Letters on the Table

by Pattie Howse-Duncan

  Lily Mae encouraged him. “Go on. Say what you have to say, and then it’s my turn to talk. I’m keeping my tongue still till you finish with all that you want to tell us.”

  Murphy couldn’t tell from her tone if she was about to burst into tears or rail at him, but he could tell she was holding something back. The room seemed still and tense, and he had an uneasy feeling it might end poorly. He tried to gulp down a few swallows of tea before he could squeak out more thoughts.

  “I guess when we started meeting for coffee at the clinic my world was tumbling down on top of me. I remember leaving one morning after one of our visits and wondering what about her made me feel so peaceful in her presence. I grew to depend on the light I saw in her. I needed Doc’s wise counsel, and I sought the gentleness she offered so freely. After the fire, I was one of the walking wounded I’d always heard about. I wanted to begin living again, but I didn’t really know how. Throughout my life, people have cast me in different positive roles. As Donovan Colin McGregor’s descendent, I was the keeper of the land my family cultivated for generations, I was a pilot in the war, and the list goes on. But then all that changed, and the positive things I had accomplished were negated by the stigma of my wife. I was the husband of a woman so full of hate and disgust for me that she was willing to kill herself and take with her everything I valued. People told me healing would just take time, and I gave it time. You both know all I did to try to find my place again. You were there beside me every step of the way. I didn’t feel I belonged anywhere. I guess you could say I was rudderless. I got down on my knees time and again asking for direction, to help me find my way. How was I supposed to know God intended for me to love the woman who…”? Murphy couldn’t say more. His eyes were puddling. His voice would not cooperate.

  No one said a word. Silence slipped in the room, and calm prevailed. Then Lily Mae decided it was her turn to talk.

  “Murphy McGregor, I have prayed and prayed to the good Lord for him to send someone to love my Queenie. I won’t live on this earth as long as she will, and the good Lord knows Doc will be going to heaven sooner than the rest of us if he keeps sneaking seconds and thirds of all those sweets.” She glanced at Doc and sent him one of her know-it-all looks she was so famous for.

  Then she turned back to Murphy and said, “I want it to be you. That seed got planted in my head way before the fire, but I told the good Lord he was going to have to figure that one out on His own. Sure enough, what happened? Tragedy came upon you like you were carrying a cloud of locusts above your head. You were hurt and lost and all alone while half the country was sending you condolences. I watched you every single day and didn’t know how I could take all that hurt away from you. One day, after you moved to Cross Creek, I studied you out by the lake. Sitting there with Baxter at your feet looking ahead as if you saw nothing before you when actually the good Lord had laid out one of His most beautiful sunsets ever made. The water was still. The crickets seemed to be begging to be used for bait, and the fish were jumping. But you just sat there and didn’t see a bit of it. I knew that was the most sorrow I’d ever seen anyone encounter, and it dawned on me my Queenie would be just like that if she’s all alone when Doc and I are gone. Now, what do you think that did to me? It made me get sassy. I told God Almighty that I was ready for Him to get this man healed and get his sight back because he needed to see what was right in front of him. One of God’s very own angels fixing him coffee five days a week and trying to put some sunshine in his life, and he was too numb to see it. And you being fifty-one years old and my Queenie thirty-nine, you best hurry up and marry her because we all know you’re on the other side of young. But let me tell you something. If I ever thought you weren’t good to Queenie, old Doc here wouldn’t have to go to prison for killing you because I would have already done it. Nobody’s going to hurt my Queenie.” Realizing she’d said all she intended to say, she slowly sat back down and began humming under her breath, smoothing the pleats of her apron as if they suddenly needed pressing.

  Doc took over once again. “She has a peaceful life now, and she says she has all she’s ever wanted or hoped for. I know she means that, but I want her to know the kind of love I had with my Mary Nell. It’s the kind of love that everyone hopes for, but few people really have. I won’t let her go to you unless you can prove to me you’ll be able to give her that. But son, if you aren’t able to or you don’t want to be invested in that kind of love, I want you to walk away and never come back for coffee or visits or even medical care. She only just realized it herself, but she was falling in love with you when you first started coming by to get a sliver of the peacefulness we have early in the morning. That means she’s loved you a long time and never acted on it. Don’t break her heart because if you do, you’ll break all our hearts.

  Murphy could only nod his head. He struggled to control his emotions. “I grew up in a family of great people. You know all about that. Sitting presidents have broken bread at our table. Generals from both world wars have hunted on our land. Buildings, parks, and roads throughout our state were named after people I knew only as my Poppy and Mams. Neither of you have ever heard me boast like this, and I don’t say it to impress you. You are aware of the advantages that have been afforded me throughout my lifetime. But I tell you now, none of those people were of the same caliber as Katherine. And when we were together at Cross Creek, I swear I could hear the trees whispering that a truly great one was in our midst. And I have fallen in love with her.”

  That was all he needed to say to convince her two greatest admirers to give him their permission to love Katherine. A woman who would have loved him if he owned nothing but his name. A woman who could spend the rest of her days showing him the gentleness of life.

