little tighter than usual, not enough to hurt, but enough that I know he's a mess inside.

  The car parks and doors begin to open.

  Holy shit, he's about to meet his mother!

  This is just sinking in.

  Garrett slides out one side and Justin out the other after a slight hesitation.

  I've already met her and I know what they're about to hear, but my pulse is racing uncontrolled until it becomes a harsh throbbing in my nearly closed throat. My stomach turns upside down, threatening to spew on to the back of the front seat.

  Justin holds his hand out for me to take. I steady myself as quickly as I can and I take his hand. As I stand, I look into his face and see a scared little boy who is terrified of having his heart trampled once again.

  My heart splinters for him.

  Garrett leads the way up the walk looking back for us every other step. I don't believe it's out of politeness, letting us catch up, it looks more like a fear of going up alone and he's making sure we haven't left him.

  All three of us gather on the flower-covered porch. We're about to knock when the handle clicks and the door swings open.

  I see the exact same fear in Nicolette Sumpter's eyes as her sons when her face appears, a childlike panic.

  "Hi, Mom," Garrett mumbles.

  "Hello, Honey," she replies, already crying. She tries a smile and it falls ridiculously short.

  Garrett steps slightly to the side and her eyes finally fall on to a trembling Justin. Her hands fly to her puffy, red cheeks in disbelief that he's here in front her. I've never seen so much shock in one face. Her tears explode. Several loud, animal-like gasps burst from her now heaving chest, and her eyes look loose in their sockets.

  I'm instantly bawling for her.

  Garrett's eyes are glassy as well, having a hard time seeing his mother so upset.

  "I'm...so...sorry! I'm...so—"

  Her body gives out from under her and she falls to the floor in a loud thump! Her legs are sprawled at odd, random angles.

  "...so sorry," she says, unaware yet that she's collapsed and that the only thing keeping her partially upright is the bottom of her door.

  It's devastating to watch. My heart is not just splintered, it's shattered watching her turn literally blind with grief, unable to deny any longer the loss of a son she adored.

  All of us quickly scramble to help her up, but she is a rag doll, her legs simply do not have the strength to function. Suddenly, Garrett scoops her up into his arms as if she weighs nothing, displaying that same unbelievable strength Justin has. His tear-streaked face motions for us to follow him as he carries her in to her couch.

  I grab Justin tightly. This is not even close to the reunion he must have been imagining all his life. There was no way for him to know that he was so loved and missed and he's had barely more than twenty four hours to comprehend that things might not have been as they had always seemed. I'm sure that right now he's as emotionally confused as an individual can be and all I can do is offer him my support.

  That scared little boy is still all I can see, but the need to bend down and help his mother is fighting with years of hatred.

  Nicolette's eyes are still rolling in her head as Garrett tries to help her. I let go of Justin and place my hand on Garrett's shoulder, hinting for him to let me try.

  He moves as I kneel in front of the couch, grabbing her face in my hands gently. "Nicolette, honey, you can do this. It's time they know." Her eyes fix on me. "It will be okay, I promise you."

  Nicolette nods. "Okay," she whimpers. "Okay, okay, okay," she chants, summoning her strength from the depths of her heart.

  We watch her push herself up on the couch and wipe some of her tears away.

  "You really did this; you brought him," she says in amazement. I try to smile at her. "You are such a strong girl," she adds.

  Garrett lowers himself on the couch next to her, taking her hand in his.

  "Justin," his mother says, unable to keep eye contact with him, "I don't deserve to even speak to you—I know that—and I'm in no position to give you advice, but if I only get to say one thing I want it to be for you to know how much this woman loves and adores you. I've never seen anything like it; and after everything you've been through, everything I've done to you, you deserve a love like hers."

  Justin cannot hold back or deny the tears that slide down his cheeks. He grabs my hand. "I know it. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

  "Yes. I believe that," Nicolette says easily. Her fearful hands are shaking violently. "Why don't you two sit down? This is going to be uncomfortable enough for you." Justin and I sit next to each other holding hands as she turns to Garrett. "Baby, I want to say I'm sorry to you as well. I'm sorry I wasn't a better person or a stronger woman back then and I regret the things you're about to hear. I wish so much that I could change them, not for myself but for you boys. I love you both, even if you both end up hating me."