  On his way home Murphy drove past the clinic to see if any light shone from her apartment, and he realized he had the willpower of a fat man. He wanted to tell her of his evening, and look into her eyes, and make sure he hadn’t imagined it all.

  She was opening her door on the landing as he hit the top stair. There she stood with her hair down around her shoulders. Her smile told him she was already his. In the doorway, for the entire world to see, he cradled her face in his hands. Leaning in towards her, he kissed her gently. When she responded with a soft sigh, he kissed her hard. And when she stepped into his embrace and wrapped her arms around him, he knew. And so did she.

  “I have fallen in love with you, Katherine.”

  It took her breath away. His simple words of love opened spaces in her heart that had never before had life.

  Katherine looked deep into his eyes, took his hand, and guided him inside. “Oh, Murphy McGregor, I so wanted you to love me.” And she knew in that instant, her world had changed.

  Beauty Shop

  “Just wanted to be sure we’re still on for a trim today at 10:00.” Marge had been cutting her hair for at least ten years and had never called before to remind her of an appointment, but on this particular day, she did.

  “Yes, I’m looking forward to it, and as a matter of fact, Marge, if you have time to do a little more, I’d love some curls today.”

  “Oh? Something special happening tonight?”

  “Well,” Katherine hesitated, knowing any details she shared with Marge would soon be repeated. “Just in the mood for something a little different, I guess. That’s all.”

  “Then why don’t we plan on you getting here at 9:45 so we can get started a little earlier,”

  “Wonderful, see you in just a bit.”

  Someone was going to cast a pall over what should have been a beautiful day, but Katherine did not detect it. She was too busy anticipating the night ahead when she and Murphy would announce their wedding date to Doc and Lily Mae.

  Katherine knew Marge would do her best to find out what was so special about this night. And she also knew that every beauty shop customer for the rest of the day would learn the details of whatever news Ka
therine revealed, so she reminded herself to guard against any impulse to share.

  Marge shot her an uneasy look as she walked in the door, a look Katherine couldn’t quite read.

  “I’m not quite ready for you, Sug. Just sit in that red chair and wait for me to finish with Sarah. Another ten minutes is all I need.” Pointing with the end of her rat-tail comb, she continued, “The red chair on the backside of the row of dryers.”

  Settling in, she was vaguely aware of the three women in the chair backs adjacent to hers. But she immediately recognized Wanda Sullivan-Langston’s caustic voice. The voice that long ago had taunted Katherine for being the girl whose father had deserted her. How unfortunate that on this perfect day she was going to have to listen to a voice that rippled her skin.

  She could not say the exact moment she realized that Wanda’s litany was directed specifically at her. Judging from the decibel level of her voice, she intended the entire beauty shop to hear every word of the bombastic speech she was delivering.

  “I know this. His mother, grandmother, great grandmother and all the other women from that family would literally die if they weren’t dead already, knowing that he intends to bring her into his family. Just die, I’m telling you. Can you imagine that conversation? ‘So, tell us about your family, dear.’ And then she could drop the bomb she tried so hard to hide, ‘Well, actually, my mom was crazy, and my father ran off and left us.’ Oh, can’t you just picture it?”

  She was on a roll, enjoying her gapped-mouth audience. “For Christ’s sake, the girl has only lived in two places almost her entire life…above a diner and over a doctor’s office. It’s disgraceful to think of the prestigious people who’ve been entertained by that family, and now it will all be in the hands of a complete idiot who doesn’t even know how to set a table. Little-Miss-Came-From-Nothing. She probably couldn’t even name the pieces of a silver service unless someone glued names to the bottom of each piece. They never married trash before, and I swear to God they’d put a stop to it now if they had a way to rise from the dead. It’s sinful what he’s doing to the dynasty his ancestors worked so hard to establish. She’ll be a laughingstock in Kingston the first time she tries to pull off some event. I’ll refuse the invitation, and I expect all of you to do the same. We’ll show Murphy McGregor what we think of his taste in women. That’ll remind her of her place in this community. Has no one bothered to tell him she grew up on the other side of the tracks? I’m sure she’s certainly never told him.”

  The sound of Wanda’s maniacal laugh made Katherine sick. She kept herself composed until she backed out of the parking lot and then lost all sense of dignity as the tears and nausea began.

  While Wanda’s monologue was vicious and mean, Katherine knew deep down that there was probably some truth to it, although she had never allowed herself to admit it. What did she have in common with the McGregor women who came before her? Nothing really. Who was she kidding? The thought of disappointing Murphy was unbearable. He would one day wake up and realize he had married a woman who had lived her entire life in a different kind of world.

  She managed to drive herself home and get inside before heaving her guts out. Feeling faint, she sat on the cold tile bathroom floor, gulping for air. The last time her body ached like this was when her father went missing. It was the kind of pain a heart is not supposed to endure, but one God had sent her way twice.

  She wanted to run to Lily Mae or Doc and plead for their wisdom, but deep down she knew it would be pointless. Neither would be impartial, and they’d only try to quell her fears rather than speak the truth as Wanda’s wicked tongue had done.