  Her tears have slowed, b
ut they haven't stopped and neither have mine. Knowing what's coming, the anger and devastation they're each going to feel, has my anxiety at its peak.

  "When I was married to your father," she begins, still so full of shame that she's unable to look directly at him, "it was an absolutely wonderful time of my life. No man ever treated a woman any better than he did me." She smiles as she remembers. "You look so much like him I can’t believe it," she adds, finally looking at him because she can pretend for an instant that he is his father. "It's hard for you to understand this right now, but maybe after I'm finished you will know I loved your father deeply. I still love him. No one ever took his place."

  Justin nods ever so slightly.

  "He was a truly great man, so passionate. He could be the softest, most gentle person and at the same time he could be the strongest man I've ever met."

  Yeah, that's Justin!

  Nicolette's smile grows a little wider. "He made me so happy and life was as good as it could get. We had you, oh my God you were so precious, and I loved being a mom—don't ever think anything different."

  She pauses and reaches for a box of tissues on the table in front of her. This is where the story is going to get bad. So, so fucking bad.

  I grab a few tissues for myself, and honestly for Justin as well, just in case. He sees me do it and I feel him stiffen bedside me, preparing for what he doesn't know.

  Her smile is gone again, the tears gushing. There's even a hint again of her chest hitching.

  "I made a mistake," she says.

  I'm instantly defensive. "No you didn't!" I bark. "Don't you say that, because you did not!"

  Nicolette nods her head, trying to acknowledge me, trying to believe me.

  Garrett rubs the back of her hand, urging her to continue.

  "In the afternoons I used to go for a walk. I wanted to stay in shape for my husband, he was so damn handsome that he made me nervous sometimes." She offered another failing smile. "I would walk in the park. Of course, it's not always the safest place. You have to know what times to be there, what places to stay away from, and I did—I knew better."

  My tears are getting heavier.

  "One afternoon I was out late. I convinced myself I would be careful and keep it short. As I walked, I was thinking about your father and I lost track of where I was and how late it was getting. The sun was dropping fast, making lots of dark places."

  Justin is tensing, his other hand rolling into a fist.

  I see Garrett beginning to suspect what's coming as well.

  Their mother is slowly becoming a mess again. Her voice catches about every two or three words and the tissues are not keeping up with either of us again.

  "I got into a really b-bad spot, and as soon as I realized it, I wanted to turn around. By then, I wasn't alone, and it was too late."

  Garrett wipes his wet cheek.

  "There were three of them, all y-young, evil things. I tried to out run them, but—"

  Her voice quit out completely. I handed her another tissue so she could take a breath.

  Garrett is rocking forward and back just slightly without even realizing it, trying to pacify his anxiety. I saw Justin do the same thing a couple of times.

  Nicolette composes herself the best that she can. "No m-matter how hard I fought, they fought h-harder. They b-beat me so m-much they didn't even have to hold me down when they started t-taking t-turns—"

  Her throat closed completely again.

  I'm bawling and trying not to because Justin needs my strength right now. The shock on his face as he's realizing there's so much he never knew. His world is changing; it started in his eyes and I can physically see it happening.

  "They u-used me and left m-me broken, my clothes torn off, their m-mess all over m-me. One of them t-took my underwear and l-laughed at me w-when he said h-he wanted to remember m-my scent, l-like I was just s-some f-fucking animal."

  Garrett throws his arms around her. "I'm so sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry I didn't know what happened."

  She leans into him, practically falling onto his shoulder and crying helplessly as the memories came flooding in again for maybe only the second time after all these years of denial.

  "An older couple that I had passed right before the attack found me on their way back about twenty minutes later," she continues from Garrett's shoulder. "I was barely conscious. I remember hearing them screaming for help and the man putting a jacket over my body. I was taken to a hospital, and it took a few weeks to recover from the damage they did."

  Her eyes settle on Justin. "That was the first time I was away from y-you. We knew you were much too young to know the t-truth, so we just told you I was away. Back then they didn't know the things they do now, h-how to handle trauma. We didn't know what to tell you. I didn't get help for myself—there really wasn't any, not then. Maybe it w-would have been different if I got help instead of trying to bury it inside."

  "It was the time. They didn't have a clue what you needed back then," Justin said. It was the first real thing he's said to her, and it was very promising, a complete change of tone.