  Wanda. The thought of her voice and the ugliness of it made Katherine vomit. How could any one person be so manipulative and corrosive? And why? Why had the girl, and now the woman, spent so much of her energy trying to make Katherine miserable? This time though, there was some truth to her savage words. Katherine really wasn’t from stock a McGregor was expected to marry.

  She knew there was only one thing to do.

  He was surprised and elated to see her car coming down the curved driveway. The thought of her living at Cross Creek pleased him. He eagerly walked to greet his betrothed. His everything. His greatest blessing in life. But when her eyes locked on his, he knew instantly something had gone terribly wrong.

  He guessed at the truth. For her to be so violently pained, it had to be the unexpected death of Doc or Lily Mae. Still unaware of what news would unfold, he held her and cried with her.

  She tried to speak but could utter only animal-like sounds of pain, so he gripped her even tighter to his chest, protecting and soothing as best he could.

  Eventually, she was able to speak a sentence. It was concise, powerful, and utterly ridiculous.

  “I’m afraid I’m not enough for you.” Her voice was hoarse, her body shaking, and her pained eyes refused to meet his.

  “Did you just say you’re afraid you aren’t enough for me? Is that what you said?”

  She pulled away from him and dropped to the ground on her knees, weeping. He was immediately beside her and pried her hands from her face. Bewildered he said, “What has happened? What on earth made you say that?”

  She didn’t want to tell him. She didn’t want to be so naive that she had to accidently overhear it to realize she wasn’t enough. The truth was, she had never once worried about it before. She just assumed they would tackle life together, hand in hand, and there would be nothing the two of them couldn’t figure out. But after hearing Wanda’s words, she realized for the first time there was more than just Katherine and Murphy at stake. It was the generations of McGregors who had begun with nothing, had worked and toiled and given back when they were blessed, who eventually amassed a sizable fortune through their determination and fortitude. The community, the state, and many across the nation held the McGregor name in high esteem and regarded them as people of compassion and dignity. They were top-shelf, and Wanda wanted her to believe she was on the bottom.

  Murphy read the hesitancy in her face, and an anger rose within him.

  “Tell me, NOW, Katherine. I’m not asking you. I’m demanding it.” Murphy was seething, intent on getting to the root of this insanity. “I want to know what made you think that. Has someone said something to you? I want to hear it from you because if you don’t tell me, so help me God, I will not stop searching until someone tells me.” His voice thundered, shaking as intensely as his hands.

  She slowly began to unravel the story. It was in the retelling that she realized the call from Marge must have been part of a greater plan to ensure Wanda the opportunity, and audience, for her tirade. She told him in detail of the jabs about the McGregor women not approving, and how inadequate she would be in trying to host anything he might plan, and how she had lived on the wrong side of the tracks.

  He paced back and forth, listening without comment as she replayed the monologue, stopping every now and then to regard her with utter disbelief. He knew it wasn’t the long list of untruths causing this explosive anger to rip through his body. It was the realization that the spiteful words were intended to annihilate the person he cherished more than life itself. He was certain he would have his vengeance.

  When she finished, she was devastated to see the pain in his eyes. She reached out to comfort him, as he dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around her waist, desperate for her embrace to temper his rage.

  “In this world, you are all that I love. The rest of the things that clutter my life are belongings, obligations, and memories. The world of expected frou-frous ended when I married for the wrong reason, then my parents died, and my home burnt to the ground. I have never once missed that life, but if you want to live in that world, I know all the matriarchs of Beechwood would envy your grace, charm, and skill. And why do you think that is important to me? You’ve heard me tell all my stories of growing up in that lifestyle, but you have never once heard
me long for those days when the house and lawns were full of hundreds of people. I cherish the peacefulness and intimacy of the two of us being alone. We don’t spend our time planning events to include half the town. We make plans that will take us around the world. Our time together is not forever on this earth, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let Wanda Sullivan-Langston and her small-mindedness destroy what I have searched for my entire life. And besides, if you must know, I wrestle with my own fear night after night. My greatest fear is that Doc and Lily Mae will decide I’m not enough for you.”

  Turns out, those were the words she needed to hear. Their love could outlast the wicked tongues of any spiteful biddies that coveted what they felt for each other. They spent the rest of the day outside under the trees, making plans for the rest of their lives. But Murphy’s desire to drive into town and find Wanda was dynamite with a lit fuse. Nothing peaceful would come of it. He secretly devised a scheme he would initiate come Monday morning.

  He planned to call in the troops, declare war, and turn the tables on Wanda. Murphy’s first stop was to Marge to try to understand why she allowed, and supposedly participated in the planned ambush. Turns out Marge herself had been blackmailed in a sense. If Marge did not agree to provide Wanda and her cronies with the date and time of Katherine’s appointment, she threatened that she and all her friends would take their business elsewhere. Afraid of losing a large portion of her family’s sole source of income, she provided the information to Wanda.

  Murphy softened his tone with Marge when she told him of the fireworks that occurred after Katherine left. Marge told Wanda she was ashamed to be connected with Wanda’s cruel display in any form or fashion, and that she would never again be welcome in her shop. Marge reminded Murphy she would rather live in the poor house and still have her pride than live out the rest of her days knowing she had to be around the maliciousness of Wanda Sullivan-Langston.