  His mother wept for a few minutes.

  "They caught the guys, one the next day, the others right after that. There was no denying it—the sick prick still had my underwear in his pocket. But again, it was a different time. They didn't have bad records since they were so young, so they were only sentenced to three to six months, which they laughed at."

  The look passes from Justin to me. Not a look, the look. We are going to set this right.

  Fucking damn right!

  Garrett sees it too. His face says he wants in.

  "It broke m-me," their mother continues. "Even when I came home from the hospital, I was not b-better. I was not worthy of your father, not in my eyes. He was nothing less than wonderful of course, but I felt like a disgrace, d-disgusting. Why would he ever want me after that? Why would anyone, even my o-own child, want me?"

  Everyone in the room is miserable, and the box of tissues is already feeling light.

  "Typical of the times, they put me on some pills to relax me. Without being controlled, I was dependent in just a few weeks and moving on to other means to self-medicate. I just wanted to forget so desperately. I started disappearing more often on you then, because I didn't want you or your father to see me like that and have to deal with my mistakes any more than you already had. One day, I just disappeared completely, not just from you and your father, but from life entirely. I have no idea where I was or what drugs I was on. Months vanished on me. When I came to, I was in the hospital." She picks her head up off Garrett's shoulder and stares at him in fear. "And I was seven months pregnant."

  Justin turns white as a sheet. Garrett is still doing the math and putting it together as we cry for him.

  "I couldn't tell you, Baby. I didn't w-want you to think any less of yourself, because you shouldn't. It doesn't m-matter at all. You are who you are," Nicolette pleads.

  "Justin is only my half-brother?"

  Nicolette and I both nod.

  "And there was no one else, just those fucking bastards—those pieces of shit?" Garrett shouts as he punches his own legs in frustration.

  I'm beside myself for him. To spend your life wondering about your father; fantasizing about who he might be, the kind of person he was, only to find out he's one of the three disgusting fucks that raped your mother. I wish he never had to feel this pain.

  "It changes n-nothing!" his mother shouts.

  "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" he yells, punching his knees each time. He sits there trembling with anger for a few minutes, thinking. After a moment, his face comes back up to Justin and I.

  He still wants in—even more now.

  "Baby, I'm so sorry, but I hope you can understand why I didn't tell you," she says.

  Garrett nods. "I understand. But I don't understand why you kept me!" His voice is completely riddled with contempt at himself.

  "Don't say that!" she shouts. "I don't regret you, not one bit!"


  "That's now, but it couldn't have been easy at first with me being a living, breathing reminder every damn day. You shouldn't have done that to yourself. I'm sure you thought about that?"

  Nicolette's head drops toward the floor. He's right—she did think about that. It eats her up that she did think about it, hard.

  "When I came to in the hospital, after they had detoxed me and I could think straight, I was way past the point where I could have ended the pregnancy. It wasn't an option to think about," she whispered.

  "You should have gotten rid of me after. Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful that you didn't, but you should have," Garrett adds softly.

  "It was my fault, my weight to bare for you."

  "I'm not going to say it again, Nicolette," I growl. "None of this was your fault, not a God damn bit! You do not take on guilt you don't deserve. We do that to ourselves way too much and we need to stop that cycle."

  Justin wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. Now he understands. He sees the side I am on, why I put him through all of this and this is him telling me he loves me for it. "She's right," he tells his mother. "You've taken the blame too damn long."

  Nicolette breaks down completely again. Justin's reaction is more than she had ever hoped for, and that was nothing compared to what came next.

  Justin stands and walks to the couch. "You can thank Charity for this. It's because of my faith in her that I trust you." With that, he sits beside her, one son on either side.

  She howls, there's no other way to say it. She howls in both joy and agony. She howls for the lost years. She howls for her sons and the truth. And in her wailing voice, her pain, the pain of a lifetime, is finally released.

  My heart is on the floor between my feet.

  There's not enough tissues in the fucking world for this!

  It takes a while for everyone to get control of themselves, a while and a fresh box of tissues. There's still a little more.

  "I stayed clean after that. Garrett needed a mother," Nicolette continues. "I never told your father about Garrett. I know now that I should have. He was such a great man, he would have opened his house and his heart for him. He would have done anything for me, but I didn't know that until it was too late."